they put a hotwire to my head

Congratulations to Bowden for his major league start. I guess.

If I were Pauley, though, I'd be BULLSHIT. I'm sure he called all his friends and family and stuff and everyone was looking forward to his start. I wonder who broke the news to him?

I would be so pissed off if I were Dave Pauley.

8.30.08 Pawtucket Red Sox v Buffalo Bisons - no pido que todos los dias sean de sol...

Pawtucket! Loses! Again! 11-10 in ten innings. It is completely Lincoln Holdzkom's fault. Sorry, Mrs. Holdzkom, it's true. Your son is a terrible reliever.

Devern Hansack is back off the DL. He took it easy tonight, working two innings and giving up two runs (one was a solo HR by former relevant major leaguer Morgan Ensburg) on four hits. He then stripped off his sweaty uniform and took a hot, steamy shower with his eyes closed. The game was tied at two after he left, but Pawtucket scored three runs in the bottom of the second.

GV singled to kick off the second. And then Danielson singled. And then JV singled in Velazquez! And then Josh... wait... Wilson. The other Wilson, not Jack. Yeah, Josh. Anyway, Wilson doubled in Spike Danielson and JV. It was crazy!

The very nice but very inconsistent Jose Vaquedano jumped into the third inning and allowed a two-run homer by Jordan "I'm Jordan Brown" Brown. So that was good. Metro lefty Jon Switzer pitched the fourth and fifth inning and gave up the tying fifth run in the fourth, when Jorge Velandia hit an RBI single.

However! Pawtucket pulled ahead 7-5 in the fifth inning when Dusty Brown sacrificed Jason Lane home and BFF Gil Danielson and Sean Velazquez hit back-to-back singles AGAIN.

Top of the sixth. Red Sox ahead 7-5. Stinkin' Lincoln Holdzkom steps in. He immediately gives up a double to pain-in-the-ass outfielder Trevor Crowe. Holdzkom got the next guy, Velandia... but it advanced Crowe to third and friggin' Jordan Brown singled him home. D'oh! Mike Aubrey pinch hit for Travis Hafner and knocked another single to left.

So... Holdzkom walks Todd Linden... gets a coaching visit. Catcher Chris Gimenez is next and HE singles! Jordan Brown scores! Tie game!

Morgan Ensberg then comes up and hits a two-run single. Holdzkom eventually got the last two outs, but jesus. Why'd he have to come back?

Pawtucket fought back and whatnot but Chris Smith blew the tie in the tenth inning. Pawtucket went down uno-dos-tres in the bottom of the tenth up against Buffalo freak Bubbie "Edward" Buzachero. Good night and please drive carefully.

That is one nutty hospital. I could write a thousand words or more on this game. But I didn't go, so shame on me.

nunco he sido lanzadores asi como los que tiene Pawtucket!
1. New kid Marcus McBeth pitched three strong, giving up a solo home run to Cannizaro in the seventh. He had four strikeouts. I like McBeth a lot. He's also a musician, did you know that? And not some redneck asshole with a guitar and a crush on Toby Keith.
2. Oh yeah, so last homestand I saw Holdzkom at the park... I told someone to go ask him what he was doing there. I guess he cleared waivers and was back in Pawtucket? Except he also said he was 'sort of on vacation'. I should have asked him myself, I guess.
3. Joe Thurston's back! He was caught stealing and picked off. He also went 2-5.
4. Dusty Brown did a terrific job, going 3-4 with a double and three RBI.
5. Danielson again with an outfield assist. What have I told you people?
6. Little known fact: Sean Danielson is Mexican. Probably more than Velazquez is. But not as much as I am.

Tomorrow: Guapo Time! Love love love...

The Most Valuable Player in the International League (post-prandial)

This is such a Mom and Dad picture. Look at your son... you should be proud. Look at that handsome boy!

8.29.08 Pawtucket Red Sox v Buffalo Bisons - Who's That Guy?

Buffalo WINS! 2-0

Starting pitcher for Buffalo: Scott Lewis. WHO? I have not heard of this kid before, but now I will never forget him.

The left-handed Lewis really socked it to Pawtucket. George Kottaras singled in the second and Carter singled in the fifth, but that was that. Both kids were erased by double plays.

Scott Lewis faced the minimum 18 batters in six innings. He had no walks and six strikeouts. He threw 72 pitches... 53 for strikes. Pawtucket looked like shit against him.

Charlie Zink was the opposition. Zink had a great start and under different circumstances would have gotten the win. He pitched eight innings, giving up a solo home run to right fielder Todd Linden. The second run of the night occurred when an error out in foul territory (convergence of infielders) allowed Andy Cannizaro to dash home from third.

Zink had three walks and three strikeouts. Kyle Snyder pitched a scoreless ninth inning, giving up a pair of singles because he's no closer.

park life:
1. Devern Hansack spent the evening in the bullpen. Not sure what's going on with that.
2. No Joe Thurston in the lineup. For that matter, I don't think he was even in the park.
3. I saw Travis Hafner exiting the building. He big-timed the fans. I mean that in the nicest way possible.
4. From my seat near third base, I got a good look at the fielding style of Gil Velazquez at short. It is somewhat impressive. I like how he goes balls-out for tough plays and doesn't half-ass it, even when he knows he's got little to no chance of getting the runner out. He is currently my Favourite.
5. Buffalo's Jason Cooper is a devoted Christian? I won't believe it! No way! Anyhoo, Cooper has been in Buffalo for FIVE YEARS. He's broken the modern era record for most games in a Buffalo uniform (over 400). He is also wicked hot.
6. Victor Martinez was also at McCoy. Allegedly. I did not see him.
7. Former Red Sox greats Tony Graffanino and John Halama were in the house as well. I can't believe it either.

No weekend games for me, but I'll be at the last game of the year on Labor Day. Then playoffs.

CANNIZARO!!!!!

posse

Now that the Boston Red Sox have acquired seasoned outfielder and consummate professional Mark Kotsay, it seems as though Pawtucket slugger Jeff Bailey is somewhat superfluous. I would certainly hope that Theo Epstein takes the PawSox playoff run into consideration and sends the IL MVP back to Pawtucket. Bailey is an important part of the team and in order for Pawtucket to be successful in the post-season, they need him in the leadoff spot.




Mark Kotsay! Yeah! Party! OAKLAND A'S FIRE OIL!!!!

NOW can we get Bailey back? You guys have barely touched him! We need him here in Pawtucket.

YOU ARE NOT EVEN REALLY USING HIM!!!!

Or do we have to go and get him tomorrow? I'm rounding up a bunch of rotten Rhode Islanders and we are going to lasso, hogtie, and shanghai Bailey and suit him up.

DON'T TOUCH!!

Nomar's grandmother loves him.

I used to think baseball players were these awesome, cool guys who were livin' la vida loca and truly just excited to be playing baseball for a living.

Then I started to realize, hey, they're just regular guys! Like you! And me!

And then I realized that they were awful. A bunch of generic asshole jock meatheads. No wonder sportswriters hate them. Even the guys that are nice to your face... it's all an act. You think it's just superstars like, say, Brandon Inge or something that act like assholes? WRONG. Even low-minors guys like LARS ANDERSON are capable of schmuckdom.

Even worse are some of the guys in the minors who really are just roster filler... and they're just too hot shit for all of you bitches.

But lately I am trying to remember that there are a few normal guys around. And that they are someone's beloved son or husband or grandchild or brother. Who may internet search their precious baby and read vicious, unsubstantiated blogs and get upset.

I think the point I'm trying to make is... should I give out an 'Asshole of the Year' award to a PawSox player? I definitely have someone in mind!

K SWB!!!!!

8.27.08 - Pawtucket kicks a man when he's down.

14-4 Pawtucket. Lehigh Valley can't get up off the mat.

We're all going to the game tomorrow night. You should go. It's the last homestand before the playoffs.

I may never see Jeff Bailey again. I heard one of the radio guys do a Bailey impression and it was so funny. Uhhhhmmm... he won the league MVP. So he's above average today.

“I need to find out a little more about that I guess. Maybe I get a free gift certificate for that or something,” Bailey said of winning the MVP award.

Charlie Zink won the IL's Most Valuable Pitcher award. He gets a FREE gift certificate to Auto Zone!

In a related story, new awesome relief pitcher Marcus MacBeth is some kind of piano player/vocalist? That's what they tell me.

RED SOX CLINCH PLAYOFF SPOT

No, they did not win tonight, but Toledo lost and that was good enough.

The Yankees won. Pawtucket is now 3.5 games behind in the division, so it looks like hot wild card action.

The radio guys (Hoard, Hyder) tried to get some player reaction from the clubhouse in Rochester but it was far too zany. You could hear howls of ecstasy... I don't know, it sounded really wild. Dan Hoard took a moment to reflect on the players who'd contributed to the PawSox's success but were no longer on the team (or were in Boston). He mentioned Bailey and Pauley, the Mighty Gronkiewicz, Jed Lowrie and Brandon Moss. He even mentioned the disastrous Chad Spann.

He omitted Craig Hansen. I'm sure it was a mere oversight.

In a related story, Dan Hoard is kind of hot. Is that weird? Yeah. It's really weird.

Congratulations to the PawSox kidz and to manager Ron Johnson and to the entire organization.

JOE!!! TAKE US TO THE PLAYOFFS!!

Sandy Madera Meets the Beatles

Sandy Madera
Children at your feet
Wonder how you manage to make ends meet?

-------

Sandy Madera
Picks up the rice at the church where a wedding has been
Lives in a dream...

-------

That's all I have.

8.20.08 Pawtucket Red Sox v. Syracuse Chiefs - The Wood and the Moon.

Pawtucket WINS! 8-5. Such a great game.

David Pauley sucked the park in with his what? You should have seen his first four innings, because they were scoreless and perfect and people started holding their breffs. Syracuse was pretty considerate, being eager and aggressive and not taking a lot of pitches I guess.

The fifth inning ruined all our blue collar hopes and dreams (coughnohittercough), as Russ Adams led off the inning with a double. Good talk, Russ. Classic IL infielder Hector Luna followed that with a single and big studboy Travis Snider (not a girl, like the little kid in front of me thought he was) hit an RBI double. Robinzon Diaz flew out to right, Curtis Thigpen sac flied Luna home. So it was 2-1 Chiefs.

Okay, so wanna hear about the eventful bottom of the fifth? I know you do! Chris George is still pitching after taking over for Brian Wolfe in the fourth.

The first batter is Joe Thurston, who is a man of Unstoppable Power. Thurston had walked his two previous at-bats. Could he get on base again? YES. Thurston singled. Stole second base. Then fresh fish Jason Lane, batting third and playing right, flew out to center... Thurston tags, goes to third. Kottaras K's...but catcher du noir Dusty P. Brown gets on base via a walk.

Excessive righty first baseman Sandy Madera was the next batter and he singled, scoring Thurston from third. Then Keith Ginter walked to load the bases. Jeff Corsaletti, generally ineffective batter, hopped into the box. With two outs, I had a sinking feeling he'd blow it. Chris George threw a wild pitch which scored Brownie from third. Runners advance.

And then the most shocking thing happened... Corsaletti homered! Are you kidding? THAT guy? 6-2 Pawtucket! RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH '08!

Pauley cruised through the sixth inning, but in the seventh Russ Adams once again led off with a hit. Hector Luna completed the flip-flop with a double. Pauley got the dangerous Travis Snider out, but gave up a two-run double to catcher Brian Jeroloman. Have a good night, Dave. Daisy-fresh Kyle Snyder pranced over to the mound and struck out Thigpen and Lopez to end the inning. 8-4 Pawtucket.

Kyle S. kept on pitching, tackling the eighth inning and getting two outs in the ninth. Snyder gave up an RBI single to Jeroloman. Hunter Jones lumbered in to punch out Wayne Lydon for the last out.

These guys pitched for Syracuse: Brian Wolfe, Chris George, Sean Stidfole, Mike Gosling, Jeremy Accardo, and Jonah Bayliss. I'm not going to break it down further than that.

Cold-germy high fives to Brownie and Sandy, who both got on base four times. SANDY!!!!

Josh Wilson went 0-5 with two K's.

notes from the sawhorses:
1. Jeff Corsaletti big-timed the kids looking for autographs. Does not surprise me.
2. Chris Carter is noticeably limping. So he is coming back soon? In that condition? Playing baseball sure is hard!
3. Bartolo Colon, who went on the DL after he crashed his car, said he hit a deer. Is that right, sir? It is not unheard of around here for deer to dash across the highway, but... it is also not unheard of for baseball players to tank up at a strip club and plow into a guardrail. So okay, Colon hit a deer. Probably.
4. Gil Velazquez DNP. Velazquez is probably my Favourite.
5. Danny Sandoval and Curtis Thigpen were ejected in the sixth inning after having a problem with a call. Thurston was caught hovering between first and second and the Chiefs screwed it all up... Joe returned to first safely... or did he?
6. Yankees lost! Red Sox 1.5 games behind! It's like Daphne's Madhouse!
7. I realize that no one has said 'Respect my authoritah' since about 1999, but as always, I am profoundly tardy.

I'll be back at the park tonight, doing what I do. Five home games left. I'm cool, I swear.

8.19.08 Hot-tucket v. Syracuties!

Pawtucket loses uncomfortably, 4-2.

Pawtucket starter Charlie Zink pitched well. Seven innings! Two runs! Seven strikeouts! Reliever Chris T. Smith and Marcus MacBeth each gave up a run, which ruined Christmas.

Pawtucket offense was near zilch. A few scattered singles, a Corsaletti double, and a home run that was fucking CRANKED OUT by Kottaras. OH YOU KID.

Syracuse hit two solo home runs off Zink, one by Hector Luna and one by Danny Sandoval.

At least the Yankees lost.

doug davis:
1. I got to the park in the fifth inning... just kind of floated in without a ticket and hung out over by the bullpen. It's pretty easy to get into the visitors' bullpen. Less so for the home pen, but I did see a way in. I'll have to sneak in during the off-season.
2. It was Van Every's first game back and he left after one inning.
3. Wait, Jason Lane? When did this happen? Okay... welcome to the Ocean State, Jason! Enjoy your two-week vacation! Have a Del's and chill out, why dontcha?
4. GIL VELAZQUEZ FIRST BASE! WHAT!!!!
5. Did you know that Travis Snider started the year in single-A? And that he is only twenty years old?

Please let's get Chris Carter back and Lowrie and Bailey. Josh Wilson is no kind of leadoff batter. SOS!!!

anyone touches my stuff...

I'm not racist or anything, but I hope that Boston does not make it to the playoffs. That way, they'll be less likely to draw from the Pawtucket kiddie pool.

Also, hey, Boston? Are you almost finished with Jeff Bailey and Jed Lowrie? We kind of need them back.

8.16.08 Pawtucket @ Buffalo - Thanks for showing up!

Pawtucket loses 1-0. Against Halama. Mike Bowden's heavenly start was spoilt by the selfish non-hitting of everybody except Natale and Thurston. Stupid. The Yankees won, too.

Kyle Snyder is back... yeah, because everyone was clamoring for him. Two innings, two hits, two punchies.

Tony Granadillo was called up, which I said was going to happen back in April. Sort of.

Josh Wilson may put me in a coma, but I like him a little because his at-bat song is Van Halen. Pre-Hagar. And it is not "Runnin' with the Devil". You will not guess which song it is.

Hmm, what else? Oh. Remember how I went to Buffalo? And Mike Lowell was there? That was awesome. Please enjoy a random Lowell shot, before I found out he wasn't cool:

Zechry Zinacola or something.

Trivia question the other night: Who was the last Red Sox player whose last name started with 'Z'?

I had a guess that I was pretty sure was right: Julio Zuleta. But no. They said it was former PawSox great Bob Zupcic. WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! Who can I call about this?

Sure, Zuleta only played in spring training. But that counts, si? Screw those guys.

In a related story, when I saw Zink the day after his Boston start, he was in surprisingly good spirits. He said he had a great time in Boston. He also asked me if I was giving his hat back to him.

No. I am not giving your hat back to you. It's a gift. Damn Rastafarians!

8.15.08 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Syracuse (Sky?) Chiefs - 'homeboy, I came to party. buck coats was lookin' at me.'

5-4 Pawtucket!

Bartolo Colon. One man. One arm. One dream. One inning. Two hits, no runs. Seventeen pitches and nine strikes. Okay, thank you, Bartolo.

Jose Vaquedano pitched the meat of the game. Four innings. Five hits and one run. Vaquedano is from Honduras, did I mention? Honduras is a lot like Belgium. Ask me why.

Then it was Eric Hull (who?) and Hunter Jones. Jonesy got into trouble in the eighth when he got tagged in by Hull. He gave up an RBI double to Kevin Melillo and then a two-run double to Curtis Thigpen. I want Thigpen in the Boston system. Have you seen this guy and his meteoric rise? Yeah, thanks, Thigpen. 5-4 Pawtucket.

Jones went on to pitch a scoreless ninth, giving up a mere single to Buck Coats.

Lefty Ricky Romero started for Syracuse. Mmmm... he smells like cocoa butter. Romero was responsible for all five Pawtucket runs. Dusty Brown batted in Natale in the first inning. Natale then turned around and hit a three-run homer in the second inning. That's four runs. The fifth occurred when Joe Thurston hit a solo home run in the fifth inning.

Joe Thurston was also picked off and he was caught stealing. But it's okay because he's cool.

I'm half Spanish:
1. Crazy Lineup: Jeff Natale played first and batted leadoff. Gil Velazquez manned left field.
2. Brian Jeroloman was on the PawSox once. For about ten minutes.
3. Travis Snider, Eastern League home run derby winner, was called up to Syracuse. He's totally tuff and started banging right away, August 8.
4. The Gary Dunes Band performed before the game. Gary Dunes appears to be a DJ on oldies radio. I don't know if the performance made the ballpark any less depressing. Oh, SNAP!
5. Pawtucket lost the previous day's game to Syracuse. Pauley had a rough start. I didn't feel much like reliving it.

Pawtucket's off to Buffalo, throwing it down v. John Halama. No Bailey, no Carter, no Van Every. Mike Bowden gets the start.

Now wait a minute. I feel alright.

Damn it, I'm not on top of things!

David Pauley was called up, not used, sent back down. Jeff Bailey's been called up again to sit on the bench and eat bon bons.

Kyle Snyder off the DL? Sure. And Mike Tejera's on the DL.

RHP Marcus McBeth claimed off CIN waivers. Welcome to Pawtucket, McBeth.

Buchholz back at McCoy, weary and defeated.

8.13.08 RED SOX CRUSH YANKEES 5-1

Pawtucket is now only 1.5 games back.

Edgar Martinez had the best start I've seen from him. Six scoreless innings with a couple of strikeouts. Two of his four walks were doled out to Juan Miranda, who is a truly frightening batter. Martinez is so much more effective when he goes after the batters, cause I don't think he has quite the stuff to be cute and finessey.

Beau Vaughan pitched a scoreless seventh but kicked off the eighth by allowing two consecutive singles. Hunter Jones walked out from the bullpen and roughly shoved Vaughan off the mound into the dirt. Jones walked the devilish Juan Miranda to load the bases with no outs. But! Jones got Shelley Duncan to pop up to catcher Dusty Brown, allowed a sac fly out to Broussard, and punched out Cody Ransom. Ta-daaah! 4-1 Pawtucket.

Eric Hull closed the game out, uno-dos-tres. Told you he was good.

Josh Wilson had a great night against Mexican dandy Alfredo Aceves, doubling twice and getting a runner home. Sandy Madera also went 2-4, including a massive solo home run off Yankees reliever Scott Patterson. Oh, wait... Corsaletti also doubled twice.

Sean Danielson had yet another show-stopping outfield assist, gunning down catcher Chad Moeller at third base for the third out in the fifth inning. BLAMMO. Or maybe it was just stupid for Moeller to try to get from first to third on a single? Whatever, it was still awesome.

dandy, you're alright!:
1. The only thing that sucks about Poster Night is how miserable most of the players are. Half of them don't even look up or anything. Not that I blame them. People are dreadful. And Devern Hansack looked like complete shit, like he had cholera or something. I thought he was going to die.
2. Sandy Madera played first base and batted fifth.
3. Starting pitcher Alfredo Aceves has a curious toe-tapping pre-pitch routine.
4. Kei Igawa was in the house. Word on the street is that he's a real jerkhead.
5. Lincoln Holdzkom was designated for assignment.

Gotta run... great game, everyone.

GUAPO!!!!

You do not. Run. On. Danielson.

Gee, I was wondering why I didn't see a) Pauley and b) Holdzkom.

Pauley was called up and Holdzkom is dunzo. Hooray on both counts.

It was such a good game tonight. I'm going to press rewind and deposit myself back in the stands. Felicidades a Edgar Martinez. Seriously: Nice work, Guapo.

VELAZQUEZ!!!!

Poster Night: Prioritahs

Round one:
1. Thurston
2. Velazquez
3. Bailey
4. Hansack

Round two:
1. Pauley
2. misc.
3. Danielson
4. RJ

Pass:
1. Holdzkom
2. Bowden (line too long)
3. Smith

Derek Lowe

I'm having flashbacks.

8.12.08 Red Sox v. Yankees - BATTLE FOR THE DIVISION TITLE!!!

Yankees WIN! 8-6

Two crazy games in one night. One quick thing: Crisp gets the call for two outs, Zink gets out of the inning. Should have happened, right? I think that of all the scenarios that must have gone through Zink's head as he lay wide awake in bed the night before, that was probably not among them.

I'll bet he's in a wicked bad mood today. I should avoid him.

Okay, Devern Hansack. My man. Hansack only went into the sixth inning before being replaced by Switzer. What? Four hits and two runs is so shabby? I hope it's not an injury thing.

Switzer held it down, Eric Hull got out of a bases loaded jam. That wasn't the problem. They both kept the game tied. The weird thing was Chris Smith coming in and giving up a three run homer to Yankees catcher Chad Moeller. Argh.

But! Pawtucket tied it up in the bottom of the tenth! Corsaletti, Velazquez, Danielson, Thurston, and Bailey all got hits. Thurston and Velazquez got the fattest hits... doubles. Had I been there, I might have applauded and wept.

Jose Vaquedano came into the eleventh to try and keep the cake together. It didn't happen. The Yankees scored a pair of runs and this time, Pawtucket couldn't answer back. That is terrible. Tough loss.

This whole pennant race thing is resurrecting old miseries. 2003, 2004. I had forgotten what it does to your guts. Oh my god. Here we go.

Tonight's Poster Night at McCoy. El Guapo gets the start. I want a win. It might as well be September.

I don't know if I can do this again.

Chris Smith just gave up a three-run homer to the Yankees in the top of the tenth, breaking up the tie.

I turned off the radio.

I am unprepared for this Red Sox/Yankees playoff race. I thought that stuff was over. I don't need this kind of agony right now.

I'll be at the park tomorrow.

are you happy? are you proud? then sing real loud!

Tomorrow night is gonna be so awesome. TADAO!!!!

8.11.08 Pawtucket Day Game v. Knights

Charlotte wins again, 5-4.

Mike Bowden got the start for Pawtucket. Bowden gave up two runs on six hits in his six inning stint. He walked the first batter of the game, Jason Bourgeois, and gave up a home run to third baseman Javier Colina. Six Charlotte batters struck out against Bowden.

Beau Vaughan went an inning and two thirds and exited the infield a little black and blue. Vaughan allowed three runs to score and took the loss. Hunter Jones finished off the game and allowed no further runs, but Pawtucket could not add to their four runs.

Jack Egbert got the win for the Knights. He also pitched six innings and gave up a pair of runs. MacDougal gave up a run in the seventh and another in the eighth, when he walked a couple of Jeffs and then let a couple of wild pitches fly while Danielson was at the plate.

Jason Childers shut the door on the Red Sox in the ninth and got the save. Tragic. No one on the home time could muster more than a single today.

ho-hum:
1. Pawtucket also lost yesterday, 3-1.
2. What is this crap with "Buchholz can't get the job done, good thing we've got Colon!" I mean, how much ScotchGuard are you huffing to think Bartolo is gonna be a key guy in the Boston rotation?
3. Chris Carter is on the DL, Sandy Madera is off the DL. Van Every is ailing but I don't think he's officially on the DL. Eric Hull has the sniffles and is day-to-day. Jeff Natale may have rickets. Dusty Brown is experiencing the onset of ennui and erectile disfunction.


see you tomorrow.

8.9.08 Pawtucket Red Sox v Charlotte Knights - for Jared

5-2 Pawtucket!

Everybody saw this game. I had a good time. Pawtucket lost today and they're one game behind the Yankees.

See you tomorrow.

Okay! Turns out I have an extra ticket for tomorrow's game. It's above the visitor's dugout. $20. If you want it and live in the Blackstone Valley/Pawtucket/Attleboro area and you can e-mail me between now and 9 a.m. at baseballheavy@gmail.com, you may have it. IT. As in just one ticket.

Otherwise, stay the hell away from me and my family. I mean it! I'm calling the police!

8.8.08 Pawtucket Red Sox v. Charlotte Knights - Maximum Rockabilly

6-5 Pawtucket! Having fun...

Cool lefty Clayton Richard started for Charlotte and looked halfway decent for six innings. He gave up two runs in the third inning when Kottaras hit a two-run homer. GK had a terrific night and his favorite food is steak.

Charlie the Zink pitched his usual seven innings. Zink gave up three earned runs on six hits. And like a monster fucking home run to Brad Eldred, who is the World's Largest Infielder. Seriously, he's like Gorilla Monsoon over here.

Zink was in a good place after the seventh, since Pawtucket scored three runs to pull ahead 5-3. But Eric Hull saw to it that Zink would not get the win. Charlotte catcher Cole Armstrong spoiled the party with a two-run (cheap) homer off Hull in the eighth. Wow, it's really true! No one good is named 'Cole'!

Old pal Mike MacDougal pitched for Charlotte in the bottom of the eighth, but Pawtucket could do nothing. Well, Danielson singled with two outs and Bailey, the next batter, kinda sorta looked like he was maybe hit by a pitch, but the ump was not having it. Bailey got back in the box and struck out. Another battle was won and lost. Game still tied at 5-5.

Ninth inning! Fresh, bloody meat Beau Vaughn climbs the hill and hucks balls in Rhode Island for the first time. Velazquez makes a rare error that puts IL repeat offender Jason Tyner on first. Cortez the Knitter sac bunts Tyner to second. Vaughn intentionally walks Jerry Owens, who has no mercy for Pawtucket.

Jason Bourgeois, second baseman, then grounds into a 1-4-3 double play. Another dumb casualty.

Bottom of the ninth. New pitcher for Charlotte, Jason Childers. (This is really exciting.) First batter is Joe Thurston and he CRANKS one way out to right... it looked like it was gone but it hit glove or wall and Thurston galloped his way to third base! And then Keith Ginter was up but Childers intentionally walked him. I wonder how many times Ginter's gotten the IBB? How flattering!

And then the weirdest thing happened... Childers ALSO intentionally walked the next batter, George Kottaras. Thus far, Kottaras had gone 4-4 with two singles, a double, and a home run. So, yeah, the Knights loaded the bases with no outs. In the bottom of the ninth in a tie game. Ballsy or just stupid?

Josh Wilson, who'd been having a bad night, was the next batter. Wilson grounded into a force out... Thurston was out at home plate. Corsaletti up. Damn it. But Childers threw a wild pitch! Are you kidding? Keith Ginter dashed home from third and Pawtucket won!

a thousand scarves in flight:
1. Kottaras - 4 RBI. It's a good thing I'm fickle. KOTTARAS!
2. Brad Eldred hit a pop-up in foul territory in the eighth inning. It was on the first base side and Bailey ran out and got under it... but Josh Wilson got underfoot and the ball was not caught. Hey, WILSON! Cool it!
3. The Pawtucket Red Sox presented their annual Spirit Award tonight. The winner? David Pauley. I am not sure what exactly the Spirit Award is, but I think it has to do with community involvement. And spirit. Congratulations, Pauley! (Best Friend in Baseball: Charlie Zink.)
4. No Van Every, no Carter.
5. They changed the specialty beer stands a little bit.

I'll be at the game tomorrow in Boston. I must rest and get well. Bye!

Well, Brian... I'm opening a boutique!

Maybe I'll see Brian Giles in Pawtucket tonight!

Do you remember when I went to San Diego? The best decision I made was switching hotels, from a pricey downtown-type place to a rundown motel in Barrio Logan. It was so peaceful and pretty and sleepy and homey. And it may have been my one and only trip to California.

I would love to talk about my trip to San Diego at great length, but who wants to listen to that? I might as well set up a slideshow night at my dwelling and inflict pain upon my friends and co-workers.

The point of the story is that I won a major award which led me to see Brian Giles, chunky outfielder, in September San Diego. I could be interesting and you would never even know it.

The Connecticut Defenders called my house.

Beau Vaughn has been called up to Pawtucket after living in Maine for five or six years. About time?

Last night I dreamed about Chris Smith. I was at a ballpark and he was showing me his collection of minor league jerseys. He told me I could choose one for myself, but I opted not to. Sometimes people give things away recklessly and later regret it. I've done it myself. I had a feeling Smith would be better of retaining his complete collection.

I once gave away a cardboard-box record to a false reverend. It was a series of advertising jingles for a Roll-a-Matic razor. I played it on my record player a few times... crackly and staticky but fascinating.

On my answering machine this morning, I played a message from two gents talking to each other about upcoming events at Dodd Stadium. "Hey, Brian, what's coming up this weekend?" "It's Thirsty Thursday with a free Pint Glass Giveaway!"

I'm sorry I missed all that.

Thanks to everyone for a great birthday. I love all of you.

8.7.08 Red Sox @ Yankees - You gonna cry, baby? Huh? Baby!

Yankees win again, 6-1. Pawtucket is a game and a half out of first place now. Thanks a lot, you guys!

Devern Hansack gave up seven hits in seven innings. Five out of the six runs belonged to him. Is that an insurmountable lead for the Pawtucket Red Sox? Not really. I'm not saying that Hansack was strong like bull, but the whole series was a string of flaccid bats.

Except for the 8/6 matchup. I just hate to criticize Hansack, I think.

Righty Phil Hughes pitched for the Yankees. Phil Hughes! And the relievers were the usual lot. I swear Phil Coke pitches every single game, yet remains effective and efficient. He's like a self-defrosting freezer.

Pawtucket had better win tonight. Charlie Zink's going up against Charlie Haeger. Ooooh, I wouldn't mind being UP AGAINST Charlie Haeger! Rrrowr!!

Sorry. I am near delirious with sickdom. In August, of all things. I have no idea how I'm going to get to the laundromat.

8.3.08 Yankees defeat Red Sox

5-2 S/WB. DAMN IT.

Zink only went five innings. Opposing pitcher Ian Kennedy went seven deep and gave up the PawSox runs.

David Aardsma contributed a scoreless sixth inning. So all you Aardsma fans really missed out if you didn't head to McCoy. There must have been a sea of Aardsma jerseys and t-shirts. I'm sure it was SRO!

Lincoln Holdzkom gave up two runs in the ninth, only one earned. He walked a guy as well. And hit Chris Basak with a pitch. 22 pitches to get out of the inning. What goes through the fielders' minds when he's up there? "Oh, Christ, here we go."

New kid Josh Wilson played short, batted seventh, and got an RBI. Gil Velazquez hit a home run. Joe Thurston had two hits, but he was also picked off, caught stealing, and he made an error.

I did an image search on Josh Wilson and came across a site called RainbowPuke.com. It seems to be a collection of pictures of a) rainbows puking and b) people puking rainbows. It's awfully good.

David Pauley, you'd better get these turkeys tomorrow.

Junior Spivey, part 2.

Red Sox have signed infielder Josh Wilson, who'll be down in Pawtucket for now. I do not yet know what his favorite donut is. Card set night isn't til Friday, and I doubt he'll be included.

Keep checking back for more!

PS Zink's favorite donut is glazed.

8.2.08 Pawtucket Red Sox v. Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Yankees - You like that, huh?!

Pawtucket gives it to S/W-B, 7-3.

Devern Hansack pitched seven innings and was responsible for the three Yankees runs. Good outing, though. Hansack struck out seven and walked three and got a balk call. Righty Eric Hull pitched the eighth inning, giving up a single. Hull went on to get a pair of outs in the ninth before giving way to Hunter Jones.

Now here's what's weird: In the box score, it says Hunter Jones threw one pitch which was a strike. And he got an out. The log says Gregory Porter lined out to Velazquez. So if he threw only one pitch, was it a strike or was it a lineout? Am I missing something? Does a pitch count as a strike if the batter hits it for an out? I'm so stupid, help me out.

Scranton/Wilkes-Barre put a game together out of the bullpen. Traber started but only went two innings deep. You can check out the pitching somewhere else... I'm on a tight schedule right now.

And so it was that Pawtucket was held scoreless for five innings. Fans everywhere became anxious and agitated. But in the sixth inning, Keith Ginter flew out deep enough to score Carter from third. So it was 3-1.

The good stuff all happened in the bottom of the eighth. Lefty Phil Coke was pitching. Chris Carter led the inning off with a single to center. Kottaras struck out swinging. The semi-hitterish Keith Ginter then singled to right, putting Carter in scoring position.

The next batter was The Third Jeff, that being Corsaletti. Corsaletti helpfully singled in Chris Carter and it was 3-2! Phil Coke's out of the game!

Yankee reliever Scott Strickland got called in to face righty Gil Velazquez. And then the greatest thing happened: Velazquez tripled! I wish I could have seen it. Both Ginter and Corsaletti scored, giving the Red Sox the 4-3 lead.

The next slim killer was Van Every, who walked. He must have been concerned about his BB/K ratio after I broadcast it to the world. Strickland then walked the next batter, Second Jeff (Natale). Bases are loaded with one out. Thurston strikes out and Strickland's heart rate drops a bit.
Jeff Bailey came up next. No sweat, right? Easy out! Well, no, bases clearing double instead. 7-3 Pawtucket. YES. Eat it, Yankees!

So all Pawtucket had to do was close out the ninth. Danielson took over in right field because he is a master out there. And that was it for the Yankees.

VELAZQUEZ!!! HANSACK!!!

Today at one Charlie Zink will face righty Ian Kennedy. Oh my god. I can't believe I have to miss this.

8.1.08 Red (Pawtucket Sox+Rochester Wings) - Liriano-no.

Pawtucket wins again! 8-7. But they almost blew it.

Francisco Liriano was supposed to start, but he got called up. So I don't feel so bad for missing this game. Instead, five relievers got together and pitched here and there innings. Big Tom Shearn started things off by pitching five innings. He didn't do too bad! Five strikeouts, one run.

So, Cast in Order of Appearance: Shearn, Ricky Barrett (one scoreless inning), Julio DePaula (four runs, back-to-back homers in the eighth), Tim Lahey (two runs, couldn't get an out), and Casey Daigle (ruined Christmas for Rochester fans).

Pawtucket was down seven to one in going into the bottom of the eighth inning. Carter and Kottaras hit back-to-back home runs with one out. Dusty Brown reached on an error. Corsaletti subs in for Danielson, which doesn't make a wicked lot of sense because Corsaletti's been struggling. Doesn't matter. JC singled. Next batter, Gil Velazquez, DONG! Three run homer. YES.

Bases empty, Van Every walks. JV has 46 walks and 139 strikeouts! Holy fucking shit! That's a .33! Ahem. Bailey reaches on an error. Thurston out, Ginter singles home the tying run. Thanks, Keith G.

Hunter Jones held on tight in the top of the ninth, knocking down Santos, Jorgensen, and Pridie in order. And with two outs in the bottom of the ninth, Jeff Corsaletti hit a walk-off home run. JEFF CORSALETTI FIRE OIL!!

Martinez got the start, H. Jones got the win.

we shared the hours without number:
1. Machado, Howie Clark, and Matt Macri all homered.
2. Thurston back in the lineup!
3. Chris Smith was called up to Boston again. I have to put a stop to this.
4. Randy Ruiz has also been called up. RANDY SMASH CHICAGO!!!! Livan Hernandez and Craig Monroe were DFA'd. Not Monroe!
5. Aaron Bates is coming. I'm telling you.
6. Brandon Moss lived in the same apartment complex as Buddy Cianci. Swanky!
7. I was not aware that Casey Daigle's wife was softball superstar Jennie Finch. I saw her last night but I didn't know who she was. She was waiting outside with a stroller baby and Rick Medeiros was securing the area. She is really the prettiest and most blondest.

The Yankees are coming tomorrow. They won again tonight. I say, BRING IT!!!

Good night!

7.31.08 Pawtucket / Rochester - Keith Ginter made a good play at third.

7-6 Pawtucket.

Michael Bowden got his first start at McCoy Stadium. My unprofessional opinion is that it was a pretty good start, regardless of the line. He is developing. You can read about his start elsewhere.

Lincoln Holdzkom jumped into the sixth inning to finish it off for Bowden. There were runners on first and second and Holdzkom walked the first batter he faced. Of course. But he did get out of the inning right after that with the bases loaded and went on to pitch the seventh and eighth inning, giving up a walk and a hit but no runs! Very good. Good work. Thank you, Holdzkom.

Jon Switzer entered the ninth inning with the game tied. After getting Pridie out, Switzer gave up a single to Machado, a double to Old Man Clark, and an RBI single to Velvet Jones. 6-5 Rochester. D'oh. And Randy Ruiz came to the plate. Only the guy who's been 7-13 in the series. Relentless. Hitting. Monster. And Switzer hits him!

Switzer got the next two batters out, though. And he wound up getting the win!

Rochester lefty Carmen Cali tough-guyed his way through three innings, but clearly he was incapable of going deeper. Seven hits, four runs, a walk and two strikeouts. Danny Graves got some long relief in. Super-tall Honduran Mariano Gomez pitched... gave up a run. Casey Daigle handled the eighth cleanly. The typically awesome Bobby Korecky only got one out in the ninth before Pawtucket walked it off. Sorry.

Pawtucket scored seven runs. Bailey went 3-4 with a pair of doubles and a walk. Chris Carter hit a home run because he is composed of raw meat and steel. George Kottaras was epic and heroic, batting in the winning run in the ninth inning. Ok, ninth inning -

NINTH INNING. Jeff Bailey was leading off and I said to myself... if Bailey does not get on base, Pawtucket cannot win. And I mean that. Because Keith Ginter's batting third, which is weird but understandable. I get it. And Bailey drew a walk and I knew it'd be okay. Natale was up next and he reached on a fielder's choice that eliminated Bailey. Next batter was Ginter... and he was hit by a pitch. Korecky's usually nails but he was freaking out a little. Chris Carter reaches on an error that scores Natale. Tie game! The crowd goes wild! It's such an exciting moment that I am scrambling my verb tenses like crazy, here.

And then here's where Kottaras does a good thing. The impossible single. Not hit too hard or too far but it land in just the right awkward place outside the infield and everyone goes home happy. I no longer feel angry when I think of George Kottaras.

and i don't wanna get over you... it doesn't matter what you do:
1. Sean Danielson's nickname is 'Spike'? I love this kid. He is really fun to watch. I cannot stress this enough. If you check up on it, you'll be surprised constantly. DANIELSON!!!!!
2. Yes, Keith Ginter made a killer play at third base in the eight, snagging a Jorgensen infieldish liner. The thing is, Ginter's not the picture of agility... he has a bodybuilder's physique. Maybe not as extreme as Chris Carter, but still. I could be wildly wrong here, but can bulk like that be an impediment to grace? But yeah, good play, Ginter.
3. Van Every went 0-4 with a strikeout.
4. Jon Switzer was getting his nuts squeezed pretty hard by the umpire. We could all see that. Thanks a lot, KEVIN CAUSEY!
5. Joe Thurston's still on the mend. He sits in the dugout in uniform and you can totally tell he wants in.
6. Before the game, the PawSox extended thank yous and congratulations to Brandon Moss over the PA. I have heard nothing but the most glowing praise for Moss's super personality. I will miss him, too.
7. Pawtucket still hanging on to first place! DO IT!

Seriously, I have to go. Tonight's game is El Guapo v. Liriano. SHIT! I don't get to see Liriano pitch. But you go ahead and go. Have fun. I want you to. I'll just be sitting here worrying.