I just wrote a song called 'fabio c.'

fabio c
a head over mouth
he's better built, that's all
he's built for speed
fabio c.

(Sorry, F. Black)

Castro's a Mariner without a trident and probably with no rime. He is ancient, though, you can see it in his eyes. So that was something that happened.

In a similar story, former PawSox cool guy Chris Smith has also been snapped up by Seattle. Chris Smith is not very good at acting disinterested, let me tell you.

I'M NOT FINISHED YET!!! Beloved superfielder Bobby Scales will still be living the Midwestern dream, as Chicago's kept him close for minor league hijinks. And in the middle of a celebration, I break down.


So... Whatever happened to William Bergolla? He was in the IL forever...

You have the right to remain in the PCL.

Noted PawSox killer Juan Miranda has been traded to Arizona for a pitcher, righty Scott Allen, who is probably pretty hot.

Good to see Miranda out of the IL!

In related Arizona news, 2008 IL MVP Jeff Bailey is now Twins property and it's pretty safe to assume he'll be back in Pawtucket as a Red Wing.

Jim Mandelaro says....

"The only other time a former IL MVP from another team played for the Red Wings was 1984, when '82 MVP Tucker Ashford (Columbus) joined the club."

There you have it, Bailey's in some elite company with Tucker Ashford!

Pawtucket Red Sox Attendance Since the Inception of Baseball Heavy

I'm excluding 2005, since I wandered in halfway through the picture.

2006 - 613,065
2007 - 611,379
2008 - 636,788
2009 - 625,561
2010 - 592,326

Note the 2008 spike, thanks probably to the star-studded cast and the post-season appearance.

2010 was a drop of 33,235 meat units. That's a 5.3 percent drop. Not huge, but OH SO DANGEROUS. Maybe it's because Ron Johnson left. Maybe because, let's face it, the team was not only crappy but boring. Boston took most of the exciting people.

Let's get that Linares guy up in Rhode Island and generate some excitement! Let's bring back Latin Night! Let's get some beer vendors! Let's do feature stories on visiting players of note! Let me in the clubhouse and I'll ask some REAL questions!! Let's kill Reddick and Anderson! Let's find out once and for all about Craig Breslow's girlfriend! Let's grow some marijuana in the bullpen! Let's make the lucky row somewhere NOT in the first couple of rows of a red section! Let's get Buddy Cianci to replace Jim Martin! Let's buy a beach house for Gil Velazquez! Let's play some decent music between innings instead of the Black Beans and Rowanda!! Why not the Replacements? KISS ME ON THE BUS!!!!!

How come you're not as excited as I am?

Finally, an article on TJ Large!

In case you needed some more Large in your life.

I like how he drops Jermaine Van Buren ("Remember him?") and Ken Huckaby. I do not recall Van Buren being called up. I wish there was some earthly way to find out when!

I hope his time with Pawtucket is over. By the way, where in the fucking world is Zach Daeges?

No, no, take your time. We'll just be waiting under the awning.

I tried to see what some Pawtucket kids are up to (mostly nothing) and I came across this:

"Pitcher Michael Bowden has yet to begin his stint with Magallanes, but is expected to head to Venezuela after his honeymoon in late November."

Although I'm sure Bowden's working out and conditioning and lifting weights and proteining up, it sounds like he's just gonna roll into VZ whenever he feels like it. I'm sure Bubba Bell appreciates that.

I'm not saying he shouldn't have his honeymoon and everything. But maybe he should have been there from the beginning... Of course, if he is getting married then he probably has a lot of prep work to do.

So maybe I'm just a jerk who doesn't think Bowden is all that. What do you want from me? Next year I'm going to Venezuela, because there's like nothing going on around here.

Dustin Richardson comes to my emotional rescue.

Appearing on a reality show does not automatically make you interesting. DUSTIN.

I should have gotten him drunk and broken him down into little pieces of humanity.

If Richardson walked into a bar with Tommy Hottovy, only I would know who they were and be able to tell them apart.

My imaginary bars always look like roadhouses with wooden floors and dead animals stapled to the walls and a gruff yet not unkind bartender.

Also, Taylor Buchholz is coming from Toronto. Last I knew he was in the NL on the Rockies or something, so, uh, welcome to Pawtucket, State of RhodeIslandandProvidencePlantations.

Speaking of Toronto, how would you like to see a baseball blog? It's called 'Moseby Fears Satan' and I think you would really like it.

Rocky Cherry is not my lover.

A Rocky Cherry baseball card just fell on my head. This means something.

Speaking of Arnie Beyeler

Looks like he had a few problems with young hothead Manny Delcarmen. It is slowly being revealed that Delcarmen was not the mild-mannered sweetheart I thought he was. That's what happens when you hang out with assholes like Kason Gabbard and Craig Hansen.

I would like to wear Delcarmen's old Pawtucket bullpen jacket and fall asleep in it. And also get a big, red flowing chiffon evening gown on him and ride him around my house. Like a viking.

Oops, you know what the music means. Our time is up.

Damian Jackson, I love you, yes I do.

Heard the news? Damian Jackson retired. Jackson represents not only outfield concussions, but 2003 nostalgia and 'Still We Believe' and all of that. Yes, thank you, I will have a drink in his honor tonight. I know you guys all hated him, but I like quiet utility guys so much.

Jackson never played in the IL so he never came to McCoy. That's like, I never got to see Guns n Roses live. CRIMINAL.

Two things.

My friend who has provided me with the many insta-snaps you see throughout BH and more Pawtucket player information than I can ever use... Is no longer my friend. In fact, he hates me. It was inevitable and has nothing to do with baseball.

I can only hope that we repair our friendship in the future, when hard feelings are behind both of us.

Ordinarily I avoid sincerity and earnestness here. I guess I just miss my friend.

Torey Lovullo was a contender for best looking man on the Red Sox and now he's gone. That was fast. I never got to check out his pythons.

Let's discuss replacements, because I know my phone is going to ring and it is going to be Mike Tamburro and Theo Epstein on conference.

1. Ellis Burks, fuck yeah.
2. JOE MCEWING!!! YES!!!
3. Stu Cliburn and his mustache of unstoppable power. Here's hoping its retained its lush glory.
4. For sentimental reasons, Marc Deschenes, even though he is pitcher. Except didn't he used to be a shortstop?
5. NOT LOU MERLONI OR I QUIT ROCK AND ROLL.
6. Ken Oberkfell, Dave Miley, or ... Well, I was gonna say Trent Jewett because the Chiefs were so exciting in 2010 but I'm not sure he's a Theo guy.

I know it's gonna be Arnie B or fucking Gabe Kapler or some shit I DON'T LIKE. At least I have something to talk about, cause by now Kurt and I don't care.

And in honor of my friend, let's once again enjoy an unflattering photo of Chris Carter.

Baby Chris Carter would like to be involved in the selection process.

"I am 100 percent serious when I say they should make that security guy Ron Medeiros the manager. Him or Jeff DaVanon if he ever kicks his speed habit."

Jed Lowrie could get rickets, you know!

I get pretty excited when one of these IL guys finally comes around to Pawtucket. Brent Dlugach is the first guy I've seen this off-season.

No one's specifically put him on the Pawtucket roster (except me, and no one ever consults me about this stuff), but come on.

Let's check out some humorous message board comments:

1. "Now some other city will get the statue of triumph most likely." - 'jaymo'
2. "You can all rest easy because Don Kelly is still protected on the 40-man." (ibid.)
3. "Now how will the Tigers ever contend?" - 'Antrat'
4. "It will take Boston and Pawtucket months to get his name right." - 'hueytaxi'
5. "My first thought was "YeA! The Tigers got another low minor league left handed bullpen arm coming from Boston..." - 'STLTiger69'

And I know how to pronounce his name, thanks. I foresee some cornball talk radio/sportsnetwork fumbling over it, though. The conventional media types can never let unusual names pass them by.

Mark Holliman update

Have you ever heard of the Winnipeg Goldeyes? Me neither. I'll bet they're bloodsucking freaks, though. Oh, yeah.

Anyway, this illustrious team of A Very North American League has some grip on our beloved Mark Holliman. To wit: "The Goldeyes further announced the club will retain the reversionary rights to pitcher Mark Holliman (Boston) and infielder Wes Long (Florida) should they be released by their major-league organizations."

Wait, 'reversionary rights'? Is that a thing? What is that?

How is it fair that I only got a small taste of M. Holliman when I wanted nothing more than to gorge on his Bausher-ness? Did you know that Holliman once pitched a seven inning perfect game? In that same game, he hit a two-run homer. And that is why you want to have sex with him. Plus you really liked his shirt...

I will keep you updated. And also, I notice you don't have a fencing team. Well, I'm gonna try my hardest to start one up for you guys.

I love the World Series.

Some people like the Superbowl. I like the World Series.

HOW COME PEOPLE DO NOT GET IT? Why do people blow off the WS if it's teams like SF and TX? Everybody watches the S. Bowl no matter who plays.

"They have better commercials." Yes, someone said that to me.

I was rooting for Aubrey Huff and Juan U. and all those other guys. I cannot believe how easy they all made it look.

Cody Ross NLCS MVP? Who? WHAT? Yes. Says it all. And Renteria, who I never stopped loving. And you in your autumn sweater.

So should I go to Columbus, Toledo, or Durham next year? Maybe Durham, because I like hot hot summers.

Adam Ain't

I just read in the Pawtucket paper an article... Wait, that is a structurally deficient sentence. What am I, from Woonsocket?

Just read an article in the Pawtucket paper about players in danger of the Rule V. The list included Bubba Bell and Adam Mills.

ADAM MILLS NOOOOO ZOMGFG!!!6W!

Let's review some of my comments regarding Adam M:

1. "Red Sox starter Adam Mills was kind of a disaster." (April 25)

2. "Charlotte got eight hits off Mills, including a pair of solo home runs by outfielder Josh Kroeger and first baseman Dayan Viciedo." (May 6)

3. "Adam Mills had a great start. Five two-hit innings and one tiny run. But Joe Nelson got the win even though he only faced one batter and got him to fly out. I'm sure Nelson was man enough to take Mills aside and say, "This was all yours, brah." I know this because that is how jocks express emotions." (May 16)

4. "Righty Adam Mills got the start and did much better than last time. I mean, it wasn't exactly an oil painting (six runs on eleven hits) but the Red Sox didn't lose and that's what counts." (April 30)

5. "Adam Mills gave up one run in his six innings of being and nothingness." (June 8)

6. "Pawtucket starter Adam Mills is wearing the L. On his sweater, like Laverne." (June 13)

7. "Pawtucket starter Adam Mills didn't help with his eleven hits in 5 2/3, including two solo home runs. Why are all the PawSox starters so fucking boring? I wish I lived closer to Portland." (June 19)

8. "Adam Mills pitched five innings. He struck out six and walked two. And I fell asleep thinking about it." (July 9)

9. "Adam Mills got the win and I'm sure he called his Nonny afterward to tell her." (August 29)

10. "Adam Mills had his head ripped off by the end of the first inning. It all started when the rather fancy Reid Gorecki led the whole damn game off with a triple. You can't do that! You have to ease your way into the game! Triples don't belong in the first inning." (Septemberish)

Going back through the archives, I realized how little Pawtucket had to work with. TJ Large? Ramon Ramirez as a starter? Alex Hassan? Mark Holliman? Santo Luis? Aaron Bates?

Except Rich Hill, who was a real good guy who did a decent job.

And once again, I am so glad I stuck to my job even through the relentless disappointment and numbing boredom. I was reminded once again how damn awesome I am at this.

FABIO CASTRO!!!!!!