Matt Macri thinks you're an idiot for locking your keys in the car.

I always considered Matt Macri an honorary PawSox player. Like the fifth Beatle or something. God knows he deserved his own parking spot at McCoy, not like that felonious tramp Mike Gwynn!

The Rockies have snapped Macri up and out of the IL. I am inconsolable. It is certain that Gil Velazquez is similarly distraught. Here's a text: "Hey jen you think u can make it??"

Oh yeah, they also signed 2010 Pawtucket great Tug Hulett. What can I say?

Speaking of Bobby Jenks, I read on an Esteemed Red Sox Message Board that some people are concerned about Bobby Jenks' alleged racism. To which I say, How fucking stupid are you people? Do you not realize that half of your favorite Southern players are redneck assholes? Yeah, Bobby Jenks is that one racist guy who plays baseball. Just him. Have you ever been to a baseball game in your life? Just look in the dugout and you'll see that all the white guys clump together on the bench. It's fucking disgusting, is what it is.

On a lighter note, I have carefully examined the 2011 Red Sox schedule and I have deduced the city I'll be passing my super secret triple-A vacation in. I can't wait. I think.

I love you.