5.30.10 Had enough Tides yet?

Tides do not win. Pawtucket does. The score was 5-4.

Kris Johnson pitched seven innings. This was not necessarily good for me, because I like saying Bad Things about Johnson. But there you have it, seven innings. Johnson gave up two runs, neither of them earned, and he only threw 86 pitches. Well done, I said, through clenched teeth.

The Red Sox were first to light up the scoreboard last night. After Tug Hulett walked in the first inning, Daniel Nava was courteous enough to hit a home run. When is his birthday? Should we all chip in and get him something nice? He is possibly the most exciting thing on the team. For me.

Norfolk starter Armando Gabino buckled down after that and laid down a couple of 1-2-3 innings. The Tides caught up to Pawtucket's two runs by the fifth inning, but the Red Sox pulled ahead by a run in the bottom of the fifth when Angel Sanchez sac flied with the bases loaded.

Tides first baseman Nolan Reimold buoyed the spirits of his teammates with a two-run homer in the eighth off reliever Dustin Richardson, but reliever Kam Mickolio pissed all over their triumph. Pawtucket scored a pair of runs off KM, enough to win the game.

Fernando Cabrera closed the whole thing out for the PawSox. Cabrera walked Matt Angle, but everything else went well. Cabrera then presumably took a hot shower. No word on whether he needed someone to wash his back.

let's:
1. Who the hell is Matt Angle?
2. Armando Gabino's middle name is "Leisdeker". As a long-time member of the Unusual Middle Name Club, I'd like to say... Welcome!
3. Gil Velazquez entered this game as a defensive replacement in the ninth. GV is taking baby steps.
4. Tug Hulett walks a lot, but I don't think it is in a Jeff Natale/Jeff Bailey way. I'm not getting that he leans into pitches.
5. When's the last time McCoy was a Jeff-free zone? This is not a world I feel comfortable living in.
6. Aaron Bates struck out three times. I feel like a tattle-tale saying that.
7. Both Daniel Nava and Nolan Reimold hit doubles and homers. Neither had a walk and neither had a strike out. Mulder and Scully are on it.
8. I need to find another word for 'home run'. I would never use words like 'dinger' or 'tater' or 'bomb'. I don't want to say 'went yard' or 'touched em all'. They're all so cheesy and not at all my style. I guess cliches are inevitable when it comes to sports. Excuse me while I pontificate at great length, a la W.S.

New team today! Welcome to Rhode Island, Charlotte Knights! Please enjoy the mushy pitching of Michael Bowden.

BYE.

May 29, 2010 - Red Sox v Tides

Pawtucket wins, 7-2. Mills pitched six two-run innings, but did not get the win because the batters took their sweet-ass time in scoring. Instead, Fabio Castro gets the honor of the W.

Tides starter Brandon Erbe pitched 5 2/3 decent innings without allowing a run. Erbe struck out five Pawtucket guys... good start for Erbe, but the relievers ruined Christmas.

Norfolk was the first team to score. In the second inning, catcher Adam Donachie reached first base on an error. I don't know, I guess Dusty Brown's throw to first was crappy. The next guy, Matt Angle, hit a single. Robert Andino GIDP'd MR. Donachie across home plate, so that was pretty boring.

Norfolk scored another run in the fifth inning to make the game 2-0. Blake Davis put it up there with his solo home run. That's also kind of boring. But Pawtucket wasn't really doing much of anything at that point, so 2-0 is a menacing score in the sixth inning. You just gotta hope for a reliever who's not quite getting it done.

And that's pretty much what happened. Bottom of the seventh, Erbe's out of the game. Jorge Jimenez is first to produce a run, doubling Dusty Brown home.

And then this happened: "Pawtucket capitalized on an error by second baseman Blake Davis. Daniel Nava hit a grounder to Davis and instead of flipping the ball to second to try for a double play, he tried to tag runner Angel Sanchez. Sanchez jarred the ball loose and the inning continued. Lars Anderson followed with a two run single." Well said, Brian Smith!

The Red Sox scored three more runs in the eighth, but looks like they didn't need them!

i have to hurry:
1. Daniel Nava and Lars Anderson had two RBI apiece. 'Nava' rhymes with 'Lava'! I just want you to think about that for a minute.
2. Everyone on the PawSox got a hit except for Josh Reddick. Reddick's had a tough time, but what can you do except get up and go to work? That's what I do. That's what Morrissey does.
3. Robert Manuel wrapped up the Pawtucket pitching in a neat little package. Too bad no one wants to talk about it.
4. They were giving away glow in the dark PawSox dogtags last night. Why can I not get one? I think someone should have saved one for me. I deserve it.

Today! Go and see... Kris Johnson as he faces Armando Gabino. Who, me? No thanks, I'd rather work the entire holiday weekend! Thanks, boss!

Lars Anderson is a Co-Star.

I never used to get up early to do this stuff. I think it's mostly that I don't feel like doing it at night. As in, I fell asleep on the couch last night watching Forensic Files.

Side note: What's with the hair on the PawSox? Lord help those kids.

5.28.10 PAW v NOR - Waking Up Is Hard To Do

Tides shut Red Sox out, 3-0. Lefty Troy Patton gets the win. But you knew that.

Pawtucket's starter was new kid and lanzador muy popular Felix Doubront. It was FD's first Pawtucket start. I wonder how he likes Rhode Island?

Doubront is no Stolmy Pimental, but he did okay. He gave up a lot of hits: eight, to be excact. But only one run, so think about that very carefully. It's going to be cool seeing Doubront in Pawtucket, seeing what he is capable of, watching him order takeout.

WHO IS NUMBER ONE LEFTY NOW, KRIS JOHNSON!!!!??? Not you, Fabio Castro.

Chad Paronto's ensuing relief work yielded a second Norfolk run. The culprit was Paco Figueroa, with an RBI double in the sixth. Paronto was more successful in the seventh inning when he got the Tides batters out in order.

Ridiculously good-looking reliever Fernando Cabrera can be blamed for the third Norfolk run, a solo homer courtesy of Jeff Salazar. Cabrera was hotter last year, when he was IL All-Star material. Yeah, I said it.

Bubba Bell was last night's offensive leader with two singles.

we ride roller coasters into the ocean:
1. Good work, Troy Patton. Seven innings, three hits, four K's. And the scorelessness! Fucking beautiful!
2. Former PawSox great Cla Meredith has been optioned to Norfolk by Baltimore. ZOMG A RETURN TO HIS ROOTS!!!!
3. I miss Mike Griffin. Not that tanned asshole Rich Sauveur isn't a good coach... I just miss Griff.
4. You don't meet too many Pacos anymore. It's kind of a cool wild west name. Like, Paco's at the saloon with his six-gun. Or at some kind of corral.
5. Watch this Cla Meredith video of his reaction to being optioned. He is SO PISSED OFF.

TONIGHT. Brandon Erbe, Adam Mills. Should be fun for you and your family.

5.27.10 The Norfolk Tides Are Here

5-4 Pawtucket, yes it happened, yes I was at the game but I left for a party, and YES. I missed the dramatic finish. Sucks to your aunty!

Boof Bonser started for the Red Sox and after a shaky first inning (two singles, two walks), kinda settled in and even set the Tides down in order from innings 4-6. Bonser is growing on me. I wonder how long he will stay in triple-A?

So Bonser pitched six scoreless innings with five strikeouts (and boy, were those strikeouts pretty) and Norfolk's Chris George matched him fairly well, going five scoreless himself.

So, the game's at zero zero and it's bottom of the sixth. Good news: Bubba Bell doubled. And Angel Sanchez doubled. One nothing!

Scott Atchison is popular. Atchison jumped into the game for the seventh inning, hoping to perpetuate Bonser's scoreless ride. It was not to be. Three consecutive Norfolk singles loaded the bases with no one out. Catcher Adam Donachie stepped up and very helpfully hit a two-run double, bumping the score up to 2-1 Tides. Hey, that didn't work!

Invisible effective reliever Dustin Richardson took over. DR got the next two batters out, but a smiling Robert Andino hit another two-run double for Norfolk. 4-2 Tides.

What do you do then? You get to work, is what! The Red Sox got one back in the bottom of the seventh when Dusty Brown hit an RBI double. And then with Kam Mickolio pitching in the ninth, Dusty Brown hit a three-run walk-off homer, made possible by Lars Anderson's walk and Aaron Bates' single. Everything's coming up Dusty!

Mickolio took the loss for Pawtucket. TJ Large got the win. Large pitched a scoreless eighth with one strikeout. Screw you, Bonser!

perps:
1. HOLY HELL. Chris George? Why do I not remember him being blazingly hot when he was with Pawtucket last year? How did I overlook that? I'm not talking about his pitching, either. BANGIN'.
2. Tides shortstop Robert Andino hit two doubles.
3. Geez, I hate to point out the mistakes of professionals, but McCoy PA guy Jim Martin called Danny Figueroa 'Paco' (there is a Paco Figueroa on the team). Martin is pretty much perfect otherwise and I think he is awesome and I almost feel bad pointing this out. Even though he cheats on us with the Bruins.
4. Daniel Nava went 0-4 with a strikeout. In a related story, how many times are we going to hear the stupid story of Nava leaving tickets for a certain female celebrity? Wow. That is so interesting. You know what else is interesting? Nava leads the team in OPS. And OBP. And RBI. And hits. And home runs. And Nava is seventh in the league in OPS.
5. Know who's leading the IL in home runs? Guess. No, guess. HESSMANIA!!!! Mike Hessman. This guy cannot be overlooked anymore.

Tonight! Pitching with a chance of hitting. Felix Doubront v Troy Patton. So go hither, lovers of Felix. BYE.

Sergio Santos versus The Fog.

Remember Fisher Cats shortstop and, well, hottie Sergio Santos? I loved that guy!

A couple of years ago I heard that he was attempting to reinvent himself as a pitcher. Ho-hum, turn the page. And then nothing more.

Except! Not only was the experiment successful, but Santos got really fat and got himself a job with the Chicago White Sox! Holy hell! Read all about it here.

In 2007 I attended the Eastern League All-Star Game in Norwich. Sergio Santos won the home run derby. The crazy, thick fog ruined the game. I could not even see the outfielders. Hell, the batters couldn't see them either. Santos won a lawn tractor which he immediately tried selling.

Minor leaguers need money, not tractors.

5.25.10 The Durable Durham Bulls star in a season cliffhanger.

Will Pawtucket retaliate when Durham comes to Rhode Island in July? Will Daniel Nava get to face Jeremy Hellickson? Is Dan Johnson on the path to destruction? Who, exactly, is Josh Reddick working for?

And Dusty Brown will make a shocking discovery that will CHANGE. THE. TEAM. FOREVER.

Bulls win again, 8-5. This is what happens when Michael Bowden pitches, because I find his performances indefensible. Prospect my ass. Exciting young pitches don't repeat levels. Jon Lester didn't, did he?

I should probably say something bad about Fabio Castro as well, because FC gave up six runs in 2 1/3 relief innings. Bowden only gave up two.

Whatever. Durham struck first last night when Dan Johnson hit a two-run homer in the first inning. From the day he was born, he was trouble. He was the thorn in his mother's side. And he's wrecking the Red Sox like Juan Miranda.

Luckily, Lars Anderson hit a solo home run in the second to cut the lead in half. (Media kidz love using this expression: 'Cutting the lead in half.' It's so meaningless.) Pawtucket tied the game in the top of the fourth, mostly thanks to Daniel Nava's leadoff double. Nava got moved over enough times by groundouts to score.

Shit got out of hand in the Durham half of the second when Castro puked up four runs. And then! And then! Durham tacked on two more runs in the seventh! Dan Johnson doubled, Joe Dillon doubled, Ryan Shealy doubled... it was a disaster.

But... things got interesting in the ninth inning. Dale Thayer was pitching for Durham. Aaron Bates started things off with a single... then Thayer walked Reddick and Brown to load the bases. How do you walk Josh Reddick?!

Bases loaded, no one out for Dale Thayer. Jorge Jimenez walks, Bates scores! Then Bubba Bell, who strikes out. Pawtucket leadoff batter Tug Hulett steps up next... and walks! This, at least, makes sense. Hulett is the team walks leader.

So Josh Reddick scores and Thayer gets yanked. The next reliever, Mike Ekstrom, gets Angel Sanchez to ground out... but Brown scoots across home plate and the score is now 8-5. Two runners on for powerhouse Daniel Nava. Oh my god, what if he homers? Tie game is what if!

But Nava struck out swinging and I will hang my head low. Geez, that was depressing.

tonight i'm gonna break away:
1. Pawtucket had three errors, so please find a way to make Sanchez, Castro, and Jimenez feel deep, crippling shame.
2. Joe Dillon went 4-4 with three doubles.
3. Lars Anderson reminds me of that guy who was on that show with the guy from Poltergeist. He was a football coach? And there was some big ugly Swedish guy? The show was probably called 'Coach', but that doesn't sound right. He was a big, dumb blonde guy. You know who I mean!

Tonight! Nothing. Day off for everyone, so you might see some of the team at the beach. Me? Nothing. Call me if you wanna go get some beers or dinner or something.

Jose Lima was at McCoy Stadium.

Can't believe he died. Looks like he pitched at McCoy in May of 2006. He was on the Norfolk Tides when they were a Mets affiliate.

And I wrote about it!

Four years ago, eh? I'm closing in on my fifth anniversary.

RIP Lima Time. I watched the video of him singing at an airport and it was remarkable. Maybe we need more guys like that. Instead we have gym-rat jocks who like high-tech video games, crappy music, and lite beer.

5.24.10 Jeremy Hellickson has "Hell" in his name.

Durham Bulls WIN! 1-0. Can you see that I am serious?

Looks like I should have picked Durham as my secret triple-A vacation. Bulls starter and gaming enthusiast Jeremy Hellickson pitched five..., whoops, make that six... WHAT. Hellickson pitched eight innings. One walk, one hit, five strikeouts. 96 pitches. I think he is going to kill me!

Durham first baseman Ryan Shealy hit a solo home run in the second inning and that was all they needed. Aaron Bates got the only hit for Pawtucket, a single.

Josh Reddick is no longer the leadoff hitter. Reddick has some serious problems at the plate right now. Tug Hulett batted first, but that is maybe not who I would have put there. How about Angel Sanchez? No one on this team's stealing bases, anyway... Pawtucket has less SB than anyone in the IL!

Let's all just focus, here:
1. Hellickson is ready, but are the Rays?
2. Six-man rotation in Tampa featuring JH?
3. Hellickson is a hot shot.
4. JH is Tampa's number two pitching prospect.
5. Strasburg is not the only flame in town.
6. Fantasy evaluation from January. No, you should read it, it's good.
7. Scouting report... with video!
8. Is Hellickson gonna get some work in Tampa this year? No? And for crying out loud... Hellboy? Weak scene.

Et cetera.

Tonight! More Bull shit. Lefty Heath Phillips will face Michael Bowden. Isn't that nice?

GAME ONE - Red Sox at Durham Bulls. Hessmania?

Pawtucket loses in exciting fashion, continuing a suspended game and never quite fitting in. DURHAM BULLS EFFECT RUNSPLOSION, WIN 18-1!!!

Your Pawtucket losing pitcher was... I don't know, everyone except maybe Robert Manuel? I mean, Boof Bonser started and gave up seven runs in a single inning, but TJ Large's pair of innings wasn't exactly an oil painting, either. Large matched Bonser's seven earned runs.

Ramon A Ramirez, who I am dying to call "Ramona", managed to keep the Durham runs at three during his 3 2/3 inning tenure. That is some long relief. Ramirez threw like 40-something pitches.

Durham DH Dan Johnson had eight RBI. Remarkable. Tough name, though. DJ, Google is not your friend.

Bulls righty Richard De Los Santos got the win.

arithmetic:
1. Read Mike Potter's terrific game(s) summery aqui.
2. How did Pawtucket score its sole run? A Bubba Bell productive groundout that scored Dusty Brown. Happens all the time.
3. Fernando Cabrera got into a heated discussion with home plate ump Fran Burke in the second game, presumably a balls/strikes thing. But it would have been interesting if it was something like Burke's wife hooking up with Cabrera... I have tabloid-ish tendencies that I work hard to suppress, obviously.
4. Gil Velazquez got into his first Pawtucket game of the season. Velazquez went 0-3 with a walk.
5. Good talk, Dusty: Brown had a throwing error and two passed balls.
6. Not only that, but Durham stole four bases on Brown's watch. Tough night in North carolina.
7. Someday I will tell you about my trip to N Carolina. Yeah, I get around.
8. Aneury Rodriguez started this game and worked a mere two innings, most likely due to the suspension. Game suspension, not drug. Rodriguez is also not hot.
9. TJ Large hit Justin Ruggiano twice. Maybe Ruggiano has a big fat ass?
10. Angel Chavez! Chavez went 0-4 but had two RBI.

There.

Tonight! Kris Johnson and Jeremy Hellickson. I'm kind of enjoying my exclusive blog, but at the same time I am too much of a showperson to keep it locked up much longer. Ciao!

Game 2 @ Durham - It's time for the opposites!

Pawtucket WINS! 1-0 in seven innings. Catcher Gustavo Molina hit a solo home run, single-handedly winning the game.

Oooh... would we... say Molina won the game? Let's discuss Chad Paronto. Paronto pitched four scoreless innings, gave up one hit and two walks. He also struck out two bulls.

El lanzador tan rico F. Cabrera worked for two innings. Cabrera also walked two Bulls and struck out three.

And then there's Doubront and his game opening single inning. Oh, how darling! I'm glad I didn't miss a REAL start.

So, yeah, Gustavo Molina and Mostly Chad. Durham burned through four pitchers in seven innings. Dale Thayer pitched the seventh. HIM? Cool, maybe I'll see Thayer in Pawtucket.

randy rhoades:
1. Both teams wore Negro league uniforms.
2. It was seriously fucking raining in Durham. They do, however, have a killer grounds crew who made it all happen. Scott Strickland, will you please stand up?
3. Holy crap! A Durham Bulls blog!

Catch you over at game one... The Bloodening!

This blog is not for people like you.

Tomorrow morning I am locking Baseball Heavy down. I've had some undesirable visitors lately and I am wicked pissed off.

If you want access, you can e-mail me (address is in my profile) or send me a message via Twitter.

I'll bust the doors open when I'm over my hissy fit.

I wish you hadn't said that.

Sarcastic infielder Gil Velazquez is back!

Jonathan Van Every is also back. Probably.

Still waiting for Darnell McDonald.

Joe Nelson's in Boston, which happened a few days ago and I intentionally didn't say anything about it because I try to stay out of transaction clamor. Except when I get that Junior Spivey heads up!

I could have slept another hour today.

5.21.10 Murder at Harbor Park

Norfolk Tides win, 3-2.

As I was listening to this game on the radio, I was doing other things and I kept hearing Chris George's name. And I thought, wow, where has he been? Well, he's in the Orioles org!

I don't really remember too much about C. George so I will say 'Left Us Too Soon'.

Pawtucket scored both its runs in the first inning and then laid down and died as Norfolk came up and tied things in a sea-worthy knot. Believe it or not, the lumbering Aaron Bates tripled in the first to score Jorge Jimenez. I don't know, maybe Bates is secretly fast or something... but there's a reason he plays first or left.

I think what really happened is the Tides outfield D was imperfect.

Anyway, since this game was not that interesting, I am going to make a list of things I did in Norfolk last summer!

Things I Did In Norfolk Last Summer:
1. Nauticus!
2. The Virginia Sports Hall of Fame! That was fun.
3. Ferry over to Portsmouth, beers and snacks here. I could have sworn I saw Lou Piniella there!
4. Virginia Beach by public trans. I didn't go swimming. The dining options there are fucking dismal, too.
5. "Slept" on the floor of the Dulles airport on the way home.
6. My dinner here was interrupted with the news of Michael Jackson's death. It was really bizarre.
7. The beautiful and air-conditioned Virginia Aquarium.
8. Daily breakfast downtown with all the suits and hospitality workers here.
9. Except that one morning I ate in the hotel, which I usually never do because it's crazy overpriced and pathetic. Billy Traber was sitting next to us, eating his pancakes alone and contemplating his own mortality. Michael Bowden dined alone as well and read the newspaper. I respect the fact that they did not eat together. I mean, most of my co-workers are cool but I don't necessarily want to break bread with them. Not in the morning, anyway, because I can be unpleasant.
10. Not only that, but three ballgames. Jeez. Why can't I just take a vacation and lie around the pool instead of being an activities co-ordinator?

I'll tell you why! Because my daily life is a vacation! I only do anything when I go someplace else! I don't go to zoos and aquariums and museums at home.

I love you.

Devern Hansack and the Sea

I was hoping Hansack would make his way back up to McCoy so I could see him pitch again. But evidently he's been released. He was my favorite, and not just because he smelled like Otto's jacket. And now I'll never see him again. This is how people become cutters.

I feel like there's no one to root for this year. Oh, sure, most people are up on Lars Anderon's jock... but I'm more of a Ryan Khoury girl. (Figuratively speaking.)

I guess that's it. Except I'm gonna go down to Pearl Lagoon and hang out. Like that one sportswriter did.

5.20.10 no te llores, mañana siempre hay... PAWTUCKET

8-1 Norfolk, and Pawtucket was shut out until the ninth. Fabio Castro got the loss, but that is not really the point.

The point is Jake Arrieta pitched seven shutout innings and had TEN STRIKEOUTS. Arrieta's first K was also the first batter he faced, that being Josh Reddick. Not too interesting, since Reddick strikes out more than anyone on the team. And, seriously, it's not like he's Daniel Nava who also strikes out a lot, but leads the team in OBP.

But, again, that's not the point. Arrieta struck out Brown and Anderson in the second, Niuman R. in the fourth, Jorge Jimenez and Romero again in the fifth, Aaron Bates in the sixth... and then, the seventh inning, is Arrieta tired from being awesome? Hell no. He faced Bell, Khoury, and Reddick and struck out each of them in succession.

And that is the effing point.

migajas:
1. Poor little Josh Reddick. Waaah.
2. I'm sorry, that was insensitive. It's difficult to muster any sympathy for a professional baseball player when HOW AM I GOING TO PAY MY GAS BILL and MY CAR IS TEN YEARS OLD and I HAVE NO MONEY IN LIFE and WHAT COLOR ARE THE DRAPES IN DEBTOR'S PRISON?
3. The Red Sox sole run was a Lars Anderson home run. There is not much more lonely in baseball than a ninth inning solo home run when you are down by like eight runs.
4. This game summary includes video and I like it. I also find it interesting that they spell Paw-Sox with a hyphen. Paw-Sox! Although the TV guy has a weird, nasally voice.
5. Niuman Romero struck out three times. He also has a regrettable haircut.
6. How come Pawtucket doesn't have a wacky sports guy? I could be that guy! Oh, no!
7. Did Robert Andino hit a home run? Yes, he did. His roster photo is funny!
8. Every PawSox player struck out at least once. Damn, Arrieta!
9. The Tides Scott Moore and Brandon Snyder had three RBI apiece.
10. Fernando Cabrera pitched a scoreless eighth inning, striking out two of the three batters he faced. Ten of his fifteen pitches were strikes. The Tides were helpless in the face of Cabrera's relentless handsomery.

TONIGHT. More Tides! And then... Durham. And if something gets in your way... turn.

5.19.10 Michael Bowden Always Takes the Biggest Slice

Norfolk Tides win, 5-2. Bowden gets the loss, although his line varies slightly inasmuch as he pitched an entire seven innings.

Bowden's most notable number from last night's game is the three home runs he gave up to the training-bra Orioles. Designated hitter Scott Moore hit two of them. Yeah, how can pitchers stand a chance when they're faced with the Real Ultimate Power of Scott... MOORE!?

Tides pitcher Chris Tillman also got seven innings in, but he looked a lot prettier. Tillman didn't give up any runs, see? Relievers Pedro Viola and Dennis Sarfate gave up a Pawtucket run each.

The Red Sox didn't score until the eighth inning, when Niuman Romero followed up Ryan Khoury's double with an RBI single. Angel Sanchez could have helped out, but Boston spirited him away. Jerks.

Bubba Bell generated the second Pawtucket run with a productive groundout that scored Dusty Brown.

what a price to pay:
1. Ramon A Ramirez pitched a scoreless eighth inning.
2. Nolan Reimold is a Tide after being demoted from Baltimore for overall crappy performance. The first base thing is an experiment that is not likely to go well.
3. Because remember the painful attempt to make Brandon Moss a first baseman? That was one of the most tragic things I've seen in baseball. See also: Javier Lopez playing the outfield in Boston.
4. Angel Sanchez should be back in a couple of days. Hope they staple Darnell McDonald to him!

Tonite only: Pocket lefty Fabio Castro v Jake Arrietta. So enjoy that.

sad moves always make me cry

So, Dan Hoard's got a gig with the Bengals?

That's fine. I'm going to go weep in the shower now.

The weird thing is I'll miss him more than I'll miss any single current Pawsox player. I also need to have some say in his replacement.

In an unrelated story, my Pittsburgh trip is a done fucking deal. We are going to continue filming material for our baseball trip Laughumentary. I can see how jealous you all are.

LAUGHUMENTARY!!!

5.18.10 Visiting the Norfolk Tides

6-0 Pawtucket! I'm so lucky that I was at this game in Norfolk!

Okay, not really. But one of these days I am going to say that and it's going to be the truth. Kris Johnson gets the win for the Red Sox, working six innings of run-free goodness. The Tides got six hits and two walks off Johnson, but he made them strikeout four times.

Scott Atchison and Dustin Richardson provided a combined three innings of scoreless relief. They also may have high-fived each other after the game.

Bubba Bell made headlines in the fourth inning when he hit a three run homer. Bell had four RBI overall. Good job.

Norfolk's Brandon Erbe gave up five of the six Pawtucket runs and took the loss. Michael Aubrey did his damnedest to get the team on the board, as he hit a double and a triple (!!), but since he batted seventh the odds were stacked against his being batted in. I am glaring at YOU, Michel Hernandez and Joey Gathright.

wait!
1. Why's Gathright batting ninth? Who do I call about this?
2. Aaron Bates also homered, batting in: himself.
3. Gustavo lives! Molina was C.O.D. last night. Molina's situation reminds me of Ricky Gutierrez on the 2004 World Champion Boston Red Sox. I saw him everywhere in his little hat, but what, exactly, did he do? I watched endless Boston games but I have virtually no memory of him ever playing.
4. Norfolk manager Gary Allenson is super pissed at the team's offense.
5. I did go to Norfolk last year and had a terrific time. The team must have heard what hotel I was staying at because there they were, trying to catch a glimpse of me. In my finery. Especially Rocky Cherry! I was like, Dude! I like you as a player!
6. Looks like Kris Johnson is getting his shit together, which is encouraging. You think I like being negative and critical and taking personal shots at players? DO YOU?!
7. Please enjoy this video, a game recap from Tides TV or whatever. You can see the astounding number of Red Sox fans. Did I tell you my theory about that?

TONIGHT. Michael Bowden and Chris Tillman. Bowden had better find his groove because I'm getting really close to saying Bad Things about him. And I don't want to say Bad Things.

IT'S BURRITO TIME! SEE YOU AT LUNCH!!

Red Sox v Chiefs - Boof, There It Is! (sorry)

Chiefs avoid the sweep and win 5-4.

Boof Bonser got the start and was... adequate. But that's another story for some other people. What I really want to talk about is Josh Reddick. But just for a few seconds.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the seventh inning at McCoy Stadium and Jason Bergmann had come in for JD Martin (who, by the way, did a great job up until the sixth). Jorge Jimenez had doubled and was hanging out, talking to Pete Orr or whoever. Pedro Lopez, probably. So with two outs, Ellsbury walks and Josh Reddick hits the ball hard to right. Chris Duncan has a hard time coming up with it and Ellsbury scores... Josh Reddick is running his ass off and Lovullo is furiously waving him in but the incredible edible Carlos Maldonado is waiting with the ball. Reddick tries to dodge Maldonado but YEAH RIGHT and he is out and he tumbles down to the ground. It looked painful and N. Romero helped him up but he was okay.

Sometimes I think Josh Reddick is really dumb, although it was his manager waving him in. I don't know about that guy.

Joe Nelson took the loss for Pawtucket. Nelson gave up a couple of runs in the eighth. It's mostly Chris Duncan's fault... not only did CD hit a home run off Chad Paronto, but he walked and stole second in the eighth which was great news for Eric Bruntlett, who then hit an RBI double. What did he ever do in Pawtucket? Stupid Chris Duncan.

That's all I feel like talking about, but I will make a list:
1. Boof Bonser looks angry when he pitches. I bet he gets really annoyed when people call him "Boff".
2. When a player leaves in the middle of the game, it's either a) injury or b) call-up. Although Daniel Nava is a supreme being, he is not in a position to head to New York. So it turns out he felt a tug at his anatomy... oblique. And he is okay.
3. Josh Reddick had three RBI and that is fantastic. Lars Anderson was 0-4 with a strikeout.
4. Robert Manuel pitched a perfect, scoreless ninth inning. I'm going to mail him a card with ten dollars in it for his birthday.
5. Which is July 9th. Don't forget!
6. Designated hitter Chase Lambin also tripled.
7. It was great to see some of the cool kidz at the park! There needs to be a jamboree at some point.

Tomorrow... Fabio Castro? I don't remember, don't feel like looking it up, Red Sox hit the road to face the mighty Norfolk Tides.

Ciao!

5.16.10 Fuck Yr Fans (you ruined my favorite band)

More Syracuse, more winning. You know what I did last night? I read my blog through an online translator. In Spanish. It was so great. TJ GRANDE!!!

That's all I did, though. Other than that I just sat in the darkness staring into nothing, spitting up pieces of my broken luck.

Pawtucket won 3-1, thanks to Fernando Cabrera. Oh, sure, other people were involved. But those people were sweaty and unattractive.

But, seriously. Adam Mills had a great start. Five two-hit innings and one tiny run. But Joe Nelson got the win even though he only faced one batter and got him to fly out. I'm sure Nelson was man enough to take Mills aside and say, "This was all yours, brah." I know this because that is how jocks express emotions.

No, no, seriously. Did you know that Pawtucket got 14 hits and left 10 batters on base? You can thank Tug Hulett, Josh Reddick, and Angel Sanchez for that. Those three no-goodniks each came up twice with two outs and RISP and did not produce a run.

You know what? It doesn't matter. They won, and that's the important thing. That's what scouts look at - not clutch production or timely hitting, but whether the minor league team defeated the other minor league team in some ballpark in Rhode Island. And french fry deliciousness is also key, since scouts have notoriously bad eating habits. McCoy Stadium has that in the bag. NEVER CHANGE THE FRENCH FRIES!!!

but, seriously:
1. Jorge Jimenez went 4-4. Josh Reddick went 0-5 with two strikeouts. Reddick's plate production is in the toilet right now. He's like... Ken Huckaby!
2. This paper saves newsprint by combining two game summaries in one article. What a great idea! I should try that.
3. Everyone is talking about the Chiefs pitcher who got called up pretty much in the middle of the game, which is a great story but as overplayed as a top 40 track. I love how Pawtucket is only interesting if something big league happens.
4. That's where I come in!
5. Former Pawtucket warm body Chris Duncan was responsible for Syracuse's lone RBI.

Today! Boof Bonser v JD Martin. Ellsbury will be there, so that means I am one step closer to the return of Darnell McDonald!!

TJ GRANDE!!!

Rate the IL Hotel

The Syracuse Chiefs blog has a feature called "Rate the IL Hotel", in which they... yeah. The most recent one is Pawtucket and you most assuredly should read it. What a brilliant feature. Superlative work, Jason Benetti.

It takes a lot for a hotel to knock me out. My favorite hotel stay for a baseball trip was the one in Milwaukee. Great hotel, great city, great park.

The H's, the R's, all the rest... interchangeable. I did enjoy the parking lot attendant in Buffalo, though.

5.15.10 PAW v SYR (up)

Pawtucket wins again, 6-4.

Pawtucket's pitching was a collaborative effort, featuring short spurts by TJ Large, Ramon Ramirez, Dustin Richardson, Scott Atchison, and Robert Manuel. HA! I would love to see that in Boston. Let's try starting things off with Hideki Okajima!

Syracuse countered with Shairon Martis. Martis pitched five and a third and was responsible for half of the Red Sox runs. Phenom, my ass! Martis was all over the place and his pitch count was perilously close to 100 before he was yanked.

Chiefs reliever Jason Bergmann wasn't much help. Berg puked up an additional three runs in his two innings of work.

And the crazy thing was that neither team scored until the sixth inning. Syracuse struck first when former Pawtucket guy Chris Duncan (girlfriend) hit a two-run homer. Dusty Brown topped that shit with a three-run bomb in the latter half of the inning. Brown always hated that guy, anyway. You should have seen the smug look on Brown's face as he trotted around the bases.

Things looked gloomy again for Pawtucket when the Chiefs pulled ahead in the next inning, scoring a pair of runs. But Pawtucket chipped the shit out of pitchers Bergmann and Atahaulpa Severino in the eighth. No, I mean it, it was all singles and sacrifices and errors.

Robert Manuel closed the whole affair out with flawless execution. Uno, dos, tres. Good night!

april n andy:
1. Daniel Nava went 3-4. Josh Reddick went 0-5 with a strikeout. Hey, I know what would help, Josh! Get another wacky haircut!
2. Randor Bierd is injured? Why the hell aren't I notified about these things? Anyway, this article describes TJ Large's start as 'brilliant'. I mean, come on.

Today it's Adam Mills and Chuck James and it's Old Hoss Day. You should go.

Jeff Natale for the last time.

Evidently, people really love Jeff Natale. So here's a snap I borrowed from a friend of mine. And that's all you're getting. I'm DONE.

someone waiting home for me

I'm not too disappointed about SS missing his start in Pawtucket. I'll still be at a baseball game on a Monday afternoon while you're toiling away at the job you hate. Aaaah.

I stopped taking pictures because it's a pain, I'm not good at it, and I hate it. But I am going to fire up the old film camera on Monday. I need some stock photos of guys like Tug Hulett and Gustavo Molina and Fabio Castro.

Meantime, just because...

5.14.10 PAW v SYR

This was the best PawSox game I've been to in a while. Great crowd, too. Very fun. Not too cold. 4-2 Pawtucket! That feels much better.

Michael Bowden pitched five innings and gave up both Syracuse runs. (I keep going to type "Gwinnett".) Caged animal Mike Morse hit a solo home run in the first inning and former beloved Pawtucket catcher Carlos Maldonado hit an RBI single in the fourth.

Chad Paronto pitched a good sixth and seventh inning, but Fernando Cabrera knocked me out in the eighth inning. I am not just saying this because of his celestial good looks. Cabrera's been struggling lately but he looked deadly last night. It was encouraging. Nice, huge staggering whiffs from Syracuse.

The formerly flawless Robert Manuel made me make the disapproving Marge Simpson noise in the ninth when he kicked things off with a walk and a single. Manuel kept missing the zone and things did not look good. Syracuse made a sincere effort and put in pinch hitters (JEALOUS) but Manuel effected a DP with Mench to seize the game.

The rehabbing gent Mike Cameron must have had fun last night! Cameron hit a two-run homer in the third and made some lovely defensive plays in left. He also makes sure to water the plants around the office.

First baseman Aaron Bates hit an RBI single in the sixth and Jorge Jimenez scored the fourth Pawtucket run in the seventh by way of an error.

i like my sugar sweet:
1. Center fielder Justin Maxwell was the leadoff batter for the Chiefs. I saw him by the visitor's dugout and you would not believe how hot he is up close. Oh my god. I realize it is unprofessional of me to say such things, but damn.
2. Daniel Nava and Tug Hulett had tough nights, both going 0-4 with two strikeouts.
3. THIS game summary blows my shit out of the water.
4. Josh Wilkie pitched a couple of innings for Syracuse and didn't give up any hits or walks, but he struck out four batters. He was cool to watch. And yopu can read a romantic story about Wilkie here.
5. The Chiefs may become an exciting visiting team. I never thought I would say that, but they have some ish going on. And not just because of SS.
6. MALDONADO!!!
7. You should also see Robert Manuel pitch. He looks all weird and knock-kneed.

Tonight! Who? Randor Bierd? Whatever, have fun as Pawtucket starts to shake off the lethargy.

5.13.10 Pawtucket v Gwinnett Braves

PawSox win 3-2. Starting pitcher Kris Johnson gets the W. The combined relief efforts of Scott Atchison, Dustin Richardson, and Joe Nelson put a lock on the win column.

Braves starter Ryne Reynoso pitched six decent innings, but he was no match for the likes of Niuman Romero, who went 2-3 with an RBI.

Rehabbing outfielder Mike Cameron also produced a run, with a sac fly to left to score Jorge Jimenez.

Catcher Gustavo Molina had the team's only extra base hit, a lead-off double in the fourth.

The PawSox will face Syracuse tonight and starter Matt Chico. Michael Bowden gets the start for the home team. Game time is 7:05.

Baby Chris Carter appreciates the finer things

"Saw Aaron Bates' girlfriend in the paper today... in her underpants! WOW! More like Miss ASS-achusetts!"

Brent Clevlen, what is UP you old GOAT?

6-0 Red Sox. Wow, I was really crabby in that last post, huh? I feel much better. I LOVE YOU, BUBBA BELL!

It's funny how I have so much love for Twins alumni but I find Bonser so uninteresting! Anyway, former Twins megastar Boof Bonser had an encouraging start, pitching four scoreless innings peppered with two hits and two walks. Bonser also struck out Brent Clevlen and Barbaro Canizares.

Pawtucket kicked off its hot, wet scoring action pretty much right away in the first inning. Daniel Nava hit a two-run homer and you really need to shine this guy's shoes because he is Real Ultimate Power. Either that or he is a made up person and all of this is a dream. Like when Hawkeye was in a rowboat and he had no arms but there were all these severed arms in the water and the boat bumped them out of the way as it floated.

The second inning was great, too. Lars Anderson kicked things off with a walk, Dusty Brown singled, Jorge Jimenez singled. Bases loaded, no one out, Braves starter Todd Redmond's balls are starting to sweat. And Bubba Bell hits a two-run single! Then Josh Redneck singles but no one scores. But Daniel Nava was a cool dude in a loose mood and flied deep to left so Jimenez to score. 5-0 PawSox!

Daniel Nava got the sixth and final run for Pawtucket in the fourth inning, when he hit an RBI double. Pull up a mouth, because the hit buffet is unstoppable. (Sorry.)

of course you may have other plans:
1. When is Darnell McDonald coming back? I am dying, here.
2. PS, that photo of McDonald is MINE. I didn't steal it for once. Taken in Rochester, along with several Garrett Jones snaps.
3. Is it me or has Brent Clevlen been in the IL forever? He's like John-Ford Griffin or Mike Rabelo. Or Ryan Raburn. Or OHMYGOD ENRIQUE GONZALEZ IS ON THE MUD HENS???
4. Tug Hulett continues to struggle, going 0-4 with a strikeout.
5. Fabio Castro is like Edgar Martinez or maybe Enrique Gonzalez. Castro pitched four innings of scoreless relief. TJ Large handled the ninth inning. The team's not really touchy-feely, though, so no one hugged anyone or anything.
6. Same newspaper: Five sentence game summary. Geez, don't kill yourselves. Must suck to be a Gwinnett fan.
7. These G-Braves snaps are baller.


Tomorrow! Do you like Ryne Reynoso? Good, he's pitching tomorrow v Kris Johnson. I'll be kicking at at KP's for TV Thursday.

DANNY NEVADA!!!

Baby Chris Carter is explosive.

"What now, BOSTON? See what you're missing out on, BITCH? LIGHT TOWER POWER!"

5.11.10 Holy crap, it's the Gwinnett Braves AGAIN!

Yeah, I'm fucking late. And? I have a job and I don't exactly skip over to my desk every morning because I wanna write about this bunch of bums. Not only that, but I have dip but no chips and I am too lazy to go buy some. I'm doing this for free, by myself, out of the kindness of my heart. Fuck you if you don't like it. Don't read it! I don't want you reading this anyway! Know why? Because YOU'RE UPTIGHT! AND YOU DON'T GET IT!!

Pawtucket WINS! 5-1. Adam Mills! Wooo! YEAH! Adam Mills... WHAT. Mills pitched seven innings? That's great! 95 pitches! Only one (unearned) run! STUD. Best Red Sox start thus far! Nice job at last, Adam Mills! Girlfriend!

So that was good.

Pawtucket scored its first three runs in the bottom of the second, when Aaron Bates hit a two run homer and Josh Reddick batted in Bell. Isn't the performance upgrade w/r/t Aaron Bates pretty remarkable? It might be more remarkable if he ever ran a comb through his hair!

In the bottom of the third, Dusty Brown hit a two-run homer.

Innings 5-6-7 were 100% three up, three down. Crazy, right?

So, to sum up, Adam Mills did a great job. That'll brighten anyone's day. Like mine. Such as.

how do you live so happily?
1. This newspaper found four sentences a sufficient game summary. How unsatisfying.
2. Cristhian Martinez pitched four relief innings for the Braves. Good thing no one cares about him or his health.
3. Do you know why I like Mike Cameron? Because I was a Padres fan for a little while. He did some things at McCoy Stadium, but that stuff is not my milieu.

That's all I have. I need to go lie down for a little while.

Willie Harris

I've been meaning to say for four years now that I love Willie Harris and I've enjoyed his many big league accomplishments. I think he is marvelous.

BREAKING: My lifelong dream of visiting Pittsburgh is going to come true this year. Yes, I am going to see the Pirates. I am so excited. I just burst into song and tossed my hat up in the air. Nate McLouth, here I come!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S NOT ON THE TEAM ANY MORE?

Okay. Evan Meek, here I come!

5.10.10 Opponent: Gwinnett Braves

3-2 Braves. James Parr was supposed to start, but he fell in the bathtub and hurt his hip. Chris Resop got the great opportunity for a win. STAT PADDER!!!

Resop pitched five innings and gave up a run. He also got five Red Sox batters to strike out. Chris. Resop.

Randor Bierd started for Pawtucket and damn if he didn't look sharp with his red socks pulled high. Bierd only lasted four innings. Chad Paronto must be made of real stretchy pizza dough... he pitched three innings! And he mowed through Gwinnett with 33 pitches! Good job, CP.

Fernando Cabrera came into the eighth with score 2-1. He got Barbaro out (I can call him Barbaro, we're tight) via K, but subsequently walked IL repeat offender Brent Clevlen. Then Gregor Blanco, who is one of the shortest outfielders I have ever seen, hit a single.

So Joe Thurston steps in and strikes out looking. Clevlen goes to steal third and Dusty Brown botches it up. So Clevlen gets home on the error... Gregor Blanco managed to steal second in the melee but he got greedy and tried for third. Bad idea! Nava relayed it over to Jimenez and got him out. Suck it, Blanco. Weren't you supposed to be a catcher, anyway?

The tragedy of it all is that Pawtucket would have tied the game, because they scored a second run in the bottom of the eighth. Mariano Gomez was pitching and Mike Cameron doubled to left. The "crowd" went wild! And Angel Sanchez singled Cameron home. Have I mentioned lately that I love Angel Sanchez?

And bottom of the ninth, something could have happened. Anderson and Jimenez walked. But Bubba Bell struck out and pinch hitter Niuman Romero grounded out. They should have left Cameron in! (I am not serious.)

Tiva:
1. I was at the game but it was cold so I left. I don't feel the need to explain myself.
2. Looks like Daniel Nava was trying to be an aggressive baserunner, which might not be his forte. He was caught stealing and picked off. He also leads the team in strikeouts with 27.
3. Aaron Bates had the night off.
4. Know your place, Pawtucket Red Sox: In most of the news bulletins talking about Cameron's rehab, the actual game was not mentioned. Nothing about Randor Bierd, the G-Braves, the final score. That's a serious media dis.
5. Joe Thurston! I saw Thurston stop and say hello to a couple of PawSox staff on the field before the game. So cool. Did you not love him in 2008? I know I did.
6. Thurston sez "He definitely has big league stuff, but I didn’t see anything to where I’d say, ‘Get him out of here. He doesn’t belong in this league.’ Nobody on our team was awed by him. We all went up there with the attitude of, ‘This guy is in Triple-A, just like us, so let’s go.’"
7. Gregor Blanco went 3-4 with a double and an RBI. So don't get on my case, Mrs. Blanco.
8. I guess there IS a Gwinnett Braves blog. It is not a fan blog, though. It's like a propaganda stuffed events calendar, so it is of no use to me. You might like it, though, because you are boring.

Tonight! SEX! And... I don't know. Whose turn is it to be an ineffective starter? Is it Adam Mills? I'll be watching the number one show in America, thankyouverymuch.

BLANCO!!!

5.9.10 Red Sox, White Sox.

Pawtucket says "There it is! Take it!" (8-3 win!)

Guess how many innings M. Bowden pitched? Guess how many pitches he threw? Runs? Hits? Walks? GUESS!

Pawtucket scored eight runs, so talk about that. Daniel Nava, or "Danny Nevada" as he likes to be called, continues his monster mash and I'll bet he gets mad ladies. Nava had only one hit and it was a three-run homer. He's got some sick slugging numbers as well. He does strike out more than twice as much as he walks, though, if you care.

The real crazy thing is Pawtucket scoring all of its eight runs in the sixth inning. What happened? Charlotte was ahead 2-0. Lucas Harrell (who?) was pitching and it started off small... Nava was hit by a pitch. That's that weird noise you hear in your dark house and the onset of Panic Music.

With Daniel Nava on first base doing his serious base-running crouch, Angel Sanchez singles. Nava to third. Here comes Tug Hulett, who hits a two-run double!

So Harrell's out. Freddy Dolsi in, which seemed like a good idea at first because he sat Aaron Bates down looking. However, Dolsi walked Lars Anderson and that was bad because the next batter was Dusty Brown. And Brown doubled, scoring Hulett and Anderson. THAT WAS BAD, DOLSI. 4-2 Pawtucket!

Jorge Jimenez RBI single/Bell gets on base and then the Nava home run. Oooh, they batted around! I HATE THAT. It steams up my scorecard!

I have to stop in a minute.

mother should i trust the government:
1. Joe Nelson is the new Robert Manuel. Nelson pitched a pair of scoreless innings and struck out four Knights. And everybody loves him, including your mother. Not the way you're thinking, though... your mother wants to have SEX with Joe Nelson!
2. Catcher Tyler Flowers homered for Charlotte. It is his fifth home run of the season.
3. Yeah.

Tonight! The return of the Pawtuckets. I will be there. I think. It's the G-Braves, anyway. Kris Johnson's probably gonna pitch because of course he is.

WAIT! Mike Cameron??? I'm excited! I totally forgot about that!!! I may have to take pictures.

Connecticut is like Texas.

Inasmuch as I never want to go back. What a sucking vortex of humanity.

But I went to a Rock Cats/Sea Dogs game in New Britain and those kids played some ball! That kind of inspired play was refreshing. Kyle Weiland was hell on wheels. I haven't seen a Pawtucket game that compares to that in forever.

Weiland needs to come to Pawtucket, The End. He can take Kris Johnson's place.

I saw Robert Coello! Ray Chang was hurt really badly.

Damn, I'm tired. Windburnt. Tired. I'm done here.

Oh! Speaking of the Sea Dogs, former player Bryan Pritz has a blog. It is... curious.

Edit: Sorry, Nutmeg People. There are some nice things about CT. I was, as I pointed out, almost hallucinating from sleep deprivation.

Also, I take back what I said about Kyle Weiland.

5.8.10 Once again... the Charlotte Knights! (applause)

Charlotte takes it 8-4. They could be winning more games if Handsome Frandsen was still around.

Your losing pitcher was lefty Kris Johnson. Johnson was faced with the arduous task of pitching five innings or something and it just didn't happen. He gave up six runs on seven hits, including a Javier(not Alvin) Colina home run in the fourth.

TJ Large was the Effective Reliever of the Night. Large pitched 2 2/3 scoreless innings. Large is listed at 6'4" and 185 lbs. Would we... say he weighs 185? He's not chubby, but those figures depict a willowy human and Large really is not.

Robert Manuel came in for the eighth with Pawtucket behind 6-4. Manuel gave up the last pair of runs when Javier Colina hit a two-run double. Him again?

Dan Hudson was credited with the win for Charlotte. Ryan Braun got the save. It still amazes me that there's more than one Ryan Braun. Pawtucket scored some runs, but aside from Tug Hulett's homer it was kind of a snooze.

who is this garcia guy on the cardinals?
1. I'm asking you.
2. Looks like the Charlotte newspapers took the day off. There's no information on this game. What the fuck?

Today I'm going to a Sea Dogs game out in Connecticut. So that should be good.

5.7.10 Bonser? I hardly... no. Still no.

Pawtucket WINS! 12-4. Is this the 2010 record for runs scored? Probably. I don't feel like looking it up. If you really cared you wouldn't be reading this anyway.

I just wrote a collection of short pieces called "A Gallery of Poor Charlotte Pitching". Chapter One: Matt Zaleski. Zaleski started off okay and the first couple of innings went pretty smoothly. Howwever, Busty Drown led off the third with a single... oh, wait, Brown got picked off! That was dumb. Brown is not the kind of guy who should have a big lead off first.

After that, Jimenez and Romero hit back to back singles. Romero snared second on a wild pitch. Josh Reddick grounded out and Jimenez scored, giving Pawtucket its inaugural run of the night.

What else was good? Chapter six: Three Pitchers, Six Runs. Daniel Nava came up second and hit a solo home run. It was glorious, I'll just bet. Zaleski then put a couple of runners on base and was replaced with Scott Elarton. Scott Elarton! What is up, you old GOAT!

Lars Anderson was not impressed and hit a two-run double. Dusty Brown was even less impressed and hit a two-run homer. Scott Elarton was deflated and wondered how he was going to explain this to his kids.

A clearly broken Elarton then walked Jimenez and gave up an RBI single to Romero. At long last he was replaced by Wes Whisler, who got the last out. Elarton was later found slumped over in the shower, shaking and crying and feeling dirty.

Fabio Castro made Red Sox fans a little nervous when he gave up three runs in the seventh to make the score 7-4. Dayan Viciedo hit his sixth home run of the season right out of the gate. I heard he's got that Prince Fielder physique. Donny Lucy singled and Robert Hudson saw an opportunity and seized it by hitting a home run. Please remind me who Robert Hudson is. Is he related to Slash?

No fear! Josh Reddick hit a three-run homer in the top of the eighth. You've seen some satisfying Josh Reddick production lately, haven't you? How about baking him a cake?

The Red Sox scored two more runs in the ninth in a sacrificial light. Lars Anderson and Dusty Brown can take credit for that. Chad Paronto stepped up to shut the door in the ninth and didn't give up any runs in spite of a walk and a couple of singles.

Know what my book needs? An editor!

i can turn on anyone:
1. Charlotte pitchers were wild: Elarton, Whisler, and Zaleski each threw a wild pitch. They also threw a post-game toga party and did beer funnels. Wild!
2. Boof Bonser wants to find his way back. To your heart. This rehab thing is really, really important. Bonser needs to get back to Boston to help the team!
3. Brent Lillibridge stole his 13th base. He is tied for the lead in the IL.
4. Robert Hudson is very mysterious. You should try digging up info via search engine. Just try it!


Okay, well, evidently no one's really into the Charlotte Knights. Not much coverage out there. Tonight! Kris Johnson (bleagh) v Dan Hudson, who might be related to Robert Hudson.

5.6.10 Pawtucket @ Charlotte Knights

Charlotte takes game one of the series, 6-3. Losing pitcher was Adam Mills. Righty Jeffrey Marquez got the win for the Knights. And you should check out his roster shot. Is he throwing shade or is he just really high?

Charlotte got eight hits off Mills, including a pair of solo home runs by outfielder Josh Kroeger and first baseman Dayan Viciedo. None of the Red Sox pitchers walked anybody, so that was good. Charlotte as a team doesn't walk much anyway (11th out of 14 teams in walks).

Remember Andrew Dobies? Well, he's in the White Sox org now. But you knew that. Dobies got two outs then walked the bases loaded in the seventh. And here's a shock: Manager Chris Chambliss yanked him in favor of righty Greg Aquino to face the right-handed Angel Sanchez. STUFF LIKE THIS NEVER HAPPENS IN PAWTUCKET. Why couldn't I live in Buffalo or something where the games more closely resemble REAL COMPETITIVE BALL GAMES and not AFL crap?

Anyway, you know Angel Sanchez can usually make something happen at the plate, but in this instance he grounded out. And the Knights went on to score one more run off Fernando Cabrera in the eighth.

other boring stuff:
1. Josh Reddick doubled and hit a solo home run. Lars Anderson went 0-4 with two strikeouts.
2. Angel Sanchez and Tug Hulett were each credited with an error. I was evidently not Sanchez' night.
3. Dustin Richardson pitched an inning and a third of scoreless relief. Richardson struck out a pair of batters during his venture. He also smells like cupcakes.
4. Poor Dayan Viciedo. People must think his name is "Diane".
5. Brent Lillibridge is still hanging out in the IL. He led off and played shortstop last night. He also loves it when people call him "Littlebridge".

Tonight! Boof Bonser and Matt Zaleski. You Will Be Happy.

This week in Red Sox history.

I saw this on TV last night, so I'm ganking it. I only have 4 years to reflect upon, but I'll do my best.

5.1.2009 - The Braves' Tommy Hanson shuts out the PawSox. Jeff Corsaletti is useless.

5.3.2009 - First Star Wars day at McCoy. Pawtucket wins 1-0. Mark Kotsay is in town.

5.4.2009 - Bobby Scales gets his first ever call-up. I am more emotional over this than I would ever admit.

5.6.2009 - Dontrelle Willis visits McCoy with the Toledo Mud Hens. This is more exciting for me than Matsuzaka's visit the day before that. Also, Michael Bowden had a no-hitter going into the seventh inning.

5.7.2009 - Billy Traber has a giant square head.

5.2.2008 - Dusty Brown tries to score a tying run in the ninth inning and crashes into Syracuse catcher Robinzon Diaz. Diaz has to be carried off the field.

5.3.2008 - Welcome to Pawtucket, Sean Danielson!

5.5.2008 - Charlie Zink pitches eight one-run, three hit innings. However, Pawtucket loses to the Durham Bulls 1-0. Ka-CHING!

5.8.2008 - Sean Casey and Alex Cora simultaneously rehab in Pawtucket.

5.5.2007 - I visit Minneapolis for a weekend to see Tim Wakefield and Torii Hunter under the same dome. Dustin Pedroia is unfurling before many people's eyes, but I Always Knew.

5.8.2007 - Jacoby Ellsbury is called up from double-A. Believe it or not, in his first PawSox game, he is caught stealing and picked off.

5.2.2006 - "I object to the use of 6.1 to mean 6 1/3. It's mathematically inaccurate, although I suppose baseball might be opting to use an alternate decimal system. One not based on tens. But then, shouldn't they reconfigure all player statistics such as ERA and Batting using this system? I don't like it."

Okay, that was cool.

Hyder? I hardly... never mind.

Gran felicidades a Sr Steve Hyder for winning RI's Sportscaster of the Year! I really mean it. I have so much respect and admiration for him... Dan Hoard, too, really. I have tried listening to other IL radio guys but no one compares. Especially in the handsomeness department.

Happy Cinco de Mayo! I am very fortunate to live in a city with a strong Mexican (et al) population. This is because I am a Burrito Enthusiast. I just had a celestial phat burrito right here in my hometown. I encourage you to do the same.

STUMP STEVE!!!!

5.4.10 Gwinnett County Hosts Pawtucket Red Sox

Pawtucket wins, 6-5. Ladies and gentlemen, Mister TJ Large! And Joe Nelson gets his second win!

Randor Bierd... yeah. What a bunch of bums in the Pawtucket starting rotation! OH MY GOD. I'm amazed they weren't swept down in Georgia. The relief pitching has been the gooey glue keeping games together.

Righty Chris Resop started for the Braves and could have gotten the win, except reliever Cory Gearrin (who?!) blew it in the ninth inning. THREE OUTS, GEARRIN. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??

Hey, it would have been exciting for Pawtucket fans. The score is 5-4 Braves. Aaron Bates led off the top of the ninth with a walk. I love rallies that start with leadoff walks! It's a lot more dramatic than a home run or a bases-clearing double. It's like a well-executed horror movie... little shivers of tension and fear leading up to a shrieking bloodbath!!

So Bates walks and cue dramatic music. Niuman Romero pinch runs and steals second. And then there was an on-field delay. I don't know, that's what it says in the game log. Lars Anderson walks. And Dusty Brown sac bunts! What a great idea with no outs! Why don't I ever see games like this?

Runners at second and third, pitching change. Jorge Jimenez at bat... he gets hit! Bases are loaded! WOMAN AT HOME ALONE HEARS A SUSPICIOUS NOISE AND SHE CREEPS DOWN THE STAIRS IN THE DARK!!!

So what happens next is Bubba Bell flies out to center, allowing Romero to dash home. And Reddick hits an RBI single. There's your hacking splatter climax. SUSPIRIA!!!

And they can't even have a proper post-game celebration. Oh, well. Atlanta's overrated anyway.

i ain't no american pie:
1. Is 'Resop' even a real name? It's poser spelled backwards. I'll bet he listens to NOFX.
2. Angel Sanchez tripled. And doubled. He is so valuable to the team. I am going to write a novel about him. And then set it on fire by the McCoy turnstiles. That is how passionate I am about middling triple-A guys that no one cares about.
3. The Red Sox executed four double plays. WHY WAS I NOT AT THIS GAME?
4. Freddie Freeman doubled twice. Great baseball name. Great name, period. How can anyone forget it?
5. The G-Braves celebrated Cinco de Mayo a day early, which is a weak scene. It's totally THAT kind of ballpark. They probably have crap contests on the field between innings, like sumo wrestling and dizzy bat races. WEAK. I'm so glad Pawtucket's not like that.
6. Why can't someone do a G-Braves blog? I want one for every team in the IL. We could become a powerhouse. Most importantly, I'd have great sources to steal information from.
7. Robert Manuel returned to form and closed the game out. Hitlessly. Scorelessly. He even struck out Brent Clevlen. Fernando Cabrera was taking a nap during all of this. He never gets to bed on time, that guy.

No game tonight! It's an off day in Charlotte (ish). I would love to go to Charlotte, so I don't wanna hear any bitching about it. See you later!

Dusty Brown Walks

Snappy title, huh?

Brown's walks in April: 8. Add two more for May. So ten up until now.

2009: 12 up until this date. So two more than this year.

2010: 16 games so far
Until this date in 2009: 17 games.

Five runners caught stealing... CS 45%! Sounds great. So don't steal on Brown.

Mark Wagner has played in 16 games as well, but he only has 6 walks. Wagner's Caught Stealing Percentage is only 18% (2 out of 9 baserunners caught). I really didn't know about this kind of thing.

I realize that this is one of things someone might read and say, "Yeah? So?", but I did it to satisfy my own curiosity and to continue learning stuff. I'm sorry I'm not sabremetric. I'm sorry I'm not the most boring person ever!

I'm sorry I keep using the same picture of Dusty Brown, but I think it's the only one I have.

Numerouno

Niuman Romero has probably not been to Pawtucket yet. This year. See how I don't know stuff? I'm about to GET to know stuff, son!!

Romero is...
1. Romero has been to McCoy before, although it's unlikely he walked up the Champ Ramp (future home of Ron Johnson's portrait) (in which he'll be smiling and pointing to umps). NR was on the Columbus Clippers last year, having been promoted from double-A.
2. And he's from Venezuela and he is a switch-hitter. I wonder if he's ever met Edgar Martinez?
3. "The Indians have a lot of middle infielders in their system that they like better than Romero so this won’t hurt them much if at all down the road." - Indians Locker
4. Romero was on the DL in Columbus. Quote unquote.
5. The last time I was in Columbus I bought a Weakerthans CD.
6. Get out! Romero played for the Cleveland Indians last year. Ten games, says Assenheimer.
7. Hey, I like Jordan Brown! "with Niuman Romero gone, what mediocre prospects still stand in the way of mediocre prospect Jordan Brown on the depth chart?" -commenter BrickRun
8. Enjoy this article about NR in which other people speak for him. Looks like he's bros with Lovullo.
9. Jordan Brown was probably pretty pissed off when Romero got called up. Romero's a shortstop and they played him at first. Which is Brown's favorite position other than girl on top. Just ask E. Wedge.
10. Romero is the 246th player from Venezuela to make the big leagues. I'm really glad someone is keeping track.
11. VORP = -2. I really just wanted to link to this blog, which I am going to read as soon as I am finished here.
12. He is merry, I'll give him that.
13. Romero won the Kinston Indians Overcoming Adversity Award in 2008. It is named in honor of former batboy Tex Drake, who overcame Hodgkin's Disease.
14. Romero's call-up was symptomatic of Cleveland's many problems.
15. I really need to get to Huntington Park. It is not my mystery destination this year, though.
16. Scouting report: "Niuman Romero is a 6-0, 160 pound utility infielder. Playing shortstop tonight, the 24 year old switch hitter, righty thrower has a small frame that can add some more muscle everywhere, at least to 175. Athletic, skinny build. Defensively, he has pretty good fielding mechanics with a slightly above average throwing arm and soft hands. Appears able to handle every position on the diamond. From the right side, he has a straight on, straight up stance with a bat wiggle. His trigger is a double stride, picking his foot off the ground and then taking a big leg kick, and a cocking of the bat. He will bunt for hits. 4-A guy who really can't be a utility player for a winning team." (from TK's Blog, which is killer)
17. Tony Lastoria is the king of Cleveland minors information.
18. Romero played with former PawSox pocket infielder Ivan Ochoa on Los Caribes de Anzoátegui. (VZ)

Sounds good, not I thought we needed another smallish shortstop. Maybe Gil Velazquez is a slow healer.