I get off on helping people.

Since it's an off-day for the Red Sox, I'm going to take a look at my most recent search queries and try to help you guys out.

1. "pawsox schedule/paw sox/pawtucket sox/paw sox schedule" You can use mine, even though it's butt-ugly.

2. "craig breslow girlfriend" - I get this one a lot. I think it's safe to say his dance card is full.

3. "the wade-davis bill was rendered ineffective when" - YIKES.

4. "paw socks baseball/pawtuckett sox/paw sox scedule/pawtuket sox/toledo mud hes" - I hope these are all typos.

5. "fernando cabrera link" - Sounds criminal.

6. "chris carter pawtucket june 2009" - Chris Carter batted .250 in June with 9 walks, 11 strikeouts, 16 RBI, 5 homers and a .308 OBP. You're welcome.

7. "crapchester" - I'D say!

8. "bryan pritz" - Probably his mom.

9. "jeff corsaletti girlfriend" - EW!

10. "pawsox tryouts" - I'm pretty sure they used to do this, but I doubt this practice is ongoing. My advice to you is to hit up the lower levels or play indy ball near a double-A team. I think Portland scouts the nearby Can-Am teams, though I can't confirm this.

11. "sandy madera" - I miss him too. Actually,this may have been me.

12. "spike danielson" - AKA Sean. I don't know if he's the Christian you seek.

13. "kill ticketmaster" - Together We Can.

That was much less interesting than I thought it would be. I'll try harder next time.