Beginner's Guide to McCoy Stadium

Since there was no game last night, I am going to do something a little different and help out any new kids going to see the PawSox.

Seating:
1. There are three sections at McCoy Stadium: The blue grandstand seats, the red box seats, and the green box seats. The cheap tickets are grandstand and unassigned, so you just sit wherever you want... or wherever you can.

The earlier you arrive to the park, the better. Some grandstand seats are behind the press box and almost completely obstructed. 45-60 minutes before game time is ideal.

The red and green seats are the same price, but the green seats are closer to the field. I believe that at some point, the green seats will cost more, but I've been saying that for years.

With a general admission ticket, you can also relax on the grassy-knoll berm area in the outfield. Spread out a blanket and watch the kids frolic or harass the neighboring home bullpen. The relievers may give candy to your children.

Note: If you have GA tickets, I don't recommend bringing the kids down to the front row. Someone's eventually going to show up late and kick you out then you're screwed out of good GA seats.

2. Section numbers start on the first base side, where the visitor's dugout is. The final section, 15, is all the way over in left field.

If you sit on the first base side, the setting sun will usually be in your eyes for a couple of innings. Also, sections one and two are usually hosting kids' birthday parties, so if the sound of children's laughter cuts through you like a knife, you may opt for third base side.

If you sit on the third base side, you're over the home dugout. You can do the milk jug thing! It's also great if there's like this one wicked hot relief pitcher and you want to watch his killer stroll out to the bullpen.

3. Sections 13-15 are not under the canopy, so you will be weather assaulted. Blazing sun, pouring rain. Some people are into that.

4. There's standing room out in left field. It's my second favorite place to be.

5. There are barbecue/party areas with bleachers, but that's not important right now. They keep the tarp all rolled up over there and it looks like a giant green doobie.

6. You might not necessarily want to sit in the front row. I don't care for it because the iron bars block my view. If you're taller, though, you're probably all set.

Parking:

1. IF you arrive early enough (I am talking at least an hour before game time, but probably earlier than that), you can park for free in the lot. If the lot is full, many people park on Division St for free. A great number of people use a back lot across the street and pay two dollars for it.

You can pay 10-15 dollars to park in the Irish bar parking lot or the dairy diner lot, but seriously? That's dumb. You are getting hosed if you do.

There are plenty of neighborhood side streets to park on off of Columbus Ave/S Bend. Like, sneak around behind the corner market and find a spot. Or near the tango class building! Think it's an unsafe neighborhood? Relax, it isn't. No one's going to touch your Statusmobile, you uptight asshole. I do it all the time.

2. Evidently, you can park over near the fire station on Ben Mondor Way. No one ever parks there because it doesn't seem right, but you can. Totally legal and don't let anyone deter you. Not the entrance with the wooden bear statue, but the other little one.

Food/beer:
1. Eat the French fries at least once in your life. They have not changed them for as long as I can remember and THEY HAD BETTER NOT. Just a big pile of hot salty shoestrings, but damn.
2. All the way over at the first base end, there's a 'healthy' concession with smoothies and veggie platters and veggie burgers/dogs. It is not always open.
3. Beer's 5-7 dollars. Specialty beer stand as soon as you come up the stairs and take a left. Usually there's not much of a line. All fans must show an ID when purchasing beer or wine (I stole that line from Jim Martin. I can probably do the rules and regs by heart.)
4. ATM is located right behind home plate. It's between the umpire and the catcher.
5. There are a few vendors, but never for beer. This isn't Rochester. This isn't... well, what the hell? All the other parks have beer vendors! Stupid Catholic Rhode Island!

other:
1. Bottom of the fifth, the mascots toss or shoot squishy balls. Not that many, so you'll probably never get one.
2. Every game, there a lucky row that wins a gift card to a pharmacy chain. IT IS ALWAYS ROW AA OR ROW BB IN A RED SECTION.
3. Lucky autograph: You're not going to find one in your program. It's like trying to find gold in a silver mine. One in a million chance.
4. The gift shop is always nice and cool inside.
5. Scorecards cost a dollar and are worth it. Pawtucket has the best scorecards of any park I've been to. JORGE JIMENEZ LIVES IN 'SANTURCE', NOT 'SANTRUCE'. Can you please fix this already?


To sum up: Pawtucket's not a fancy park, but it's very nice and well-behaved and everyone that works there is a professional. The staff's not there to be bad cops busting your balls!

See you tonight at the park! F the Scrankees!