Chris Carter designated for assignment.

The funny thing is, I doubt Carter has even left Rhode Island. The thought of him hanging around down near the beach creeps me out.

Everybody loved that guy and it was disgusting. I found his overly-friendly good guy demeanor highly suspect. It came off phony.

Great hitter! Great son! Big, strong kid! Probably very smart. Probably a perfectly great guy. Yet still, kind of a tool.

And kind of a terrorist.

Come for the girlfriends. Stay for the quality.

Still nothing going on, so let's check out some search terms!

1. "jimmy smits snl skit" - Oh, hell, there's only one worth anything. And it involves enchiladas and the Broncos.

2. "heavy bike pitchers" - People are throwing bikes? I'm not sure I understand.

3. "the yankees are champions of baseball" - Sure.

4. "they said three times a lady, i say three times your crazy. too dumb with messin around, baseball love three strikes your out" - I'm not sure I know that song.

5. "baseball heave" - Too much crappy beer at the park.

6. "i am gonna kill myself" - Don't do it!

7. "darnell dawkins so solid" - I totally agree.

8. "helton skelton" - Go ROCKIES@!!!!!

9. "pawtucket sucks" - No suh!

10. "ryan westmoreland/zack segovia/jeff natale/freddy guzman/mike cervenak/tj large/logan kensing/craig breslow/matt tolbert girlfriend" - Please, what is it with the girlfriend thing?

That's it.

I totally get it now!

This is my rendition of the Pawtucket home bullpen. As you can see, this year's team spray painted some kind of effed up code below the seats.

"S m" to the far right was generally Javier Lopez' seat. I think the 'X' in the box was the spot for the water cooler.

What does it all mean?

Maybe the 'T' is for towels, and that's where they wanted the towels. Maybe 'T' was Hunter Jones' stupid nickname? Or whoever usually sat there, maybe it was Vaquedano.

I enjoy crossword puzzles and cryptograms, so this is a terrific puzzler for me. J+V? WHAT.

Aaron Bates' story, which may have a moral.

Aaron Bates was pitching in Little League. He was doing really well, either a no-hitter or maybe a shutout? And then some kid came up and hit the game winning run. It may have been a home run or whatever.

Bates could not be too upset, though, because the kid's father was in the hospital, dying.

I was there when Bates told this story. I stopped paying attention about halfway through it. I thought he would never shut up. That's why I'm fuzzy on the details. Also, Aaron Bates may have been totally high.

Brace yourself for more pointless anecdotes. It's all I have at this point.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down!

Rochester Red Wings manager Stan Cliburn's contract is not being renewed. I'll bet he's super pissed off! I wonder who will take over? I'm distraught.

I just read in the Boston newspaper that the Connecticut Defenders will not return to Norwich, CT. They're just figuring that out now?

Hunter Jones is in Boston now, being boring. RJ is in Boston now, being gregarious.

I must try harder to update.

unspeakable

Bronson Arroyo threw a perfect game in Pawtucket in 2003. It was great. He just seemed like a skinny youngster you could root for. I really liked him!

Then one day, I saw him on the sports channel being interviewed. It was during an off day for Boston. And at the end of the interview, he whipped his guitar out and started singing "If you could only see the way she loves me... maybe you would understand..." GAAAAH MY EARS!!!

One word: TRAUMATIC. I was absolutely horrified and I could never really root for Arroyo again. He went on to release a CD of cover songs and play at Foxwoods and stuff. It was completely ridiculous. I'll bet he thought he was hot shit.

I hope no baseball players ever do something like this again.

Durham Bulls take game 2 in the Governor's Cup finals!

This is not double A.

I noticed the occasional Homer Simpson yelp during some of the latter Pawtucket games this summer. You know... the visiting pitcher throws over to first to keep the runner honest (you have to kind of imagine that the PawSox had real, actual baserunners this summer) and suddenly you hear "BO-RING!" over the PA.

Don't do that. That's something they do at Defenders games. Don't lower yourself like that, McCoy Stadium.

Durham Bulls take game 1 of the Governor's Cup Finals v Yankees.

Russ Morman (finger throat slash)

Pawtucket Red Sox hitting coach Russ Morman was shitcanned while Pawtucket was playing their last game in Syracuse. Yes, staff members went out there and did it, like, immediately after the last game ended. This should not have been a surprise to me, but it was a little bit.

I wonder if Russ saw the guys coming and made a run for it? Did he end up running down an alley and up against a chain-link fence? Did he try to hide in a dumpster?

I would have more wistful feelings about Morman's dismissal if I knew anything about him or had any recollection of who he was. He was not brash and swaggery like Rich Sauveur, I don't think.

Get you playoff tickets!

So I received an e-mail titled "CT Defenders in the Playoff". Check it out!

"I'm Sure you have heard the news, but the CT Defenders are in the playoffs. The CT Defenders will take on the New Britain Rock Cats today and tomorrow at dodd stadium and if need be Saturday the 13th. Tickets will be regular price for the playoffs, so come out and join us.

You can order you tickets a head of time or come the day of the game, whatever is easier for you.

Call us at 860-887-7962

Thanks

Kyle Spencer
Group Sales intern
CT Defenders"

Kyle... spellcheck? Or at least have someone look it over?

Anyway, I wish I could go! But thanks.

Pawtucket Red Sox (PawSox) 2010 Schedule

It's not out yet.

But here's what I have:

Opening series: 8/8 - 8/11 Opening Homestand v Rochester Red Wings (MIN)

April 14-16 Away! Playing in Buffalo

April 17-20 More away in New York, a Rochester series(es)

April 23-26 Back at home, more Buffalo.

April 27-30 Homestand continues v Indianapolis Indians (Pirates)

May 1-4 Pawtucket goes to Georgia for hot, wet Braves action. Riaan Spanjer-Furstenberg!!!

May 10-13 Homestand, Braves return the favor and come to naked, barely legal Pawtucket.

May 14-17 PawSox still at home, playing Syracuse. Neither Jeff Natale's nor Travis Denker's girlfriend will be there.

June 8-11 Pawtucket goes to Indiana! Put on your nude pantyhose and cum to the game!

June 25-28 Pawtucket returns to Syracuse. LOU MERLONI GIRLFRIEND

CRAIG BRESLOW GIRLFRIEND! HOW HEAVY IS A BASEBALL!!

July 8-9 Two games at home versus Rochester. Right around fireworks at McCoy Stadium time!

July 10-11 Followed by the Syracuse deuce

August 13-16 Buffalo comes to Pawtucket

August 21-25 Pawtucket goes to Buffalo. Ryan Westmoreland does not. Wait, that's five games!?

August 26-29 @ Rochester. Damn, these guys go to New York a lot.

August 30-31 Red Wings come to McCoy

September (call ups) 5-6 At home v Syracuse.

NICK GREEN!!!

9.7.09 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Syracuse Chiefs (WAS)

Syracuse WINS! 5-3. Syracuse the city LOSES! population. Have I ripped on Syracuse enough? It has a nice fountain that you can ride your bike through. But the only time I wanna see Syracuse again is if they're being crushed by the PC Friars. Oh yeah, IT HAPPENED!!!

Chiefs starter Shairon Martis was almost on the hook for a loss. Enrique Gonzalez could have won this game, but TJ Large blew the save in the eighth inning. Large loaded up the bases before getting an out... but then, Ian Desmond grounded into a force so Leonard Davis was out at home (good job, Jed Lowrie). But Gustavo Molina hit a ground rule double, scoring a pair of Chiefs.

Large followed all of that up with an intentional walk to Mike Daniel. Right. Who? But Dennis Hopper had a productive groundout, scoring Norma Desmond. The very large and very frightening Daryle Ward was the next batter, and I would have been shitting myself, but Ward grounded out to second to end the inning. 5-3 Pawtucket and Logan Kensing shut it down in the ninth, facing Bates, Denker, and Danielson. FIN.

arcane string:
1. Chris Carter went 3-4 with a double. Mark Wagner hit a two-run single in the sixth.
2. Jose Vaquedano pitched two scoreless innings.
3. Big Brad Eldred hit a home run. Imagine if he laid down on top of me? SQUISH!!!
4. Angel Chavez did not play again. I have to wonder if he was held back from the road trip, much like McBeth and Lopez.
5. And so it begins: Dusty Brown gets a call from Boston. It should have been Maldonado. No, I will not get over it.
6. Enrique Gonzalez has freckles. You can't really tell unless you look closely. It is darling.
7. The Chiefs did not make the playoffs, but they finished over .500.
8. Kensing, Desmond, Zack Segovia, Marco Estrada, and Ross Detwiler were all called up to Washington.
9. After the game, several Chiefs players tossed their hats into the stands.

Tonight! Kris Johnson v Drew Carpenter! Or Zink v Jack Egbert? Wait, you mean I'm all finished? I don't have to make out the lineups which I fucking hate doing because the first names are not listed on the minor league web site and I can't allow myself to just put the last names? And how am I supposed to remember everyone's first name? Who Davis? Who Garcia? And is it Barbaro Canizares or Andy Cannizaro?

SEE YA!!!!!

9.6.09 Pawtucket @ Syracuse

12-5 PawSox. Hang on, let me check that again... yes, 12-5.

Lefty Jack Spradlin was the somewhat unfortunate starter for Syracuse. Spradlin only pitched 4 innings. And it's not like his pitch count was astronomical, either (67 pitches). I think it's that he's a reliever. That's my guess. Spradlin gave up three runs on five hits.

Syracuse's bullpen was a big problem. Josh Wilkie coughed up a pair of runs, Yunior Novoa was responsible for three, and Zechry Zinicola gave up four. This all happened in seven innings.

Adam Mills start wasn't a Christmas miracle, either. Mills went five (classic Pawtucket shift for a starter) and the Chiefs got nine hits off him, converting them to four runs. Hunter Jones gave up another run because he can't help it, and Fernando Cabrera pitched the last inning perfectly. Five runs usually means a Pawtucket loss, but who knows what the hell happened?

Pawtucket offense: The following dudes had doubles - Bailey, Denker, Danielson, and Lowrie. JED Lowrie? Ha! Lowrie had to go to Syracuse!

The following dudes had two RBI: Bailey, Lowrie, Wagner and Danielson. I know Danielson is probably off to a hot start, but this is a guy who was shunted in favor of guys like Freddie Guzman and Chris Duncan and Bubba Bell. CRIMINAL.

The following dudes had three hits: Dusty Brown and Travis Denker. The following dudes grounded into double plays: Bailey and Wagner.

too few to mention:
1. Aaron Bates played left field and had an assist. If you say that fast, it sounds like you're saying he had a cyst.
2. Jeff Bailey led off and played first. For old time's sake.
3. Jed Lowrie made an error.
4. Angel Chavez DNP.
5. Forgot to mention the other night that Chiefs infielder Ian Desmond was wicked nice to the kids at McCoy and is handsome and debonair.
6. This was game one of a double header.

Tonight! Enrique. All you need to know, sweetheart.

migajas

1. Kevin Cash has been released by the Yankees.
2. Bobby Scales has been called up again.
3. Urban legend regarding former PawSox great Jon Lester: Manchester Fisher Cats had a Lester bobblehead night. Jon Lester allegedly bought tickets, stood in line, and waited along with everyone else to get his own bobblehead. He was very nice to everyone who talked to him.
Here's the problem I have with this story: Everything. Baseball players do not go to baseball games. Jon Lester does not want a bobblehead. Jon Lester probably does not know how to get to New Hampshire. And most assuredly, Lester is not particularly "nice".

Have a good weekend.

Thought I'd something more to say.

So that's it, I guess.

I have nothing of substance to add to last night's game. There was a cop in the bullpen. Hunter Jones and Jose Vaquedano must be receiving death threats.

Chris Carter won the MVP Award. It is well deserved.

As for me, well, I'm glad it's over. I'm ready for a fresh Pawtucket team. I'm not wishing this team well or giving them my best regards or anything, because I'm sure they will be fine no matter what.

Tonight! Adam Mills in Syracuse. Bleagh. I would not want my summer ending in that stinkhole.

9.5.09 Pawtucket Red Sox v Syracuse Chiefs (WAS)

8-2 Pawtucket! Some poor kid named Andrew Kown got tattooed by the Pawtucket Red Sox. He is never going to live it down.

Randor Bierd would be yer Red Sox starter. Bierd got the win. He pitched five reasonably good innings. He even faced a couple of batters in the sixth, but did not record an out.

And that's when Javier Lopez came in. Lopez is a stranger in an open car. Lopez pitched three damn innings, which is awesome for a former LOOGY. Oh, and he set the Chiefs down in order. Nine outs. Very nice. Today is the day, modefoque!

Fellow WBC pitcher Fernando Cabrera made it interesting in the ninth when he gave up hits to Davis and Desmond, but he breathed and focused and figured it all out and went K, pop out to third, K.

Pawtucket offense: Almost all the good stuff happened in the third inning. Denker, Chavez, and Danielson all singled. This chippy shit resulted in a run. Then Jeff Natale walked to load the bases. Bubba Bell grounds out and gets Chavez home. Mark Wagner does the same damn thing, except he drives in Danielson. "Drives in" might be giving Wagner a little too much credit for a productive ground out, but I am feeling expansive.

Chris Carter followed the grounding out nonsense with a two-run bomb. I'm sure he had a boner as he circled the bases. 5-2 Pawtucket and Chiefs starter Andrew Kown is probably starting to realize that this isn't his night.

Did anything happen between Chris Chriscarterson's homer and the eighth inning? Not much. But in the eighth, first basethug Aaron Bates led things off with a single. Then with one out, Angel Chavez doubles! Runners on second and third and... you are going to die... reliever Zechry Zinicola intentionally walks Sean Danielson! I'll bet the little guy got all puffed up with pride.

What happened next? Jeff Natale hit a three-run double. Wow, mom, wow. 8-2 PawSox and that's how the game ended.

and i won't go away until you tell me so:
1. Dusty Brown went 3-4. Jeff Natale had those three RBIs. Mark Wagner went 0-5 with two strikeouts.
2. Angel Chavez was big once again! Not only that, but he kicked ass defensively at short. Chavez is like a Law Enforcement Cheetah.
3. Post-game, final game, whatever. Squishy balls a go-go. I caught one off washed up lefty Hunter Jones. It could become my most prized possession.
4. Lopez only threw 23 pitches in his three innings of work. I am under the impression that he is on his way to Boston, but it could be just a rumor. ALL I KNOW is that misc staff members were shaking the guy's hand in a "great working with you" kinda fashion.
5. Chiefs DH Daryle Ward had a big night, going 3-4 with a HR.

Can I finish tomorrow? I am gonna die, here.

Randor Bierd wants you to cheer up.

Randor Bierd is a big righty from the DR. He is listed at 6'4" 180 lbs. 180 lbs? Yeah. And I'm Cyndi Lauper.

Bierd was signed by the Tigers as an undrafted free agent in 2003. He was rule 5 drafted by the Orioles in December of 2007. And then Baltimore gave him up for David Pauley. Kind of lose-lose, n'est ce pas?

you may lose them one day, someone takes them away:
1. Randor Bierd played for the Michigan Whitecaps and the Erie Seawolves. And the Oneonta Tigers.
2. Groaner headline: "O's Bullpen Grows a Bierd".
3. Randor Bierd had help developing his changeup and it came from Pedro Martinez.

That's all. Randor Bierd is very mysterious.

9.4.09 PawSox v Syracuse Chiefs

7-3 Chiefs. Sky Chiefs. Nationals. Whatever.

This game is notable only because Daisuke Matsuzaka pitched. I'll bet everyone in the park left at the same time he did.

Aside from a few decent relievers, have you ever seen a bigger bunch of scrubs than the Pawtucket Red Sox this year? I was at a game the other night and it was such a BASEBALL MOCKERY OF A SHAM that I left. I was bored.

Seriously. Jeff Natale? Bubba Bell? Dusty Brown? Gil Velazquez? TJ Large? Travis Denker? Who dey?

Aaron Bates proved to be boring after being a monster in double-A. Kris Johnson was crap. Mark Wagner, a letdown. Bailey, downhill. Bowden, too many walks. Charlie Zink, weak.

Marcus McBeth was cool, I guess. And... no, I think that's all. McBeth. Good work, my friend.

Right now, Pawtucket is 58-81. Tonight is the last home game. Losing it would be par for the course.

Baby Chris Carter is a tough kid.

"I'm not upset, I swear. I haven't cried since I was seven years old. That was when the Ultimate Warrior beat Hulk Hogan."

9.3.09 Red Sox v Red Wings

Pawtucket loses again, 6-4. It was RA Dickey up against Billy Traber.

Traber pitched six innings and gave up five runs on eight hits. Charlie Zink is a reliever now, I guess. Just like 2005 and 2006!

Zink gave up the sixth run in his 1 1/3 innings of work. He put runners on second and third and was requested to depart the mound in favor of Javier Lopez. Lopez could have helped a brother out, but instead, he gave up an RBI single to the hitterish Brock Peterson.

Pawtucket had a runner in scoring position in the ninth, but Gil Velazquez failed to deliver. IN BED. Game over!

if i tell you tonight, would you turn out the lights?
1. Dustin Martin had two RBI for Rochester
2. Hey, looky here: Sean Danielson is a good baseball player. Stupid fucking management. You should have been playing this kid the whole time.
3. Anthony Slama pitched post-Dickey and finished the last two innings. RA Dickey and Anthony Slama, guys. Come. On.
4. Who doubled for the Red Wings? Macri, Butera, Pridie, Tolbert, and Valencia. Valencia swore he'd burn the whole city down.
5. Two RBI for Velazquez. Wow.
6. Jed Lowrie is still hanging around. He is not batting after Jeff Bailey and Joe Thurston, though.

Two home games left! I'm skipping the game tonight but I'll be there Saturday. I'm prepared, I swear.

September 2nd, 2009: Pawtucket Red Sox (BOS) v Rochester Red Wings (MIN)

Pawtucket WINS! 7-6.

Here's what happened: Enrique Gonzalez pitched okay, Chris Carter hit a three-run homer, Sean Danielson went 2-4 with a double. Gonzalez also benefited from snappy defense, in spite of Angel Chavez having the night off.

TJ Large almost blew it, but Fernando Cabrera bailed him out. A 7-2 lead turned into a 7-6 game in the ninth.

Good crowd. Kids are in school.

innings:
1. First inning: Red Wings go down in order. Denker makes a pair of neat plays by the stands. For Pawtucket, Natale leads off with a double to center. Pawtucket does not score.
2. Second inning: Brock Peterson doubles, but that's it. Travis Denker hits a ball to deep center with Wagner on base, but the ball is caught by Pridie and turned into a double play. Or is it? Denker does not buy it and neither do I! It sure looked like the ball may have hit the grass before the glove. JASON.
3. Third: Matt Macri singles, that's all. Danielson doubles, Natale singles, and Bubba Bell hits an RBI single. Lowrie strikes out swinging and starts giving the umpire hell, even though he is really just rehabbing so who cares. RJ comes out and takes care of business. Chris Carter bats next and homers and it's all too beautiful.
4. All batters go down in order.
5. Brock Peterson triples to center. Bubba Bell hits the wall hard and crumples to the ground. I knew he was okay. Sac fly by Dustin Martin brings Peterson home, and then Matt Macri solo homers. For Pawtucket, Danielson singles and moves to second on an error, but he's left flapping in the breeze by his teammmates.
6. Juan Morillo in for Jones. Morillo walks Carter, walks Wagner, and the runners advance on a wild pitch. Denker flies to center and Carter scores. 5-2 Pawtucket.
7. Hunter Jones comes in. Jose Lugo comes in. Chris Carter hits an RBI single. 6-2 Pawtucket.
8. Bates hit by pitch, Denker walks. Natale singles home Aaron Bates. 7-2 Pawtucket.
9. TJ Large at the control panel. Single, single, RBI single. Single. Strikeout. Fernando Cabrera is warming up. Fernando Cabrera replaces Large. Pridie hits a two-run single, but Cabrera gets Matt Tolbert to strike out swinging. Way too close. My heart can't take it.

I know you want more but you'll have to wait.

NATALE!!!!

9.1.09 Red Sox @ Iron Pigs - Geez, get a room already, you two!

Lehigh Valley wins, 3-2. Kyle Kendrick goes seven plus for the Iron Pigs and gets the win.

As a matter of fact, it looked like Pawtucket was going to be shut out AGAIN, but the eighth inning rolled around and Bubba Bell hit a two-run triple. JIGGA WHAT? Yes. Mark Wagner could have driven in Bell from third, I suppose, but he flew out instead to end the inning.

Adam Mills started for Pawtucket. Mills only pitched four innings, but he was up to 85 pitches and there's your Red Sox Organizational Philosophy. I know it's developmental, but this year especially... you might as well go to an AFL game.

i'll drink to that!
1. Bubba Bell batted home Gil Velazquez and Angel Chavez. Chavez had doubled. It was awesome.
2. Big Brett Myers pitched the ninth inning and shut the PawSox down. It must have been so easy. He was probably thinking about his post-game plans the whole time.
3. Dustin Richardson had a killer relief appearance, going two full with no base runners and three strikeouts.
4. McBeth also pitched two relief innings and held the I-Pigs scoreless. I will miss him when he goes.
5. Bates and Denker also doubled.

I'll be at the park tonight... Compton, Long Beach, Englewood. With my jeans on and my team strong.

Bad news about Devern Hansack?

"Otra mala noticia se suma a la de Vicente Padilla. Se informa que los Medias Rojas de Boston no esperaron ni siquiera la recuperación de Devern Hansack inicios tras ser operado a inicios de su temporada con el Pawtuket y le dieron de baja de la organización.

Boston argumentó que tienen suficientes lanzadores como para darle espacio al nica de 31 años, que difícilmente encontrará otra organización dispuesta a contratarlo, menos si no se conoce cómo quedó de su operación en su hombro derecho."

- from El Nuevo Diario, Nicaragua.

This story makes it seem like the Red Sox are jerking Hansack around. I'm having a really hard time translating this, but it has something to do with his shoulder being questionable after surgery and Boston basically saying, "We don't have the roster space for you right now, but we're not going to allow you to go somewhere else. Who would want you, anyway, what with your bum shoulder?"

Nicaragua is angry on Hansack's behalf.

Also, if anyone can provide a more accurate translation, help me out.

8.31.09 PawSox @ I-Pigs - "LV2TRN2"

The Phillies triple-A team WINS! 4-1 and it is probably Javier Lopez' fault.

What we have here is Drew Carpenter again. Is this the third time he's pitched v Pawtucket in 2009? Not fair. Of course, it feels like Pawtucket's played the Iron Pigs 88 times this summer. Wouldn't you rather see more Durham Bulls or Mud Hens or Bats?

Carpenter is a strong man and he pitched seven innings and threw sapphire bullets of pure love. One run on six hits for Carpenter. Carp, maybe they call him.

Pawtucket scored its only run in the fourth inning. Carter led it off with a single, but was shot down at second when Anderson grounded into a force. Then Denker singled and Brown singled and Anderson scampered home.

Michael Bowden started for Pawtucket. B. pitched five innings and didn't walk anyone. I think that is great! Bowden's one surrendered run came in the fifth, when he allowed two leadoff singles and a couple of small-ball sacrifices to score the run and tie the game.

TJ Large and Javier Lopez paired up to be criminal relievers. Large allowed Lehigh Valley to pull ahead in the sixth inning. Former Orioles hottie David Newhan walked with two outs and John Mayberry Jr doubled him in. 2-1 Iron Pigs!

Large continued to be shaky in the seventh inning, when he decided to load the bases instead of getting outs. Lopez came in after Cervenak lined out to right. And big, hairy Andy Tracy immediately hit a two-run single and all hope was lost.

So TJ Large took the loss for Pawtucket.

now you see why evil will always prevail:
1. David Newhan again! Newhan's got a pretty extensive Wikipedia entry, which you should read. Baby.
2. Pawtucket could not muster more than a few scattered singles. Angel Chavez' tiny, adorable hitting streak ended.
3. I guess I don't get to see Gathright play at McCoy Stadium. Why is my life so hard?

Tonight! I was going to go to the park, but then it would just be me and the leafblower people. More Pigs. Goodbye.