hallucinogens

Remember last year's Carter/Wilkerson/McAnulty/Bailey saga? And how Chris Chriscarterson got the job and MOM WAS MAD? And then Brad Wilkerson came to Pawtucket, saw how much it resembled the best parts of Flint, and retired? And then he went ahead and got a job with the Phillies? Who then released him? HUH?

Well, I thought I saw his fat face on TV last night. But it must have been his brother, Shannon. And then I saw this Maplehurst kid. Wait... not Maplehurst. Hazelbaker. And I don't pretend to be an expert or anything but WHO THE? WHAT? When did any of this happen? I could look it up, but who has the time anymore?

I did watch Fernando Cabrera pitch after Alan Embree put a bunch of starving children on base. Nandy's got an ERA as swollen as the Blackstone right now (seriously, this rain MUST CEASE) but he did a good job. Because he's exciting.

I'm just really ready to get things rolling.

BABY GORILLA!!!!

soup IL

A long, long time ago, the Syracuse Sky Chiefs were the triple A team of the Toronto Blue Jays. In 2006, former PawSox infielder Luis Figueroa visited McCoy Stadium as a member of this team and got to fulfill one of his long-standing wishes: Trying to score ladies in the park's front rows during game time. Scoundrel!

It's four years later and LF is back in the Toronto minors. Fortunately for female fans, Figgy's in Vegas. Syracuse is Nationals territory now. Hope Stephen Strasburg likes urban decay!

And how about this? Pirates DFA-ing Brandon Moss. Moss was like the son you never had, a true-blue paper boy. He'll probably end up in triple-A Indianapolis, which gives him the opportunity to visit Pawtucket and see people like Ben Mondor, who's like the father you never had.

Dusty Brown's been sent to the minors. I just saw him last night with the big club! This will be Brown's tenth year in the minors. I hope he hasn't lost his sense of humor.

Brian Shouse can put his clothes on and go home now.

Lefty detritus Brian Shouse RELEASED! I worked really hard on his post, too. Jerks.

The Marlins shuttled professional grouch Hunter Jones to minor league camp. Hunter Jones in New Orleans? This story talks about his titanium rod... and "Rod" Johnson. Jones needs to work on his breaking pitches and getting a good night's sleep for once.

Fernando Cabrera is still hanging out with the cool kids. I'm sure he'll eventually fall to earth and be an overachieving triple-A closer. Oh my god, please make that happen.

I just graphed out my games for the year at McCoy. I put a lot of thought into it and ojala que it all works out. Things fall apart. It's scientific. In even more exciting news, I went ahead and booked my Pawtucket away game trip. Can anything be better than Norfolk? Most fucking assuredly.

More bad stuff about Craig Hansen, thank god.

Remember Craig Hansen? Of course you do! Believe it or not, Captain Disaster is STILL rehabbing in the Pirates org.

I found this great article that touches on Hansen's relationship with Manny Delcarmen and their wacky Pawtucket hijinks... and RJ's post-Stinko de Mayo smackdown. Beavis and Butthead, indeed.

You know what pisses me off so much? That guys like Hansen can be drunken assholes but no one's ever supposed to say anything about it. I read something on an esteemed Boston message board about Hansen's downfall and one member dared to mention his heavy partying. A slew of other people piled on the guy, essentially telling him to shut up about it. Why should he have to? God forbid anyone be called out on their loser behavior.

In a related story, sarcastic infielder Gil Velazquez has an injury involving some kind of bone and shall be missing a few weeks. Casey Kelly is displaying some seriously restrained elation at this news.

It won't be long, I promise.

I cried when I wrote this song. About Bryan Corey.

Bryan Corey played in Pawtucket for part 0f 2006, all of '07, and part of '08. Corey also compiled 36.3 innings of work in Boston. And yet, he's been lost in the sands of time.

Well, if you'd ever bothered to read anything I've written, I was a pretty big fan of BC. Sure, I couldn't help but point out that he looked a little like Ed Gein, but he was a serviceable reliever at McCoy. I liked him a lot.

Bryan Corey is currently playing for the Chiba Lotte Marines. It is his second year in Japan. I hope his wife decides to go outside and do stuff!

Angel Chavez will make you strong.

Tampa Bay has signed former PawSox inf(ielder) Angel Chavez to a minor league deal.

Chavez was a souped-up silver spaceship in the McCoy infield, especially over at third. Too bad he couldn't hit. But can I tell you one more time what a killer defensive guy he was? No? K, I won't.

In a related story, Nomar. I don't have any good NG stories, but I'm currently enjoying a vortex of nostalgia.

Yup.

that suit is you

Don't ever take your PC for granted. Or your laptop, if you are that fortunate. Just remember that not everyone has the resources to replace their whole home internet kit.

Was that preachy? Maybe a little.

While I was disconnected, my social life burgeoned and I was more productive. I slept better and got more exercise. Thank god all of that is coming to an end!

It also appears to me that I need to moderate comments. Shiftless assholes.

I'm sure you all felt my absence more than you ever felt my presence. I'm gonna resume the brilliance and verbal acuity in just a few minutes.

Until then... I love you.