everything, everything, everything, everything

I didn't get into my Pittsburgh ballpark trip too much, so since I've nothing else to talk about (FUCK THE FUCKING YANKEES), I'll spit a few words.

The park is super nice. Anyone will tell you that. Tickets are cheap. In fact, on the last home game of the season, we were picking up tickets from Will Call and I saw the window agent give a free ticket to some guy who wanted a cheap seat. He just gave him the ticket and waved off the cash! Excellent, Pirates staff.

The concessions, on the other hand... No. And god help you if you don't eat meat. (Giggity.) Imagine this: Onion rings. Five dollars. Steep, yes, but even more alarming is that YOU GET EXACTLY FIVE ONION RINGS IN YOUR LITTLE BASKET. That's a dollar an onion ring! Try maintaining a casual expression as you hand over your money for this ish. And they count the o-rings out, too, right in front of you.

Beer is also hopelessly expensive. $7.25 for a can of whatever. Thank you, Deborah.

And now for something completely different. During the last game of the season, they called out seat numbers every half inning and that lucky person received a jersey that they could collect on the field, right after the game, handed to them BY THAT VERY PLAYER.

After the Saturday game, we waited outside to get an autograph for someone back home. The bus driver for the Astros struck up a conversation with us and offered to hustle some players out the back door. The Pirates exit the area already in their Statusmobiles, but most guys pause at the exit and lean out their windows to sign for the youngsters and Binder Whores. We never got those guys, though.

I did see former Red Sox infielder Angel Sanchez take to the streets. Sanchez surprised me by being exceptionally good-looking, something I never noticed when he was in Pawtucket. Kinda like Chris George. Makes me wonder, have I overlooked handsomeness at home? Or does a weak-hitting team automatically become unattractive in all aspects? If Dusty Brown had been an RBI machine, might I have thought 'DAMN HE FINE!!!' If Kris Johnson had gone 16-7 or cut his walk rate in half, would I have hated his stupid gangsta hat less?

Brandon Moss was also in Pittsburgh, being his usual happy self. But don't take his buoyancy for weakness, because Brandon Moss is pretty tough when he has to be. He's never looked better. Do you still love him because I do.

Thanks also for the magnetic schedule, Pirates. It's on the little refrigerator at work so maybe I feel less suffocated by the bleak despair of workplace routine.

I love you.