"Oh, that is so spiritual!"

Okay, I was wrong. I'm wrong a lot (and I love that about myself).

I went through three rolls of film last night trying to get THE perfect picture, half of which are probably The Many Moods of Mike Lowell. Well, that and people's big fat heads.

Great game again. I am happy, though still dismayed at the concession horror show of Fenway. Pawtucket lost last night and Lester pitched well from what I hear. McCoy has very nice, affordable concessions and veggie burgers/hot dogs if that is your persuasion.

I had a PawSox dream. I was giving one of the players a ride to his part-time job at Time Magazine. After I dropped him off I realized he'd left his coat in my car. I couldn't help it. I went through his pockets. There was prescription medication for an STD and a cheap lighter. D'oh.

Tonight's game: ME! Our team'll be playing in OUR field which we obtained a permit for. YES.

binoculars update

Recently I was whining about the PawSox bullpen using binoculars during the game the other night. Pretty stupid of them, right? Maybe not against the rules, and surely they were broadscoping, but how dumb.

Last night I got a phone call at work. Suddenly, the maid screamed. It was a guy I know saying, 'I have good news and bad news...' He told me he'd talked to one of the Pawtucket pitchers and mentioned the binoculars and had, ha ha, said, 'You weren't stealing signs, were you?' And of course the guy denied it and said they were "looking at the fans". (Hint: the pitcher has worked in Boston)

So there you have it. My friend on the phone said it was a subtle, effective scolding. I am half past give a shit at this point, but it is a cute story.

Note: I have seen relievers smoking cigarettes, pissing, examining unlit joints, burning bats, etc. THE BULLPEN IS NOT ENCASED IN A SHIELD, PEOPLE. THE FANS CAN SEE YOU. Get smart.

5.28.07 Pawtucket Red Sox v. Columbus Clippers (WAS)

Pawtucket WINS! 2-1

David Pauley, starter. 'Throws With Right Hand' is his Cherokee name. Six and 1/3 innings of one-run ball and did not walk a soul. Also pitching: Breslow, Martinez, Hughes, ITO.

Righty Joel Hanrahan started for the Clippers. He is from Des Moines! He only pitched three innings. Why? As far as I can tell, he is rehabbing, but it took a little digging to figure that out. That sort of information might be useful on the Clippers' website, but I guess they don't think so.

Not much going on offensively, but Joe McExcellent and Ed Rogers provided the RBI. Ellsbury stole a base. Pfft. One-trick pony.

Brandon Watson scored the only run for Columbus when D. Pauley made an error of some sort. What did he do? What happened? I wasn't there, please tell me.

Two things:
1. I wasn't there last night or the night before and I can't go tonight or tomorrow. I will try and make it Thursday night for the last Clippers game and also because it is Sports Bottle Night.
2. Craig Breslow's groin was sore. But he's back now, he's okay. He will be happy to answer any and all questions about his groin.
3. Guess who's a Clipper? Jermaine Van Buren and George Lombard and Anastacio Martinez! YES.
4. Run-scoring Clipper Brandon Watson is looking to break Columbus' all-time hit streak. How can you not root for this guy? I love him already! I hope he gets a hit tonight. If he gets hits through Sunday, he's done it.
5. I just now realized that in the International League, the National League affiliates do not use a DH. So when Pawtucket goes and plays the Ottawa Phillies or whatever, the pitcher hits. I think. I'm beyond annoyed that I do not know this.
6. Okay, I think I have it. The DH is used in the International League EXCEPT when both teams are NL affiliates. Right?

bye.

"I had a dream last night. Everything seemed alright. You weren't so far away. Sunshine in your eyes makes me wonder..."

Why do I have to wake up alone another day?

Last night's Red Sox game was good for everybody. As in, people are going to work in a good mood, perhaps swinging their briefcases merrily. They're singing songs in the park right now.

Try not to be too devastated when I tell you this: Boston cannot win this evening. I'll be at the park and my record there is atrosh. I did want to go to LAST night's game, but I could not get tickets and that's okay, even if it could be the best game all year. I was listening to it on the radio at work and wiping my eyes over Trot Nixon. Then I drove out to the suburbs and watched it there, on the couch, with poodles at midnight.

Yeah, I still don't have cable. I could learn a thing or two about fiscal responsibility from Theo E.

Trot Nixon: In His Own Words

"Playing in Cleveland has been great so far. It's been a relatively easy transition. It's still the same game, obviously, and while I miss the guys in Boston, I'm extremely happy with the new opportunity I have with this club.

The clubhouse wasn't difficult to acclimate to, even though my Spring Training was a bit different following back surgery. It was a little difficult getting a good read on the rest of the team at first because I was rehabbing, but now that I've seen these guys in action, I'm confident we have one of those teams that can compete.
Everybody's goal is to win. Winning championships is what everybody strives for. That's true here.

We've started off well. There are some games we'd like to have had back and probably some games we had no business winning. But the name of the game is to win ballgames -- whether you do it with one hit or 20 hits. I don't care how it happens. A win is a win.

If we do the things we need to do on the field -- play good defense, get good pitching and get the timely hits -- we'll put ourselves in a place we want to be at the end of the year.

A lot of guys here haven't been to the postseason. I'd like to take that journey with them. We're very capable of doing that, but it starts with the first game of the season and every game from there on out. Every game is an opportunity to win.
People put a lot of focus on the strength of our division, but we need to remain focused on all of our games, not just the games against teams in our own division. We need to compete and find a way to win every day.

I had a lot of friendships -- on and off the field -- in Boston, but it's not like I'm gone altogether and won't see my friends anymore. I'm just thankful to have had the opportunity to have spent as many years as I did with the Red Sox organization. It was with the Red Sox that I was able to achieve the goal of winning a World Series championship.

In the offseason, I had the opportunity to sign with several different teams, but I just felt that God spoke to me and guided me to Cleveland. It's a new opportunity and a new challenge that I'm thankful to have before me."

Thanks, Trot! See you Tuesday!

5.26.07 PawSox. Chiefs. Boo-urns.

Syracuse WINS! 10-7

Well, that sucked. Everything was going fine... R. Hernandez, or "Runelvys" as we like to call him, was pitching decently. Pawtucket was ahead 7-4. Then Hansen came in and gave up a run. Then Corey came in and gave up a run. Then Mike Fucking Burns tried to close the whole thing out and completely failed and ruined everyone's night. Thank god we got him for Bausher.

The Good: Brandon Moss, 4-5 with a triple and a double. Ellsbury, 3-5 with a couple of runs. Joe McEwing, for being a cut above and because he is my darling, my darling, my life and my bride. David Pauley, for just hanging out in the dugout and being merry.

The Bad: Hansen. Kottaras, for batting .192. Coach Golden, who sat near me early on and called all his kids 'Big Guy'.

The Ugly: Burns. And Michael Tucker, who struck out all four times he was at bat.

Many things about this game were unusual. Abe Alvarez was hanging out in the bullpen and they all took turns using binoculars. Is that legal? Or ethical? Do they allow relief pitchers to use those and POSSIBLY STEAL SIGNS? Sure, they were probably looking at the many fine ladies in the stands, but come on. I do not approve.

I recently noted that Jon Lester elected to ride a bus to Ottawa rather than fly and I wondered why. Now I know. Lester is happy to be in Pawtucket. He is having fun and enjoying the normal baseball routine.

The starting pitcher for Syracuse was Ty Taubenheim. Russ Adams was Real Ultimate Power... a double shy of the cycle! Oh, Russ, I wanted that for you!

K, Two Things, Motherfucker!

1. Joe McEwing likes Notorious B.I.G. Wow, that's funny, because Notorious B.I.G. is MY favorite artist of all time!
2. Joe McEwing likes to pour water over his little head between innings.
3. I went to Brooksie's afterward to watch the Boston game. They have Newport Storm Blueberry on tap! Joe McEwing was not there.
4. Many years ago when I worked at McCoy, I wrote in my journal that the baseball players' wives were all pregnant and had worried looks on their faces. Still true.
5. The bartender at the top of the stairs at the little specialty tap is exceptional. I do not know his name, but he wears glasses. Just wanted to point that out.
6. Charlie Zink's back in Portland.
7. Michael McDonald pitches for Syracuse tomorrow and will be takin' it to the street. Minute by minute. And he is on his own once again.
8. Did you know that Bronson Sardinha and Dane Sardinha were brothers? I kind of suspected. Well, each bro has hit a home run off Runelvys. What's more, this was done in consecutive games. Hot shit!

See you tomorrow. HANSACK!

5.25.07 Sox v. Chiefs YEAH PAWTUCKET !! !!

Syracuse Chiefs drop another one to Pawtucket! 10-4!

Kason Gabbard only pitched five innings. Well, "5.1" innings, which I am supposed to believe is a mathematically accurate way of saying 5 1/3. I swear I won't bring this up again. Lefty Gabbard gave up four runs and normally that would have been the game, but something weird happened.

RHP Josh Banks started for Syracuse and he seriously got fucking wailed on. Pawtucket kicked off their half of the first innings by collecting eight runs.

Thus:
1. Jacoby E. singles
2. Joe McEwing ground rule double. Ellsbury to third.
3. Murph grounds out, Ells scores, Joe Mac to third. 1-0
4. Jeff Bailey doubles, scores McEwing. 2-0
5. Brandon Moss singles Bailey in. 3-0
6. Michael Tucker doubles. Moss to third.
7. Wild pitch! Moss scores, Tuck to third. 4-0
8. Ed "Mister" Rogers doubles, Tucker goes home and pays the bills. 5-0
9. Kottaras singles, Eddy Baby to third.
10. Chad Spann K's, of course.
11. Ellsbury again! Doubles in Rogers, GK to third. 6-0
12. Joe McEwing singles, scoring Rogers and Ellsbury. 8-0!
13. David Murphy, consumed by bitter jealousy, flies out to end the inning. Begins plotting psychological warfare v. EllsburyI love wrangling the English language to fit the peculiar syntax of baseball. Who needs nine parts of speech when you can make nouns work overtime for pennies an hour?

You know, that's all we really need to know about this game. I'm sure the remainder was an utter bore.

I'm gonna try and squeeze into the park tonight. RUNELVYS!

5.25.07 PawSox v. Syracuse Chiefs (TOR) - Not a Looker in the Bunch!

Pawtucket WINS! 3-2

Best game of the year thus far.

Jon Lester started for Pawtucket and pitched five innings and gave up one run in the fifth. The ever-reliable relief trio of Hansen/Corey/Burns fininshed the job. Brian Corey gave up the second run, a solo homer by Howie Clark. Clark's homer was rather impressive.

John Thomson started for Syracuse and coould have taken first prize in a Buddy Groom Lookalike Contest. Swear to god. I think he pitched decently, yes, thanks for asking. Thomson gave up two runs in six and reliever Justin James gave up the third run in the seventh when D Murphy doubled in Ellsbury. And then guess who pitched? Mike Venafro! Yes!

Offensively, Pawtucket got a sweet, fat home run from Ed Rogers. It went out and up and like, over the berm area. Joe McEwing cemented his swellness with a pair of sacrifice bunts (well placed and highly effective, I might add) and a single. His defense is commendable as well. I know the whole world is in love with Joe. Add ME to the list!

The Chiefs seem to be the same exact team as last year, minus the sassy satin baseball jackets. John-Ford Griffin, Russ Adams, Chad Mottola, Jim Crowell, etc. John Hattig, Guam native! Hattig actually hit a triple off Lester and that was pretty funny. Hattig is cool.


Lester was cool. He induced pop-up after pop-up and that crumbum Chad Spann fielded five of the six. He is also sporting a Hardship Goatee.


Two Things:
1. Colombian dancers entertained the crowd before the game. Also, Rhode Island's first all-Hispanic Boy Scout Troop held flags up during the NA. They are from Central Falls! Yay, us!
2. I expect David Murphy is not too happy about playing left field and second fiddle to superstar Jacoby Ellsbury. It's an 'All About Eve' situation that could get ugly. Give Murphy away! Let him play!
3. Syracuse Chief Wayne Lydon fouled into the stands and took out some kid and apparantly a couple of people near him. It was a hard foul ball that no one could have avoided. I think the kid is okay; an adult who was also escorted away by EMTs was holding onto his neck. The adult is clearly going to seek some kind of compensation... everyone knows the old "Ow-My-Neck-Kinda-Hurts" trick.
4. Hazel Mae was in the house, enjoying the game. Her sweetheart plays for Syracuse.
5. Curtis Thigpen! In non-magnet form!

See you later.

5.22.07 Red Sox v. Lynx - Ottawanna go back to Canada!

Pawtucket WINS! 7-3

Pawtucket SP - Alvarez (W, 3-3)
Ottawa SP - RHP Heath "Hotten" Totten (L, 1-2)

Alvarez pitched six whole innings, gave up three runs, walked one guy, and struck out seven. Seven! He threw 93 pitches, though, so I'm guessing he wasn't dazzling. Abe was scoreless for the first five and then blew it in the sixth.

H. Totten gave up four runs right off the bat. Ellsbury and Bobby Scales singled in the first, Jeff Bailey doubled, and Brandon Moss hit his eighth home run. Put that all together with an error and there you have the four runs. Brandon Moss has been great.

Totten strapped it on for a while after that, but then kicked off the seventh by giving up two more runs before getting an out. Bobby Scales batted in Ellsbury and Prieto. Then reliever Brian Sanches gave up the third seventh-inning run.

Edgar Martinez and Travis Hughes wrapped up the game, pitching three scoreless. And can we get a little love for Hughes? I've overlooked his reliability thus far. I'm going to buy him a gift card to Benny's.

PawSox have the day off today. See you tomorrow!

'nam

I stopped by the second-hand store yesterday to pick up a couple of things and I started rifling through the old video cassettes. Ooooh. I found one labelled "1993 Baseball All-Star Game". The thrill! God, it was like finding a set of those upside-down airplane stamps! I held the tape in my hands and got that faraway look in my eyes, remembering the past. 1993. The opening to "All Along the Watchtower" started playing in my head and I heard machine gun fire and smelled the smoke of gunpowder and opium.

Later that night, after the baseball game, I re-hooked up my VCR (mustard and mayonnaise, then ketchup) and popped it in. Nothing! Just the scraggly, grey bars of unrecorded tape!

Hells bells. I'm going to try someone else's VCR because I am dying, here.

Al I am saying is give peace a chance.

I think a baby fox is called a 'kit'.

Let's talk about Lynx Stadium

Doesn't it look like a bank?

Do you know anything about the park up there in Ottawa? Chances are you do not. The Lynx are the AAA affiliate of the Phillies, but previously they were the Orioles team.

Check it out:
1. Been around since 93, won IL championship in 95
2. If you are a suite owner, you get to decorate it yourself. "Get to".
3. The manager and pitching coach have their own offices. Inside the office is their own personal shower.
4. "One of the larger rooms in the basement area of the stadium is a family lounge. This very popular area is frequented throughout the game by the players' wives and children. The basement area also has a large storage facility which is used by the stadium concessionaire. Food is stored or prepared by the catering company which serves the corporate suites. "

I love how they mentioned the food storage area like it's so awesome. They sure are proud!

5. "The employees of the Ottawa Lynx are fortunate enough to work out of the spacious offices of Lynx Stadium. Located on the first and second floors, employees have eleven offices, a large board room, kitchen facility, and spacious ticket office." You hear that, employees? You're FORTUNATE!


ROAD TRIP '08! Get your passports ready, amigos!

5.21.07 Pawtucket @ Ottawa Lynx - "Well, well, well... you just can't tell."

Ottawa WINS! 5-4 in ten.

David Pauley started for Pawtucket and pitched six innings, giving up two runs. Then came Hansen and Corey who said, "HA!" and gave up zero. Mike Burns then strolls in and blows the game. He is such a huge improvement over Tim Bausher, I tell you.

Unconvicted necrophiliac Zack Segovia, a fatass righty, pitched for Ottawa. He gave up what might have been the game-winning three runs to Pawtucket.

Brandon Moss got a pair of doubles off Segovia. Ellsbury did not get a hit and he grounded into a double play. He did get walked in the tenth inning, though. Patience!

The PawSox suck. They will be back Thursday night, so pencil that in.

Everyone needs love:
1. Jacoby Ellsbury is Navajo. Did you know that? He could be the first Native American to play in the majors. His mom made the best fry bread...
2. The ineffective Pacific Islander Charlie Zink is pitching tonight. That could possibly be two hapless knuckleball stints in a row! Oh, SNAP!
3. Rhode Island is, as you know, a ridiculously small state. So things get out and go around. So at times I hear things about Pawtucket players... sometimes they're at the same parties, know some of the same people. I have decided, however, that I am not going to go there. But when I find out about players that are assholes or dirtbags or drunks or whatever, it's hard to write glowingly about their accomplishments. I am trying to be nice.
4. Okay, I am not really trying that hard.
5. YEAH PAWSOX!!!!

The Twins are coming to Shea.

June 18-20 the Twins will play the Mets in interleague. I must find someone to come with me.

The stadium seating chart is indecipherable to me. It looks like a Star Trek control panel.

I. AM. GOING.

Ron I. Calloway

Former PawSox player and fan favorite Ron I. Calloway,31, has retired. He was playing for the Phillies AAA team.

Ron, a California man, came up through the Expos organization many years ago. Eleven seasons of pro baseball. I did not care for him when he first came to Pawtucket, but I changed my mind after I realized that I had him all wrong. I'm wrong a lot, which I love about myself!

RC tossed a ball to me once, which I... did not catch. I will never make that mistake again.

Also missing: the Fenway Pizza-throwing incident video. It is no longer available. And my kid in the blue cowboy hat picture that I stole. Consarn it.

Best of luck, Ron!

5.19.07 PawSox @ Ottawa Lynx (PHI) - Do Not Be Afraid

Pawtucket WINS! 4-0

Jon Lester started for Pawtucket and allegedly pitched 3.2 innings. Two-tenths of an inning, wow! How would you even begin to divide an inning into tenths? That is some advanced fucking math!

Lester gave up one hit and one walk and struck out two. If you would like more information on Lester's performance, try and find one of the 1,240 people who were in attendence, eh? Post-Lester pitchers were T. Hughes, Hansen, and Corey who all combined for the shutout.

Righty Jason Anderson started for Ottawa. THE Jason Anderson? YES. Anderson pitched but four innings and gave up half the runs. He was relieved by Iowan Joseph Bisenius, who gave up the second pair. Some other guys after that pitched for the Lynx. It was awesome.

Jacoby Ellsbury update: Ellsbury singled, doubled, tripled, and stole a base. He also scrapes his cleats cleaner than anyone on the team. Jeff Bailey got on base and was caught stealing. Jeff Bailey should probably not be stealing bases. He is not what you'd call springbok-like.

George Kottaras made an error when he dropped a foul pop-up in the second.

This game also starred David Murphy as Outfielder Who Doubled.

I heard about it:
1. It has been written that Jon Lester opted to take the nine hour bus ride to Ottawa rather than fly. I can only guess at why he did that, but let me tell you. I have taken some extended bus rides and I would rather fly any day. I can't imagine how nine hours trapped on a bus with 24 meatheads would be preferable to a 2.5 hr flight. And you know that one guy on the team that's really annoying will be the last guy to shut up and try to sleep. And then someone's always talking really loudly on the phone. And some guy's probably relentlessly gassy. AY.
2. Lou Collier is still hanging in there with the Lynx.
3. Congratulations to Manny Dead Cops for his promotion!

Much more Ottawa to come.

clarification

Devern Hansack was reunited with MLB whilst playing exhibition ball in Holland. No lobsters were harmed during his contract signing.

Tavarez

Found today's radio piece with Tavarez in the audio archives and I loved it. Julien Tavarez never went to school a day in his life and came to professional baseball not knowing how to read or write. Lived in a house with no floor. Ate pineapples and bananas and had no clothes and one pair of shoes for years. Yes. I really recommend listening to it. I particularly enjoyed when he put Matsuzaka on the phone.

Mr. Damien Jackson was instrumental in helping Tavarez learn English. I told you he was awesome.

No games at all this evening. I might beat you, but I'll just keep my mouth shut.

Kneel Before Griffey!

Okay, Alex Ochoa has been released by the Red Sox and more or less replaced by Michael Tucker, who as I mentioned was added to the roster yesterday. Tucker is listed at 35 years old, but that won't be true until June whatever. That still makes him the oldest dude in Pawtucket.

From 2001 and a fat, delicious Reds roster:

"Dmitri Young, Alex Ochoa, Michael Tucker and Michael Coleman all will be fighting for the two remaining outfield spots behind Griffey. Young is most likely in the mix after batting .303 and driving in 88 runs, but he is a defensive liability in the outfield. The last spot is up for grabs between Ochoa, Tucker and Coleman. Ochoa may have the upper hand finishing with a .316 average and 58 RBIs in limited action. Whichever two patrol the outfield next to Griffey, they need to drive in more runs and play consistent baseball if the Reds hope to win this season. "

I love Ken Griffey Jr. I don't ever want him to retire. I love him.

Abe Alvarez is now a Lowell Spinner, but don't start looking for his U-Haul up there. It was merely a paper move to get Zink up from Portland. Wow, what a great idea that was!

Alex Prieto is fresh off the DL. He played short last night and I might love him a little bit.

Tonight's the last game of the homestand. Pawtucket will be off to Ottawa to play whoever that franchise is these days. Return date 5.24.07 v. Syracuse Chiefs!

Adios!

5.17.07 Pawtucket Red Sox v. Durham Bulls - Michael Tucker?!

Durham WINS! 11-3

I attended this game but I left after six innings due to a prior engagement. Thursday nights are not really good for me.

Charlie Zink started tonight and was a complete failure. Nine runs in three innings! What the hell? Why even call him up from Portland? I wonder sometimes. Okay, I wonder a lot of the time. Charlie Zink is not long for this org. After the third home run he gave up, I had to laugh. Ha ha ha. Edgar Martinez also gave up a pair of homers. Good work, everyone.

The Bulls starter was lefty JP Howell. Howell went six innings and gave up three runs. Ruddy Lugo and Seth McClung finished up for him. McClung! He is still hanging out.

Durham first baseman Wes Bankston put the hurt on the Red Sox with a HR and 4 RBI. That's five home runs by the Bulls in this game.

Jeff Bailey homered for Pawtucket and, whoa, it was a humdinger. Joe McEwing was defensively dazzling, not that it mattered. Zink really screwed up when Wes Bankston was caught in a rundown and he neglected to cover first. The small crowd at McCoy rightfully booed his ineptitude.

Two things:
1. Hey, it was cold out there!
2. Second baseman Jorge Velandia is from Venezuela, but currently resides in Roadhouse, IL. A town called Roadhouse. How does a Venezuelan baseball player wind up there?
3. Michael Tucker was added to the roster TODAY. I think that's really neat.
4. In spite of forecasted rain, they are going to make every effort to play tomorrow night at McCoy.
5. If you are a Yankee fan and you come to Pawtucket and root for the opposing team, you seriously, seriously need to get a life. You need to really examine your soul. What you are doing is wrong.

Hasty banana!

5.16.07 PRS v. DB (TBDR) - ICSWS

PAWTUCKET WINS AGAIN 7-4 THE DAY AFTER THEY WON 15-6! That is my small town headline. The world of journalism does not know what they are missing out on.

Abe Alvarez was your starter for this game. I'm going to be completely honest here for one second: It sometimes amazes me that Alvarez is a baseball player. Furthermore, I slept until 2pm today.

AA pitched five innings and gave up 4 runs. Most of the other AAA opponents I see let their starters go 6-8 innings so I don't know what all this crap is. Is it that important to get relief work in? Is that what Boston wants? Is that the master plan? Pawtucket starters cannot go too deep into the game? Don't make me hate you, even doves have pride.

Righty Jason Hammell started for Durham and got the loss. I may have seen this kid pitch before.

Brian Corey, Breslow, and Mike Burns were your relief corps. What is up with Mike Burns? He is never returning to Boston.

Tuesday, Jeff Bailey went 5-5. Yesterday a run and an RBI. Kevin Cash and Chad Spann each homered. Ellsbury did nothing but strike out. I mention this because I know everyone's salivating over JE. The other day he stole two bases. OKAY?!

Depending on the weather, I might skip over to the park tonight. Literally. In my school shoes with a handful of posies. Quien es el lanzador esta noche? I do not know.

5.14.07 Pawtucket Red Sox v. Toledo Mud Hens - Cotter Pins

Pawtucket WINS! 3-1

I don't have much time. The medicine is beginning to work. I feel...pretty!

Your starting pitcher for this evening was lefty Kason Gabbard. His teammates call him Gabby and I want you all to stop and think what your stupid nickname would be if you played professional baseball. Gabbard pitched 5 phat innings and only gave up one run. His record has improved to 3-1.

Dennis Tankersley pitched seven innings for Toledo and gave up two runs. The name Tankersley does not exactly bring to mind lights-out pitching. I feel like DT has been around for a long time, yet I know nothing about him. His reliever, Ian Ostlund, gave up run number three, a solo HR to much-hated Chad Spann.

Craig Hansen relieved Gabbard and pitched for two innings and I have to wonder if Gabbard's outing was abbreviated so Hansen could get some work in a long relief type sitch. As in, not closing which is potentially stressful and not necessarily conducive to rebuilding confidence. Not that two innings is wicked long, but you know.

Brandon Moss doubled and Murphy and Bailey each got RBIs. Jacoby Ellsbury got a hit and also erred, in case you are into Ellsbury. I haven't seen him play in Pawtucket yet.

Up next: four games v. Durham Bulls (Tampa Bay). Not exactly as prospecty as last year, but recommended. Til then...

5.12.07 Pawtucket vs. Toledo Mud Hens - Second Verse Same As the First

Toledo WINS! 4-3 in this televised matchup.

They played this game on NESN, and thanks, but no thanks. It was a really half-assed production probably assembled by NESN's B-Team. I could have done better with a camcorder and a karaoke microphone. I especially loved how they identified Bryan Corey as 'Ryan' Corey. Fuckers.

Pawtucket can't win a game to save their lives, although they won last night. There was a story in the paper about Hansen and Delcarmen being useless and unable to prevent runs from scoring. Hansen gets really bummed when other pitchers get called up and not him. I don't really feel bad for him, mostly because I think he is an asshole. Unfair, I know.

In other news, Javier Lopez got called up and is doing a great job. Craig Hansen, Pawtucket's other lefty, must be real steamed. In fact, I'm sure everyone down in AAA is in a very bad mood.

Two things:
1. Kerry Robinson and Luis Jimenez have been released. I hope you guys enjoyed Rhode Island!
2. Hansack back in Pawtucket. Do you think he is fascinating? I sure do. A Nicaraguan lobsterman? I picture him out on his little boat with the nets and traps and no shoes on and a weathered cap and some scout with a laptop walking out on the pier as the seagulls scream overhead... and then the scout says, "You're a hard man to track down, Mr. Hansack."
3. I had some nice tickets to tomorrow night's game v. the Durham Bulls but I have to go away for a couple of days. To the Berkshires! Except I'll be working. I will be at Friday night's game, which is great because the Bulls only come to McCoy but once.

Happy belated Mother's Day!

The Last Sea Dogs Picture

Drat. Who's this guy?

Pawtucket Red Sox are currently the worst team in the International League. It is mostly George Kottaras' fault.

Alex Cora

On the way to MN we stopped at this really weird rest area that looked like a junior college circa 1981. I felt like I'd stepped into a low-budget horror movie.

They say a lot of things about Alex Cora - like how he's going to be a manager someday because he's so smart and classy and special. Okay. Whatever. But when I saw him at the TwinsDome... I don't know. He just seems so mature. Baseball players are not known for their intelligence or maturity. So maybe I kind of get it.


Also, Papelbon fiddles with his cup/junk before every pitch. That's the kind of thing you don't see on television!

5.8.07 Pawtucket @ S-W/B Yankees - Good talk, Russ.

Scranton WINS! 5-4 (in ten innings)

Someone I know in Iowa told me that Jacoby Ellsbury was called up to Pawtucket. In this game, the superstar was not only caught stealing for the second time, but he also was picked off. Nice to see he's still developing in that area.

Your starting pitchers were Kason Gabbard and Chase Wright. Chase who now? Wow, never heard of him. Gabbard only pitched four innings and gave up three runs. CW pitched 7 and only gave up one. Mike Burns got the L, blowing the tie in the tenth. But I'm not angry with Burns.

Note: Edgar Martinez pitched the subsequent 1 2/3 innings after Gabbard and did not surrender a run. That has to be some kind of record.

Apparently in this game, Jeff Bailey played first, then left, then first again. David Murphy went from left to right, Scales went from second to left. Amongst many other things.

Pawtucket returns to Pawtucket on Friday for some hot, naked, Toledo Mud Hens action. See you there!

Kip and David less so.

Q: Why is the outfield in Toronto so dangerous?
A: Because you have to watch out for Stairs and Wells!

VW is a thief of hearts. A few years ago my brother, a Yankees fan, had me look up Vernon Wells' stats so he could compare them to A-Rod's to prove that maybe Vernon deserved the MVP award. We secretly loved Wells. And now that I read his heckler/baseball story, I love him all the more.

Last year V. Wells did some commentary on ESPN and I missed it. That bugs me.

kiss me on the bus

I have returned from my midwestern experience, where when they ask you if you want a sack, you should not say, "No, a regular bag will be fine."

I only just barely missed seeing the I-Cubs, which is what they call the Iowa Cubs(AAA). I stayed in Ames which isn't far from the state capitol. Well, how would you feel?

How have the PawSox been doing?

Minneapolis is windy like the space shuttle was expensive to build. I'm talking newspaper boxes blowing over and umbrellas inside-outing. I guess that's why they call it the Windy City!

In this photo you will behold love o' my life, Torii Hunter. Doggie-style. He plays that wall like Yaz might have played the wall over here.

I have the same birthday as Roger Clemens.

That's all for tonight.

I'm so unsatisfied

HHH is not a great place to watch a baseball game. It has been said before and said in better ways but I am chiming in.

Was mostly beautiful to see the unfurling of Pedroia the Destroya under a fluffy white roof. Manny not in lineup? How about this guy!

When staying in a major American city, I always wish I could live there for six months because I feel like I am not truly getting it. Especially when you stay 'downtown'. I could live in Minneapolis like MTM and listen to the Replacements beneath the SkyWay.

Sunday's game resulted in a win for Boston but it was not as good as Saturday's game. I sat next to a giant of man folded into a tiny plastic seat and I could barely see around him. Saturday prior to the game's start you may have said Santana v Tavarez? We've lost! And Boston did lose, but most assuredly should not have.

I read in the paper that on Friday, one of Wake's pitches was clocked at 59. That makes me laugh and laugh. Fucking Wakefield. Can we clone him?

I struggled at times to not root for the Twins. Saturday when I applauded loudly for Kubel, the nuns? behind me were like, what? Nuns know baseball, man.

More to come.

No. There is too much.

Pawtucket lost to Indianapolis today 9-7 in ten innings. Pawtucket lost to Indianapolis yesterday 5-1. Wow. The PawSox keep on losin'. They are in last place in the IL north. Rochester is creaming everyone's broccoli and is in first place.

A couple of things people who've been to games in the past week have told me. First, Ed Rogers is wicked nice. I could have predicted that. I like to judge books by their covers. I should buy myself a Jump To Conclusions board.

Also, Trent Durrington made a couple of minor appearances with Buffalo and seemed to be struggling. The Council of Trent whipped up a pair of sweet, sweet signs which he acknowledged. Thank you very much, we are going to Buffalo.

Speaking of signs: many, many years ago we made a sign that said "TRAIGA EL BATE MANNY". We brought it to Fenway twice and both times Manny waved, nodded, smiled, yes. So I'm taking that sign with me to Minneapolis since I'll be over toward Manny's House. If I wanted to be on TV, I'd write 'NESN' on the sign, but fuck that.

I'm off to get about three hours of sleep. Tomorrow, Iowa! Iowa is the only state whose abbreviation consists of two vowels. True or false?

Beau Vaughn

Technical difficulties have resulted in very large photos. I took this picture. It felt like God was rubbing my tummy.

5.1.07 PawSox v. Indianapolis Indians - please take me along when you slide on down

Indianapolis WINS! 5-3

Lefty Abe Alvarez v. Lefty Shane Youman and more exciting bases on balls than a lady can handle! The return of Rajai Davis and Luis Matos! Grey skies are gonna clear up!

Superstar Youman pitched five shutout innings with varying degrees of not letting anyone get on base. His biggest threat was the ever-flailing Jeff Bailey with a double in the fifth. Later that same evening, Brandon Moss hit a home run off Kevin "Officer Mike" Gryboski. I don't know about that kid. His halo is blinding me...

Abe Alvarez was not sharp. He was, however, a vision in high, high stirrups. He is also looking a little thick these days. Eight hits, five runs, three walks, unhappy with his performance.

There are many, many people on the Indians that I have never heard of. The shortstop? Brian Bixler. Some guy Ordaz. This is the Pittsburgh AAA team.

Two things:
1. McCoy has added Smithwick's to their beer lineup.
2. I promise to refrain from being a crabby whinerhead from here on out.
3. Craig Breslow is a nice guy.
4. There was an article in the Pawtucket newspaper where Craig Hansen talked about the hazards of falling alseep at the wheel. There have been many occasions where he has nearly nodded off while driving. Manny Delcarmen also explored this hard-hitting issue. Josh Hancock spent some time in Pawtucket so this is surprisingly relevant.

No more PawSox games for me until May 11th! See y'all.

Nyjer Morgan

You know, seriously. When a pitcher gives up a grand slam, who the fuck lets him pitch the next inning?

I was at the game tonight and it was one of those hopeless games where nothing much good happens and I wondered (as I sometimes do) why I bother. Alvarez was pitching like shit and all Bailey does is strike out lately and I sort of dislike half of the team.

Baseball should not be a chore but it is sometimes. I do like the Pawtucket Red Sox as an organization and I like the park in its simplicity, but it is really futile to root for them as a team. You can go to a PawSox game and hang out and get a free hat and maybe see some prospects and that is about it. You do not have an assemblage of players who you are really hoping will bring the team to a Governor's Cup championship. You do not make trades to improve your pitching rotation in AAA. It is about individual performances and that is it.

I may sort of veer away from Pawtucket at some point, is what I'm saying. So I don't know. Either that or I'm just awfully tired and a little crabby. You would be, too, if you had to hope against hope that Mike Burns would not allow another run.

Edit: I just deleted a list of my most hated players because it was sort of vicious and unfair. Number one was Chad Spann, though, and I do not apologize for that. I really hate him.

4.30.07 PawSox v. Bisons - don't give yourself away

Buffalo WINS! 12-4

I may have mentioned a time or two that Edgar Martinez is not much of a reliever. Or maybe any kind of pitcher. I guess the org. is trying to develop him at the expense of winning, which happens a lot.

So Hansack started and left the game tied at four. Martinez came in with a runner at second. So I said, he is going to give up a run. Wow, thank god I was wrong, because instead he gave up four runs when Joe Inglett hit a grand slam off him. That's okay, though, because he still has training wheels on. Good work, team.

Hansen took over in the ninth and everything went kind of kerflooey. I had been sitting in GA for the first couple of innings, but I spotted some friends of mine in deluxe premium seating so I joined them. By the time the later innings rolled around, everyone was kind of intoximacated and some members of the party began heckling the shit out of Kottaras and Hansen and so forth. Different members of security approached our group and spoke in hushed yet firm tones about our behavior. They could have kicked us out, but did not, which was nice.

George Kottaras heard it all and tossed a few "menacing" glares our way. Even funnier, Kason Gabbard and Abe Alvarez were in the next section over. I will say that Gabbard was pretty pissed and put on a tough guy face and stared us down. Alvarez was peering at us but merely looked curious, not contemptuous. And girl, please. I understand that we're giving your teammate a hard time, but everyone knows you are not going to duke it out with a fan. I'm not saying I condone heckling, but no one was swearing or being particularly vicious.

So Hansen (GO BACK TO ST JOHN'S!!) gave up four more runs because he has a drinking problem. And that was that. 12-4. Good game, everyone!

I have some unfinished business at McCoy and I am going to try and get back to the park to see Indianapolis this evening. Oh, by the way, Jeff Harris was the starting pitcher for Buffalo. Bye, Buffalo!