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It would be like my boss calling me up and saying "You've been transferred to Chicago. Your flight is leaving tomorrow morning." But... WHAT. I have a house! And stuff! What about my goldfish? I don't get it! But, no... the ratio of cake... Wait! And then, what, do I have to get an apartment? How will I have time for this? Why is Curt Schilling still hanging out in Massachusetts? Do outfielders have a lot of mosquito bites? HOW DO RELIEVERS SHARE A TINY BULLPEN FOR AN ENTIRE SUMMER AND NOT KILL EACH OTHER?! How is it reasonable that some ugly modefoque like, say, 75% of all baseball players gets mad ladies?! When I get traded to a new city, where can I comfortably get a beer after work? Where can I get a coffee? WHO HAS THE BEST BURRITOS?! Do they drive to spring training so they have their car?
I think I hate my job. Who's with me? More importantly, who wants to hire me?
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