dirk

I guess the only thing I can say is I'll promise to keep rockin' and rollin'...and making better posts.

It seems we make these blogs, and sometimes, you know... they're considered filthy
or something by some people... but I don't think that's true.

These blogs we make, they can be better. They can help. They really can. I mean that.

We can always do better. I'm going to keep trying if you guys keep trying.

Let's keep rockin' and rollin', man.

Matt Macri thinks you're an idiot for locking your keys in the car.

I always considered Matt Macri an honorary PawSox player. Like the fifth Beatle or something. God knows he deserved his own parking spot at McCoy, not like that felonious tramp Mike Gwynn!

The Rockies have snapped Macri up and out of the IL. I am inconsolable. It is certain that Gil Velazquez is similarly distraught. Here's a text: "Hey jen you think u can make it??"

Oh yeah, they also signed 2010 Pawtucket great Tug Hulett. What can I say?

Speaking of Bobby Jenks, I read on an Esteemed Red Sox Message Board that some people are concerned about Bobby Jenks' alleged racism. To which I say, How fucking stupid are you people? Do you not realize that half of your favorite Southern players are redneck assholes? Yeah, Bobby Jenks is that one racist guy who plays baseball. Just him. Have you ever been to a baseball game in your life? Just look in the dugout and you'll see that all the white guys clump together on the bench. It's fucking disgusting, is what it is.

On a lighter note, I have carefully examined the 2011 Red Sox schedule and I have deduced the city I'll be passing my super secret triple-A vacation in. I can't wait. I think.

I love you.

And another thing!

Please bring me some Jason Mraz, Nickelback, and B.E.P. Cds and then we can go down to McCoy and blow them up in the parking lot and celebrate with some beer I am going to make with my own two hands! ED SLOTA I KNOW YOU HEAR ME!!

Disco Demolition: A Digression

I was watching the baseball channel last night and saw some clips of Disco Demolition night in Chicago. Although the night devolved into an orgy of violence and bonfires and very naughty behaviour, I can't help but wonder: Where is the outrage over shitty music anymore?

I don't have a beef with disco. I like disco, although mostly for nostalgic reasons. Donna Summer was a goddess, people. But at the time, it was so pervasive and invasive that real Aerosmith-rocker types got fed up and pissed off about it. And they wore t-shirts that said 'DISCO SUCKS'. Imagine! Where's my t-shirt that says 'CLUB MUSIC SUCKS'? HANG THE DJ!!!

Recently, I was flipping through a formerly esteemed 'rock' magazine and reading its record reviews. And the B***k E*** P*** new release got THREE STARS!!! WHO THE? WHAT THE? I'm so disgusted at the constant lowering of musical standards. Like the lady who dresses like Elton John! I mean, she's cute and everything but her music's the same thing as Ace of Bass! AND PEOPLE LOVE HER!!

I'm not a music snob at all, but I have to draw the line somewhere!!! People are just way too complacent about what's on the radio, the absence of a true-blue DJ, the over-and-over assaults by acts like TS and her guitar, the Canadian lady with the blue wig, Akorn, the girly fake-ska fashion blonde, the talentless 'rapper' from Detroit, the Barbados woman with the legs, and Crapbox 30.

Isn't music supposed to be exciting? Like that Rancid song! WHEN I GOT THE MUSIC, I GOTTA PLACE TO GO! I doubt he was singing about Maroon 5 or Nickelcrap. How about you come over my house with some records... or CDs... whatever. And all that wispy, cutesy pop in the MP3 player ads. Let's blow some shit up! Smash the state!

GO PAWSOX!!!

I'll do Jason Bergmann.

I've got the time and I've got the beer, so let's get to know Jason Bergmann. You know, so I don't hate him without facts to back it up.

Earlier this month, Boston signed Bergmann to a minor league deal. Bergmann was a frequent visitor to McCoy Stadium (And McCoy has certainly had its share of visitors) with the Chiefs. I remember him well as Some IL Reliever on a Visiting Team!

Bergmann is a 29-year-old righty who was drafted 11th round by the Expos back in 2002. Feels like the Expos have been gone longer than that, doesn't it?

JB has ridden the Expos/Nats train all the way til now, so he may need some time to adjust. Although Rhode Island's almost the same thing as him home state of New Jersey, so that'll be comforting. Like a Quaalude.

No, I didn't mean it like that!
1. The Nationals released Bergmann because they were going in a different direction. You know who needs to go in a different direction? The Dropkick Murphys!
2. Insightful comment by 'bdrube' - "It should be noted that Bergmann is the only Nats player other than Ryan Zimmerman to have played at least one game with the Ntas each of their six seasons in Washington." (from 'Nationals Locker')(ibid.)
3. After being outrighted to the minors in April 2010, Bergmann said, "I've grown up with the Nationals my whole career. Obviously, I want to play in the Major Leagues. I'm confident in my abilities and I will be back with the Nationals. If no one wanted to pick me up, that's fine. But I have a chance to go back down to Syracuse, do my best and come back up." (All Nats All the Time)
4. Ooooh, sarcastic fat guy! "Adios Jason Bergmann..I wonder when Rizzo will release a statement on his loss and how much he means to the Nats history and that he will always be part of the Nats family!???" (from commenter 'Harper_ROY_2012' on 'Nats Insider')
5. "From starter to reliever to AAA fodder, Bergmann ran the gauntlet of MLB dreams and nightmares. Inconsistent, it became obviously clear Bergmann was not going to be a mainstay, but it was baffling seeing the Nats run him out to the mound year after year as it was thought the JB Experiment was long over. Now they put the puppy to bed." (Nationals Inquisition, OCT 2010)
6. Jason Bergmann, somebody out there loves your ass.
7. Bergmann really liked Elijah Dukes. Didn't we all?
8. Manalapan!
9. Bergmann got mad this one time when he pitched poorly in DC.
10. "Bergmann made his MLB debut in late August of the Nats' inaugural season in D.C. in 2005, replacing Mike Stanton on the mound in old RFK Stadium with the bases loaded in the 8th inning of a game the Nationals trailed 3-0 to the St. Louis Cardinals. Bergmann gave up a two-run single on a 2-0 pitch to Abraham Nunez that scored two of the three runners the then-23-year-old right hander had inherited, but Bergmann got a grounder back to the mound from the next batter to record his first major league out and then he came back on in the ninth and retired the three Cardinals he faced, collecting his first 3 K's, all of them swinging. " - from 'Federal Baseball'
11. Bergmann was a hot topic in June of 2008: "Bergmann also had nine K's per nine innings over his four starts and a gaudy 5:1 strikeout-to-walk ratio"
12. Was Bergmann a Phillies killer? "He is such a scrub but current Phillies are batting .215 with an OBP of .289 vs. this bum in 135 ABs, and former Phillies also sucked against him who aren’t included on here (Burrell 5/19 w/ 0 HRs, 2 RBI, and 7 Ks and Pedro Feliz 2/10, 1 RBI, 0 XBH)" - from commenter 'Stu' on 'The Recliner GM')
13. Bergmann once took a no-hitter into the eighth. The ruiner? Brian McCann.
14. Cy Bergmann? Thoughful analysis here.
15. Bergmann used to substitute teach in the off-season.
16. "I got fired from my job today," Bergmann said. "It's the hardest thing to deal with. It's probably the worst day of my life right now." (Bergmann on being released, from the Nationals Journal)
17. Jason Bergmann = Nolan Ryan? "what the fuck is going on? how come the braves can't score on this loser? jesus christ, the fuckin 90s atlanta braves pitchin staff traveled to the future and dressed up in washington nationals uniforms to play the atlanta braves of today. unfuckingreal." - commenter 'TakeIt2DaBank' on 'The RX Forum'
18. Bergmann loves you guys.
19. Bergmann on umpires: "Developing a relationship with umpires is no different than one with any other person. If you are courteous and respectful, they will be as well. Umpires are people and are as unbiased as possible in their job. We cannot forget the human element that goes with their job and yes, they make mistakes." - Nationals Journal
20. And Bergmann's rookie hazing: "[M]y shoelaces were all cut, my gloves were missing, my pants were stuffed with crushed ice, my hat was "eye-blacked," my jersey was shrinkwrapped among other things. I ran out to the field a few minutes late wearing non-cleats, my eye-blacked hat, the glove of an infielder, my freezing pants and the such." (The such?) (ibid.)

Good news, everyone! I gotta beat it downtown. See you tomorrow? I'm starting to think we're 'going out'!

Ryan Harvey's got this dream about buying some land.

Took a quick glance at transactions as a refresher and clicked on Ryan Harvey's name. I LOL'd when I saw his picture. That certainly wasn't very nice of me.

Harvey is a tall righty from Florida who was a Cubs brat (first round!) up until a couple of years ago when Colorado... Uh, obtained him. He's an outfielder, but guess what? Big boy's converting to pitching for us New England kidz! I'm being very general, because he may spend the year in Portland for all I know, like Ray Chang. Thanks a lot, org, for keeping Chang out of Pawtucket where I wanted him. And now he's gone and he's never coming back. Unless it's with Rochester, which isn't really the same thing.

Harvey is 26. Who knows, he could wind up my Favourite. Let's get to know this bloke!

He's got that look on his face:
1. Harvey has never made it past AA.
2. In 2005, Harvey hit 24 home runs.
3. In March of 2009, the Cubs released Harvey.
4. Harvey holds the record for most homers in a Florida State League game: Four!
5. "...Harvey has not demonstrated an ability to hit a breaking ball. And Tuffy Rhodes hit 3 HR in a game off of Doc Gooden, and that was hardly a sign that he was going to be a star (at least on this continent.) Good for Ryan. I hope he has several more games like this. But he's still got "bust" written all over him. One game does not a turnaround make." - from commenter 'Josh77' on Bleed Cubbie Blue (2006)
6. Harvey could have been Russell Branyan! Imagine!
7. An early scouting report!
8. HA! "Like Dolly Parton before him, Harvey looks rather ... busty." - from Goat Riders of the Apocalypse
9. Harvey was the Cubs #3 prospect in 2004. Yes, I have seen that movie, too.
10. "Ryan Harvey clubbed a gargantuan home run over the left-centerfield fence onto 8th Street to celebrate his final game at Extended Spring Taining (EXST), leading the EXST Cubs to a 4-2 victory over the EXST Angels at Fitch Park Field #3 ..." In case you're keeping up on the scores of extended spring training games. Does anyone actually attend these games? Sober? (from the former MVN blog 'Road to Wrigley')
11. Let's go back and compare Ryan Harvey and Ryan Howard.
12. Harvey was high school teammates with Brian Dopirak. Perhaps at some point they split a pizza.
13. "He was a first round draft pick and…nevermind. He just sucks." - from Five Outs to Go
14. "And i (heart) Ryan Harvey 4 ever!!!!!!!!!!ok maybe not but bye-bye!!" - from Sarahs Kool Space
15. This one time Ryan made a great play in the outfield.
16. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!! Harvey's Daytona Cubs manager? Buddy Bailey!
17. While on the Tennessee Smokies in 2008, Harvey was teammates with Mark Holliman. You remember Holliman, right?
18. Here we have Ryan Harvey's swing with a jicama slaw with shallots and white wine, all atop a rye crostini.

In summation, hey, I doubted Sergio Santos and now look at him.

This has been the most substantial post I have done in forever.

LD tears me up.

Okay, it was cute and everything with Lenny Dinardo in 2005 and he seemed like a decent guy but I DON'T THINK IT'S VERY FUNNY BRINGING HIM BACK!!!!!! When I first heard this I was annoyed to the brink of being angry. I'm sure a lot of people find this amusing but FUCK A LOT OF PEOPLE!!!

Who's coming back next, JIMMY SERRANO?! How many five-inning starts of lefty slop am I going to have to endure?! I can't take it, I can't. Maybe if I squint I can pretend it's Barry Hertzler. And gas costs like $4.00 a gallon, a new Pope is coming, the BTK killer is finally caught, and I'm weeping into my breakfast bagel over the poor people stuck in the Superdome.

No, really, Hurricane Katrina was not funny at all.

In a related story, I hope Carl Crawford endures a rib strain of some kind and has to rehab in Rhode Island. ('Rehab in Rhode Island' ... coming up right after 'Trapped Inside My Own Legs').

What else? The sole source of sexxxy in Pawtucket, Fernando Cabrera, has been snatched up by those pervs in Oakland. They'll RiverCat him, I'm sure, so enjoy it, ladies of Sacramento. And gentlemen, too.

Rich Hill is coming back and really the only moderately cool Pawtucket game last year was one that he pitched. Furthermore, when I saw Hill at the XMAS party I was surprised to see that he is cute as hell. That sort of thing really throws me off, because what if Jeff Corsaletti was adorable all along and I just never paid attention?

I gross myself out sometimes. I have to go watch that botfly video again to shake the image.

I'm so bored without baseball. Merry Christmas.

Lars Anderson is working his way through his DVR backlog.

"Dude, Mondo was robbed."

do you have christmas in france?

I had written this whole tribute to Dusty Brown thing... Okay, I'm lying, I never finished writing it. Regardless, it was really boring and pointless so I'll just do it Emo Phillips-style and say "Thanks, Dusty!"

As far as the Pawtucket Christmas at McCoy, I don't have much to say. The Massachusetts pitchers were there and all I can wonder is how much they get paid. To prove a point of how little they pay attention to what they are signing, I wrote "I HEART SHOE SHOPPING" on Chad Paronto's jersey in the yearbook picture and he didn't even notice as he signed it.

Also, I found a nickel that day.

No new manager yet. What the hell are they waiting for?

I just wrote a song called 'fabio c.'

fabio c
a head over mouth
he's better built, that's all
he's built for speed
fabio c.

(Sorry, F. Black)

Castro's a Mariner without a trident and probably with no rime. He is ancient, though, you can see it in his eyes. So that was something that happened.

In a similar story, former PawSox cool guy Chris Smith has also been snapped up by Seattle. Chris Smith is not very good at acting disinterested, let me tell you.

I'M NOT FINISHED YET!!! Beloved superfielder Bobby Scales will still be living the Midwestern dream, as Chicago's kept him close for minor league hijinks. And in the middle of a celebration, I break down.


So... Whatever happened to William Bergolla? He was in the IL forever...

You have the right to remain in the PCL.

Noted PawSox killer Juan Miranda has been traded to Arizona for a pitcher, righty Scott Allen, who is probably pretty hot.

Good to see Miranda out of the IL!

In related Arizona news, 2008 IL MVP Jeff Bailey is now Twins property and it's pretty safe to assume he'll be back in Pawtucket as a Red Wing.

Jim Mandelaro says....

"The only other time a former IL MVP from another team played for the Red Wings was 1984, when '82 MVP Tucker Ashford (Columbus) joined the club."

There you have it, Bailey's in some elite company with Tucker Ashford!

Pawtucket Red Sox Attendance Since the Inception of Baseball Heavy

I'm excluding 2005, since I wandered in halfway through the picture.

2006 - 613,065
2007 - 611,379
2008 - 636,788
2009 - 625,561
2010 - 592,326

Note the 2008 spike, thanks probably to the star-studded cast and the post-season appearance.

2010 was a drop of 33,235 meat units. That's a 5.3 percent drop. Not huge, but OH SO DANGEROUS. Maybe it's because Ron Johnson left. Maybe because, let's face it, the team was not only crappy but boring. Boston took most of the exciting people.

Let's get that Linares guy up in Rhode Island and generate some excitement! Let's bring back Latin Night! Let's get some beer vendors! Let's do feature stories on visiting players of note! Let me in the clubhouse and I'll ask some REAL questions!! Let's kill Reddick and Anderson! Let's find out once and for all about Craig Breslow's girlfriend! Let's grow some marijuana in the bullpen! Let's make the lucky row somewhere NOT in the first couple of rows of a red section! Let's get Buddy Cianci to replace Jim Martin! Let's buy a beach house for Gil Velazquez! Let's play some decent music between innings instead of the Black Beans and Rowanda!! Why not the Replacements? KISS ME ON THE BUS!!!!!

How come you're not as excited as I am?

Finally, an article on TJ Large!

In case you needed some more Large in your life.

I like how he drops Jermaine Van Buren ("Remember him?") and Ken Huckaby. I do not recall Van Buren being called up. I wish there was some earthly way to find out when!

I hope his time with Pawtucket is over. By the way, where in the fucking world is Zach Daeges?

No, no, take your time. We'll just be waiting under the awning.

I tried to see what some Pawtucket kids are up to (mostly nothing) and I came across this:

"Pitcher Michael Bowden has yet to begin his stint with Magallanes, but is expected to head to Venezuela after his honeymoon in late November."

Although I'm sure Bowden's working out and conditioning and lifting weights and proteining up, it sounds like he's just gonna roll into VZ whenever he feels like it. I'm sure Bubba Bell appreciates that.

I'm not saying he shouldn't have his honeymoon and everything. But maybe he should have been there from the beginning... Of course, if he is getting married then he probably has a lot of prep work to do.

So maybe I'm just a jerk who doesn't think Bowden is all that. What do you want from me? Next year I'm going to Venezuela, because there's like nothing going on around here.

Dustin Richardson comes to my emotional rescue.

Appearing on a reality show does not automatically make you interesting. DUSTIN.

I should have gotten him drunk and broken him down into little pieces of humanity.

If Richardson walked into a bar with Tommy Hottovy, only I would know who they were and be able to tell them apart.

My imaginary bars always look like roadhouses with wooden floors and dead animals stapled to the walls and a gruff yet not unkind bartender.

Also, Taylor Buchholz is coming from Toronto. Last I knew he was in the NL on the Rockies or something, so, uh, welcome to Pawtucket, State of RhodeIslandandProvidencePlantations.

Speaking of Toronto, how would you like to see a baseball blog? It's called 'Moseby Fears Satan' and I think you would really like it.

Rocky Cherry is not my lover.

A Rocky Cherry baseball card just fell on my head. This means something.

Speaking of Arnie Beyeler

Looks like he had a few problems with young hothead Manny Delcarmen. It is slowly being revealed that Delcarmen was not the mild-mannered sweetheart I thought he was. That's what happens when you hang out with assholes like Kason Gabbard and Craig Hansen.

I would like to wear Delcarmen's old Pawtucket bullpen jacket and fall asleep in it. And also get a big, red flowing chiffon evening gown on him and ride him around my house. Like a viking.

Oops, you know what the music means. Our time is up.

Damian Jackson, I love you, yes I do.

Heard the news? Damian Jackson retired. Jackson represents not only outfield concussions, but 2003 nostalgia and 'Still We Believe' and all of that. Yes, thank you, I will have a drink in his honor tonight. I know you guys all hated him, but I like quiet utility guys so much.

Jackson never played in the IL so he never came to McCoy. That's like, I never got to see Guns n Roses live. CRIMINAL.

Two things.

My friend who has provided me with the many insta-snaps you see throughout BH and more Pawtucket player information than I can ever use... Is no longer my friend. In fact, he hates me. It was inevitable and has nothing to do with baseball.

I can only hope that we repair our friendship in the future, when hard feelings are behind both of us.

Ordinarily I avoid sincerity and earnestness here. I guess I just miss my friend.

Torey Lovullo was a contender for best looking man on the Red Sox and now he's gone. That was fast. I never got to check out his pythons.

Let's discuss replacements, because I know my phone is going to ring and it is going to be Mike Tamburro and Theo Epstein on conference.

1. Ellis Burks, fuck yeah.
2. JOE MCEWING!!! YES!!!
3. Stu Cliburn and his mustache of unstoppable power. Here's hoping its retained its lush glory.
4. For sentimental reasons, Marc Deschenes, even though he is pitcher. Except didn't he used to be a shortstop?
5. NOT LOU MERLONI OR I QUIT ROCK AND ROLL.
6. Ken Oberkfell, Dave Miley, or ... Well, I was gonna say Trent Jewett because the Chiefs were so exciting in 2010 but I'm not sure he's a Theo guy.

I know it's gonna be Arnie B or fucking Gabe Kapler or some shit I DON'T LIKE. At least I have something to talk about, cause by now Kurt and I don't care.

And in honor of my friend, let's once again enjoy an unflattering photo of Chris Carter.

Baby Chris Carter would like to be involved in the selection process.

"I am 100 percent serious when I say they should make that security guy Ron Medeiros the manager. Him or Jeff DaVanon if he ever kicks his speed habit."

Jed Lowrie could get rickets, you know!

I get pretty excited when one of these IL guys finally comes around to Pawtucket. Brent Dlugach is the first guy I've seen this off-season.

No one's specifically put him on the Pawtucket roster (except me, and no one ever consults me about this stuff), but come on.

Let's check out some humorous message board comments:

1. "Now some other city will get the statue of triumph most likely." - 'jaymo'
2. "You can all rest easy because Don Kelly is still protected on the 40-man." (ibid.)
3. "Now how will the Tigers ever contend?" - 'Antrat'
4. "It will take Boston and Pawtucket months to get his name right." - 'hueytaxi'
5. "My first thought was "YeA! The Tigers got another low minor league left handed bullpen arm coming from Boston..." - 'STLTiger69'

And I know how to pronounce his name, thanks. I foresee some cornball talk radio/sportsnetwork fumbling over it, though. The conventional media types can never let unusual names pass them by.

Mark Holliman update

Have you ever heard of the Winnipeg Goldeyes? Me neither. I'll bet they're bloodsucking freaks, though. Oh, yeah.

Anyway, this illustrious team of A Very North American League has some grip on our beloved Mark Holliman. To wit: "The Goldeyes further announced the club will retain the reversionary rights to pitcher Mark Holliman (Boston) and infielder Wes Long (Florida) should they be released by their major-league organizations."

Wait, 'reversionary rights'? Is that a thing? What is that?

How is it fair that I only got a small taste of M. Holliman when I wanted nothing more than to gorge on his Bausher-ness? Did you know that Holliman once pitched a seven inning perfect game? In that same game, he hit a two-run homer. And that is why you want to have sex with him. Plus you really liked his shirt...

I will keep you updated. And also, I notice you don't have a fencing team. Well, I'm gonna try my hardest to start one up for you guys.

I love the World Series.

Some people like the Superbowl. I like the World Series.

HOW COME PEOPLE DO NOT GET IT? Why do people blow off the WS if it's teams like SF and TX? Everybody watches the S. Bowl no matter who plays.

"They have better commercials." Yes, someone said that to me.

I was rooting for Aubrey Huff and Juan U. and all those other guys. I cannot believe how easy they all made it look.

Cody Ross NLCS MVP? Who? WHAT? Yes. Says it all. And Renteria, who I never stopped loving. And you in your autumn sweater.

So should I go to Columbus, Toledo, or Durham next year? Maybe Durham, because I like hot hot summers.

Adam Ain't

I just read in the Pawtucket paper an article... Wait, that is a structurally deficient sentence. What am I, from Woonsocket?

Just read an article in the Pawtucket paper about players in danger of the Rule V. The list included Bubba Bell and Adam Mills.

ADAM MILLS NOOOOO ZOMGFG!!!6W!

Let's review some of my comments regarding Adam M:

1. "Red Sox starter Adam Mills was kind of a disaster." (April 25)

2. "Charlotte got eight hits off Mills, including a pair of solo home runs by outfielder Josh Kroeger and first baseman Dayan Viciedo." (May 6)

3. "Adam Mills had a great start. Five two-hit innings and one tiny run. But Joe Nelson got the win even though he only faced one batter and got him to fly out. I'm sure Nelson was man enough to take Mills aside and say, "This was all yours, brah." I know this because that is how jocks express emotions." (May 16)

4. "Righty Adam Mills got the start and did much better than last time. I mean, it wasn't exactly an oil painting (six runs on eleven hits) but the Red Sox didn't lose and that's what counts." (April 30)

5. "Adam Mills gave up one run in his six innings of being and nothingness." (June 8)

6. "Pawtucket starter Adam Mills is wearing the L. On his sweater, like Laverne." (June 13)

7. "Pawtucket starter Adam Mills didn't help with his eleven hits in 5 2/3, including two solo home runs. Why are all the PawSox starters so fucking boring? I wish I lived closer to Portland." (June 19)

8. "Adam Mills pitched five innings. He struck out six and walked two. And I fell asleep thinking about it." (July 9)

9. "Adam Mills got the win and I'm sure he called his Nonny afterward to tell her." (August 29)

10. "Adam Mills had his head ripped off by the end of the first inning. It all started when the rather fancy Reid Gorecki led the whole damn game off with a triple. You can't do that! You have to ease your way into the game! Triples don't belong in the first inning." (Septemberish)

Going back through the archives, I realized how little Pawtucket had to work with. TJ Large? Ramon Ramirez as a starter? Alex Hassan? Mark Holliman? Santo Luis? Aaron Bates?

Except Rich Hill, who was a real good guy who did a decent job.

And once again, I am so glad I stuck to my job even through the relentless disappointment and numbing boredom. I was reminded once again how damn awesome I am at this.

FABIO CASTRO!!!!!!

glass case

I got kind of depressed Monday night at a small social gathering when I realized that I was the last person left who still cared about baseball playoffs. Everyone was watching football.

Everybody loves football. I do not like football. I have no one to talk to about baseball. This bums me out hardcore.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna eat a worm.

Alright, Hamilton!

Excerpt from an e-mail my brother the Yankee fan sent me:

I'm not particularly upset that the yankees got eliminated, it's just that I hate Josh Hamilton. He is the asshole posterboy for the former alcoholic/druggie turned reformed God lover. He even has a book about it. We sell it at [bookstore]. Religious old ladies buy it as often as dumb jocks. I am president of I hate Josh Hamilton fan club.

Hamilton doesn't bother me that much. It's usually people more like Brian Wilson, the "wacky" baseball players. I am generally not a fan of "quirky" jocks, especially since people deem them interesting because of their facial hair or tattoos or maybe they play the guitar in the clubhouse.

You know what would be "wacky"? A baseball player with good taste in music who didn't go hunting/fishing/skeet shooting in the off season. A player who drove a moderately priced hybrid car and made their own delicious beer and married a smart, sensible woman who was never in a pageant. A guy up on current events who supported gay rights and didn't eat meat!

Crazy, right?

Last year I saw a PawSox player in a pastel Yo La Tengo t-shirt and I was totally stunned. The shirt didn't even have skulls and sequins on it!

In a related story, Freddy Sanchez is 32 years old. That means I must be about ready for senior discounts at buffets and cinemas. Sanchez was real cool on TV the other night because he said nice things about Pittsburgh. We all loved him so!

And how about Aubrey Huff? He looks so hungry and lean. And Aryan.

It's official. I'm rooting for San Francisco.

Brown came back with Mr Black.

At last, Dusty Brown has been removed from the 40-man roster and is naked, trembling and vulnerable.

Too bad Brown got seriously dicked over by the org. One might think it's too late for him at this point.

And so tonight I will raise a glass for him at a sports bar as I root for David Murphy and the Rangers, because I am innately generic.

Say hi to your mom for me.

"So hard, so bad, and wicked bad." - Search results for "I fucking hate the Yankees".

1. How bad do you hate the Yankees?

2. Yankees suck. (vintage sucking)

3. Orioles fans hate the Yankees: "YANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCK"

4. "I fucking hate the Yankees and their fans like to an unhealthy amount, I don’t usually watch Yankee games for this exact reason" - Lone Star Ball

5. Dungy talks to yanks before saturday's game - "There is no other Team in the Major Leagues that is more Polarizing, and also no other team under greater Scrutiny. It is easy to hate the Yankees, but it is also equally as easy to respect them on the field, and the way they go about their business. They want to win, and they are willing to do ANYTHING to accomplish that goal. They arent worried about luxury taxes, or payroll numbers, they are worried about adding to their 32 world Championships(32 I think) and nothing else. My Dad took me to a Cubs Game when i was 6 years old, so that pretty much made a Die Hard Cubs Fan. But it really must be a luxury to be a Yanks Fan. They really do everything the Fans want it seems.

That being said, fuck them." - "naptown"

6. Halladay on the hill, I still hate the Yankees - "Seeing the Yankees in town reminds me just how much I fucking hate them. What I'd actually enjoy seeing tonight would be Alex Rodriguez tearing his Achilles tendon, Sidney Ponson taking a line drive to the grill via the bat of Johnny Mac, Johnny Damon dropping a dozen more easy fly balls and see Jason Giambi's mustache spontaneously combusting, also causing his uniform to catch fire." (AUG 2008)

7. "fucking choke fuck the fucking Yankees. fucking crown them now" - from The Big Lead

8. "I fucking hate the Yankees. MLB should contract those fuckers out of baseball." from 'Diogenes the Cynic' on the Straight Dope message board

9. Okay, succinct, but effective.

10. "You know, I was actually thrilled to see that...until I saw the stands filled with Yankee fans. What are those assholes doing in Oakland!?!?" - Athletics Nation

Zing!

Looks like former PawSox great Javier Lopez has an evil twin. The only difference, aside from the goatee, is the effective relief!

No, for real, I love Javier Lopez. He's got a potentially brilliant post-baseball career as a game show host/investigative reporter/life coach.

No, for real, I love that guy.

And Kevin Cash, that guy's Pawtucket royalty and a real choo-choo Charlie.

Texas is an outrage

The first Boston Red Sox game I ever went to was in Texas.

It was back in 2002, and my sisters and I had decided to visit the other side of the family down in Louisiana. Very small, sleepy town, battered by intense August heat. And it just so happened that the Red Sox were playing the Rangers in Arlington.

In the past, I had resisted going to Boston games. I thought the price was outrageous. But I had been caught in the massive sucking vortex of fandom, and so I agreed. We decided to drive out to Texas from Louisiana to see a game. The drive took hours... Five? Six? And it was hot the way you can imagine Texas being hot in August. Lots of brownish scrub in between traffic jams, miles of flat heat and cattle, until downtown Dallas and that weird sparkle-bank that looks like an Earth, Wind and Fire microphone.

And then we were there. The ballpark was not really near anything... Well, the big amusement park and a convention center, but it might as well have been in an industrial park. Fans were eating baskets of fried catfish and drinking cowboy beer. In the heat, the beer was irresistible. We drank tall, tall cups of it and ate glorious nachos.

I don't remember much about the game. I think Derek Lowe pitched. But it was great, my first Red Sox game, in such an unlikely park. And me not understanding how big it was because I'd never been to Fenway. I think if you're trying to go to every ballpark in big league ball, Texas would be one of the last ones to check off for most people. But I did that one first!

And now I never have to go to Texas again.

Great game last night. I loved the Yankees fans making for the exits when the Rangers started grooving in the ninth. I can't believe Cliff Lee pitched at McCoy Stadium... I just cannot (I was in the tent that day and watched him walk past me from the bullpen. He tossed a ball in the air and a little girl caught it with one hand. Lee quietly said...'Good catch'). And that's one thing I'll never take for granted and probably the best thing about Pawtucket. The visitors who pass through on their way to superstar heights of filthy pitching and Yankee destruction.

GIANTS RANGERS WS!!! THIS MUST HAPPEN!!! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE AJ BURNETT!!!!

I love you guys.

chi! chi! chi!

Much like the rest of you, I've been pretty engrossed in the Chilean miner rescue. I stayed up late watching it last night and uhh... It was kind of emotional and I maybe needed some tissues at times and FUCK YOU THERE'S NO BASEBALL!

Chile is not a baseball country. Are there any Chilean baseball players? When I think of Chile, I think of this one terrible bartender we had named Cristian, who was from Chile. He sucked as a bartender, but we loved him because he was wicked cute and we had a crush on him. Who is 'we'? Me and my sisters, that's who.

I do have a point, and it is this: Mike Andrews' article on what the minor leaguers are up to. Hint: It involves places like Venezuela and the Dominican.

As a human being, I think having to work in the off-season must suck balls. Aren't these people exhausted? I understand that the weather's probably pretty good and it maybe sounds like fun at times, but damn your muscles must ache to hell and who doesn't want to spend the off-season getting baked and playing video games or golf and perfecting your football wings recipe?

It just seems like a lot of work. I understand they're sent there to work on stuff, but I would be pretty pissed off about it.

everything, everything, everything, everything

I didn't get into my Pittsburgh ballpark trip too much, so since I've nothing else to talk about (FUCK THE FUCKING YANKEES), I'll spit a few words.

The park is super nice. Anyone will tell you that. Tickets are cheap. In fact, on the last home game of the season, we were picking up tickets from Will Call and I saw the window agent give a free ticket to some guy who wanted a cheap seat. He just gave him the ticket and waved off the cash! Excellent, Pirates staff.

The concessions, on the other hand... No. And god help you if you don't eat meat. (Giggity.) Imagine this: Onion rings. Five dollars. Steep, yes, but even more alarming is that YOU GET EXACTLY FIVE ONION RINGS IN YOUR LITTLE BASKET. That's a dollar an onion ring! Try maintaining a casual expression as you hand over your money for this ish. And they count the o-rings out, too, right in front of you.

Beer is also hopelessly expensive. $7.25 for a can of whatever. Thank you, Deborah.

And now for something completely different. During the last game of the season, they called out seat numbers every half inning and that lucky person received a jersey that they could collect on the field, right after the game, handed to them BY THAT VERY PLAYER.

After the Saturday game, we waited outside to get an autograph for someone back home. The bus driver for the Astros struck up a conversation with us and offered to hustle some players out the back door. The Pirates exit the area already in their Statusmobiles, but most guys pause at the exit and lean out their windows to sign for the youngsters and Binder Whores. We never got those guys, though.

I did see former Red Sox infielder Angel Sanchez take to the streets. Sanchez surprised me by being exceptionally good-looking, something I never noticed when he was in Pawtucket. Kinda like Chris George. Makes me wonder, have I overlooked handsomeness at home? Or does a weak-hitting team automatically become unattractive in all aspects? If Dusty Brown had been an RBI machine, might I have thought 'DAMN HE FINE!!!' If Kris Johnson had gone 16-7 or cut his walk rate in half, would I have hated his stupid gangsta hat less?

Brandon Moss was also in Pittsburgh, being his usual happy self. But don't take his buoyancy for weakness, because Brandon Moss is pretty tough when he has to be. He's never looked better. Do you still love him because I do.

Thanks also for the magnetic schedule, Pirates. It's on the little refrigerator at work so maybe I feel less suffocated by the bleak despair of workplace routine.

I love you.

I tend to remember guys like that.

I'm pleased to see that former PawSox great Freddie Sanchez and the SFGs and some of the Dodd Stadium kidz have advanced to the champ series. THIS IS REALLY EXCITING.

And the... Rangers? What a time we live in!

Also, Javier Lopez is on the Giants and he was a McCoy rat for a few years. He doesn't really count, though, 'cause he only faces one batter every other day.

Cruel to be kind means that I love you, baby.

i remember

Nothing more I can say about Mr. M that hasn't been said already.

I recognize the utter tackiness of electric memories, so let me offer up a general apology.

At least I didn't write "RIP BEN MONDOR" on Twitter and then link to my blog. I found that kind of tasteless.

I keep thinking about Bronson Arroyo's perfect McCoy Stadium game, and how he gave the pitching rubber to Ben Mondor. Is Arroyo even remotely the same guy? Doubtful. The Bronson Arroyo of 2003 did not have a heinous CD release or public scandal or regrettable hair. He was just a skinny Pawtucket kid with heaps of potential.

This could officially be the most depressing day of the year.

"Don't let me die out there."

Just now finding out about the October 2004 Red Sox special. I watched a clip and... Well, I still get chills. I attended game four and the memory is still so sharp and emotional. Everything about it.

One of the things that stands out the most... Maybe it was my imagination, but during the playoffs I felt a certain New England unity. People were kinder to each other, doing things as simple as getting the door for you and holding the dumpster lid open so you could cram a bulging garbage bag into it. Like any bad behavior could upset the fragility of it all.

I remember talking to someone else about that, and she agreed with me. So for all you Mass and RI kidz who did all the little things... Thank you. Maybe you didn't affect the game's outcome, but you made October 2004 so perfect and exciting.

Can someone please record this program for me?

yeah complete

I will get around to this at some point. I have a new job and it's been sucking up a lot of time.

Went to Pittsburgh and did all the stuff. ALL! What a magical city! If you don't like it then you have a problem, buddy.

Except the traffic. It's seriously fucked up.

Twins take on NY in the ALDS. My prediction? PAIN.

No, seriously, Twins.... Get it done this time. Cut 'em up and stuff 'em in the mattress like drug money.

Baby Lars Anderson has had enough.

"Way too much negativity around here, man."

God, I hate you guys.

Five most hated PawSox players of the past five years:

1. Craig Hansen. With a fucking bullet. Absolutely nothing likable about him. A dirtbag, but not in a good baseball way.

2. Chad Spann. Sucked at everything. Sorry, I know he was your friend, but I could not stand him.

3. Lincoln Holdzkom. Bad pitching, bad tattoos, bad face. I have no idea how he managed to stay in Pawtucket as long as he did.

4. Jeff Corsaletti

5. Clay Buchholz, who I understand is a terrific pitcher, but he publicly dissed his Pawtucket teammates and that is unforgivable.

Other contenders: Hee-Seop Choi, Ken Huckaby, George Kottaras, Kason Gabbard, Dustan Mohr, Hunter Jones, Josh Reddick, Chris Carter.

"But then you always knew you were my Favourite..."

My five favorite PawSox players of the past five years:

1. Devern Hansack - Easily. You know how sometimes you love people for the tiniest, most puny reason? Like Howard Stern loved Fred because he put Stern's records away for him. Hansack was so easy to root for, did a great job, and then (tiny little reason). I regularly try to find him, but he's currently defying search engines. Because of him, I know way too much about Nicaragua. If you have a problem with this, then we are no longer friends. Period.

2. Jeff Bailey - Bailey could have been number one, but his post-2008 crabbiness set him back a little. He was just a guy called up from Portland, splitting the catching duties with Jim Buckley in 2006. Then something weird happened in 2008 and Bailey wound up the IL's MVP, edging out Chris Carter. This event was probably the last exciting thing that happened in Pawtucket.
A big part of Bailey's appeal for me was how damn ordinary he was. Like some stoner you graduated with and would occasionally run into at your hometown bar the night before Thanksgiving. He reminded me of my uncle.

3. Bobby Scales - Bobby Scales busted his ass in 2007 and probably played every position except the big 2. The triples! The baserunning! And then his long-deserved callup in 2009... I got very emotional when I heard the news and maybe even now I could mist up. Scales was such a terrific player and what's more, not just another douchepants lobotomized jock.

4. Abe Alvarez - Alvarez was kind of a weird kid. His starts were always fun to watch. He definitely matured a lot in Pawtucket and when he was suddenly cut loose in May 2008, I wondered what had happened. The org's held on to much crappier pitchers. Seemed almost personal. As far as I know, he is still playing Italian baseball. Again, part of his appeal was Not Being a Meathead Like Chris Carter or Kevin Youkilis.

5. Marc Deschenes - Too bad he never got called up. Did a pretty good job. I totally loved him for reasons I kinda don't remember. Good-looking, regular Joe local guy from Mass. Won the Bob Feller award. Listened to my stupid Rochester story and feigned interest. Yeah.

Here are some players that could have made a longer list: Javier Lopez, Alejandro Machado, Dustin Pedroia, Manny Delcarmen, Dave Pauley, Charlie Zink, Joe McEwing, Gil Velazquez, Sandy Madera, Joe Thurston.

Congratulations to all the winners, who will be receiving gift certificates to A Very Famous Dominican restaurant in Central Falls.

Allsorts

Trying to figure out five favorite and five least favorite players of the last five years.

Like Chris Carter... Sure, I ripped on him here and there, but did I really hate him? Did it have something to do with hearing Bad Things about him? His annoying condescending high school jock routine? Being an overachiever, bad outfielder, daydream believer?

Kris Johnson? He sucked and I hated him, but was he any worse than, say, Abe Alvarez? Yes, because Alvarez never would have worn such a stupid hat. Abe Alvarez made it to the big leagues, at least, and had that one good Toronto game.

I already know who my favorite player is, and maybe the second favorite, but then there's a plummet downward. Is Carlos Maldonado top five? Brandon Moss? Marcus McBeth?

I'll have all this ready to go before I leave for Pittsburgh tomorrow. The timing of the end of IL ball is great, because you have no idea what I have been up to lately.

"Here are tonight's starting lineups..."

I suck at my job. Otherwise I would have known that Jim Martin was leaving his McCoy Stadium PA position.

This is crazy. Seventeen years! During my two summers of soda jerk employment at the park, the phrase "It's time for tonight's Citgo hot seat quiz game!" burned itself into my brain... And the Mighty Molar soft toss intro... and the slippery concourse warnings...

I will admit that during the last few games, Martin seemed to be phoning it in a little. I chalked it up to his being overextended. You only notice those little flaws when there's been near perfection all along.

I wonder who will replace him? CAN anyone do it? You have to know how to pronounce "Yamaico".

And "Pawtucket". If Jonathan Van Every can pronounce it properly, then the PA person had better be able to.

It would be cool if they hired a lady.

Search Term Sunday!

Haven't gone through those wacky search terms lately, so since I've nothing else to say, let's go!

1. "heavy lopez braves catcher" - "Heavy" Lopez? Is that really what you thought his name was? Or was that what fans called him back in his 90's heyday...
2. "baseball jevi" - I love this and I am thinking of changing my blog name to 'Baseball Jevi'. And perhaps do it in Spanish. I'm an assimilated Colombian, after all.
3. "Ryan Kalish naked" - I'm saving those pictures for cold, cold November.
4. "dave uyl an egotistical jerk" - This and other variations pop up occasionally. Uyl's got quite a rep!
5. "craig breslow girlfriend" - This one's a classic. I had no idea Breslow was such a stud. Although... Why do you assume he's heterosexual?
6. "scott hatteberg greenies" - When I was at poster night, I was standing on one of the Champ Ramps trying to get a good look at Fernando C. What I did not realize was that I was positioned right below a Hatteburg portrait. A woman walked up to me and said, "Scott Hatteburg. Didn't he turn out to be a real dirtbag?" When I told her I didn't know, she muttered, "I must be thinking of someone else." and walked away. Maybe that guy's bad news?
7. "Jim Martin leaving PawSox" - THIS CANNOT BE. Is this true? Holy hell, that would be really weird.
8. "marc deschenes coaching problems baseball" - Disgruntled parent. Please.
9. "jon lester handsome" - No. I'm sorry, but no. He's got a big, ugly melon head.
10. "i hate stupied people" - So don't I.
11. "tim naehring" - I have a thread titled "I fucked Tim Naehring". Not surprisingly, it gets a lot of hits. I did not personally have intimate relations with Mr. Naehring... Just want to make that clear.

I have to figure out some things to write about. Any ideas? Hit me up.

Bowling with the Homies

Over the summer, I had occasion to attend the Pawtucket Red Sox/Tomorrow Fund charity bowling event in E Providence. How convenient! That's where I usually bowl, anyway.

A short time after I registered, I realized that there would be a strong possibility that I would be bowling with one of the team members. This idea gave me a tummy ache, because I had thought it would be some people bowling, Paws and Sox hanging out, and maybe Torey Lovullo and someone such as Mark Wagner kicking it in the lounge signing people's crap. I was really not prepared to make awkward conversation with a jock. And, whoa, what if it's Lars Anderson? PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE LARS ANDERSON!!!!!

It wasn't Anderson. I don't even think he came. I don't wanna say who it was (must preserve anonymity), but I got pretty lucky and he was very nice and normal and not jackassy. I had a great time and I hope you did, too.

TOMORROW FUND!!!!!!

How could he not mention the fries?

Please enjoy this McCoy Stadium review, including slideshow-style pictures, from Stadium Journey.

I love this line: "If you make the trip to McCoy, it’s not necessary to allot extra time to explore the surroundings." HA.

Baby Chris Carter is nostalgic.

"Once I left Pawtucket, BAM, fuck that. I can't even name one guy who played this year. 2008 makes these new guys look like a bunch of pansies. 2008 was CARTER TIME, bitches! Old Man Mondor is probably still talking about it."

Baseball Heavy's 2010 PawSox Player of the Year is...

Robert Manuel, of course! I am going to go down to one of those mall engraving stores and get some tacky plaque with smudgy brass and put that right on there. And then mail it to him, c/o the Pawtucket Red Sox.

Theoretically. Although imagining the receipt of something that dumb is funny, funny, funny.

Maybe I should get one for myself that says "2010 Central Falls Blogger of the Year". And then a certificate that says "Blackstone Valley Canasta Club Most Improved Player of 2010".

How about 'Best Sports Blog in Rhode Island'? Maybe I wouldn't win, but you have to admit I'm a contender.

Congratulations to Mister Manuel for receiving such a prestigious award.

9.6.10 Pawtucket Red Sox v Syracuse Chiefs - Can I go back to bed, now?

4-3 Pawtucket! Do you like parties?

Syracuse starter Erik Arnesen pitched the entire game. He threw 125 pitches in a game that didn't really count for anything. The Nationals must really hate him!

Arnesen got three strikeouts and walked three. His bad, bad inning went down early, in the second. Jimenez walked and dashed over to second on a wild pitch and second baseman James Kang hit an RBI double. So simple.

Josh Reddick followed all that up with a two run homer to make the score 3-0. The Red Sox slapped a fourth run onto the pile in the fourth, when Jimenez led off with a triple and Velazquez doubled to get him across home plate. Yay?

Pawtucket starter Ramon Ramirez pitched himself 5 2/3 innings and gave up those three Syracuse runs. Only two were earned, because in the sixth inning, Ramirez tried to pick off Brian Bixler TWICE and messed it up, allowing him to skip over to second base, then third. How embarrassing.

Relievers Tommy Hottovy, Chad Paronto, and Fernando Cabrera finished the rest of the game. Then everyone cried.

feelings:
1. Dusty Brown wound up playing left field from the fifth inning on. It was Brown's first time playing left this year and his first time in the outfield since one game on the Sea Dogs back in 2006.
2. Bubba Bell and Mark Wagner both went 0-4.
3. Pawtucket finished the year 66-78. In 2009, they finished 61-82. So... slight improvement, but possibly a much less interesting team. No Maldonado or Sean Danielson. No Marcus McBeth or Javier Lopez. And no Ron Johnson.
4. I watched Gil Velazquez tossing squishy balls into the crowd and they traveled so far. And it just seemed so effortless. It must be so cool to be so athletic, for all that stuff to come easily. It reminded me that even guys like Paul McAnulty, Ivan Ochoa, Jorge Jimenez... They might look like a bunch of dum-dums but it's not easy and it's nothing that most people could ever do. What I am trying to say is that FUCKING GIL VELAZQUEZ, I AM GOING TO MISS THAT GUY.
5. Some people got called up, but no one I really like. Ryan Kalish was exciting in Pawtucket, but his stay was far too brief.
6. Some Erik Arnesen stuff here. He mentions his wife and you know what they say about that!
7. More on Arnesen from HHOTF. Good blog, good writer, hate the name of the blog.
8. Pete Orr and his mustache homered off Ramirez. So did Jamie Burke... Jamie Burke is older than I am. He was drafted by the California Angels, is how old Jamie Burke is. He played on the Edmonton Trappers, is how old.

Tonight! FREEDOM!!!!! No more Kris Johnson and Aaron Bates. Thank you all for coming. I'll do some end of the year stuff soon.

So... What do you want to talk about?

9.5.10 Syracuse @ Pawtucket - Labour

5-4 Chiefs, but oh gosh, did Fabio Castro try really hard! Castro tried to subvert the Syracuse fascist aristocracy, but his six inning, three run effort was thwarted by the Bowden faction.

Castro's humble peasant start was suppressed in the fifth inning, when the Chiefs hit a couple of RBI doubles following a Chase Lambin walk. A third run scored in the same inning when center fielder Michael Martinez singled to score Burke.

Pawtucket had scored once in the second (Aaron Bates led off the second with a triple? YIKES.) and once in the third (Varitek sac fly), so after that Syracuse run-scoring nonsense in the fifth, the Red Sox were behind 3-2.

But Bubba Bell ignited an auspicious beginning to the bottom of the fifth when he walked, moved over to second on a Varitek single, and trotted over to third on a Bates flyout. Bell crossed over when Lars Anderson grounded into a force out and the game was tied at 3.

TJ Large took over for the seventh inning and managed to not make an ass of himself. The same cannot be said for Michael Bowden, who came in for the seventh and then immediately gave up a double to Brian Bixler. Bowden then threw a wild pitch, walked Jason Botts (Botts got caught stealing, though), and after Seth Bynum's sac fly scored Bixler... Chase Lambin. Home run. Jumping clothespin Jesus. 5-3 Syracuse.

Pawtucket tried to make it happen in the bottom of the eighth and somehow scored a run on a walk, a single, and some ground balls, but it was not enough. The proletariat uprising was quashed once more by the iron fist of Syracuse relief pitching. Oh, hell.

DTAMFS:
1. How long are people going to continue to pretend that Michael Bowden is useful and effective and has great stuff? Why is this guy so untouchable? How has he escaped criticism? No one ever says very bad things about him. I am mystified.
2. That's it.

Last game of the season. See you there.

9.4.10 All the snobby kids live on...

6-1 Yankees. Rich Hill could not do it like he did it last time. The Yankees got nine hits off him and scored five times. Hill couldn't get out of the sixth inning.

Today I would rather play solitaire than do this, but here goes. David Phelps got the start for the Yankees and pitched eight tight innings, throwing 95 pitches. Pawtucket only scared up one run on five hits. Nothing exciting, just Jimenez grounding out in the second inning after a couple of singles. Congratulations, Phelps. You beat the PawSox.

So back to Rich Hill. He only had one run going into the sixth inning. Hill walked Miranda to get things started then gave up a single to Jorge Vazquez. Laird and Bruntlett hit consecutive RBI singles. Edwar Gonzalez TRIED to follow suit, but Bubba Bell threw him out at home, which must have been cool even though the inning had already gone to pot.

Chad Paronto... I mean, who doesn't like Paronto, but he's no Robert Manuel. He's not even Fernando Cabrera. Paronto had a couple of runners on for Reid Gorecki, who decided it would be a great time to hit a double. And he did, scoring Bruntlett and Gonzalez.

Paronto also gave up a home run to Vazquez in the seventh to make it 6-1. Yeah.

Pawtucket really could have used Darnell McDonald this year.

comatose tomatoes:
1. Chad Paronto is also no Santo Luis, who pitched a clean ninth. Aside from the walks, that is.
2. “Phelps had great command and threw the ball well,” Yankee manager Dave Miley said. “He did a good job of using all his pitches.” - from the Wilkes-Barre paper. Thank you for the world's most boring post-game comment, Mister Miley.
3. David Phelps is Irish and he hates walks.
4. Scott Walsh filled in for Donnie Collins. Thanks for ruining my day. Walsh's live blog includes stuff like this: "Sorry for not updating sooner. Working on some stuff for the newspaper." Okay, thanks!

The Red Sox are back in town and playing Syracuse. So enjoy these last two games.

9.3.10 Pawtucket Red Sox @ SWB Yankees - Stiff

10-4 Yankees. Adam Mills had his head ripped off by the end of the first inning.

It all started when the rather fancy Reid Gorecki led the whole damn game off with a triple. You can't do that! You have to ease your way into the game! Triples don't belong in the first inning. A home run, sure, but a triple?

So right fielder Gorecki triples, Eric Bruntlett singles to center so he can score. And then of course the next batter is Jesus Montero, who never mind what I said... I can really hate this future NY guy. Montero: Home run. 3-0 and no outs yet.

PawSox killer Juan Miranda batted next and singled. Finally, Mills got an out when Jorge Vazquez foul tip K'd. But sassy center fielder Colin Curtis batted next and BAM! two-run homer! 5-0 Yankees.

Mills finally squirmed his way out of the first inning. In the second, Mills gave up a sixth run when Juan Miranda hit an RBI single.

Pawtucket scored their first runs in the third inning. when Bubba Bell hit a two-run double off Scranton starter DJ Mitchell. They picked up a third run in the fourth when Velazquez hit an RBI double. But SWB was unstoppable. Three doubles in the fourth inning led to an 8-3 score and Mills was removed in favor of TJ Large. Yuck!

Large pitched for 2 1/3 innings and the Yankees smacked a couple more runs off him, because Large is not that good at anything. He's going to turn into Lincoln Holdzkom if he's not careful! Pawtucket did push out one more run in the seventh, but they were seriously cashed.

DJ Mitchell wound up pitching just five innings before being replaced by Zack Segovia. Mitchell gave up seven Pawtucket hits. He balked! He threw a wild pitch! His pitch count was up to 92! RED ALERT! ERROR! ACCESS DENIED! ACCESS DENIED!

I think we're done here. Eff you, Yankees. Moosic's a shithole and everyone knows it.

today is a wonderful day and i feel great:
1. DJ Mitchell's a n00b. It's only his second full season of pro ball.
2. Did I mention Chad Huffman's HR? Or Vazquez's? Yeah, that happened.
3. Bubba Bell went 3-5 with a double and 2 RBI, so he gets the most beer.
4. SWB is playoff bound. I hope Columbus maces them good!
5. Donnie Collins! "I don’t think I’ve ever seen a game where a center fielder has dove so much and missed the ball just as often. Bubba Bell is really giving it his all out there, but the Yankees are smashing Adam Mills."

Tonight! Refereshing Rich Hill v one of the Phelpses. Geez, I'm almost done for the season.

I love you.

9.2.10 KANG

2-1 Pawtucket. KANG. I was listening to this radiocast during late innings and wondering... 'Kang?' WHO? Maybe he's saying 'Chang', as in Ray, but I'm acquiring the hereditary hearing loss that's stricken some of my family members. But, yeah, James Kang from Lowell.

So let me get this out of the way: Kang-eroo, Simpsons spaceblob overlord, King Kang. JARROD SALTALAMACCHIA HAS A REALLY LONG NAME, ZOMG!!! I fucking hate you sometimes, conventional media. EVERYBODY RAY CHANG TONIGHT!

Ty Taubenheim! How can you not look at Taubenheim and not imagine what it would be like to have sex with him? (Sorry, Mrs. Taubenheim, but you married a lug.) I mean, he's just so... Big! Taubenheim pitched five innings and got five strikeouts. He also gave up a home run to outfielder Josh Reddick.

Taubenheim started working the sixth innings, but he walked Bell and gave up a single to Bates and so was ushered off to the dugout to wipe his head with a towel and sulk a little. Reliever "Brian Gordon" (that's totally an alias... you couldn't come up with a better name, "Brian"?) faced catcher Mark Wagner, who flew out to left to get Bell across. 2-0 Red Sox.

Righty reliever Robert Coello came in for the sixth inning. Coello pitched two innings and got six strikeouts, which is crazy. Hottovy came in for the eighth, faced two batters and got neither one out, and PawSox fans kissed his ass goodbye. Robert Manuel should have come in, but he's gone north to help prop up a heavily crippled big league team. Instead, Fernando Cabrera and his dwindling repertoire showed up.

Cabrera pitched two innings, gave up a couple of hits, saved the game. And all this while groggy from his nightly nap in the bullpen! Zzzzzzzz....

Ty Taubenheim took the loss for Lehigh valley. Oh, forgot to tell you they were playing the Iron Pigs. The Phillies. The Phuture.

and now it's gone and i hate everything:
1. Aaron Bates went 3-3 with a double. Thank you, Aaron Bates. Do you know how to read?
2. Iron Pigs second baseman Ozzie Chavez went 3-4.
3. Johnson leads the IL in losses with 13. Looks like he's a victim of anemic offense!
4. A far better game summary here. I assume someone like Mike Scandura wrote it, but no one's credited. What's to stop me from saying, "Here's a fascinating game summary I contributed to the Allentown paper"? Who'd even contest that statement?

See you tomorrow.

9.1.10 Lehigh Valley Irons Rumpled Sox

9-3 Lehigh Valley, who came on pretty strong toward the end. The Iron Pigs scored eight of their nine runs in the last four innings.

Lehigh Valley starter Drew Carpenter gave up seven hits through 6 2/3 innings, leading to three Pawtucket runs. HOME runs? Yes, two, solo jobbers by Gustavo Molina and Anderson.

Pawtucket starter Ramon Ramirez 5 2/3, four runs on seven hits. Only two of them were earned, though, so he can use that thought to console himself as he weeps into his flannel teddy bear. While Ramirez was pitching the top of the sixth, Iron Pigs center fielder Rich Thompson stole second and third base, allowing him to cross home plate when Mayberry singled.

That's all for today, I think. Sorry, completely out of time!

Wait, I have a few minutes! Lehigh Valley plastered TJ Grande for four more runs in the eighth inning, when slugger Andy Tracy hit a grand slam after Large intentionally walked John Mayberry to load the baes. Wait, I thought Large was done for the year? Santo Luis got the last five outs of the game, but not without giving up that ninth Iron Pigs run. Booo.

migajas:
1. Gil Velazquez went 2-4 with a double.

Bye. Again.

Holy hell, I'm back! I got a flat tire so...

gorditas de migajas!
1. Drew Carpenter is a Dirtbag.
2. Rich Thompson wound up going 4-5.
3. Dusty Brown got his first steal of the year last night! One of his teammates must have said, "Dude, I will give you a hundred dollars if you steal a base tonight." Wish I could have seen it.

That's really all for now. Tonight! TY FREAKING TAUBENHEIM AND KNIGHT RIDER. Sorry, I can't make it. It's Media Club night.

Stay tuned...

8.31.10 Pawtucket v Rochester - In and Around the Lake

6-5 Red Sox. I might be more impressed with this win streak if they weren't playing the worst team in the division six games in a row. However, well done, guys.

Fabio, say do you remember? Castro was hit like a piñata by Rochester, like eight times. After five innings, the Red Wings had four runs up, including home runs by Brendan Harris and Brock Peterson and that was it for Castro. Don't feel too bad for him, though - He got the win after Pawtucket magically changed the score from 4-2 to 6-4 in the fifth.

Ah, the fifth inning. So pivotal! Red Wings starter David Bromberg was working what would be his final inning of the night. Velazquez led off with a walk, but stupid Josh Reddick grounded into a force out. Sorry, that was a gratuitous shot. Bubba Bell walked a spell later and Bates hit a ball really high and really far and you know that house-like concession stand in the outfield? Yeah, it scraped that thing and it was a home run. Has anyone ever hit it over that thing? Yes, reportedly, but I haven't seen it in person. I don't think.

Nobody scored again until the eighth inning, when Dusty Brown hit an RBI double, because that's his thing, he hits doubles. Two doubles in one night for Brown! DUSTY'S BACK!

Fernando Cabrera stepped in to close the whole thing out. Usually, watching Cabrera pitch makes me wanna blast off in my seat but he was looking rough last night. His hair's getting too long and he looked tired... Whatever, still hot and I would still hit it seven days, twice on Sunday. Cabrera gave up a run, of course, but nailed it down and W! W! W!

Poor Rochester. People like me who have feelings are saddened by their nasty losing streak. You wouldn't understand because you're all jaded and angry. Me, I send fruit baskets to the guys after a good game. Have a Bartlett pear, Mark Wagner!

two things:
1. I am going to do a separate post about classic Pawtucket pitcher Manny Delcarmen. It's... hrrrmbbllle... AHEM. Sorry, I cannot go on right now.
2. Bubba Bell and Lars Anderson each hit solo home runs for the Red Sox. Sorry I didn't mention it before. I was too busy thinking about... AHEM! God damn it...
3. Michael Bowden came in after Fabio Castro and I still do not get it. Bowden is not any better than someone like Chad Paronto. Please tell me for the one-hundredth time what a great, young pitcher he has. The potential! Bowden worked 1 2/3 innings, walked a couple of guys, gave up a double to D'Angelo Jimenez, and struck out three. Strikeouts are cute, but kinda overrated.
4. No hits for Niuman Romero. None for Jorge Jimenez, either. Jorge Jimenez has existed this year, but I would easily forget him if someone asked me to list everyone on the team. List of Accomplishments: Played third, existed, had a cool at-bat song.
5. Jacque Jones has some of the worst at-bats I've ever seen. I don't know anything about mechanics, but he's hacking and flailing... His stat line isn't bad, though, so maybe he's all over the place like V. Guerrero but can still make good contact. Yeah, that just happened. I compared Jacque Jones to Vladimir Guerrero. Why doesn't anyone stop me from blogging? Why hasn't anyone intervened?
6. I also feel that way about karaoke. I can't believe people let me get up and sing. It's a disaster every time. SOMEONE NEEDS TO STEP IN AND SAY, 'JEN, THAT'S ENOUGH.'
7. "Kyle Waldrop needed just 18 pitches to throw two shutout innings." - from SethSpeaks.net
8. Nice mustache, Anthony Slama.
9. D'Angelo Jimenez ran through a third base stop sign in the second inning... It was pretty funny.

Tonight! ME. IRON PIGS. And Drew Carpenter! And some dude who wears ugly t-shirts.

Bye, Manny! Bye!

8.31.10 Red Sox v Red Wings - mujeres viejas pueden

2-1 Pawtucket. Rich Hill, while not crazy knockout fantastic, may have pitched the best game I've seen all year. And that's kind of sad.

Hill pitched seven innings. You like that, huh? YEAH... And in the seventh he set 'em down one-two-three. Rochester's only run of the game came off Hill in the second, with a sac fly by Macri. Hill racked up six strikeouts. Okay, that's not a 'rack', but it's not bad.

Pawtucket also scored its first run in the second without even getting a hit. With one out in the inning, Rochester starter Matt Fox walked Anderson. A passed ball and a groundout allowed Anderson to scoot over to third, and a wild pitch got him across the plate.

Run number two for Pawtucket was pasted up thanks to Bubba Bell's leadoff single. Or perhaps Hermida's sacrifice fly to left? Lars Anderson did some stuff, too, but nothing came of it. Who cares? Pawtucket only needed two runs to win.

Scorching hot effective relief was provided in part by Dustin Richardson and Rob Manuel. Damn, there was a whole lot of Dustin at the park last night. Matt Fox was handed the L for Rochester, who have now lost 8 in a row.

migajas:
1. Team MVP went to none other than Bubba Bell, who never crossed my mind as a candidate because I'm dumb. What a relief.
2. Most valuable pitcher was R. Manuel, which cannot be argued. Manuel, like Bell, is wicked fucking nice.
3. Patterson went 0-4 with a strikeout. FUCK. I wanted to see some baserunning!
4. Niuman Romero did not get a hit, but he could have in the third! His line drive to right was intercepted by first baseman Brock Peterson and you gotta golf clap for that shit.
5. TJ Large? Done for the season! Wow, that's really too bad, because TJ Large was such an exciting pitcher who kept me glued to my seat during his appearances. And so fascinating and handsome! I'll always remember the time he pitched 1 1/3 innings out of the pen and only gave up two hits! Or how about that time he walked that guy? PawSox fans everywhere must be devastated at this news.
6. I had never heard of Dustin Pari until last night, when the person I was at the game with pointed out that he's the McCoy Stadium FanCam guy. You know, with the bad hair. I've since looked at some pictures and yeah, I guess that is him. I think. Thanks, person I was at the game with! (TOM.)
7 Rochester hitting coach Floyd Rayford was a Red Wing himself... AND he played in the Longest Game back in 1981.
8. I saw Carlos Delgado in the Pawtucket dugout. It's so weird. Carlos Delgado! In Pawtucket! Maybe I'll run into him at the bar.

Tonight! Castro, Fabio versus righty David Bromburg. I may attend, depending how I feel. Or if someone invites me, hint hint. HINT.

I love you.

8.29.10 Pawtucket Red Sox (BOS) @ Rochester Red Wings (MIN) - My Shows

6-3 Pawtucket. Hm, weird.

Rochester's starting pitcher was Chris Province, who maybe we've met before. Province immediately showed signs of suck in the first inning, when Patterson hit a ground rule double, Bell singled, and designated hitter Jarrod Saltalamacchia hit a home run to left... I would imagine he was batting left-handed so that must have been pretty cool.

Rochester struck back in the second inning when Red Sox starter Adam Mills allowed two consecutive singles by the Red Wings. Matt Macri saw his opportunity and humped all over it, hitting a double down the left field line (I think), scoring Dustin Martin. Erik Lis followed that up with an RBI double of his own, because he's a crybaby copycat liarhead. And the Adam Mills got his shit together and got the last three batters out to end the inning. 3-2 Pawtucket, not a comfy lead but we are dealing not with the 2010 PAWTUCKET RED SOX, but with IMPOSTER RUN-SCORING TEAM.

Eric Patterson can steal some fucking bases. Patterson led off the third by walking and stealing second. Isn't that the third one this rehab stint? So when Anderson singled, Patterson made it home. Aw, can we keep him? 4-2 Pawtucket.

Rochester, in scrappy endearing fashion, scored another run in the fourth with an RBI single courtesy of sex machine Brandon Roberts. But Pawtucket was not finished with Province. Fifth inning, Patterson led off with a triple to center. A triple! I WANT HIM.

Cool Bubba Bell followed the triple up with an RBI single, then advanced to second on a wild pitch. Good night, Province. Here comes Rob Delaney for Lars Anderson. Whoops, Anderson singled, Bell scored, 6-3 Red Sox.

Relievers Hottovy, Coello, and Cabrera conspired to provide endless hot steamy scoreless innings to hold the glorious score. Cabrera made it interesting in the ninth by giving up a double and a single, but in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make. Adam Mills got the win and I'm sure he called his Nonny afterward to tell her.

i love to cry and it shows:
1. Hey, Dusty Brown - When's the last time YOU hit a home run?
2. Nothing doing from my new favorite friend Niuman Romero, who went 0-4. Also being boring: Mark Wagner.
3. It's funny, when I think of Aaron Bates, which I do from time to time, especially in the cool of the evening when everything is gettin' kinda groovy, I don't picture him as a guy who walks a lot. But he does, it's right there on the internet. He leads the team in the K column, but he's also caught up to Tug Hulett for bases on balls. When I think about Bates walking, it erases some of my general ambivalence. Good work, Aaron Bates.
4. After the last couple of games at the Red Wings ballpark filled the stands, yesterday's draw was rather modest. 10K + versus 6,211. I wonder why? This is why I'm not Darryl Jasper.
5. It was the seventh straight loss for Rochester.

Tonight! Pawtucket returns home and will probably revert to their lifeless, empty baseball playing. How can I miss it?

RICH HILL!!!!

8.28.10 PAW @ ROC - Twins

2-0 Red Sox. What has gotten into them lately?

Lotta zeroes in this game, including the biggest one, Brock Peterson. KIDDING. Kris Johnson pitched six innings and sprinkled four singles throughout. He might not have gotten the win, but Pawtucket got their first run in the seventh when Niuman Romero hit an RBI single off reliever Jose Lugo. Good old Romero. MVP! MVP!

Pawtucket scored its second run in the ninth inning, with Kyle Waldrop pitching. Saltalamacchia led it off with a single, Anderson doubled. Pat Neshek took over and Hermida hit a sac fly to left, scoring Saltalamacchia. 2-0 Red Sox.

Robert Manuel got the save, even after pinch hitter Dustin Martin doubled. Is that all Martin does is pinch hit? Did he do something wrong? He doesn't know who Jesus was or what praying is...

Rochester starter Cole DeVries did not get the loss, since he wisely exited the game in the middle of the sixth inning. right after Reddick doubled.

Can I go back to bed?
1. Reddick hit two doubles. They are going to give him the team MVP award. I have no idea why I care so much about this. But it's gonna be this cliched thing about his early struggles and what a fighter he is and what a professional young man he is and I swear, I am going to throw up..
2. Evidently, someone besides me likes Romero. Romero has fewer errors than Lars Anderson. Oooh, that was fun to say!
3. Jorge Jimenez leads the team in errors with 11. (!)
4. Jim Mandelaro from the Rochester paper: "But unless you are at least 90 years old, you have never seen a Rochester club 39 games under the .500 mark. Until now." I feel your pain, Red Wings fans.
5. "Lars Anderson then tried to score from third on Jack Hannahan’s fly to right but was nailed on a perfect throw from Dinkelman for the third out." - Mandelaro again, special to the Providence paper.
6. And from Twinkie Town: "Jim Mandelaro reported yesterday that the Wings are 0-72 when trailing after eight innings. Not a single comeback win in the ninth inning all season, that is almost unbelievable!"
7. Cole DeVries is yet another double-A callup. Did I see him on Mother's Day?

Tonight! Adam Mills v Kyle Gibson. Not tonight, this afternoon, I mean. Then the triumphant return home.

NIUMAN!!!