4.29.11 Pawtucket Red Sox @ LehighValleyIronPigs - sparse

3-0 IronPigs... And they got less hits, too. The Red Sox hit a double and a triple and the IronPigs had ZERO extra base hits!

Okay, my outrage is manufactured. That is blatant misuse of exclamation points and I will refrain from doing that in the future.

Pawtucket starter Alfredo Aceves pitched five innings. Three walks, five strikeouts, three runs on two hits. One run was unearned, which came to be when Frandsen sac flied in the third and brought home not only Jeff Larish, but Robert Hudson from second on a crap throw. The world may never know who screwed that up.

Lehigh Valley starter Brian Gordon, who used to be an outfielder, pitched for three innings. Other than that, he was ably backed by Stone and Jeff and drummer Eddie Vedder: Reliever Chance Chapman put in some long, long relief work (four innings) and Michael Schwimer and Juan Perez zipped through the rest of the game. TWO HOURS AND TWELVE MINUTES! Fantastic!

A compliment for us is a compliment for you:
1. This Ryne Sandberg quote is tremendous: "Medium fly ball, not a guarantee score on that, so it was a good tag on his part, and after they made the cut he hustled to stay in the pickle to allow Hudson to score. I kept saying, 'take a look, take a look,' and he picked the right time to break for home with the fielder running toward second." Sandberg is referring to Barfield getting caught in a rundown in the fifth inning. You can almost hear the big wad of tobacco in his mouth! I recommend reading that quote out loud for maximum Old Baseball effect.
2. Yamaico Navarro hit his second triple of the year. No one else on the team has two.
3. Could Aceves be called up to replace Matsuzaka? Can anyone replace Matsuzaka? I wonder what Daisuke Matsuzaka is like as a person, like as a regular guy. Someone should do a Sunday newspaper piece on him, because I would read it.
4. Lehigh... Whoa ooooooh oooooh... He's for the money, he's for the show....
5. Rich Hill, Scott Atchison, and Clevelan Santeliz pitched an inning apiece and it was real clean, like my conscience. Too bad the game was essentially over.

Tonight! The Red Sox are home and facing the Toledo Mud Hens (DET), who just swept the Syracuse Chiefs. I am going to try to squeeze a game in on Monday, so perhaps I will see you there. If you go today it's Kyle Weiland v Andrew Oliver.

Tomorrow is May!

4.28.11 Red Sox @ Ironpigs - The thing you hate the most

Welcome to the Angry PawSox Blog, how may I help you?

PawSox win 11-8. Felix Doubront started, but he was on a pitch count so he only worked for three innings. Doubront threw 50 pitches, 30 for strikes, induced six groundouts.

Doubront was ably replaced by the nimble lefty Kris Johnson. Johnson came in for some minor league long relief, pitching three innings and giving up five runs on six hits, including a two-run homer by second baseman Josh Barfield. Second verse, same as the first.

But what about Lehigh Valley starter Ryan Feierabend? 3 2/3, ten runs on ten hits. Rough night. It was the fourth inning that brought Feierabend to his knees. It all started with back-to-back singles by Drew Sutton and Mike McKenry, although Sutton tried to get to third base and was thrown out.

An ensuing walk by Tony Thomas put runners on first and second for JC Linares. All he did was hit a home run to right! And with still only one out, Iglesias singled, Navarro doubled, and Nava brought home another run with a sac fly.

I'M NOT FINISHED YET! Josh Reddick hit yet another home run. Does that make you hungry? Hector Luna then walked and, hey! Here's Drew Sutton again! Perhaps to make up for being thrown out at third, Sutton hit an RBI double. 10-0 Pawtucket and finally they gently remove Feierabend. Reliever Scott Mathieson struck out McKenry to end the demolition.

Michael Bowden wound up getting the win. Good work, everybody. Not you, Kris Johnson.

well, this is gonna hurt like a motherfucker:
1. Reddick and Sutton, 3-5. These guys are fire oil. Reddick with two home runs. And Drew Sutton of all things. How pleasing.
2. No hits for Nava. No walks, either. Nava might as well not even exist at this school.
3. Okay, are we about done with Kris Johnson? He must be sweatin' it this season.
4. IronPigs manager Ryne Sandberg had hoped that Feierabend would go 5 or six, since the team lost Vance Worley by way of the call-up. Thanks a lot, the Phillies!
5. "On the scorecard, this looks like a loss but it was a great example of the difference between Huppert baseball compared with Sandberg baseball. We’ve seen blowouts like this before but the hustle and drive we’ve seen in the first few weeks of the season is nice to see." - from The Horn and Bell blog
6. So that was five Pawtucket home runs, eh? Forgot to mention that Navarro hit one, too.
7. "His last name is pronounced fear-BIN. Not sure how you get that pronounciation out of that but if he says fear-BIN, it works for me." - Stupid Scrankees blog

Tonight! One last game in Lehigh Valley, then home for a paltry four games v Toledo. Alfredo Aceves v spot starter Brian Gordon. It was supposed to be Vance Worley, but if you were paying attention I told you that Worley was called up.

Okay, you guys, get to work! I'll see you later at happy hour.

4.27.11 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Lehigh Valley IronPigs - Get it?

Rich Thompson WINS! 8-2. Pawtucket starter Brandon Q Duckworth takes the loss for Pawtucket, giving up eight runs on six hits during 3 2/3 innings. Part of the problem may also have been the five walks. Gee, that's not like him.

Contrariwise, IronPigs starter Brian Bass pitched five very nice one-run innings, then went and combed his hair and brushed his teeth.

Duckworth's tough night began in the first inning, when Rich Thompson and Kevin Frandsen hit back-to-back singles and then pulled off a double steal. Ah, to be young and cocky! Former PawSox muffin Brandon Moss then helpfully sac flied to to right, scoring Thompson.

Lehigh Valley boosted their score up to 3-0 in the second inning when catcher Erik Kratz hit an RBI double after a walk and a single... Problem is, Josh Barfield also tried to scamper home after Larish, but he was thrown out at home by a Reddick-Iggy relay. Kratz advanced to third on a wild pitch and then crossed the plate on a passed ball. Come on, guys, you're supposed to be professionals!

A solo home run by Reddick finally put Pawtucket on the board for a run in the fourth, but the bottom half of the inning is where things went kerflooey. Duckworth got two outs right away, but Barfield doubled, Kratz walked, and Rich Thompson was hit by a pitch. With Frandsen at bat, Duckworth threw a wild pitch and Barfield scored. Frandsen wound up walking, then left fielder Cory Sullivan walked in a run.

And that was it for Duckworth. I wonder what happened? Matt Fox grabbed hold of the reins, but he was stung by a Brandon Moss two-run double. Yes, Moss will do that.

That's about it, you guys. Uh, Hector Luna swatted in a run in the sixth but the rest of the night was quiet. Jason Rice pitched the bottom end of the game and kept things air-tight. One of the Lehigh Valley relievers was Juan Perez, also known as one of the nicest Pawtucket Red Sox players of all time. Good to see him still kicking around, but that's how it goes for a lefty.

underjoyed:
1. Josh Reddick has done a commendable job thus far. I hope he carries it throughout the season.
2. Brandon Moss went 2-3 with 4 RBI. Designated hitter Delwyn Young went 0-4.
3. For the Red Sox, Hector Luna went 3-4 with a double.
4. Luis Exposito had three passed balls.
5. Good story, Jeff Schuler, but Daniel Nova?
6. They call him "Duck" worth for a reason: With his two wild pitches, batters had to "Duck" out of the way. Heh heh. Is this thing on?
7. This one's not mine, I swear: "The Georgia native (Moss), who likes using his bow to hunt game, added to his collection by bagging a duck and a fox on Wednesday night." D'OOOHHHH!!!!!

Tonight! IronPigs lefty Ryan Feierabend v Felix Doubront. Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well how very nice.

Yesterday's IronPigs (one word) game, moron.

Okay, I'm back from Waltham or whatever.

Pawtucket scored first thing, right away, top of the first, Nate Spears singled to right, yes. Yamaico Navarro was subsequently hit by a pitch, Reddick ground into a force out (Navarro out), Reddick stole second and Anderson hit a two-run single. POW, 2-0.

Lehigh Valley picked up a run of their own in the first when shortstop Kevin Frandsen hit an RBI single. Frandsen used to be on the Pawsox, not that you care. I care because it's my job to care.

So, yeah, more runs and suchlike. Let's skip to the goody-goody.

Two things:
1. JC Linares went 3-4 with a couple of RBI. Josh Reddick hit a solo home run. Hector Luna hit two doubles.
2. "If it wasn't for Kevin Frandsen we'd have been no-hit," said Brandon Moss said as he walked by Frandsen's locker. - Thank you, Jeff Schuler!
3. I forgot to tell you that Brandon Moss is with Lehigh Valley now. He went 0-4 last night. It was precious.
4. "Of Pawtucket's 12 hits, seven of them came with two strikes. All but one of the PawSox runs scored on two-strike hits, and five of those runs scored on two-out, two-strike hits." Schuler again, just brimming with information.
5. Do you understand the terms 'cap-shot' and 'jam-shot' when it comes to baseball? If not, you should probably talk to K. Frandsen.
6. "Just this morning, Frandsen offered to... FRANDSEN!"

TONIGHT! Brandon Duckworth, Brian Bass. Go ahead and scream your head off! We're miles from where anyone can hear you!

4.26.11 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Lehigh Valley IronPigs (one word)

Pawtucket WINS! 7-2. Andrew Miller gives up two runs (one unearned) on one hit through 5 2/3 and gets the dub. Lehigh Valley starter Eddie Bonine pitched six and gave up four runs, including a home run by Josh Reddick. Bonine takes the loss for the IronPigs (one word).

Oops, you know what the music means. Our time is up.

Sorry, I have to go to a thing in like Woburn or something. How do people wake up this early?

Ramp Champ #37: Bruce Hurst

Since last night's game was rained out and I know you want me to be your acrobat, here we have number 47, Bruce Hurst.

Bruce Hurst is a lefty pitcher who played for the Pawtucket Red Sox in 1980 and 1981. He started 40 out of the 48 games he worked in. Hurst was just a youngster at the time, ages 22-23.

In 1980, Hurst went 8-6 with a 3.94 ERA. He pitched 105 innings through 17 games, which is... Carry the two... 6.17 innings per game.

Okay, I thought it would be more impressive. Promise me, son, not to do the things I've done. Walk away from numbers if you can.

In '81, Hurst was foolin' around, hittin' the town, growin' his hair. He went 12-7 with a 2.87 ERA. Hurst also pitched five shutout innings in the LGIBH. Good Valentine's.

Two things:
1. "It was unbelievably cold. The wind was blowing straight in. A couple balls that were just crushed got up in that wind and fell straight down. There were no heaters, but they had these big 55-gallon drums they used as trash cans. We were taking the broken bats and burning them in the drums. It was just a cold, cold night, with no relief and the wind cutting through you." - source

I like to think that if I had been there, I would have stayed. But I probably would not have because I find cold weather unbearable. Hey, people who know me, would I have stayed?

2. Bruce Hurst is Mormon? Hurst has a college baseball field named after him? And you say he pitched seven complete games for Pawtucket in 1981? And he was tied for second in the IL that same year with his 12 wins?

WHOA, I almost got socked with a virus doing search engine stuff... See if I ever visit a Baptist church website again!

Bruce Hurst is in the lobby of the first base tower. That's the one no one goes down, so be sure to make a special trip.

(Mural pic: Lil' Rhody Dan)

4.24.11 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Rochester Red Wings - Hallelujah!

9-3 Pawtucket. Ah Rochester! Ah humanity!

Rochester starting pitcher Anthony Swarzak did what now? Allowed seven runs on eight hits? And you say he pitched into the fifth inning before being replaced by Rene Tosoni? Well, shut your fucking mouth because Rene Tosoni is a position player, not a relief pitcher! It was in fact righty Carlos Gutierrez who took over for Swarzak and worked really hard for that last out in the fifth.

See, what had happened was the Red Sox were already up 3-0, but after Nava led off the fifth with a flyout, Navarro singled. And then Reddick flied out to center. So, easy, right>? Two outs? But Swarzak walked Drew Sutton and then Anderson to load the bases for Tony Thomas. You may be tempted to call him Tony the Tiger, but please don't. Thomas hit an RBI single and that was the end of the night for Swarzak.

And just as I mentioned earlier, Carlos Gutierrez jumped into the fire. Nate Spears was the first batter he faced and Spears hit a two-run single. So that was kind of a bummer. Even worse, McKenry hit an RBI single. At that point it was 7-0 and really, your heart just goes out to this team. Tough couple of years.

Rochester did score in the sixth, thanks to solo home run by catcher Rene Rivera. And the Wings scored another pair in the eighth when Clevelan Santeliz ran into some turbulance. But Drew Sutton hit a ground rule double in the top of the ninth which worked out great because Nate Spears was really working his magic bat. Spears singled, drove in Sutton... Wait, Tony Thomas was on base, too, because he'd walked... McKenry singled, too... And then I was driving and the road just kind of turned into a giant squid but my brakes didn't work... And then Jose Iglesias grounded into a double play but instead of Trevor Plouffe playing short it was my mother-in-law...

Well, what did you expect? Pawtucket had 15 hits. And it could all dry up when they face the Scrankees and the G-Braves and the Bats. There's a lot of season left.

Oops, in all the confusion I almost forgot Kyle Weiland. Weiland pitched six strong, 77 pitches and only one run on two hits. Bowden pitched the ninth, one two three. Something is clicking for Bowden as a closer-style pitcher. Do you find that interesting? Do you want to start a new post on the forum about it? I think you should do that.

cookies:
1. Drew Sutton went 3-4 with two doubles and he's TORRID IN NEW YORK. I try not to spit cliches, but that sounds like a great live album title.
2. Nate Spears also had three hits. Daniel Nava went 0-5. He should add "RRO" to the end of his name and start driving in some runs.
3. Carlos Gutierrez is some kind of first-round draft pick, who's still pretty zippy after Tommy John. Read all about how impressive and sexy he is here.
4. And Gutierrez on a podcast here at the world famous 'Seth Speaks'.
5. Jose Iglesias went 0-5 with three strikeouts. Everybody, commence panicking. Please program the sports radio station into your speed dial so you can shit-talk the kid, the organization, and Carl Crawford.

Today was a great day to do not much of anything. How bad do you not want to go to work tomorrow? Especially since you have that conference call.

Tomorrow! Rochester at about 6. Andrew Miller and Dorothy Manship.

GO, TEAM, GO!!!

4.23.11 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Rochester - Matt Fox is wild, I swear.

Red Wings take this one 9-7 in one of those weird games. Okay, how do both teams score 16 runs between them and the game was only two hours and twenty minutes? And what the hell did Blondie do to get ejected? Let me take you on a journey... And myself on one, too. Because I'm fucking innocent.

Let's start at the beginning... yada yada. Yorman Bazardo's got the ball for Rochester. Daniel Nava leads off with a single AND HERE WE GO MODEFOQUE!!! Navarro was then hit by a pitch... And then something really cool happened. Josh Reddick tripled and of course Nava and Navarro made it across. 2-0 PawSox! Good triple, Josh Reddick.

Hector Luna followed the triple off with an RBI single, scoring Reddick. Okay, I made the lineup and penciled Luna in and it didn't click, but Hector Luna's on the PawSox! And Drew Sutton! The IL just churns these guys around.

Bazardo escaped the first inning without further fuss, getting a GIDP for most of the outs. 3-0 Pawtucket, but for how long? Until the end of the world or the bottom of the third. Pawtucket starter Alfredo Aceves gave up three consecutive singles like, immediately. Which loaded the bases with no outs. A sac fly by shortstop Trevor Plouffe got the first run across... Then a single... Then the seldom seen sacrifice double play flyout by right fielder Dustin Martin. Hot Canadian piece Rene Tosoni got crazy on the basepaths and wound up out at second base. But that was the end of Aceves' start. Wait, why did he start?

Rochester killed the 3-3 tie in the fourth inning when Matt Fox gave up two solo homers. And on a school night, too. 5-3 Rochester. Pawtucket got one back in the top of the fifth when catcher Luis Exposito hit a solo home run of his own off reliever Anthony Slama.

Look, I'm dancing! Rochester got all high and mighty in the bottom of the fifth inning. Brian Dinkelman singled and then while Plouffe was batting, Fox threw a wild pitch, advancing Dinkelman. Dustin Martin hit a two-run double to make it 7-4 Red Wings. Another wild pitch scored Martin... 8-4 R-Wingz.

Top o' the sixth - Slama still pitching, hits both Navarro and Luna with pitches. This evidently hurt Luna's hand and he had to leave the game. Tony Thomas replaced Luna. Anderson got ejected for strike zone bitching. Drew Sutton hit a two-run double to right, making the score 8-6. Hey, are you done yet? I'm getting tired of holding this.

Okay, cool, I can skip ahead to the bottom of the eighth. With Jason Rice pitching, Rochester catcher Daniel Lehmann hit a solo home run. Danny Lehmann, sorry. 9-6 Rochester.

Wait, one more thing: Drew Sutton hit a solo home run for Pawtucket in the top of the ninth. Something tells me I'm into Sutton good! (Sorry.) Pointless act, though, because Rochester still won. That's okay, they needed it more. Poor little franchise.

I'm growin' an entire crop of marijuana plants in my parents back yard!
1. I don't know if you noticed, but weren't there quite a few solo home runs in this game? The answer is FIVE, even though that wasn't really the question. I break all the rules, tough guy.
2. Toby Gardenhire never hits home runs and everybody loves him. I like his father. You know... I LIKE him, like him.
3. JC Linares went 0-4 with two strikeouts.
4. Some video feat. Chase Lambin here.
5. Evidently Jose Canseco will be appearing at the Rochester ballpark in August.
6. Good game for Dustin Martin, who had three RBI. Who wants to dig a little deeper on this guy? I'll do it someday. There's a lion in that guy's pocket.

This afternoon, please enjoy Kyle Weiland and Anthony Swarzak as they tussle in the Flower City. It's also a holiday for all you non-heathens, so dig that. I am not doing anything today except maybe walk in the sunshine and pick some wildflowers and think about Dustin Martin and Ron Gardenhire.

You know, you might have invited me over. Thanks a lot. I hope you choke on your fucking ham.

4.21.11 Pawtucket Red Sox in Rochester.

Pawtucket wins 3-1. BUT WHAT ABOUT FELIX DOUBRONT??? Fuck you, go read about Doubront everywhere else. You only care about the PawSox if someone famous is there, you heartless wench.

Righty Andrew Baldwin started for the Rochester Red Wings and I already know what you are going to ask me and the answer is no: Baldwin is not part of the global apple empire. He pitched five and two-thirds innings and kept Pawtucket scoreless, despite a few scattered walks and hits. Well, scoreless until Navarro and Reddick hit back-to-back home runs. Then lefty Chuck James had to come in and the party wasn't really the same, everyone was deflated...

Rochester scored its only run in the fourth, when Trevor Plouffe homered off reliever (!) Kris Johnson. Johnson pitched three innings, Atchison tackled the seventh and eighth, and Michael Bowden came into the save situation in the ninth.

Geez, I guess that's everything.

migajas:
1. This game lasted two hours and 18 minutes, which was great because evidently it was freezing.
2. Oh, sorry, it's ANDY Baldwin.
3. Guess who is leading the Red Wings in walks? Jeff Bailey with 12. Yet he is not listed among the IL leaders, which probably means he is going to die soon.

Tonight it's... This afternoon, I meant. Yorman Bazardo v Matt Fox.

Ryan Kalish is in big trouble b/w Groins

I wonder who had to call Theo and tell him about Kalish's injury? I'll bet they tell him to lay off the heroics in the minors, but in a very subtle, spinnish way. Perhaps 'Now, Ryan, is it really worth throwing your career on the line for maybe a double?'

And with regard to Garrett Mock and his groin, I got to wondering: How do trainers and conditioning staff handle that? They have massage therapy, right? How do you go about massaging a player's groin while avoiding genital contact? Or do they even bother? Do the massage staff get all up in there? What if it moves?

Not even Doug Glanville can answer this question.

4.21.11 Pawtucket Red Sox v Syracuse Chiefs - Mock Trial

Pawtucket WINS! And how! 14-0. Syracuse starter Garrett Mock is, I suppose, still not fully recovered from his neck injury. Or, most recently, his groin injury. It was perhaps one of the worst starts by a visiting pitcher that I have ever seen. It was hard to watch at times.

Garrett Mock gave up eight runs in two innings. Was Pawtucket cranking out hits? No. It was not a slugfest. It was a walkfest. Seven walks. Seven! Four of the runs were walked in.

Garrett Mock faced five batters in the third inning and could not get an out. Chiefs lefty Lee Hyde took over and was really not much better. Hyde gave up four runs, giving up six hits and walking two. Reliever Adam Carr was really the only effective Syracuse relief, going a couple of scoreless innings and only walking one batter.

The only Chiefs reliever who didn't give up a walk was Jeff Frazier. Who is a position player. Yes, it was that kind of game. I think Josh Wilkie went out and played right field...

I don't even know where to go with this. It was a crazy game and I would have stayed for the whole thing if the wind hadn't been so cold. And lonesome.

break it down:
1. Daniel Nava is a walking MACHINE! Three in this game, making him an IL leader.
2. Reddick and McKenry also took three walks.
3. Nate Spears had to come in for Kalish, who is probably in really big trouble. Spears hit a grand slam and was rewarded with a HBP. He had to have seen that coming.
4. Red Sox starter Brandon Duckworth was terrific again, pitching seven scoreless innings. Clevelan Santeliz finished the game off like a fabulous apricot pie, further demeaning and demoralizing Syracuse.
5. For Syracuse, Corey Brown and Carlos Mirabelli went 2-4. So that was good.
6. Brian Bixler was replaced in this game. I guessed correctly that he'd been called up. BRIAN BIXLER?! Oh, The Nationals.

By the way, Drew Sutton got a hit at the top of the third. He hit the ball leftward and it fell between three Syracuse fielders. It could have been an error. There was no ruling either way when I was there, so everyone was left hanging. UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!

Tomorrow! Rochester? What, again? Pawtucket's not playing a non-NY team until the 26th, when they face Lehigh Valley. You know, the IronPigs. All one word. I have been typing 'Iron Pigs' this whole time and no one corrected me. What am I, Brendan McGair?

In all fairness, McGair's really stepped it up this season, doing some pretty interesting work. That man is getting after it for real! If I ever see him out and about, I'll buy him a beer! But just one, because I like to save my money so I can buy more beer for myself.

Also, I am certain he would act like he had no idea who I was.

EXCELSIOR!

Cookies near McCoy Stadium

Who among us does not like cookies? My favorite cookies in Rhode Island these days can be purchased right near the ballpark. It's a very small, oldish bakery hidden away on York. I am talking about their 'Best Ever' chocolate chip cookies. I think they are fantastic.

I really mean it.

This has been a story about cookies near McCoy Stadium.

4.20.11 Pawtucket v Syracuse - Chiefin'

Sorry, Tennessee. Pawtucket relievers finally stumble and blow the game 6-3. Reliever Tony Pena gets the loss, the blown save, the Razzie, and the Grammy for Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group. Syracuse lefty Ross Detwiler got the win.

Red Sox starter Andrew Miller pitched six one-run innings. He struck out three of the Chiefs, most notably that crazy Corey Brown character.

Tony Pena pitched the seventh inning and it was raining in his heart. The first batter Pena faced, center fielder Corey Brown, reached first on an error by Anderson. It's really hard to field well when you're stoned. The balls just look so soft and pretty...

Oh, yeah, then Jhonatan Solano homered. It was Solano's second cuadrangular of the year. Pena got the next two batters out, but then Bernadina singled and stole second (I love this guy!) Then, oh, oops, Brian Bixler RBI single. 4-3 Chiefs.

Rich Hill also pitched two innings.

And what about Pawtucket's offense? Yamaico Navarro hit an RBI single in the third. Navarro has been really great so far. I like him so much more than I ever like Jorge Jimenez. There were another couple of runs. but they're too dull to contemplate.

they put you down and shut you out:
1. "Andrew Miller Feeling Good About His Command." That's a weird headline. Next time someone asks how I am, I'll say "I feel good about my command!" I'll say it to my boss. He's a real locked-in corporate conformist. I'll bet he adopts it at his CORPORATE CONFORMIST SUIT MEETINGS!!!!!
2. Tony Thomas was picked off and caught stealing. I still think that cat is crazy.
3. Rich Hill picked off Seth Bynum. Seth Bynum reminds me of Freddy Bynum, who I never much cared for. You know who else bugs me? Mark Ellis. He always looked so pasty and weird to me. No one has ever bought a Mark Ellis jersey.

This is unbearable. Good news, everyone. I get to go to the game today while you're toiling away in your CORPORATE CONFORMIST cubicle. I don't know who is pitching and I don't care. SMASH THE STATE! YOU CAN CRUSH US, YOU CAN BRUISE US!

I love you.

4.19.11 Pawtucket v Syracuse - Ludgate

Pawtucket wins again, 3-1. I'll bet Pawtucket and Syracuse are getting really sick of each other. Starting pitcher Kyle Weiland pitched five innings, giving up one run on three hits. Weiland also walked four, struck out four, and ate petit-fours. Yes, K-Dub got the win.

Pawtucket scrounged up seven hits off Syracuse Chiefs starter Yunesky Maya over his six innings of Labour (party).

Wait, the interesting thing is that all of the runs in the game were scored in the first two innings. Syracuse scored first, when Bixler and Bernadina led the game off with a single and a double, respectively. First baseman Chris Marrero sac flied, scoring Bixler from third to lay a one-nothing on your cold, wet asses.

Bottom of the first - Kalish, single. Navarro, walk. Reddick, single. POW, bases loaded, no outs. Yunesky Maya, what happened, baby? And then! Tony Thomas steps in and it would have been crazy if he'd hit one out.... But no, he struck out.

What really happened was Lars Anderson hit a two-run single. GOD, WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM?!

Maya managed to dispatch of Linares and Nava to end the inning. But when catcher Mike McKenry walked in the bottom of the third and advanced to second on a balk, Ryan Kalish saw an opportunity to raise his estimation in the eyes of the Savior and hit a liner to right, scoring McKenry. It was Kalish's third double of the year.

The Chiefs were held scoreless by the bullpen, which has been pretty solid so far in April. Boston kid Matt Albers slapped up a couple of innings. Seventeen of Albers' 27 pitches were for strikes. Jason Rice pitched a tidy eighth, and Atchison got the save for the PawSox. That is some fucking teamwork right there. God bless those boys.

Matt Chico did some relief work after Maya's exit, pitching two scoreless with three strikeouts.

vegetable loaf:
1. Yamaico Navarro walked twice. I love seeing this walking from him. Currently, though, Nava is number one on the team for bases on balls. I would not have guessed that.
2. Yunesky Maya wound up throwing 118 pitches. That's quite astonishing. Obviously the Nationals hate his guts, making him do all that in the shitty April weather.
3. Pawtucket's win put them in first place in the IL North division.! Bacon and Biscuits? More like... like... Textiles and water-powered energy!
4. Audio game highlights! I am still VERY ANGRY that archived games are no longer available on the IL site. Maybe I'll record the games on cassette off the radio. I'll just tape over all those Expose and Whitesnake songs.

Tonight! Syracuse again! Andrew Miller and Ross Detwiler, probably.

And now it's time to go away on holiday...

4.18.11 Pawtucket Red Sox v Syracuse Chiefs - Babyhead

I don't want Matt Fox to be another Adam Mills. Fox pitched well last night.... Or Syracuse played poorly, either way. Pawtucket won 5-1 and Fox went six, giving up one run (solo homer by outfielder Corey Brown) on four hits. Fox had six strikeouts and the Chiefs certainly have something to say about that!

Righty JD Martin started for the Chiefs and it didn't go so well. Martin was pulled in the fourth inning after striking out Yamaico Navarro. He started off okay, thought, gettting the side to fly out in order in the fist inning.

But the second inning... Tony Thomas, animal that he is, led it off with a home run. No joke, folks. Photos prove it was Tony Thomas and not Mark David Chapman hitting that home run.

Anderson and Nava each singled and then catcher Luis Exposito made it to second on a wacky outfield error, bringing Anderson home.

Inning three proved to be even more challenging for Martin. Navarro singled to left, Reddick hit a home run. Tony Thomas walked, Anderson singled. Drew Sutton singled, scoring Thomas. Daniel Nava walked to load the bases.

That was it, though, BCUZ Exposito grounded into a force and Jose Iglesias grounded into a seldom seen 1-2-3 double play. 5-1 PawSox!

Innings 4-9 were essentially all bullpen, as all the run-scoring was in bed for the night. Clevelan Santeliz pitched 1 2/3 and Bowden came in for the rest, sort of looking like 2010 Michael Bowden when he immediately gave up back-to-back singles in the top of the ninth. He sure is good at fixing his fucking pants after every pitch, though. Damn you look good, son.

fast cars, cheap thrills, rich girls, fine wine:
1. The 30th anniversary of the Longest Game in Baseball History celebration was very low-key. Dave Koza threw out the first pitch and there was a video. That's it.
2. Lars Anderson went 3-3 with a double. GOD, HE'S SO ANNOYING!!!
3. Tony Thomas is second in the IL for slugging and OPS. I'm sure you know all about him, but three months ago I hadn't even heard of the guy. And now this. This is why I love baseball.
4. Santeliz was replaced by Bowden because he felt something funny in his back.
5. "JD Martin seems best suited to the role of starting pitcher and is well known to both Knorr and Syracuse as the staff ace the past couple of years. He doesn’t have the kind of stuff needed to be a true relief specialist whereas Chico still might and it might be a way for Chico to find his way back to the majors." - comment by 'peric' on 'Nationals Arm Race'
6. Brian Bixler has a weird batting stance and holds his bat strangely. Jeff Frazier has serious asshole face.
7. "Yamaico Navarro se fue de 6-2, con su quinto doble y recibió cuatro bases por bolas en la doble victoria en casa de Pawtucket (Boston) por 2-1 en 10 entradas y 10-6 sobre Buffalo en la Liga Internacional." - 7dias
8. I can't remember where I read this, but someone said, "Jose Iglesias is slumping." I hope that person was not even serious.
9. Oh, here it is!

TONIGHT! I'm returning to the park! Kyle Weiland v Yunesky Maya! It's a motherfucking Y-Fest! YES!

PS Jim Martin was doing PA last night. I WAS INFORMED THAT HE HAD RETIRED. Why are you messing with my emotions?

4.17.11 Pawtucket Red Sox v Buffalo Bisons - cumpleaños del mero mero

Pawtucket WINS! 10-6. Starting pitcher K Johnson gets the win for the Red Sox, pitching five innings and giving up two runs on four hits. Bisons starter Josh Stinson took the loss, giving up six runs during his four-inning start.

Okay, let's get crackalackin. Things looked shaky for Johnson in the first inning when he immediately gave up a single to Jason Pridie to lead the game off. Justin Turner hopped on the downtown train and doubled to left to put runners on the corners. A sac fly by first basedude Nick Evans scored Pridie and a double by DH Zach Lutz put the Bisons up 2-0.

Pawtucket failed to respond until the bottom of the third, when Exposito, Sutton, and Anderson all doubled. I don't feel the need to hash over who did what, but Kalish singled and Navarro walked and Reddick stole second in some order. When the dust settled it was 4-2.

The Red Sox put up a deuce in the bottom of the fourth, courtesy of a Nate Spears solo homer and an RBI double by Navarro. Navarro again! I might be getting excited about him.

Bisons lefty Michael O'Connor put his beer down and came out of the bullpen for the fifth inning. O'Connor got Drew Sutton to pop out, but Anderson lined a single to left and Nate spears walked and stuff... Gaaaah.

Do we really need to finish this? It's not like anyone's reading it. I'll skip to the end.

Man and wife:
1. Wait, Rich Hill! I love that guy! Hill saved the game because Jason Rice was having a rough go. He pitched almost three innings. Still hasn't given up a run. I wanna wear his jacket. I saw a picture of him holding two cats and let me tell you, you would just lose it if you saw it. He looks like a PIMP.
2. Matt "Fat" Albers also did some relief work.
3. Is Dusty Ryan the Matt Lecroy of Buffalo? Four stolen bases by four runners, see if you can guess who. One of them is not Drew Sutton. Also, Ethel did not bring gelatin to the party, but she wore a green hat.
4. When I was in Buffalo I ate at this cute neighborhood breakfast place that had terrific home fries. It was mildly arty and on a one-way street. Just outside downtown. I cannot remember the name so I am hoping you can help me.
5. Buffalo starter Josh Stinson was called up from double-A to replace Dillon Gee, who's with the Mets now.

TONIGHT! Me! 30th anniv.! Syracuties! Matt Fox and JD Martin! Popcorn!

No, not popcorn. Are you kidding me? I don't eat popcorn. Jesus Christ, put down the bong.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em: Pawtucket wins

So I'm bringing this game to completion. Back to you, Scott Atchison.

Top of the ninth, CF Kirk Nieuwenhuis doubled to to left and Lucas Duda singled to put two runners on with one out. Oh, don't you worry about that, because Justin Turner grounded into a double play.

Why don't we skip to the tenth? I have much work to do. Jose Iglesias led off with a single, stuff stuff stuff, uh... Words... Words... I hear you calling... Oh baby, pleeeeeaaase...

Daniel Nava, RBI single, done. Good night and let's go.

I'm so in love with you.

4.16.11 Pawtucket Red Sex v Buffalo Bisons - Talk About Love

Have you noticed that Pawtucket and Buffalo have been seeing a lot of each other? I think they're secretly bangin'. At any rate, this game was a pretty long dry hump with no release. Tied at one in the ninth and rained out.

Your Red Sox starting pitcher was Mister Brandon Duckworth. Duckworth should be proud of his start, as he went long, hard and deep into the seventh inning... 6 2/3 inches innings in all. He kept the Bisons scoreless until the seventh, getting hoisted off the mound after Justin Turner singled. Okajima inherited Turner, who scored when pinch hitter Zach Lutz doubled.

Duckworth also struck out six and walked a guy. Not bad.

Righty Chris Schwinden (Not Fossum) started for the Bisons. He struck out nine batters through five innings. Wonderful. Schwinden's only run came in the fifth inning, when Tony Thomas led off with a triple to right and then scored on an error by second baseman Luis Hernandez.

Taylor Tankersley, Jose De La Torre, and Justin Hampson combined to provide scoreless relief. Atchison was coming in to pitch for Pawtucket, but the game was called before he threw a pitch.

bzzzzzzzzzzz:
1. Chris Schwinden was called up from double-A and this was his triple-A debut. So hot. I know you wanna fuck him.
2. Drew Sutton struck out three times.
3. Way to squander, squanderers! "The PawSox squandered a scoring opportunity in the eighth, failing to score after getting a man to third with none out. Ryan Kalish reached first after his pop-up down the left-field line was ruled an error off the glove of Bisons shortstop Ruben Tejada. He moved to third on an errant pickoff attempt by Herd pitcher Jose De La Torre. The Herd defense clamped down and got a groundout, pop-up and flyout." - Buffalo newspaper

Game resumes at one this afternoon so everyone can achieve climax. Then the regular game. I cannot attend, so please don't go. I don't want to get jealous and hate you.

DUCKWORTH!!!!!

4.15.11 Red Sox @ Chiefs - Daniel Nava walked three times.

Pawtucket wins! 8-2. Tony Pena gets the win in long, long, long three-inning relief. Syracuse starter Garrett Mock is really, really going to be called back up at some point, BUT! gets the loss here, pitching 3 2/3 innings and walking everyone, including his own catcher. Seven walks for Mock! And a balk!

Pawtucket starter Andrew Miller pitched four scoreless innings with three strikeouts and four walks. He threw 82 pitches, 46 for strikes. It's all written down and I believe virtually everything I read.

Pawtucket's offense came in mostly little chips and pieces and didn't get underway until inning 3, when Mock walked in a run to put Pawtucket up 1-0.

In the fourth inning, a couple of walks and a single loaded the bases and ended the night for Mock. At last. Lefty Matt Chico entered to face Reddick, who greeted him with a line drive to right, scoring Tony Thomas. Chico followed that up by walking Nava with the bases loaded. 3-0 Pawtucket.

Center fielder Ryan Kalish led off the sixth inning with a single. And then the greatest thing happened... Yamaico Navarro tripled! Remarkable! Chico then walked the next batter, Josh Reddick, who stole second base because Raul Chavez is not on the Chiefs. And after Chico walked Anderson, well, that was enough for Chiefs manager Randy Knorr. Enter Lee Hyde. (Who?) And... he's another lefty?

And guess what Hyde did? Walked in a run! No! Yes, Drew Sutton took a walk and Navarro scored. Hyde followed that up with a wild pitch to Tony Thomas, scoring Reddick. And Thomas singled to bring the score to 7-0.

An RBI single by Yamaico Navarro, who has completely surprised the heck out of me thus far, brought the score to 8-0 in the seventh inning. Syracuse finally decided to fight back in the bottom half of the inning with Tony Pena pitching. Center fielder Corey Brown led off with a walk and catcher Jhonatan Solano helpfully hit a home run to wipe away the zero.

Oh my goodness, what else? Bowden pitched the last couple of innings, continuing to be better than last season, closing in on pretty good, so maybe he'll put it all together this year. Maybe.

walking on the ice to my old school:

1. Pitcher Garrett Mock was ejected in the seventh inning. Had to be the strike zone. HAD to be. All those walks? Home plate umpire DJ Reyburn probably needed an escort to his vehicle after the game.
2. Garrett Mock's groin impeded him from pitching at his best. Read all about it here, because there are too many great quotes for me to include here.
3. Navarro and Reddick had three hits apiece.
4. I was right about Mock's ejection: "I ended up telling the home plate umpire how I felt about the game. It was a heat of the moment thing. I’ve never been ejected in my life." Terrific job, Lindsay Kramer.
5. And Pokerguy315 comments: "Both teams were getting squeezed pretty hard by a home plate ump who must have felt he got paid by the hour. After Mock got tossed, Chico got screwed hardcore on some very borderline ball calls. Frustrating when an ump wants to be the focal point of the game with awful calls throughout"

So not only is DJ Reyburn behind the turntables so Richard Dawson and Brett Somers and Charles Nelson Reilly can dance, but he's also devilish with the K zone.

TONIGHT!!! Welcome home, everybody. Brandon Duckworth will face Buffalo's ... Fossum, I guess?

Thank you, this was fantastic.

Ladies and gentlemen... Please welcome... BAKED HADDOCK!!

Forgot to mention tonight's game. It's Syracuse again at 7 pm and it's Andrew Miller facing Garrett Mock.

I am sometimes stunned at how bad I still am at this.

4.14.11 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Syracuse Chiefs - Jabberjaw

Pawtucket loses again, 4-1. Red Sox starter Matt Fox takes the loss, despite only pitching two innings. Syracuse lefty Ross Detwiler pitched six one-run innings and got to bring home the W.

Syracuse scored first in inning number one because center fielder Roger Bernadina WANTED THIS GAME. Bernadina led off with a single and stole second, advanced on a wild pitch, then ran home in the middle of a groundout. 1-0.

Matt Fox did appear in the third and faced a few batters, but couldn't get an out. Shortstop Chris McConnell led the inning off with a single, then Bernadina hit a home run to right. Brian Bixler and Jeff Frazier then hit back-to-back singles. How cute for Jeff Frazier. How long have you been in the IL, again?

When Fox walked Chris Marrero to load the bases, Arnie came out and gave him the hook. Clevelan Santeliz took over and got Michael Aubrey to ground out, which scored Bixler from third. 4-0.

Nate Spears hit an RBI double at the top of the fourth to score Pawtucket's only run. Chiefs reliever Josh Wilkie pitched the seventh inning and put a couple of runners on with no outs, but he struck out Thomas and Kalish and got Navarro to fly out. So that was good for Syracuse on their special opening day.

amity:
1. Hideki Okajima also pitched and has still not allowed a run. Wouldn't it be nice to keep him in Pawtucket? For me?
2. Roger "The Shark" Bernadina has some fans...
3. Catcher Luis Exposito was ejected from this game in the fifth inning. Please tell me why.

Okay, that's really it. Getting up really early to do this sucks so much. I need to start going to bed early... Perhaps Drew Sutton can sing a lullaby.

BYE.

4.14.11 Pawtucket @ Syracuse - Game 1

Syracuse WINS! 3-2 in nine innings. This was the first game of a double-header. Heretofore perfect reliever Jason Rice takes the loss for the Red Sox. Righty reliever Adam Carr takes the win for a game started by Yunesky Maya.

Starting for the Pawtucket Red Sox, weighing in at 195 pounds, the Notre Dame flame... Kyle Weiland! Weiland pitched his fine self into the fifth inning, giving up only one run to the Chiefs, but after Syracuse catcher and former beloved Pawtucket player Carlos Maldonado doubled and Bixler singled and the other guy walked... The other guy, out in right... Frazier! Frazier walked to load the bases and it was curtains for Kyle Weiland. Pawtucket's puny 2-1 lead was in great danger.

Enter Rich Hill (Don't mind if I do!) (Ew.) Hill was like, Fuck this shit, and he got the last out. Hill even came out for the sixth and would have had an out right away with DH Michael Aubrey, but Yamaico Navarro made an error and Aubrey was safe at first.

Second baseman Seth Bynum then grounded out to advance Bernadina... Wait, did I tell you that Roger Bernadina was pinch running for Aubrey? SYRACUSE WANTED TO WIN, DAMN IT! Center fielder Corey Brown then rather conveniently hit a line drive single to right, scoring Bernadina. One unearned run for Hill, who was lying back and thinking of England on the mound. Tie game!

Jason Rice succeeded Hill, and was not doing too badly when Iglesias made a fielding error in the ninth, allowing Maldonado to reach base. Uh-oh. Another pinch runner, which come on... Who needs one when you have the lithe, speedy Maldonado wreaking havoc on the basepaths?

A single and a walk loaded the bases and then Yamaico Navarro couldn't handle something Jeff Frazier hit and it brought home the winning run for the Chiefs. Navarro was the official crumbum of the game, finishing with three fielding errors. Is something wrong at home, Mike?

Jhonatan Solano was the pinch runner for Maldonado:
1. See that mess of a lineup I made? That is because I saw 'Whiting' and thought 'Eli'. Teach me to make assumptions. Next thing you know I'll find out there's another Bazardo in the league not named Yorman.
2. Syracuse starter Yunesky Maya pitched 5 2/3 innings, giving up two runs and striking out five. He is from Cuba and uses a translator.
3. Maldonado doubled twice.
4. Ten strikeouts for Weiland! That's certainly an accomplishment. Now go read this Kevin Thomas joint.
5. Syracuse newspaper guy Lindsay Kramer live blogs the games! Just like Donnie Collins!

Okay, now I have to do game two.

The 30th Anniversary

Monday the 18th will be the 30th anniversary of the Longest Game in Baseball History. How can I miss it? I'm skipping work and I don't even live in Massachusetts.

I heard Dave Barry wrote a book about it entitled "I Am Not Making This Up: Trying to Explain Watching Baseball to My Kids".

What I meant to say is that the author's name is Dan Barry and the book is called 'The Game'. Will someone buy it for me? I haven't yet received my tax refund.

Or how about this? FREE. Sometimes I get e-mails from people who are pimping books that are baseball-related, offering a free copy even if I don't write a review of it. THIS BOOK I WOULD WELCOME.

My brother once met a woman who wrote a book about her sons playing for the PawSox. She contacted me once she heard about my blog, but my brother said her book was horrible and that she thought the sun shone out of her sons' asses so I declined to get involved. I trust my brother.

I also got invited to the Boston pitchers wine party, along with probably 1000 other blog people. First of all, I much prefer beer. Secondly, I don't like either one of those pitchers, regardless of their time in Pawtucket. No, thank you.

I never get any good swag. Also, nobody likes me.

PS Guess what's also approaching? The fifth anniversary of the Delmon Young Bat Incident. April 26th! Pawtucket will be in Lehigh Valley but I'll be at the park with a dozen Louisville Sluggers. There will be fried dough, balloons, and re-enactments from 12-3:00. Tickets start at $8.00.

Ramp Champ #36: Sam Horn

Four years? Come on! I have stuff to do!

Sam Horn is a first base/DH type who played for the Pawtucket Red Sox FOUR SEASONS. Firstly, 20 games in 1986 and lastly, 51 games in 1989.

1986 - In those twenty games Horn struck out 23 times. How many times did he walk? Five. Is it so wrong to be human after all?

1987 - Horn is clearly the power hitter who strikes out a lot who plays first (a little) but he's a DH. Or do I mean DJ? DJ! (Who's that gigolo on the street?)

Sam Horn hit 30 home runs for Pawtucket that year in less than 100 games, setting the lefty record for home runs per at-bat. Horn also set the slugging record Batted .321 with a 1.027 OPS. He was 23.

1988 - Horn was intentionally walked 10 times that season. He played in 83 games, hit ten home runs, walked a lot more and tried to steal three times but never made it. His offense was down but maybe Horn was learning a thing or two about being a real man. And I can tell you first hand... Horn was a real man.

1989 - Marty Barrett, Scott Wade, Mike Rochford's ERA, Ellsworth, Jeff Stone, Oil Can Boyd

Dana Williams, John Leister, Ed Nottle's losing record, ELLIS BURKS AND SAM HORN, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!

Sam Horn hit his only triple for Pawtucket that year. The rest of his stats are unimpressive.

Two things:
1. (With Pawtucket) "Big Sam was nowhere to be found, so a huge group of kids congregated around the team bus, just waiting. Soon enough, there was a total eclipse of the moon, simply meaning Horn was walking towards us. I stood there, ball, program and pen in hand, all 75 pounds of me, reached up to get my things signed, and BAM!, fucking Horn knocks me to the ground. Everyone else saw the mood he was in, and parted like Moses parting the Red Sea. Horn got onto that bus without signing a single autograph." - from 'Mystique and Aura' blog
2. Horn still lives in RI and his son, Jamale, is playing baseball. Does 'Jamale' rhyme with 'tamale'? Wait, 'tamale' isn't really a word. The singular form of 'tamales' is 'tamal'.

The nail used to hang Sam Horn's mural is audibly creaking from the weight. Go listen to it in the middle part of the third base tower.

The Legend of Bronson Arroyo

At the PawSox home opener, I was disappointed to see Scott Atchison starting the game and not Alfredo Aceves as promised. Atchison pitched well, though, so I got over it rather quickly.

My guest was surprised when Atchison got taken out so early, not knowing that Atchison was more a reliever than a starter and all the other reasons why. "But what if he was pitching a no-hitter?"

And I realized then that not only might there never be another perfect game or no-hitter, but maybe not even a complete game. That sounds dramatic, but it's kind of realistic.

In 2003, when Bronson Arroyo pitched his perfect game, only two other pitchers that season went the full nine: Bruce Chen and Dicky Gonzalez. Holy crap, remember them?! I think Chen's still drifting around...

In '04, righty Jamie Brown pitched two complete games. The marvelous Tim Kester pitched one and then... John Stephens? Was he the Australian guy? So that was four that year and I missed out on that stuff.

2005 - One CG, thanks again to Tim Kester. Poor guy never made it to the big leagues. Criminal.

2006 - Three complete games! I am losing my credibility here, you guys. Matt Ginter, Rob Henkel, and Jason Johnson. I remember Ginter, barely remember Henkel, and Johnson was one of those disastrous Boston relievers (Like that old guy, Mike something? Tough year.)

In 2007, TV's Jon Lester and his enormous melon pitched two complete games. Know who else did? John Barnes (knuckleballer?) and Mike Burns! Mike Burns! My memories are flooding back. I can't believe they let Lester go all the way twice. Astounding.

2008 - The legendary, mysterious Devern Hansack pitched two complete games. Charlie Zink also worked his way through a pair of CG's.

2009 - JOHN SMOLTZ PITCHED A COMPLETE GAME FOR PAWTUCKET? Was Theo aware this was going on? Why don't I remember this? Can anyone prove this really happened?

Also Buchholz and Zink that year.

Finally, last year Adam Mills pitched a complete game and so did Ramon Ramirez. Wasn't Ramirez' game a seven-inning thing? Or it was rained out or something?

Okay, so I was wrong about there not being complete games. I must have been arevatada. But I think we all learned something today, and it's that Arroyo is not gonna be a fucking legend ON MY WATCH!!! JUNICHI TAZAWA, IT'S ON YOU MY FRIEND!!!

Double header at two. See you there, sweetness.

4.12.11 Pawtucket @ Buffalo - The Bell Tolls

Buffalo WINS! 8-1. Starting lefty Kris Johnson takes the loss for the Red Sox.

Bisons starter Dillon Gee really got after it this game, pitching seven innings and only allowing one run. He gave up a couple of walks and struck out three Pawtucket batters. And the children of Buffalo were happy again and had pleasant dreams.

Kris Johnson's pitching woes continued as if he'd never had an off-season. I mean, right away, first inning, four singles and a double put a three on the board for the Bisons. A solo home run by first baseman Nick Evans in the second inning made the score 4-0.

In the bottom of the third inning, the first batter Johnson faced, third baseman Zach Lutz, hit a solo homer to center to bump it up to 5-0. Johnson put another couple of runners on base with one out before getting a love letter, and was replaced by the mighty Scott Atchison.

Left fielder Jesus Feliciano dug in against Atchison and hit a line drive to center, scoring Russ Adams. Yes, Russ Adams is still kicking around. A sac fly and a fielding error brought in two more runs. 8-0. And it was only the third inning.

In the fifth inning, Gee walked Josh Reddick, who ran home when Yamaico Navarro hit a line drive double to left. That would be the sole production of Pawtucket. Yamaico Navarro has certainly surprised me with his offense so far. Like this: :O

Atchison returned to pitch a couple more innings and held the Bisons back. Bowden entered the game for some long relief, pitching the final three innings in a scoreless, 90's fashion.

Dillon Gee- Seven innings, 99 pitches. This is remarkable. I have seen the Mets work their minor leaguers like this before, most notably with RA Dickey. And so early in the season! I would say it's crazy and radical, and I suppose it is, but it certainly doesn't seem like the org is getting results from this. If the Mets start rocking and rolling, then I might say, "The Mets have some great young pitching. They really do some smart things in the high minors."

Okay, no, I would probably never say that. Can we talk about Dale Thayer? Dale Thayer pitched the eighth and the ninth and got a couple of K's.

Kris Johnson threw 66 pitches through 2 1/3 innings and now his ERA is 23.14. That kind of job failure often leads to impotence and divorce.

you might as well get used to me coming home a little late:
1. Ryan Kalish made a throwing error, Nate Spears a fielding error.
2. 26 of Bowden's 34 pitches were strikes.
3. Maybe Dillon Gee will be called up soon.
4. Jose Iglesias was caught stealing. Buffalo catcher Raul Chavez is not fucking around back there.
5. Zach Lutz' name starts and ends with 'Z'.
6. "Dillion" Gee. This guy again. Wait, he's in high school? I'm such a jerk.

This afternoon at 2:00 (or some time close to that) it's Kyle Weiland in Syracuse facing either Ross Detwiler or Yunesky Maya. Probably Maya. It's the home opener for Syracuse so you'd better put on a pair of pants!

Bye!

4.11.11 Red Sox at Bisons - Buffaloco

Pawtucket WINS! Exploding offense all over your face! 15-1 and Duckworth gets his first win!

Old Man Duckworth pitched five scoreless innings and struck out three Bisons.

No, it would be better if we discussed the offense. It's mostly Casey Fossum's fault. Fossum started the game great, striking out Kalish. but then he walked Nava and Reddick and Drew Something singled to load 'em up for Anderson. Anderson flied out to left, scoring Nava. 1-0 Pawtucket.

Fossum got his shit together for a little while, managing not to bring shame upon the great city of Buffalo... Until the fourth inning. Fossum was so enraged by Lars Anderson's mall-rat coiffure that he hit him with a pitch. JC Linares was next up and he very calmly hit a double, scoring Anderson, only partly because Pridie effed things up in left.

Fossum then got Tony T to strike out (Thomas would later have his revenge) but Exposito got hom good with a double to left, scoring Linares. 3-0! And then a fourth run from a Ryan Kalish RBI single.

Fossum powered through the rest of the fourth, probably with great help from his ripped physique. The fifth inning was another slew of problems. It started off with ass-to-ass doubles from Nava and Reddick and a one-out walk to Anderson. Shivering newborn Dylan Owen took over and the poor thing. Linares homered. Had I been little Dylan Owen, this would have crushed me. But he somehow managed to get the last two outs and walked back into the dugout.

Owen came back out for the sixth inning, maybe breathing a little easier? Pawtucket singled three successive times to load the bases with no outs. A fielding error during Reddick's at-bat got the fifth run over. Then Owen walked Sutton with the bases loaded to make it 6-0.

Anderson and Linares both struck out after that, and then Tony Thomas grounded out to end the inning. WAIT! I can't believe you fell for that... What really happened was Thomas hit a home run which was a grand slam which makes him the RBI-est guy in the IL. I should probably sponsor him instead of Rich Hill.

Pawtucket reliever Tony Pena gave up the sole Bisons run in the seventh. Okajima and Rice somehow managed to keep the game from getting away from them.

I remember Okajima's fever:
1. Worst loss in Buffalo's history. It was freaking freezing to boot. Take it away, Tyler Dunne!

I'm way too fidgety to finish this, sorry. I may come back later if I'm not too impaired. Kris Johnson's starting today and the small, mean, petty part of me I cannot suppress is hoping he goes down in flames. Super sexy righty Dillon Gee should have no problem making Johnson look like dogmeat. I think.

Paz afuera.

Ramp Champ #35: Glenn Hoffman

GlennHoffman is a shortstop/third base type who played for the Pawtucket Red Sox.... Gah! In 1978, 1979, 1987, and 1988. Hoffman played in four games in 1977, but we don't need to delve into that.

1978 was alright once you get past the pain. Hoffman was just a baby at 19 and he played in 131 games(!). He batted .282 with a .322 OBP.

The next season, 1979, Hoffman was fourth in the International League for games played with 139. While most of his numbers increased only slightly, he hit 11 home runs... Nine more than he did the previous season. He was hit by a pitch ten times, placing him second in the league. Hoffman was really hitting his stride in the white hot spotlight.

Fast forward to 1987! Glenn H. didn't do anything interesting during that period, anyway. I mean, hello, Van Hagar. Hoffman played in 46 Pawtucket games, mostly playing third. It wasn't that interesting.

And then, at last, 1988. Glenn Hoffman is 29. A big 109 PawSox games. Hoffman walked A LOT! A lot for him, I mean. More than any other Pawtucket season. Also he mashed his K's down. Hoffman was well-seasoned by that point.

Two things:
1. This story is pretty great. It's mostly about Trevor, but still.
2. "Pawtucket was a lot bigger city on the way up than on the way down." - Hoffman on movin' on up and slip slidin' away.
3. "I remember Glenn Hoffman, Trevor Hoffman's older brother, playing with the Boston Red Sox and their AAA team in Pawtucket RI back in the 1970s and 80s. I still have a 1979 program from a Pawtucket game that I went to when I was 10 years old that has a picture of Glenn and his 11 year old brother Trevor hanging out at the ballpark. Who knew back then that the little kid in that picture would become the greatest relief pitcher in history." - 'Gary' on Baseball Reference

Glenn Hoffman's in the lobby of the first base tower. Waiting for you.

I'll be here tomorrow so please stand by.

4.10.11 Red Sox @ Bisons - Jose, Michael, Mannyl, and Ryota

Yes, I meant to type 'Mannyl', which I will explain later. Buffalo takes it, 2-1.

Andrew Miller devastated curious fans everywhere by pitching only 3 2/3 innings. In the first inning, Miller gave up a one-out triple to second baseman Justin Turner, who made it home when first baseman Nick Evans later singled. Pawtucket tied it all up in the fourth with an RBI single from JC Linares, right off of Buffalo starter Boof Bonser.

Buffalo scored its second and winning run in the bottom of the fourth. After striking out 3B Zach Lutz to lead things off, Miller walked Ruben Tejeda. And then walked Nieuwenhuis. Then Feliciano to load 'em up!

Was Miller the victim of bad calls? I doubt it! Karl Best doesn't horse around! At any rate, Miller was done for the night and Rich Hill inherited the mess on the field. Mike McKenry allowed a passed ball with Pridie at bat, so Tejeda scored. Hill got Pridie to fly out, though, which is great because Pridie is so fucking dangerous.

Hill went on to pitch another pair of innings, keeping Buffalo scoreless. Clevelan Santeliz polished off the remainder of the game, again suppressing the Bisons. Unfortch, Pawtucket was not in a hitting mood... Or they were stymied by the awesome power of the combined relief of Jose de la Torre, Michael O'Connor, Mannyl Alvarez, and Ryota Igarashi. At any rate, innings 5-9 were a series of zeroes.

Ronny, Bobby, Ricky and Mike:
1. See that kid from 'Almost Famous'? That is a fairly accurate representation of Andrew Miller's hairstyle.
2. Buffalo reliever Mannyl Alvarez' real first name is 'Manuel'.
3. Buffalo catcher Raul Chavez gunned down both Tony Thomas and Ryan Kalish. Good work, RC.
4. Bonser left the game right inthe middle of Nate Spears' fourth inning at-bat due to an injury. Schminjury. Maybe you know what happened, but I don't.
5. Okay, it was a 'possible forearm strain'. Thank you, N. Pugliese, but you spelled Pawtucket incorrectly. How would you like it if I called them the 'Bufallo' Bisons?
6. Read all about Andrew Miller's Cape Cod fog game, which is so legendary that I have never heard about it. Sounds remarkable, though.
7. Andrew Miller threw 75 pitches, 37 for strikes.
8. Hm, PawSox lose on a "pass" ball. This guy again.

Tonight! More Bison meat. Brandon Duckworth v Casey Fossum, who is still alive! You should see Fossum, he got really fat.

No, I was just kidding. He's still pretty raw-boned. See you guys later.

4.9.11 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Buffalo Bisons (NYM) - Angela

Pawtucket WINS! 8-3 in Buffalo. The delightfully enigmatic Matt Fox gets the win for Pawtucket, pitching six one run innings with four strikeouts.

Buffalo starter Pat Misch stretched himself out to seven innings. He wasn't particularly effective, as evidenced by The Grand Slam. You know.

OH, YOU DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT THE GRAND SLAM? Top of the second, designated hitter Daniel Nava leading off. Nava takes a walk. Then a double by Anderson. Sutton strikes out, but Linares walks to load the bases with one out. Exposito up! Could he do it? No, he popped out, but second baseman Tony Thomas rolled his sleeves up and got the job done! Grand slam to left! Everybody was happy, even Okajima.

I'm sure the 4-1 lead left Fox feeling pretty comfy for the rest of his pitch-scursion. Hideki Okajima pitched a tidy, scoreless seventh and then re-raked the mound before he exited. Michael Bowden (The closer?) handled the last two innings. He walked Jesus Feliciano like a snowball down a mountain, like a carnival balloon. And then who? WHO? Jason Pridie, who is still hanging around like a persistant skin lesion, hit his second home run of the game. Oh, dear, is all I have to say.

So aside from Tony's GS, where did all the other runs come from? Well, there was one in the fifth inning that was a solo home run... And then one in the eighth when Anderson hit an RBI single... Then a deuce in the ninth when Linares led off with a chunky double and advanced to third on a wild pitch by Dale Thayer's mustache. Tony Thomas singled Linares home for one, and then stole second. Another wild pitch from Thayer got Thomas over to third and Navarro grounded to second and got Thomas across the plate. Dale Thayer, wild and woolly and unable to shake the dust off his spurs.

Hold Me Closer:
1. Jason Pridie, guys. Jason Pridie. "My job is to get the team going." Oh, yes, I am quite sure.
2. "He tried to throw a cutter in and the guy has pull power. He got his pitch in the right zone. The inning just got away from [Misch] a little bit." - Bisons manager Tim Teufel on Thomas' slam.
3. Pat Misch had the most wins for a lefty in the IL last year. Thank you, Jay Skurski.
4. Feel free to look over this series preview, too. Yeah, it's late. What do you want? I work full-time and have various social engagements. It's horribly glamorous, you know.
5. Val Pascucci? BITCHIN'. Time for the most excellent Val Pascucci song and let's sing it all day.

This afternoon! Andrew Miller will pitch up against Boof Bonser, who sees no problem with drinking beer right before a game in which he might pitch. Bonser? I hardly knew her! (Sorry.)

BOOF! THERE IT IS!

4.8.11 Pawtucket Red Sox v Rochester Red Wings - K's

Rochester WINS! 7-2 before a crowd of 6,212. Red Wings starter Eric Hacker gets the win after pitching five scoreless innings.

Red Sox starter Kyle Weiland had a lesser, more disappointing night, letting down his parents who sacrificed so much. Weiland squeezed out three innings, giving up four runs on seven hits, including a solo home run to Trevor Plouffe in the third. Weiland continued to suck in the third, throwing who knows what to Dustin Martin so he could triple. And then Bailey hit an RBI single... Yeah.

Pawtucket reliever Tony Pena's relief was not much cuter. Pena stacked three more run-stuffed innings atop Weiland's, allowing Rochester to score three to bring the total to 7-0.

The Red Sox finally got some work done in the bottom of the sixth, when Reddick led off with a walk, Navarro doubled, and Kalish doubled to bring them both home. But that was it. No more scoring. You can all go back to watching TV shows about coupons.

Jason Rice and Clevelan Santeliz combined for some stone cold sexy scoreless relief. Rice struck out Chase Lambin, Ben Revere, and Brian Dinkelman during his two innings because he's el mero mero.

migajas:
1. Jeff Bailey is going to strike out a lot this season. He's a good man and he puts it down, but I have doubts. He was hit by a pitch last night, so at least he's got that right.
2. Eric Hacker was Pitcher of the Year in the PCL for 2010. He came from the Giants org.
3. Dinkelman hit two doubles and Plouffe ended the night going 3-5.
4. Yamaico Navarro's off to a good start! The pretty pesky poltergeist went 3-4 with two doubles. Contrariwise, Nava went 0-4 with two K's.
5. Pawtucket loaded the bases in the ninth, but Josh Reddick failed to get a run across, instead grounding into a double play. Instead of insulting him, I'll just say 'It happens' and it's a long season so better luck next time.
6. Jose "Igresias" was spiked by Plouffe in the fourth, but he is just fine. And there really is no fucking excuse for not spelling the players' names right, KEVIN PEREIRA.

TONIGHT! Buffaloney! Matt Fox will face off against lefty weirdo Pat Misch. Are you going? Let's go! We should totally go! It's gonna be freeeeezing!!!!!!!!