stay with me until i die

I had to take a short break. I know how burnt out I got last season and I wanted to freshen up while I had the chance.

Six months. Here we go.

te vas a emocionar

How many more jocks can they squeeze into Pawtucket? How many points could you get with the word 'squeeze'? Imagine laying that bitch down on a Triple Word Score!

Halo-head Brandon Moss and lean Texan David Murphy will keep their eyes on the Benny's and Honey Dew signs in the outfield this April. Ochoa is still up in the air. Kevin Cash will be squatting down behind opposing hitters.

A swell chap from Venezuela, Alejandro Prieto, will hang out in the infield and possibly play shortstop. This is good because I can still wear my "I LOVE ALEJANDRO WHO IS AN INFIELDER" t-shirt.

I know the PawSox aren't a really real team or anything, but they can only do better this year. It would be nice if they made the IL playoffs. April 13th is going to be the most exciting day of my life. Aside from my Hawaiian wedding, of course.

it's too bad I'm so hung up

What is with the Akon thing? Every time I turn around, there he is. On TV, on the radio, in magazines. I seriously do not think he is that good. He is only slightly better than R. Kelley. R. Kelley is one of the cheesiest R&B people ever. R. Kelley sucks.

"It's the remix to ignition
Hot and fresh out the kitchen
Mama rollin' that body, got every man in here wishin'
sippin' on Coke and rum
I'm like 'So what, I'm drunk!'
It's the freakin' weekend, baby,
I'm about to have me some fun!"

That song has only one thing going for it: it reminds me of driving from Tampa to Fort Myers... glorious.

I did not intend to discuss R. Kelley, but if you start me up I never stop.

Iron Lion Zion

So Javier Lopez and Kyle Snyder catch on with Boston. I am really happy for Javier Lopez even though the wind blowing through McCoy will be that much lonelier. Again, fellow lefty reliever Craig Breslow is probably super pissed. I wonder who had a better spring?

Brian Corey and Craig Hansen will be in Pawtucket. I feel like I've been sold a bill of goods with regard to Craig H. Wasn't he supposed to be The Answer? Wasn't he going to come to Boston fresh out of college and be SuperKid in the bullpen? You can't really blame ALL of his problems on excessive carousing. He looks sort of out of shape to me, but that's just observational.

I read in the paper that Hansen will not be the closer in Pawtucket. Newsflash: They don't really have closers in Pawtucket. They mix things up too much. Starters become relievers. Relievers go up and down. Too much tinkering to have a solid, defined bullpen. Don't be so stupid your whole life, newspaper.

Albertos Concepcion and Castillo, both catchers, gone. Castillo was traded for some asshole named Corey Keylor, a Baltimore outfielder. Concepcion was signed by the Dodgers.

Lenny Dinardo is doing quite well for himself. He may end up Oakland's fifth starter.

Marc Deschenes has been set adrift on memory bliss. Even if I hadn't had a massive crush on him, I would tell you that he is a really, really good guy who worked hard every day. He's a minor league free agent, but I know that he'd rather retire and focus on his business ventures than sign with a non-local team. Also, his girlfriend looks like a stripper.

Chris Smith and Devern Hansack will also be in Pawtucket. I could be Hansack's new best friend!

For now, I'm JS. Good night.

Valotte

Sitting on the doorstep of the house I can't afford,
I can feel you there
Thinking of a reason, well, it's really not very hard
to love you even though you nearly lost my heart
How can I explain the meaning of our love?
It fits so tight, closer than a glove

Sitting on a pebble by the river playing guitar
Wond'ring if we're really ever gonna get that far
Do you know there's something wrong?
'Cause I've felt it all along

I can see your face in the mirrors of my mind
Will you still be there?
We're really not so clever as we seem to think we are
We've always got our troubles so we solve them in the bar
As the days go by, we seem to drift apart
If I could only find a way to keep hold of your heart

Sitting on a pebble by the river playing guitar
Wond'ring if we're really ever gonna get that far
Do you know there's something wrong?
'Cause I've felt it all along

Sitting in the valley as I watch the sun go down
I can see you there.
Thinking of a reason, well, it's really not very hard
to love you even though you nearly lost my heart
When will we know when the change is gonna come?
I've got a good feeling and it's coming from the sun

Sitting on a pebble by the river playing guitar
Wond'ring if we're really ever gonna get that far
Do you know there's something wrong
We'll stick together 'cause we're strong

glass-eyed tiger

Will be posting lightly for the next few days and probably won't be talking baseball. Wow!

Of course, I may change my mind tomorrow and write extensive posts on Carlos Febles, my adventures at the ballpark in Arlington, and what kind of pizza I would buy for Charlie Zink before I pistol-whip him.

I am like a house of cards. Or pancakes.

Why not me?

You know what? Whatever. I don't see why I can't just call down to the Rochester minor league complex and ask them how I can get information on yesterday's game. I mean, CALL THEM. Like, on the phone.

What the fuck! I can't see what the big deal is. I could just say, "Would someone mind telling me who the starting pitcher was for Rochester yesterday? Is there a website I can consult for the box score or can someone fax it to me?" Not that I have a fax, but you get the idea.

I am irrationally angry about this.

Justin Sturge Ruins Everything

Rochester beat Pawtucket yesterday 13-3. Lester gave up two runs in the first and then again in the third. Rob Henkel was also in the house. He gave up two runs. Then in the ninth Justin Sturge gave up six runs.

Doug Mirabelli hit a solo home run for Pawtucket. It's a different Doug Mirabelli - not the Boston backup catcher who doesn't wear batting gloves. This Doug Mirabelli is a reed-thin blonde kid from St Louis who plays the outfield. Try not to get the two confused.

I got most of this information from the Providence Journal web site. However, the Journal does not think it's important to report anything about Rochester, like who pitched? You'd think that when a team scores 13 runs, you might want to mention a batter or two who contributed. But why waste ink on that? Who really cares, right? Not only that, but I have had no luck finding ANY other information on this game... my heart can't take it.

I don't know anything about Justin Sturge, so let's learn together! He's a pretty big lefty that pitched in Lancaster/Portland last year. You want more, click the link. I am exceptionally busy.

"Shake it man do your laundry here it's CHEAP!"

I live in a hip-hop kinda community. There's a laundromat nearby that I never go to that recently changed its name from City Wash to J-Neat. J-Neat! If I ever start a career in the music industry, that'll be my name. And this is why I'm hot.

I have been unable to find any sort of blog or forum about laundromats so I may have to do it myself. When you start writing about laundromats and taking pictures of them, that's when you know you've hit rock bottom.

I'm really, really finished for today.

CHA CHA CHA

Pawtucket kicks off their 2007 season on April 5 with a series v. the Charlotte Knights. That is the AAA team of the White Sox. After that, the Durham Hooligans. Then Pawtucket, April 13. Home opener. I can't wait.

I don't remember anything about the Charlotte Knights. I tried to look up some stuff but all I could find was a scathing review of their ballpark. It is not in Charlotte. It's not even in the same state as Charlotte. It's in Fort Mill, SC, and it's a soulless hunk of concrete.

I can't even think of one Chicago prospect. I do remember Brian Daubach being on the Knights, getting called up to Chicago, and hitting a home run off of Wakefield. And then BD cried after the game. He was very emotional.

Notice how I talk about Daubach a lot? That's because I FUCKING LOVED HIM!

Also, sorry about the giant Hyzdu picture. And the picture in this post is actually of McCoy Stadium... but the Knights are the visitors!

Adam Hyzdu

Several months ago I was driving home from work. I turned on the radio. Suddenly, the maid screamed. They were doing a little first person story on a bsaeball player and his wife and they were talking about all the moving around they had to do since the baseball guy kept getting traded. They'd moved like 50 times. And it was a darling story. I don't know how these guys do it.

That man was Adam Hyzdu! And the funny thing was my sister had heard the exact same story! Also, neither one of us contributes money to public radio.

Hyzdu got his start in the Pittsburgh system, most notably with the Altoona Curve. He was there forEVER! And, oh my gosh, they loved him in Altoona. He was their AA superstar, setting all kinds of records. They retired his number there, too. 16 - good number.

In 2000, Adam Hyzdu got into his first major league game with the Pirates. He was 28 years old.

In 2004, Hyzdu was Boston property. He did some time in Pawtucket that year and was a bench guy in Boston. Mostly outfield stuff. Perhaps he pinch ran. He was a good kid. In Pawtucket he played with guys like Andy Dominique, Tony Schrager, Brian Daubach, Matt Duff. Oh, that takes me back. He got shipped off to San Diego in exchange for Blaine Neal during the off-season but came back in exchange for pitcher Scott Cassidy. 2005 rolls around and Boston doesn't really need Hyzdu any more so he's released.

After spending 2006 with the Rangers, Adam Hyzdu has signed a one-year contract with Japan's Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks. So that's '07. And that's it.

give me one kiss and i'll be happy

Peter Gammons wrote some stuff that I don't feel like reading regarding Torii Hunter. Torii Hunter recently had a talk with the Thrillsome Threesome of Elijah Dukes, BJ Upton, and Delmon Young. Mostly with Elijah Dukes, because he is the guy that gets in the most trouble.

From what I understand, Torii Hunter gave him quite the dressing-down and told him to be careful about who he hangs out with. And then they exchanged phone numbers and promised to keep in touch. Torii Hunter is concerned about wasted potential. He cares. I care, too.

Torii Hunter has also intervened w/r/t Milton F. Bradley. Peter Gammons has said that when he was sick, he received a few cards from Bradley, which goes to show you that people are complicated.

That is all for today. Good night.

I Go Oh No

Bad news, gang. Minor league free agent and super-swell guy Trent Durrington has been signed by Cleveland.

I could use this space to reminisce but I'll rein it in a little. We'll probably get to see him in Pawtucket with the Buffalo Bisons. Or we could take a field trip to Dunn Tire Park. I hear it's wicked nice.

Last April the Pawtucket Red Sox were playing a 16-inning game v. Rochester and Durrington helpfully came out and pitched three innings. He only gave up one run. If some little Australian infielder comes in for THREE INNINGS and you don't score more than one run then you haven't got a ha'penny so god. bless. you.

Yeah, Team T.R.E.N.T. is going to definitely pile into a van and go to Buffalo.

Shut up! It's the Orioles starting lineup!

Brian Roberts 2B
Melvin Mora 3B
Nick Markakis RF
Miguel Tejada SS
Aubrey Huff 1B
Ramon Hernandez C
Kevin Millar DH
Corey Patterson CF
Jay Payton LF

Cesar Crespo was sent to minor league camp.

Sweet lefty Erik Bedard is going to pitch on opening day, Daniel Cabrera is still wild, and management thinks Hayden Penn is immature and needs some serious AA... Attitude Adjustment!

I almost met Millar once. Opening day 2003 the game was rained out and everyone was pouring out onto Yawkey Way. Suddenly I realized that one of my sisters was walking with some dude in a black windsuit.

"Who is she talking to?" I asked my other sister. And it was Millar. So we caught up to them and they talked to him for a couple of minutes. I didn't have anything to say so I just watched it all go down.

I don't think he realized that you can't just walk down Yawkey Way with everyone else. But at the same time, no one else had noticed him. Just my sister. Who never wrote an account of this event even though I asked her nicely and it would not have killed her.

you're watching the tube, moping around

I have this to say to some pitchers: Don't worry too much about Ichiro. The odds are pretty good that he will get a hit off you, but don't fret over that. He is unlikely to drive in a run with his hit because look at the Seattle 7-8-9. And who on that team is going to bring him home?

Unless you make a mistake, is he really going to hit a home run?

Don't worry too much about Ichiro!

that Reds game the other day that we lost

Hideki Okajima felt like 'a caterpiller or something' in his green jersey.

I have it on good authority that Chris Denorfia is a raging a-hole.

Mark Bellhorn said some nice things about Alex Gonzalez. Both those guys are OK in my book.

Kyle Lohse did a good job, eh? The Reds... you know, they look pretty solid. Not great, but much better.

Jeff Bailey's still in the big camp! YEAH, JB!!!

Someone said that pitching coach Mike Griffin should have to wear a Pawtucket cap. While I don't think they should require that, it would be so cool if Griff flew the P. RJ, too. Like, 'Yeah! Pawtucket! WHAT?!"

Whatever the guys did after the game, it could not have been as cool as what I did that night, which was seeing Hall and Oates in concert. While they were buying eight dollar cocktails at Club Fantasies, I was at Mohegan Sun having a few milkshakes and singing, "She's Gone"! Take that, Manny Ramirez!

People who died

Optioned to Pawtucket: Brandon Moss, George Kottaras, Craig Breslow. Man, Breslow must be PISSED!

Ed Rogers, Runelvys Hernandez, and Travis Hughes were sent to minor league camp. This is where they play the show's opening theme, but more slowly and without the words.

Javier Lopez and Kason Gabbard are still hanging around.

I feel as though I do not give enough attention to Craig Hansen. That is because you can read about that guy anywhere. If you haven't noticed, I prefer writing about people like Jermaine Van Buren and Matt Capps and Luke Allen. I will say this about Hansen: A big part of the reason they sent him down to Pawtucket to 'rebuild his confidence' was that he was partying too much in Boston. Moron.

I wish I knew what a simulated game was. Do you face nine batters? Do you deal with baserunners? Do they put cardboard cutouts of people in the stands?

Catching up with Kevin Appier

In June of 1989, the Kansas City Royals were visited by a right-handed angel from California - Kevin Marie Appier. This was his big debut and many people have seen the results of his outing. In 1990, Ape was on the regular, going 12-8 for Kansas City and was awarded Rookie Pitcher of the Year. It is still unclear whether this is a plaque or a trophy or a gift certificate to PF Chang's.

Appier spent his subsequent years in such films as 'AL West: Angels and/or Athletics' and 'Meet the Mets: The Gathering'. When he was not successful, he was either unsuccessful or undergoing surgery. He pitched his way through the 90's, using clubhouse equipment and gathering statistics. In later years, the Angels sent Mo Vaughn to New York in order to bolster their pitching. This is what is commonly known as a 'Typical Mets Trade'.

Ongoing surgical procedures led to Appier's retirement in 2004. He had a substantial soybean farm in Kansas that needed his attention, so he went home to TCB. When he realized that he was able to throw firewood onto a pile with no pain, he decided to give baseball one last chance. The Mariners were crazy enough to give him a shot, but not crazy enough to use him in Seattle. Instead, he hung out in Tacoma and played with the AAA Rainiers. This was not exactly what Appier had in mind, so he asked for his release and got it.

Although Kevin Appier is retired from baseball, he is not retired from charitable activity. This quirky, affable man continues to work with battered women and disabled veterans and the Special Olympics. American Legion halls throught the country await the day that the unfogettable Kevin Appier appears at their Baseball Card Show and Fund-Raising Auction to sign autographs for his millions of fans.

3.16.07 PawSox v. Rochester Red Wings - The Providence-Worcester Turnpike

Pawtucket WINS! 4-0 in 5 and a half. Rainout!

There was a whole two-sentence Pawtucket Red Sox report in the paper this morning. Chad Spann got a three-run homer and Jon Lester pitched two scoreless innings. Lester is a spotlight-hogger. I know that sounds callous because of his medical problems, but I'm not saying it's his fault. I'm saying that we all know what the real story is: Abe Alvarez picked up the win and even pitched better than Lester. Lester gave up a hit and Alvarez did not. Barry Hertzler picked up the save. Hertzler's Magic 8-Ball says: 'OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD'.

So far, I cannot really root for Chad Spann. He is like a kitten hiding in a laundry hamper. No, strike that: he is boring. I'll have to talk to him and see what's going on.

In other news, I'll be having lunch with Jim Rice in a couple of weeks. He is the special guest at the PawSox luncheon. It's gonna be great, I think.

Let's be careful out there today.

Nomar Bowl 2003

I do have both a DVD player and a VCR, but I cannot have both operational at the same time. Recently, I re-hooked up my VCR and started watching things like 'Aspen Extreme' and old episodes of MST3K.

Found an old tape of the Nomar Bowl in 2003. Nomar Bowl was an annual event where local celebrities and other people went bowling for charity and auctioned off jerseys and golf games and all of that. The coverage they provided was highly unsatisfying, unless you have a huge Nomar fetish. It was all Nomar, all day. If you pause the tape at key moments, though, you can see people like Brandon Lyon and Todd Walker and Damian Jackson. John Burkett, super-deluxe bowler, is nowhere to be seen, although they do mention that he was there. HOW COULD THEY OVERLOOK THAT? I wanted to see a master in action!

Ron Jackson had it going on, though.

When we went to McKechnie Field

My two sisters and I went to McKechnie Field in 2004 to see the Red Sox play the Pirates. We might have been better off getting cheap seats, since the up-frontery was not shaded. And it was pretty hot. And you could smell oranges.

The field's kind of right there on the street, as in oil-change place, Arby's, nail salon, Chinese food, gas station, baseball diamond! We'd parked in the lot of some run-down industrial-type building and given a few bucks to some kids hanging around there. Little entrepreneurs.

Randall Simon was there. Randall Simon will always be the sausage smasher to me. Was that not possibly the funniest thing in baseball history? I could have watched that clip a million times. Toppling sausages. Craig Wilson and his mullet played that day as well. Bradenton is not too far from Fort Myers. That was a pretty good day, I guess.

They are not televising the Red Sox/Pirates game today. Instead we get poker. Televised poker is boring. People love it, though. Not a criticism, by the way: I watch municipal court on TV so what do I know?

Some weeks old news from Bradenton:

1. They enjoy peanut butter bagels in the clubhouse.

2. "One autograph seeker apologized to Freddy Sanchez for wearing a Red Sox T-shirt until he remembered that Sanchez was developed in the Boston system.

When that same guy handed his pen to Jack Wilson, Wilson playfully shot back, 'What do you want mine for? I never played in Pawtucket.'"

3. Adam Laroche is in Pittsburgh. I forgot about that.

4. The Pirates Triple-A team is the Indianapolis Indians. They are guaranteeing the opening day game temperature to be at least 60 degrees. If it is colder than that, everyone gets a free ticket to another home game. Very clever.

Dirt Dogs web site parody

Found this link on Baseball Fever. Thanks, winningtheweapon.

Damian Jackson

I read today that Damian Jackson was cut by the Dodgers. For some reason, whoever wrote that felt compelled to add that DJ was pretty ripshit about the whole deal and threw some shit around and essentially said, "Fuck baseball."

Man, I really liked DJ in '03. He sort of reminded me of a Kewpie doll with his enormous eyes and kissy little mouth. Although you don't see too many Kewpie dolls with full-sleeve tattoos. And I remember how busted up he was after smashing into Damon in Oakland during that crazy-ass ALDS. "I love all my teammates," he'd said woozily. Went right out after conking his coconut and finished the game, though he probably shouldn't've. And then I read that this spring he jumped on Varitek's back when he first saw him. Great guy.

Let's face it: guys are getting cut left and right at this point and I'm sure many, many of those jockos get all huffy-puffy about it. They might even punch a wall or two. But you never read about that. So I ask you, AP writer: Was it something personal? Were you reaching for something to print? Was Jackson a career-long tool who deserved to be exposed? You really didn't need to do that, son.

PS I just ate like a half a box of Kix. It is criminal how good they are, especially late at night.

Craig Breslow is sick of talking about it.

“The major is molecular biophysics and biochemistry. It’s one major. It’s got two fields. And the biochemistry part of it is the science of looking at biological processes but at a molecular level. So a lot of the reactions that go on biologically but broken down to particular proteins, enzymes. We’ll get DNA replication but we’re working on a molecular level and the biophysics side of things is more kind of a structured deal. Looking at structures, proteins, enzymes.”

Breslow has been accepted to the NYU med school and is currently reading "The World is Flat". He was the leading scorer on his high school soccer team.

Flavors of ice cream that old people eat

- pistachio
- rum raisin
- butter brickle
- maple walnut
- coffee
- butter pecan
- neopolitan
- fudge royale
- heavenly hash

miscellaneous ST

Several Reds players took turns opening and looking through packs of baseball cards in the clubhouse on Sunday. When someone pointed out a Scott Hatteberg card, Hatteberg said, "I didn't think they made cards of me anymore."

"In 2004, Keith Foulke had the worst spring training I've ever seen in my life (with the Red Sox). I was like, 'How is this guy going to be our closer?' And then he's lights-out for us the rest of the year. It's spring training - it's hit or miss." - Arroyo (By the way, don't you think it's weird that Keith Foulke has not publicly commented on his retirement? Or has he and I've missed it?)

Former heavenly PawSox gloveboy Alejandro Machado hasn't shown the Twins much this spring, as he's had shoulder problems. MRI results show no structural damage.

One last thing: if you go to this website and hover your mouse over the photo of two guys seated at a computer monitor, you'll get a weird Red Sox related caption.

I never liked that guy.

How'd I miss this? Reds pitcher and former Minnesota Twin Kyle Lohse faced former teammate Torii Hunter in a ST game and promptly threw behind him and hit the back of his head. Kyle didn't waste any time - this happened in the first inning. T. Hunter dropped to the ground and just lay there for a few minutes, but did not lose consciousness.

Turns out about a week prior Torii Hunter had knocked Lohse out of a poker game.

"Maybe I knocked some sense into him," Sore Loser Lohse joked only after he got word that Hunter was OK. "I guess I don't throw hard enough to hurt him." Ha, ha, very funny, motherfucker. It is totally on.

I stack my money, lay low and chill.

Pawtucket Red Sox will be kicking off their ST on Friday, March 16th. They have 14 versus-style games plus three or four additional "Camp Days", which I guess means they hang out and do intramurals and drills and promo stuff. I guess.

Many, many of their games will be against the Rochester Red Wings which makes perfect sense. Do people go to these games? Can I go? Can I get paid to go?

In other news, Pawtucket simpleton Jeff Bailey had himself an RBI double yesterday against Toronto. Keep up the good work, homeboy! Also, I totally forgot that Frank Thomas was on the Blue Jays. I might need an AL roster refresher soon.

11-10 in Clearwater today! The following players hit doubles: Ortiz, Mirabelli, Scales, Ochoa, Youkilis, Ed Rogers, and Kevin Cash. Nice work, everyone. Three hours and fifteen minutes. And D. Brown took over the DH slot for Ortiz. D. Brown had two at-bats but did not get a hit or anything. Maybe next time will be better for D. Brown. I really feel like this is D. Brown's year.

MLB pitchers enjoy the occasional beer.

"There was a feeling in baseball that if the guy was winning games or hitting well, he couldn't be an alcoholic. He was just a guy who liked to drink. I was able to stay clean the day before I pitched. But I started after the game, and you could kiss my ass goodbye. I'd drink all night long. The next day, I'd try to sweat it out, but that night I'd get bombed out of my mind again. But I'd be good for the next two nights and not drink. Then I'd tell myself that I couldn't have a problem because I didn't drink the last two nights. In fact, the alcohol meant so much to me that I was going to perform as well as I could on the field so no one would take it away from me. For a while an addiction can motivate an athlete because you want to make sure you're being successful so that no one will force you to address your drinking problems."

Look, let's just forget it, okay? Maybe THIS will change your mind...

Unless you are an organized, uniform wearing baseball team, you are probably not going to be able to reserve a field. Recreation departments, you are breaking my heart. Maybe we need some kind of sponsor, like Cru Jones did.

I have reserved my place at the PawSox banquet. If anyone has a message to be passed on to David Murphy or Manny Delcarmen or something, let me know and I will do my best. Love brightens a day better than sunshine.

think about how many times I have fallen

Thanks for all your efforts, Bobby Scales. We hope you enjoy scenic Pawtucket, Rhode Island this summer. Only 20 short minutes to the beaches!

I find it a little off-putting that JD Drew is wearing number 7. I also read somewhere that he is on that diet where you only eat foods mentioned in the bible. That is awesome. Sure, you can eat brassberries, but you can't sprinkle them onto an English muffin.

Curt Schilling has a blog and it is pretty boring. I am not just saying that because of any personal problem I may have with him. And I do not expect state secrets to be revealed. But come on. You know whose blog I would read? Brendan Donnelly's. Maybe Javier Lopez, the worldly continental lefty pitcher. Alex Cora. Kevin Youkilis.

Other guys likely to have a boring blog: Jason Varitek, Tim Wakefield.


Okay, that's it.

I love it when you think big

I haven't talked about food much lately, so here's one little thing: In tiny Lincoln, Rhode Island, there's a tiny deli called Country Market that I stop at on the way to school. It's very good. They used to sell these little chocolate chip cookies for $1.50 a dozen and they were, like, perfect. Recently I tried their vegetarian vegetable soup. It is a new item for them and the deli counter guy who I swear I know from somewhere and it's driving me crazy told me that it's been selling well. He also said it was healthy. I don't know about that, but it was tasty and cheap.

I know it's hard to get excited about soup but somehow I manage to do it.

Oh, to be trapped on a bus filled with holy rollers on the way to Plattsburgh with no one who understands you.

I like the Devil Rays. I do. I think they are neat and I get a little sad for them at year's end when they finish 22 games out. I wish there were some way they could hoist themselves out of the cellar.

So I got to thinking. Those poor guys, they're in a pretty tough division. They do, however, seem to be fairly successful against the Yankees. Remember that season opener in Japan a couple of years back? That was awesome. Don't you think they should get some kind of special credit for that?

What if, through formulas and statistics and analysis, each MLB team was assigned a ranking based on their projected wins or something? Okay, they already have that. But say then you go a little further and instead of each team accumulating wins to advance in their division, they accumulate points based on the difficulty of their opponent and their own capabilities?

So if the Yankees have a three-game series in St Petersburg and they take two out of three, they might get five points for each victory. But say the Devil Rays go buck wild and SWEEP New York (which is exhilarating on its own), they might get 18 points each game! What a great way for them to pick up some ground in their division! That way, they aren't really penalized for being in the same division as Boston and New York. Furthermore, sure, you might be an NL West team, but just wailing on your weak divisional opponents won't be enough to get you into the playoffs anymore. You'd have to actually beat some tough teams to make it to post-season.

I realize that these are not revolutionary ideas and that many, many people have already thought of this and discussed it and whatnot. I also know that this concept is used in other sports, most notable "RPI". (Note: I have only a vague idea of what RPI means. Some guy at work told me about it just today and I think it's a basketball thing.) But I thought of it while lying in bed one morning as my alarm was going "BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP". So in a way, I invented this concept. In a special I-am-the-center-of-the-universe way.

Hey, Devil Rays: You GO, girlfriend!

I hate Tina.

I couldn't help but notice that people are going around loving Papelbon. Not only that, but they are charmed by his big ol' country boy-ness and his apparant uncomplicated personality.

Once Papelbon hits a rough patch, and he will, that might change. The same people that love him today and are tickled by his drawl will be doing Grady Little-like impressions of him on the WEEI Whiner Line. What was once a sweet lummox will then be a stupid hick who can't help his team. Mark my words.

Two Things

1. Don Orsillo lives in Smithfield, Rhode Island. This is strange in a way that you could not understand if you're not from Rhode Island.

2. Abe Alvarez is back in camp. Because he left camp. And everyone hates him.

3. I have not seen hide nor hair of Sean McAdam, but I do hear his voice asking somber questions during clubhouse interviews.

4. I got more hits than Saduhara Oh.

5. I am a woman of infinite compassion and tolerance. But if you are at standing behind home plate with your cell phone and waving at the camera during the ballgame, I fucking hate you and I hope you burst out in furious, incurable boils.

George Kottaras scouting report!

"Athletic, switch hitting C. Med. frame. Not overly phys. and there is not much room for him to put on much more weight but he needs to get stronger. Quiet setup @ plate. Slightly open, hands low with bat resting on shoulder. Solid avg BS. Centers ball ok. Approach is dead pull.

Frustrating to watch a kid who has a good feel for the strike zone try and pull everything when he does swing. Casts hds out and gets around the ball hooking everything. Doesn't show any interest in working on it as he continues to jerk balls in BP while his coaches pepper the outside corner and chastise him. Can get enough mistakes to hit @ this level and doesn't miss them but @ ML level I have to believe he will be pounded away and forced to adjust.

Pretty serious pop for a little guy. 50-55 raw power. Will play to 10-14 HR/yr @ ML level. Should run better given athleticism. Moves around smoothly and sets up quietly behind plate. Would like to see more looseness and flexibility as he sets up narrow with his feet which hurts his mobility. Soft confident hands. Active receiver. Cheats open a bit with runners on base. Strong avg arm with extra kick and carry as it gets towards the bag. Easy and fluid, albeit a bit long release. Gets underneath throws but moves thru them well which allows him to stay down. Should have no problem catching @ ML level. Approach will make it difficult for him to hit with any consis. Looks like a very solid backup catcher who's simple swing will serve him well as a late inning pinch hitter. If he learns to use whole field he can be an everyday guy."

source: see previous scouting reports

"Pine Tree! Coming in to Pine Tree!"

3.3.07SOX V PHILS STOP WAKE SP STOP JPAP XLNT STOP MDC NG STOP FMR PWSX RCALLOWAY LF PHILS STOP O NO LOUCOLLIER STOP JEFF BAILEY OFER STOP BMOSS HR STOP HI SCORE TIEGAME STOP

SupahFans.com

Very nice clothes. Creating positive energy. There you go!

Is it just me or does Varitek seem... different? Like he's got a spring in his step and a gleam in his eye. The constipated Marine face has almost disappeared. It's almost like the person who's been blackmailing him for years was in a fatal car crash or something.

Either that or a nice, clean divorce.

Either that or he loves his job and is excited about the team's chances this year.

A few words about the infielders

I guess Jeff Bailey is officially not a catcher anymore. Although it was v. Boston College, he did hit a home run last night. And it was glorious. I know he is not going to replace Youkilis, but I wonder how much actual difference there is between the two. Oh, sure, KY gets on base more, but everyone knows how unimportant OBP is to ballclubs. It's more important to keep swinging until you hit a home run.

I keep forgetting Eric Hinske exists. Maybe because I didn't like him on the Blue Jays. He was just that one guy who whenever he gets in the box, you say, "I hate that guy." And not in a rational way, like Alex Rodriguez or Eric Byrnes or Carl Everett. Maybe you hate him because of his big ugly pumpkin head. Maybe because every time he gets called out looking he acts like a big fat baby. Whatever. It wouldn't surprise me to see him in Pawtucket some time this year. They're going to put him on the DL with some drummed up injury so they can get someone better on the roster. MARK MY WORDS.

Ed Rogers: straight outta Baltimore. Was it my imagination or did Don Orsillo mention last night that Rogers' real name is Pedro Something? I cannot find any evidence of this. I know that sometimes people like to Anglicize their names, but "Ed Rogers"? Come on!

Mike Lowell.. You know that dream when you're in bed and they fly through the window?

claustrophobic in herrrre

Hey, need a cool job for the summertime? Well, turns out the Syracuse (Sky) Chiefs need a new body to cram into their mascot costume! Lovely!

The mascot's name is Scooch. Open auditions are being held March 10th between 11 and 2. You can't be too tall... between 5'2" and 5'9". NO PRIOR MASCOT EXPERIENCE NECESSARY!!!

I would love to go see what a mascot audition entails... "Okay, put your mitts up to your mouth like you're giggling coyly...hold your head up high and wave... WAVE!! Now, throw these squishy balls to the upper deck..."

Good luck!

And tomorrow, a box score in the paper. I seriously need to pay my cable bill. What I am going to do is sell bottled water that has my own personal label on it so I can raise the money.

There has to be a company that will do that for me. If not, then I am a genius.

I didn't mean it!

Oh. Adam Bernero won't be in Pawtucket after all. He underwent Tommy John surgery this morning.

That was rather out of the blue.

Percival, Weber, K-Rod, Donnelly

It's great to have Brendan Donnelly on the team. I mean that. I don't know how well he is going to pitch, but anyone on that was on the 2002 Angels relief pitching staff is okay by me. And like all those other guys, I have to wonder how many pre-game greenies we are talking about.

And here's hoping Delcarmen gets his shit aligned this year. If he's gonna end up stashed down at McCoy, at least cart him around so he can get a shot on another team.

2.28.07 Boston Red Sox v. Minnesota Twins - Something in the Water

TIE GAME. DOES NOT COMPUTE. ER-ROR! ACCESS DENIED!

Great game! Good to see everybody. Demarlo Hale! Ellsbury! And so cool to have Remy back! Don Orsillo lives in Rhode Island? Get outta here! Me and him and Kapstein should go out for beers!

What the hell was up with Torii Hunter trying to stretch that single into a double? That is so unlike him. He looks a little different, too, like some people look after they've had a facelift. Ay.

I thought Jeff Bailey was going to get that ball out for a split second. That really would have been a ST hightlight for me because he was one of my favorite Pawtucketeers.

Kevin Youkilis looks like his own evil twin, possibly named Kevin Nucleus. All he needs now is a vest.

I never considered Dustin Pedroia "fat". Then I read a ridiculous article about him on redsox.com which went on for a while about DP's Xmas shopping. Okay. And then it mentioned how hard he'd been working. And it shows, right? He really looks more athletic. Shut up, Pee-Wee.

I've heard conflicting reports about Pedroia. Some say he's going to Nowheresville and that his shortcomings are sometimes obscured by his hustling. Eckstein Syndrome. And now it looks like he'll be batting ninth.

I can't wait to find out.