Jason Shiell: A Sidelong Glance

Before I begin, pawsox.com is a useless piece of crap. From now on, you'll need to come here for all your PawSox information. Because it is LAID OUT LIKE THAT! They do have someone with a "Report From the Fort", but it hasn't been updated in days. Thanks for that. So informative, what with the lack of pictures and articles and observations.

So, yeah, Jason Shiell. Jason Shiell was a big, ugly, snarling kid who spent most of '03 in Pawtucket. He did come up to Boston and pitch for a while, but let's fact it: who didn't get a shot at pitching in 2003? He was good in Pawtucket but less so in Boston. Imagine that: someone who pitches great in AAA blowing groceries in the majors! (see also: everybody) JS was present during Bronson Arroyo's perfect game, where it is reported that he was instructed not to get up from the cooler he was sitting on.

Shiell missed the next two seasons for the usual Tommy John-style reasons and then wound up Atlanta Braves property. Again. Because that's where he kicked off his pro career back in '99. He last pitched as a starter on August 5th, giving up 6 runs in three innings. He was DFA to AAA Richmond shortly thereafter, performed decently, and that is where I believe he still lies.

The End

HHH

I got my Twins tickets the other day and I am inordinately excited.

A couple of people have said that I should stay at the Red Sox hotel in Minneapolis but no. What would be the point of that? So I can see Tim Wakefield in the elevator? I cannot afford that shit anyway.

Summer of Tom

Fucking hell. Another year of Maine Annoyo Tom Caron.

They get rid of Trupiano but not Tom Caron? How is Trupiano worse than Caron? Please help me understand.

Hell, if they wanted anemic commentary, why didn't they just have Tom Werner get some wannabe actor up in there? Have you seen the bland assault of NBC's prime time lineup?

It's time to rip out the beige carpeting and install some wall-to-wall shag! I wanna see someone that doesn't look nervous around Eckersley. I want someone with an exotic accent. Someone that inexplicably wears sunglasses the whole time. Let's get a lady in there!

Yes, I still hate Tom Caron.

2.27.07 Jello Biafra @ The Living Room, Providence: Ray's Guitar Broke

I somehow made it to the year 2007 without seeing a JB spoken word performance.

Firstly, I'd like to point out that the Living Room is a complete dump. I guess I never really noticed it before. Not like I care, because you should see my apartment. But it's possibly the biggest shithole live music venue around. The sound sucks, too. It is, however, comfy and laid back and I like it.

Secondly, I love the Dead Kennedys. Perhaps I am too old for that sort of thing, but I still love them. You know those sun visor CD holders? Mine always has at least one DK CD in it. So since I never had the opprtunity to see them live back in the day because I was busy working for Prudential, this was a treat. The closest thing to etc.

Thirdly, it went down pretty much as I expected it to, which is again not a criticism. You do what you do and you do it well. George Bush, Iraq, junk mail, voter registration, Haliburton, MySpace, the Supreme Court, Wal-Mart, all of it. Insert expected viewpoints here.

Finally, the performance pretty much reinforced what I tell myself whenever I wonder why I bother doing all the weird stuff I do, and that is: Doing Something Is Always Better Than Doing Nothing.

PS I heard several gasps when Jello dared to assault Tom Brady... one Brady fan said to me, 'How would you like it if he said that about Mike Lowell?' Well, that is moot, my friend, because Mike Lowell's character is unassailable. Facial!

Enough, already.

Can we just get this going? I don't have anything else to write about. Jolines.

Non-roster pitchers - We're having this party, please come.

40 - Runelvys Hernandes RHP
41 - Bryan Corey RHP
43 - Adam Bernero RHP
59 - Mike Burns RHP
63 - Travis Hughes RHP
79 - Abe Alvarez LHP

Poor Abe Alvarez. Seems like he's been languishing in Pawtucket forever. His prospect status has plummeted... I hope he gets traded to a nice, cozy National League team this year so he can at least make some bank. They could even staple Charlie Zink to him to sweeten the pot.

Travis Hughes... someone remind me who that is.

Spring Training Roster: The Pitchers (the most popular birds)

17 - Manny Delcarmen RHP
18 - Daisuke Matsuzaka RHP
19 - Josh Beckett RHP
30 - Matt Clement RHP
31 - Jon Lester LHP
32 - JC Romero LHP
36 - Joel Pineiro RHP
37 - Hideki Okajima LHP
38 - Curt Schilling RHP
39 - Kyle Snyder RHP
48 - Javier Lopez LHP
49 - Tim Wakefield RHP
50 - Mike Timlin RHP
51 - Julian Tavarez RHP
53 - Brendan Donnelly RHP
54 - Craig Breslow LHP
58 - Jonathan Papelbon RHP
61 - Kason Gabbard LHP
62 - David Pauley RHP
68 - Devern Hansack RHP
73 - Nick Debarr RHP
74 - Edgar Martinez RHP
83 - Kyle Jackson RHP

Gary Tuck

The Red Sox have a new bullpen coach. It's Gary Tuck! I'm sure you all remember Tuck's three years as a catcher in the Expos organization. If not that, then you probably recognize him as last year's bench coach for the Florida Marlins.

Okay, no?

Anyhoo, welcome, GT! And NO SMOKING out there!

some new ideas for baseball cards

1. Make a set that's big. Like postcard size. You can fit way more information on the back. They could be like flashcards! You could be watching a baseball game on TV and, hey, here comes Casey Fossum... what's he been up to since Boston? Right there on the card. Get out all the cards that correspond to the opposing team. Baseball Prospectus is too unwieldy and, for some of us, mostly indecipherable.

2. Have the reverse of the card be a shot of the player in his underpants. This is not for the sake of prurience. This is to answer the question: Is the player fat or is it all muscle? What kind of shape is this guy in? Can skinny-boy pitch more than 98 innings? Very good idea.

That's all I have so far.

Bill Haselman

It has been said that being the first base coach for a major league team is one of the easiest jobs in the world. That may be true, but it does not impede my love for Bill Haselman.

My first encounter with Haselman took place in 2003 in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. He was a catcher on the Pawtucket Red Sox and had an unflattering team photo that popped up on the scoreboard whenever he came up to bat. He's the cool daddy who caught Arroyo's jeu du parfait. And that is really all I remember about that!

So it was pretty cool when "Slow Train" Haselman wound up working for the Red Sox as a minor league catching instructor/scout. I think they took him on during the '04 post-season. He was someone bitter about his AAA stint, which is common amongst players who are there after being in the majors (e.g. Texas Rangers, Tigers, even the Red Sox in the mid-90's) for most of their career. Even though, seriously, please get over yourself. It happens to a lot of guys.

Then, something great happened: Lynn Jones stabbed himself in the eye with a screwdriver! Bill Haselman was called on to sub for Mister Jones and there he was on my TV, patting guys on the ass and taking their batting gloves. I was relieved to see that he did not look like he was being gutted like a fish while on mushrooms, contrary to his old roster photo.

In November of 2006, Gordon Edes (my old hotel-mate) blogged that Haselman was going to leave his post at first and that his replacement might be Pawtucket manager Ron Johnson. I will totally die if this happens. RJ has been great in Pawtucket.

Okay, after doing a little research, it looks like Bill Haselman is no longer the first base coach. It is now former Greenville Drive manager Luis Alicea.

You know what would be really good right now? Some cherry tomatoes. With dill or ranch dip.

this snake wearing a vest

Part of being a baseball fan means having the occasional weird dream about some of its players. I'm definitely no exception.

Just last night I dreamed about Barry Zito. Without getting into too much detail, I will say that BZ was sort of annoying. And he acts like he's this awesome surfer but he really isn't. And a lot of people secretly don't like him.

I can't remember if I've actually shagged any MLB'ers while I was sleeping. Knowing my luck it'd be someone like David Riske or Cesar Izturis and not, say, Eric Chavez or Josh Barfield or Xavier Nady.

Cristian Guzman was one of the nicest guys I dreamt about.

God help me, I am still in my pajamas.

cookies

I love cookies.

The Kinks sing 'Days' again.

"Thank you for the days,
Those endless days, those sacred days you gave me.
I'm thinking of the days,
I won't forget a single day, believe me.

I bless the light,
I bless the light that lights on you believe me.
And though you're gone,
You're with me every single day, believe me.

Days I'll remember all my life,
Days when you can't see wrong from right.
You took my life,
But then I knew that very soon you'd leave me,
But it's all right,
Now I'm not frightened of this world, believe me.

I wish today could be tomorrow,
The night is dark,
It just brings sorrow anyway. "

I posted these lyrics over a year ago because (hrrrmble) it was the cold, cold off-season and uh... (mmmhhem).. you know...it just reminded me of baseball and the guys. And it made me cry, but I guess that's not so hard to do.

Anyway, it's such a pretty, romantic song that I thought it could stand repeating.

"Say 'cumbersome' one more time, motherfucker!"

Rich Garces is going to join the Can-Am Leaguers. He got picked up by the Nashua Pride (NH). The Nashua Pride is managed by Butch Hobson, of course. Nice dovetailing.

I do not have any particular feelings attached to Rich G, since this was before The Great Baseball Revival of 2002. I do think that it'll be great for that team, who seem to have a small attendance problem that not even William Hung can help them with.

In other Can-Am news, the STL Cards have purchased Eddie Pena from the Tornados. This would be Carlos's brother. It surprises me that major league teams are pushing their shopping carts around little Can-Am parks, but I guess you never know. I can't really look too closely at all the parks, because I know I can't visit as many of them as I'd lke and it makes me nuts.

"Separately, but unrelatedly" (TM Bob) the Reno 911! movie's coming out in a day or two. I love Reno 911 so I am looking forward to this.

Red Sox crossword puzzle

I haven't done this one yet, but have at it. I'm going to print it out later on.

Clay Buchholz... I forgot to point out how much he looks like Jim Breuer. He does.

cinco de mayo, seis de junio

Two things:

1. I bought my Twins tickets last night. May 5th and 6th v. the heavenly Boston Red Sox. I'm so excited and really looking forward to my Mexican weekend in Minneapolis, the most Mexicanest city in North America. Cheers!

2. Speaking of Mexicans, I recently read that Central Falls had one of the highest increases of Mexican immigrants in New England. You know what city number two was? You will never ever guess. At any rate, I have started to see evidence of this over the past year or two. What I am wondering is... how does someone from Mexico wind up in Rhode Island? And furthermore, city number two (Burlington, Vermont?!) is even more of a mystery. Side note: I am a closet mariachi fan. I own several mariachi CDs.

3. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. I was baptized Catholic so I know all about this. I'm not Catholic anymore, not really, but I like giving up something for Lent. This year I am giving up pizza. I know you think that's not so hard, but it is. Plus I have to get in shape for baseball season.

4. Getting back to Mexico: Hershey has moved ten percent of its production to Mexico. More to follow, I am sure. So I have essentially eaten my last Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. Can you imagine?

5. Last night I watched a great deal of Yankeeography with Tom, my brother who is a Yankee fan. The Thurman Munson story was sad and I cried a little.

6. Also making me cry: A few days ago, some guy was walking his dogs at Lincoln Woods and he fell through the ice. His family got worried when he didn't come home. Neither did his two Golden Retrievers: they stayed by the hole in the ice all night. The police saw the impressions their bodies left on the ice... and it was cold and stormy. Those dogs waited for him... even though it was freezing. The guy's dead, of course. I cannot relate this story without tearing up. If dogs weren't involved, I wouldn't care half as much.

7. I love you just as much as I hate your guts. Baseball '07. I can't wait.

MLB auctions

One night I was shopping around for Mientkiewicz stuff and I came across the MLB Auctions. There was a pennant from Kaufman Stadium, a nice big one, with D. Mientkiewicz. Pretty cool, right? I mean, how would you even get your hands on something like that?

I looked a little closer at the auction site and I noticed that the seller was MLB (and its partners). I also noticed that MLB Auctions is not like eBay... you can register but you can only buy, not sell.

So, really? MLB is auctioning off stuff they probably just have lying around (like stadium pennents) and making a killing? At the time, I remember reading that a portion of the profit went to charity. Or maybe all of it, but probably not. And now I cannot find that information anywhere. Smells like jackassery to me.

Oh, Pee Ess, when you register for the privilege of bidding on their pitching rubbers and whatnot, MLB needs your credit card information. They then put a temporary charge of $3.50 on your card for about 30 days. Awesome. They can cram it with walnuts as fas as I'm concerned.

charlie

This here Longest Game poster is one of my most prized possessions. I snapped it up off eBay in a cutthroat bidding war with a user who had the word "Golf" in his handle. For 20 dollars, it was all mine. I paid over a hundred dollars to have it framed but it was worth it.

Someday I'll post a picture of Gorillaman, another PP.

you wait for august then you wait for may

Possible International Leaguers: Ronnie Belliard (Nationals) and... Jacoby Ellsbury. Pawtucket's opening day is April 13th against the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees. If I am not dead by that time I will be there.

For some reason I thought of sitting above the dugout last summer and whenever Tim Bausher would walk out to the bullpen before the game, I'd say, "YEAH, BITCH, WORK IT! SHAKE THAT ASS!" I doubt he heard me but that still wasn't very nice. And then I was at a non-PawSox game where David Newhan was in the outfield and a fan said, "SHAKE THAT ASS NEWHAN!!" and Newhan shook it. It was pretty sweet.

February 28th will be the first televised game: BoSox and Twins. This has created sort of a problem for me since it's a Wednesday night and I have a prior commitment. That I am cancelling. Because I have waited forever for this to start. Apologies to the Wednesday Night Crew.

I am definitely in a bad mood.

Daisuke's just a word but I use it

Okay, I did see the cutest thing last night on NESN. Julian Tavarez talking to Matsuzaka:

JT: "Can you say 'hola'?"
DM: "Hola."
JT: (softly and reverantly) "Hi."

That being said, I would really like to see what's going on with the rest of the pitching staff. Please throw me a bone.

PS I think I scooped Eric Wilbur.

Mitch Deadberg

If you find yourself lost in the woods, fuck it, build a house. "Well, I was lost, but now I live here. I have severely improved my predicament!"

I don't have a microwave, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks shit.

I got an ant farm. Them fellows didn't grow shit. I said, "C'mon, what about some celery?"

I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3am, and it said "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3am, and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna walk by at 10 and say, "Hey I walked by at 3, you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology. This jacket would be halfway done!"

My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever! Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the lights a bunch of koala bears scatter, and I don't want them to, and I'm like "hey, hold on, fellas! Lemme hold one of you. Feed you a leaf" Koala bears they're so fucking cute. Why do they have to be so far away from me? We need to ship a few over, and I will apprehend one, and hold him, and pet him on the back of his head.

Xylophone is spelled with an X. It should be a Z. Xylophone ZZZ X, I don't fucking see it. Next time you spell Xylophone, spell it with a Z. If someone tells you you're wrong, say "no I aint." If you think that that's wrong then you need to get your head Z-Rayed. It's like X didn't have enough to do so they had to promise it more. "Okay, you won't start a lot of words, but you will have a co-starring role in Tic-Tac-Toe. And you will be equated with hugs and kisses. And you will mark the spot. And you will make writing 'Christmas' easier. And you will incidentally start 'xylophone.' Are you happy now, you fucking X?"

I bought a doughnut, and they gave me a receipt. There is no need for that, man. I'll just give you the money, you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I cannot imagine a situation in which I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Hey man! Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I got the documentation right here...damn...I forgot it at home... it's in the filing cabinet...under D...for doughnut."

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullshit.

I want to be a race car passenger. Just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say, man, can I turn on the radio?" "You should slow down." "Why we gotta keep going in circles?" "You really like Tide."

I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

I have an oscillating fan at my house. It goes back and forth. It looks like the fan is saying "no." So I like to ask it questions that a fan would say "no" to! Do you keep my hair in place? Do you keep my documents in order? Do you have 3 settings? LIAR! My fan lied to me. Now I will pull the pin up. Now you're not saying ANYTHING!

Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, "I can't knit, get this away from me!"

John Burkett, Jerry Kapstein, and JS

From the PawSox locker room last year. You can see Craig Breslow in the background. And Christmas lights...

Great story on Torii Hunter. That's it.

Catching up with Rey Sanchez

About five years ago, the Boston Red Sox, lured by his ability to lay down a mean sac bunt, acquired free agent Rey Sanchez and signed him to a minor league contract. He spent almost the entire year at second base and Red Sox Nation would have bitched mightily about his weak hitting and inability to get on base, but they had bigger fish to fry, I guess.

Post-Boston, Rey Francisco Sanchez Guadalupe moved onto the Mets! The Mariners! The Devil Rays! And the Yankees!

While on the Mets, Sanchez was described as "The Robin to Roberto Alomar's Batman of Suck." He got to see his daughter and other family members in Puerto Rico when the Mets played the Expos. As more time goes by, the weirder it seems that at one time, the Expos played half of their home games in Puerto Rico. Oh, he also allegedly got a haircut in the clubhouse while a blowout game was going down.

While on the Mariners, Rey-Rey... made room in New York for Jose Reyes to be the starting shortstop. He had like a .360 average over 19 games at one point in Seattle, but that was as good as it got. Also, have you ever seen Jose Reyes out of uniform? Yes? Yeah.

While on the Devil Rays, Rey Sanchez busted a poor little girl's face during a spring training game. Seems the bat flew out of his hands and into the stands. A concerned gentleman flew to her side and I assumed it must be John Henry because of the recognizable stupid spring training safari hat. You know the one I'm talking about. And, yeah, it was him alright. I was at that game. I made a t-shirt that said, "I WAS AT THAT GAME". People always ask 'what game?' as if they don't know. As if they don't know.

While on the Yankees, Rey S. suffered from bulging discs and Yankees fans who had high hopes for this Womack replacement were devastated. That was 2005 and... no word. Has he retired?

On the dirty rumor tip, Rey Sanchez was allegedly hooking up with Ryne Sandberg's wife. Weird.


REY SANCHEZ!!!

waffles in two ways

After looking at the first batch of Spring Training pictures, I wondered why there were so many of Matsuzaka and so few of Manny Delcarmen. I also wondered how it is possible that the future of Boston pitching looks like some guy I might see walking his dog in sweatpants.

Hey, I like Daisuke as much as the next guy, but... oh, crap, wait. I like him less than the next guy. I just noticed that the next guy already has the t-shirt. My B.

when it rains, it snows.

Dmitri Young has been signed to a minor league contract by the Nationals. Welcome to the IL, Dmitri! See you in Pawtucket! Also signed: Tony Batista, who I thought was dead. Batista has that really weird batting stance that my sister and I could not stop imitating in like '03.

Other uninteresting roster moves involving marginal players: Kerry Ligtenberg will play for the AAA Louisville Bats (YES!) and former Red Sox great Lenny Dinardo will be an Athletic. From what I understand, he's on the big team. Hooray for everyone and I will miss Dinardo.

Now, for the important stuff. Whenever it snows, my city has a parking ban and I have to go find a place to park my car other than on the street. So I got lucky last night and got a good spot at the school about a block away.

This morning when I walked down the street to my car, it'd been blocked in by another car who backed in right up to my bumper. In front of me: icy curb, solid brick school. Behind me: FuckheadMobile.
I spent the next half hour inching forward, cutting the wheel, inching back, cutting, wiggling, my windows and mirrors all steamed over with hot hot rage.

I AM TALKING TO YOU, BLACK VOLVO OWNER WHO BLOCKED ME IN AT ELLA RISK AND WHOSE LICENSE PLATE STARTS WITH 'DM'.

PS George Kottaras is the man. I could fall in love with him and so could you.

2.11.07 The Rhinestone Cowgirls v. The Holy Rollers: Kill! Kill! Kill!

Holy Rollers WIN! 72-43

This was my first time attending a roller derby event. It is sort of like the WWF. Like more of a theatrical thing. Fortunately, they hand out copies of the rules so you know what a jammer is and so forth.

Some people told me there was a show about all of this on A&E, which I kind of sort of remember. At any rate, I didn't watch it. I didn't expect it to be the spectacle it was... there was a swarm of people who couldn't get seats just standing near rink. All costumed and perfumed and raucous.

I was rooting for the Holy Rollers mostly because Cowgirls remind me of bad country music. Turns out I picked the right team! With superstars like Smarty Pants and Sister Mary Jane, how can you lose? Especially Sister MJ, who is probably six feet tall and makes it seem so easy.

I will say that the roller derby ladies are pretty tough. They do a great job and the whole thing was really entertaining. Providence has a roller derby league, too, so I may have to check that out.

guidelines posted in the Pawtucket Red Sox clubhouse PART 4

HITTING... DAILY PREPARATION
Mental Routine:
- Know your body; are you feeling weak or strong; MIND must stay strong!
- Know the pitcher; what does he feature
- Know pitcher's stats going into game (command/numbers)
- Know YOUR ZONE
- Know game situation when you go to plate; what job needs to get done/PLAN
- Positive self talk - Evict negative thoughts
- Utilize video when needed

Physical Routine:
- Tee
- Front Toss
- Short Bat
- Happy Gilmore (Walk Thru)
- Mirror
- On Deck Routine
- Personal additional drills used in routine

guidelines posted in the Pawtucket Red Sox clubhouse PART 3

WHAT IS A QUALITY PLATE APPEARANCE? (QPA)
- An at-bat where you swing at pitches in your zone up until 2 strikes
- An at-bat where you compete and battle the pitcher if you do get to 2 strikes (2K approach)
- An at-bat where you execute an assigned task (hit&run/sac bunt/move runner over/score runner from 3rd with less than 2 out/move runners)
- The hitter does not change his... (illegible)

Maybe that last one is "underpants"!

Non-roster Invitees 07

Pitchers:
Abe Alvarez
Adam Bernero
Mike Burns
Bryan Corey
Runelvys Hernandez
Travis Hughes

Catchers:
Dusty Brown
Kevin Cash
Alberto Castillo

Infielders:
Jeff Bailey
Luis Jimenez
Joe McEwing
Ed Rogers
Bobby Scales
Chad Spann

Outfielders:
Jacoby Ellsbury
Alex Ochoa
Kerry Robinson

I'd like to get a gander at a Travis Hughes/Dusty Brown battery, since I have no idea who the hell they are.

Looks like Jeff Bailey has decided not to return to catching after proclaiming his year as an infielder a hiatus. What a surprise. Because that usually works out.

I'm also really excited for Ed Rogers. Big fan!

stiff

I didn't want to write about this, but it's been bugging me all day.

Every morning, I have a bagel for breakfast. With cream cheese. And this morning I was out of cream cheese so I ran over to the market with three dollars and some quarters.

I paid FOUR DOLLARS for a brick of Tropical brand cream cheese. What kills me is that Philadelphia was on sale for 99 cents, but it's a Kraft product so I can't buy it.

FOUR DOLLARS!

guidelines posted in the Pawtucket Red Sox clubhouse: PART 2

2K APPROACH SUMMARY
- Mental adjustment is more important than physical
- Self Talk - what are your 2K keys
- Believe - in ability to hit with 2k's... without believing you may as well give the AB away
- Cover outer half and let ball get deep/react in
- Physical
Choke up but remember physical adjustment is useless if there is no mental adjustment
- Spread out - Experiment with no stride
- Stay aggressive with your swing. The physical and mental adjustments should alllow you to attack the ball the way you do early in the count!!

I was just gonna say... "Eight o'clock?"

I was informed last night that there'd be a Pawtucket Red Sox dinner party this year at the Kirkbrae Country Club sometime mid-season. It costs 40 dollars. The entire team is expected to attend.

I'm probably going to go, but I don't really expect to have a good time. I'm sure the PawSox are fronting like it's going to be swanky and delightful and you'll be hobnobbing with the players. The reality is probably more like a typical Rhode Island catered dinner (dry chicken, shells in flavorless sauce, weak-ass salad, pastry cubes with inch-thick sugar icing, bland dinner rolls... ), watery cocktails, bad lighting, synthetic tablecloths, and the players in cheesy Banana Republic outfits talking about stupid shit.

Or what if you get one player per table? That would be so awkward. Imagine having to make small talk with, say, Barry Hertzler or Kevin Cash. And everyone would be asking the player baseball questions and he'd have to be all fake and polite and you just know he's hating every minute of it. And who could blame him? People are awful. I would hate it, too.

So, yeah, I'm probably going to go. I think the ticket will make a nice souvenir for my Pawtucket scrapbook.

It's been stuck in my head all day. Please send help.

Bill!
I love you so, I always will
I look at you and you see the passion eyes of May
Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day? (Wedding day)
Oh, I was on your side, Bill, when you were losing.
I'd never scheme or lie, Bill, there's been no fooling.
But kisses and love won't carry me till you marry me, Bill.

I love you so, I always will
and in your voice I hear a choir of carousels
Oh, but am I ever gonna hear my wedding bells? (Wedding bells)
I was the one came running when you were lonely
I haven't lived one day not loving you only
But kisses and love won't carry me till you marry me, Bill
I love you so, I always will

And though devotion rules my heart, I take no bows,
Oh but, Bill, you’re never gonna take those wedding vows. (Wedding vows)
Come on, Bill (come on, Bill) oh come on, Bill (come on, Bill).
Come on and marry me, Bill, I got the wedding bell blues
Please marry me, Bill, I got the wedding bell blues (blues)
Wedding bell blues (blues), yeah yeah, marry me, Bill.
I got the wedding bell blues....

guidelines posted in the Pawtucket Red Sox clubhouse PART ONE

SELECTIVELY AGGRESSIVE HITTER

- Selectively aggressive under control to your zone
- Have patience/wait for your pitch to drive
- Know your zone/strike zone/strengths and weaknesses
- See ball well and react to mistakes
- Have a good two-strike approach
- Not afraid to get behind in count
- Have a PLAN and know pitch(es)/zone you want to hit
- Prepared mentally and physically
- Think swing every pitch in your zone until spin or location dictates otherwise

Note: Italicized words should be underlined, but I don't know how to do that.

so who goes home?

Today when I checked the mail there was a Red Sox ticket. Just one for a late-season Twins game. The Twins are so cool.

I don't normally go to Fenway games by myself. I do go to a lot of PawSox games by myself. I am probably not a lot of fun to go to games with because I take it kind of seriously. I like to be there early and it takes a LOT for me to leave before the game ends. I bring a small piece of luggage with me. I may have a beer or two, but I almost never get drunk.

Some people can just mosey in during the first three innings and then leave early to beat traffic. Some people spend the entire game making phone calls and saying, "Dude, guess where I am? I'm at the Sox game RIGHT NOW!" Some people have kids to worry about and spend half the game buying cotton candy from vendors. Some people gear up and get sloppy and party with 35,750 other people. Some people get explosive diarrhea and have to spend an hour in the lav. Some people have loved ones over in Iraq and can't really concentrate on the game because they just don't know what is going to happen.

Some people need to pay their cable bill so they can see pitchers and catchers reporting on February 15th. Isn't that the best? It's like watching the first moon landing... well-rested athletes getting out of their stupid SUVs and walking through the parking lot in the Florida sunshine. Daisuke! Papelbon! Varitek!

So BOS v. MIN in late September. Wow, that's almost the future! I wonder if everyone will be wearing anti-radiation suits and eating capsule food?

And that's part of why I like buying late-season tickets a year in advance. You never know where we'll be.

do you ever long for true love from me?

Yippee! Eddie Guardado is now an International Leaguer!

Thank you, Cincinnati!

Hazzard Equal Rights Society

Friday night I had a choice. I could either attend the All-You-Can-Eat Pasta Supper at the Enrico Caruso Club in Manville, RI, or attend a sports celebrity festival at the convention center downtown (Providence). Pasta... six dollars. Celebs... five dollars.

Baseball personalities attending the Providence SportsFest:
1. Craig Breslow
2. Lenny Dinardo
3. Chris Durbin
4. Paws

Cheez, I just saw Breslow and Durbin. And Lenny Dinardo? Paws? No and no.

I didn't go to the Enrico Caruso Club either.

Iverson

I had to abbreviate the Mantei post due to the things in life that distract you from having it your way. It feels incomplete to me but I'm not going to touch it.

MANTEI!!

Frayed Knots:

Mike Matheny, catcher, retired. He had a concussion or something. He was pretty cool.

Zambrano the Lesser has been picked up by Toronto, will play in the minors.

Ruben Sierra was signed to a minor league contract by the Mets. The Mets AAA team is in NO now, so I don't get to see him.

Carlos Pena will be a minor league first baseman for Tampa Bay. The stupid, romantic part of me thought it was great when he was up toward the end of the year. Everyone loved him... remember?

David Wells is officially a Padre again. Why did he hate Boston so much? The Red Sox are playing San Diego during interleague. I would love to go see that.

The Padres played at Fenway in 2004, I think it was. I was at that game where Wells pitched and whoa, it was a good one. I wanna say the opposing pitcher was Pedro. I think the final score was 1-0. A UFO may have landed in shallow center at some point.

We'll discuss this further when I get home.

Catching up with: Matt Mantei!

Matt Mantei started 2005 on the Red Sox, one year, 750K. Prior to that he'd been on the D'Backs for several years.

Mantei had a lot of arm problems and didn't pitch much... just over 30 innings. Notice that the word 'quality' was not used. They put him on the DL and he just kind of... disappeared. Where did he go? Home? Florida? His superbeige condo/apartment in the Boston area?

Two things:

1. 4.25.05: Matt Mantei twists his ankle behind third base. He always twists that ankle. He immediately gets x-rayed. Nothing. Mantei says he's gonna go inspect the turf.
"I want to see what's there," said Mantei, "to see if it's a hole or if I just turned the ankle -- I'm not sure."
He enters that inning with a 7-3 lead. The Red Sox end up losing 8-4. To the Orioles.

2. Mantei was signed by the Tigers after wrapping things up with Boston. He got a ST invite and a minor league contract but still had arm trouble. He was released by the Tigers. Jim Leyland said that Mantei asked to be released. He is probably retired at this point.

3. I guess Mantei was known as 'Iceman'? I found a fan site and it plays 'Ice Ice Baby' while you check out the HOTT MANTEI ACTION!!!!

4. Matt Mantei was allegedly a good reliever while on the Diamondbacks. He was, at times, a closer.

5. The Diamondbacks had this charitable thing where they hooked up with a sponsor and built/improved fields for the kids in the Phoenix area. Did my voice crack just then? Because sometimes my voice cracks when I talk about the kids. There is a Matt Mantei Field. Hell, yeah.

6. The ladies sure did like Mantei. He is, I guess, conventionally attractive, but he suffers from severe asshole face. He probably wears a white baseball hat and plays golf and drinks Coors Lite.

7. July 2005: Mantei goes on the 15-day DL due to a sprained ankle. Guess who got called up that day? Abe Alvarez, who I love.