glass case

I got kind of depressed Monday night at a small social gathering when I realized that I was the last person left who still cared about baseball playoffs. Everyone was watching football.

Everybody loves football. I do not like football. I have no one to talk to about baseball. This bums me out hardcore.

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I'm gonna eat a worm.

Alright, Hamilton!

Excerpt from an e-mail my brother the Yankee fan sent me:

I'm not particularly upset that the yankees got eliminated, it's just that I hate Josh Hamilton. He is the asshole posterboy for the former alcoholic/druggie turned reformed God lover. He even has a book about it. We sell it at [bookstore]. Religious old ladies buy it as often as dumb jocks. I am president of I hate Josh Hamilton fan club.

Hamilton doesn't bother me that much. It's usually people more like Brian Wilson, the "wacky" baseball players. I am generally not a fan of "quirky" jocks, especially since people deem them interesting because of their facial hair or tattoos or maybe they play the guitar in the clubhouse.

You know what would be "wacky"? A baseball player with good taste in music who didn't go hunting/fishing/skeet shooting in the off season. A player who drove a moderately priced hybrid car and made their own delicious beer and married a smart, sensible woman who was never in a pageant. A guy up on current events who supported gay rights and didn't eat meat!

Crazy, right?

Last year I saw a PawSox player in a pastel Yo La Tengo t-shirt and I was totally stunned. The shirt didn't even have skulls and sequins on it!

In a related story, Freddy Sanchez is 32 years old. That means I must be about ready for senior discounts at buffets and cinemas. Sanchez was real cool on TV the other night because he said nice things about Pittsburgh. We all loved him so!

And how about Aubrey Huff? He looks so hungry and lean. And Aryan.

It's official. I'm rooting for San Francisco.

Brown came back with Mr Black.

At last, Dusty Brown has been removed from the 40-man roster and is naked, trembling and vulnerable.

Too bad Brown got seriously dicked over by the org. One might think it's too late for him at this point.

And so tonight I will raise a glass for him at a sports bar as I root for David Murphy and the Rangers, because I am innately generic.

Say hi to your mom for me.

"So hard, so bad, and wicked bad." - Search results for "I fucking hate the Yankees".

1. How bad do you hate the Yankees?

2. Yankees suck. (vintage sucking)

3. Orioles fans hate the Yankees: "YANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCKYANKEES SUCK"

4. "I fucking hate the Yankees and their fans like to an unhealthy amount, I don’t usually watch Yankee games for this exact reason" - Lone Star Ball

5. Dungy talks to yanks before saturday's game - "There is no other Team in the Major Leagues that is more Polarizing, and also no other team under greater Scrutiny. It is easy to hate the Yankees, but it is also equally as easy to respect them on the field, and the way they go about their business. They want to win, and they are willing to do ANYTHING to accomplish that goal. They arent worried about luxury taxes, or payroll numbers, they are worried about adding to their 32 world Championships(32 I think) and nothing else. My Dad took me to a Cubs Game when i was 6 years old, so that pretty much made a Die Hard Cubs Fan. But it really must be a luxury to be a Yanks Fan. They really do everything the Fans want it seems.

That being said, fuck them." - "naptown"

6. Halladay on the hill, I still hate the Yankees - "Seeing the Yankees in town reminds me just how much I fucking hate them. What I'd actually enjoy seeing tonight would be Alex Rodriguez tearing his Achilles tendon, Sidney Ponson taking a line drive to the grill via the bat of Johnny Mac, Johnny Damon dropping a dozen more easy fly balls and see Jason Giambi's mustache spontaneously combusting, also causing his uniform to catch fire." (AUG 2008)

7. "fucking choke fuck the fucking Yankees. fucking crown them now" - from The Big Lead

8. "I fucking hate the Yankees. MLB should contract those fuckers out of baseball." from 'Diogenes the Cynic' on the Straight Dope message board

9. Okay, succinct, but effective.

10. "You know, I was actually thrilled to see that...until I saw the stands filled with Yankee fans. What are those assholes doing in Oakland!?!?" - Athletics Nation

Zing!

Looks like former PawSox great Javier Lopez has an evil twin. The only difference, aside from the goatee, is the effective relief!

No, for real, I love Javier Lopez. He's got a potentially brilliant post-baseball career as a game show host/investigative reporter/life coach.

No, for real, I love that guy.

And Kevin Cash, that guy's Pawtucket royalty and a real choo-choo Charlie.

Texas is an outrage

The first Boston Red Sox game I ever went to was in Texas.

It was back in 2002, and my sisters and I had decided to visit the other side of the family down in Louisiana. Very small, sleepy town, battered by intense August heat. And it just so happened that the Red Sox were playing the Rangers in Arlington.

In the past, I had resisted going to Boston games. I thought the price was outrageous. But I had been caught in the massive sucking vortex of fandom, and so I agreed. We decided to drive out to Texas from Louisiana to see a game. The drive took hours... Five? Six? And it was hot the way you can imagine Texas being hot in August. Lots of brownish scrub in between traffic jams, miles of flat heat and cattle, until downtown Dallas and that weird sparkle-bank that looks like an Earth, Wind and Fire microphone.

And then we were there. The ballpark was not really near anything... Well, the big amusement park and a convention center, but it might as well have been in an industrial park. Fans were eating baskets of fried catfish and drinking cowboy beer. In the heat, the beer was irresistible. We drank tall, tall cups of it and ate glorious nachos.

I don't remember much about the game. I think Derek Lowe pitched. But it was great, my first Red Sox game, in such an unlikely park. And me not understanding how big it was because I'd never been to Fenway. I think if you're trying to go to every ballpark in big league ball, Texas would be one of the last ones to check off for most people. But I did that one first!

And now I never have to go to Texas again.

Great game last night. I loved the Yankees fans making for the exits when the Rangers started grooving in the ninth. I can't believe Cliff Lee pitched at McCoy Stadium... I just cannot (I was in the tent that day and watched him walk past me from the bullpen. He tossed a ball in the air and a little girl caught it with one hand. Lee quietly said...'Good catch'). And that's one thing I'll never take for granted and probably the best thing about Pawtucket. The visitors who pass through on their way to superstar heights of filthy pitching and Yankee destruction.

GIANTS RANGERS WS!!! THIS MUST HAPPEN!!! I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE AJ BURNETT!!!!

I love you guys.

chi! chi! chi!

Much like the rest of you, I've been pretty engrossed in the Chilean miner rescue. I stayed up late watching it last night and uhh... It was kind of emotional and I maybe needed some tissues at times and FUCK YOU THERE'S NO BASEBALL!

Chile is not a baseball country. Are there any Chilean baseball players? When I think of Chile, I think of this one terrible bartender we had named Cristian, who was from Chile. He sucked as a bartender, but we loved him because he was wicked cute and we had a crush on him. Who is 'we'? Me and my sisters, that's who.

I do have a point, and it is this: Mike Andrews' article on what the minor leaguers are up to. Hint: It involves places like Venezuela and the Dominican.

As a human being, I think having to work in the off-season must suck balls. Aren't these people exhausted? I understand that the weather's probably pretty good and it maybe sounds like fun at times, but damn your muscles must ache to hell and who doesn't want to spend the off-season getting baked and playing video games or golf and perfecting your football wings recipe?

It just seems like a lot of work. I understand they're sent there to work on stuff, but I would be pretty pissed off about it.

everything, everything, everything, everything

I didn't get into my Pittsburgh ballpark trip too much, so since I've nothing else to talk about (FUCK THE FUCKING YANKEES), I'll spit a few words.

The park is super nice. Anyone will tell you that. Tickets are cheap. In fact, on the last home game of the season, we were picking up tickets from Will Call and I saw the window agent give a free ticket to some guy who wanted a cheap seat. He just gave him the ticket and waved off the cash! Excellent, Pirates staff.

The concessions, on the other hand... No. And god help you if you don't eat meat. (Giggity.) Imagine this: Onion rings. Five dollars. Steep, yes, but even more alarming is that YOU GET EXACTLY FIVE ONION RINGS IN YOUR LITTLE BASKET. That's a dollar an onion ring! Try maintaining a casual expression as you hand over your money for this ish. And they count the o-rings out, too, right in front of you.

Beer is also hopelessly expensive. $7.25 for a can of whatever. Thank you, Deborah.

And now for something completely different. During the last game of the season, they called out seat numbers every half inning and that lucky person received a jersey that they could collect on the field, right after the game, handed to them BY THAT VERY PLAYER.

After the Saturday game, we waited outside to get an autograph for someone back home. The bus driver for the Astros struck up a conversation with us and offered to hustle some players out the back door. The Pirates exit the area already in their Statusmobiles, but most guys pause at the exit and lean out their windows to sign for the youngsters and Binder Whores. We never got those guys, though.

I did see former Red Sox infielder Angel Sanchez take to the streets. Sanchez surprised me by being exceptionally good-looking, something I never noticed when he was in Pawtucket. Kinda like Chris George. Makes me wonder, have I overlooked handsomeness at home? Or does a weak-hitting team automatically become unattractive in all aspects? If Dusty Brown had been an RBI machine, might I have thought 'DAMN HE FINE!!!' If Kris Johnson had gone 16-7 or cut his walk rate in half, would I have hated his stupid gangsta hat less?

Brandon Moss was also in Pittsburgh, being his usual happy self. But don't take his buoyancy for weakness, because Brandon Moss is pretty tough when he has to be. He's never looked better. Do you still love him because I do.

Thanks also for the magnetic schedule, Pirates. It's on the little refrigerator at work so maybe I feel less suffocated by the bleak despair of workplace routine.

I love you.

I tend to remember guys like that.

I'm pleased to see that former PawSox great Freddie Sanchez and the SFGs and some of the Dodd Stadium kidz have advanced to the champ series. THIS IS REALLY EXCITING.

And the... Rangers? What a time we live in!

Also, Javier Lopez is on the Giants and he was a McCoy rat for a few years. He doesn't really count, though, 'cause he only faces one batter every other day.

Cruel to be kind means that I love you, baby.

i remember

Nothing more I can say about Mr. M that hasn't been said already.

I recognize the utter tackiness of electric memories, so let me offer up a general apology.

At least I didn't write "RIP BEN MONDOR" on Twitter and then link to my blog. I found that kind of tasteless.

I keep thinking about Bronson Arroyo's perfect McCoy Stadium game, and how he gave the pitching rubber to Ben Mondor. Is Arroyo even remotely the same guy? Doubtful. The Bronson Arroyo of 2003 did not have a heinous CD release or public scandal or regrettable hair. He was just a skinny Pawtucket kid with heaps of potential.

This could officially be the most depressing day of the year.

"Don't let me die out there."

Just now finding out about the October 2004 Red Sox special. I watched a clip and... Well, I still get chills. I attended game four and the memory is still so sharp and emotional. Everything about it.

One of the things that stands out the most... Maybe it was my imagination, but during the playoffs I felt a certain New England unity. People were kinder to each other, doing things as simple as getting the door for you and holding the dumpster lid open so you could cram a bulging garbage bag into it. Like any bad behavior could upset the fragility of it all.

I remember talking to someone else about that, and she agreed with me. So for all you Mass and RI kidz who did all the little things... Thank you. Maybe you didn't affect the game's outcome, but you made October 2004 so perfect and exciting.

Can someone please record this program for me?

yeah complete

I will get around to this at some point. I have a new job and it's been sucking up a lot of time.

Went to Pittsburgh and did all the stuff. ALL! What a magical city! If you don't like it then you have a problem, buddy.

Except the traffic. It's seriously fucked up.

Twins take on NY in the ALDS. My prediction? PAIN.

No, seriously, Twins.... Get it done this time. Cut 'em up and stuff 'em in the mattress like drug money.