The Durham Bulls are ruining this here great country.

I still love you, Carl Crawford.

I don't know what else to say. That was crazy. Can't wait to hear a slew of conspiracy theories. CRAZY.

I also wonder how I went from a ravenous, emotional Red Sox fan to someone who wanted Tampa to win. I can't even think of how it all started. I just lost interest. And I was someone who emptied out bank accounts for Fenway tickets. Would approach innocent strangers with player t-shirts on to talk Red Sox. Read all the message boards and blogs daily. Watched all the games on TV, even the ones I'd just returned home from. It just consumed my thoughts and actions. It was sick, I tell you!

In an unrelated story, why is everyone ripping on Lackey for being less than handsome? As if Beckett, Lester, and Buchholz are all so great-looking? As Chief Wiggum would say...

Tonight I will go see Moneyball and dream of playoff baseball. I love the World Series.

5.21.2011 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Toledo Mud Hens - You Are Here

Mud Hens win, 5-4. I was at this game! It was rainy! I had good seats, though, thanks to a sweet hookup from Mud Hens Nancy. Yeah, I was in Toledo. YEAH I WAS IN TOLEDO.

Matt Fox, All-Star, started for the Pawtucket "Red" Sox. Fox ran deep into the seventh, shutting out Toledo until it was time for sweet relief. Fox left with a little skip in his step because Pawtucket was up 4-0 at that point.

Righty Thad Weber started for Toledo. The Red Sox scored their first run off Weber in the fourth inning, by way of a solo home run by Josh Reddick. That kid was raking in Pawtucket before he headed for Boston, I'm saying. Not Lavarnway-level, but let's just say he tied Anderson and Luna's 14 home runs in like half the games those guys played. It's weird, Reddick just looks skinny and raggedy-redneck to me. And Lavarnway's all big and hulking and strong. Like Jim Thome. But then, does Ryan Braun look especially beastly? I'm just talking, I don't know.

Everything was quiet up until the top of the seventh. Weber still pitching, probably should have not returned to the hill. Former Mud Hen Brent Dlugach led off with a single. No, a double, sorry. I'm sorry, Brent. Tony Thomas and Blind Luis Exposito followed that shit up with back-to-back singles, scoring Dlugach. This may have made Weber sweat a little, because when Jose Iglesias stepped up and bunted, Weber made a throwing error. Probably he was too hasty? Anyway, the bases were loaded and no outs and maybe Phil Nevin should have intervened.

So who batted next with BLNO? Matt Sheely! HAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASTOP LAUGHING! And, you know, maybe even I could have gotten Sheely to pop out infieldish at that point. So of course Weber hits him with a pitch to bring Tony Thomas home. And who wouldn't want to bring Tony Thomas home, am I right, Ladies?

At last, Weber was surgically removed from the pitcher's mound. Right-handed Venezuelan Jose Ortega took over. Che-Hsuan Lin hit a sac fly to center, scoring Exposito. 4-0!

Bottom of the eighth, Pawtucket made a mess o' defensive changes and Tommy Hottovy was out there, doing good work in his way. Hottovy got a couple of outs and Arnie rolled out Michael Bowden. Bowden faced down rich bitch Cale Iorg, who ain't scareda nuthin' and launched one to left. Outta here!

Bowden got Omir Santos to fly out, but there was failure on the horizon. In the ninth inning, Bowden walked Will Rhymes and Danny Worth. Like, before he did anything else, such as get an out. I'm sure his immediate response was to fix his pants, because Bowden's an OCD pants-adjuster. Bowden got Timo Perez and Ryan Strieby to fly out. Breathe now, but then gasp, because remember how big Scott
Thorman is? He's like a Canadian Jim Thome! Thorman hit a home run. Tie game.

Extra innings, Blake Maxwell, Ryan Strieby is the same guy as Lars Anderson and hit the game-winning single in the eleventh. What did I do after this game? Probably nothing.

what does any of this have to do with Dusty Brown:
1. Brent Dlugach struck out four times in this game. That'll show 'em.
2. Isn't Blake Maxwell essentially Beau Vaughan? Can we do some sort of DNA test?
3. "Pawtucket starter Matt Fox has rolled through five scoreless innings, allowing just three singles and no walks. He also has not struck out a batter but has thrown only 63 pitches, 41 of which were strikes. His fastball sat at 91-92 mph (seven at 91 mph, two at 92), with his change-up at 86-88 mph (one at each of those three speeds) and his breaking ball at 76-77 mph. There have not been many good swings against him, mostly because he has gotten ahead of most of the Toledo hitters (10-of-17 through five innings)." - Mud Hens Blog
4. "To get the chance to play professionally and have a chance to play in the big leagues is a once in a lifetime opportunity." - Wow, gripping stuff, Thad Weber.

As for me, this was the first IL vacation that I intentionally booked the player hotel. Sure enough, as I was checking in, I saw Kyle Weiland and Jose Iglesias wandering around. The hotel was right up against the ballpark, too, and in the morning I could look onto the field and see the players wearing ballgowns and having sex with each other on the field.

Other than that it was kind of a wack hotel. Cirque du Soleil was there, also, and those people can fucking drink. Saw them at the hotel bar, just kicking it and shooting pool. The hotel bar was seriously weak... Good thing we were only there for a nightcap. Good thing I usually don't wear them.

5.19.2011 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Columbus Clippers - The Dube

Red Sox WIN! 5-2. In Ohio, home of people! Places! Things! Akron!

Starting pitcher for Pawtucket was Brandon Duckworth, who played for the IronPigs last season. They probably liked him, I don't know, he was 5-4 with a 3.32 ERA at the time. The IronPigs have a terrific, enthusiastic fan base that intrigues me so much that I am considering a trip to Allentown, PA next year. As if my co-workers aren't baffled enough by my fabulous trips to Toledo and Norfolk, VA.

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO ORLANDO LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?" I went there already. Got it? Also, I'm too scared to.

Duckworth, who had a great first half but a lesser second, pitched a paltry three innings. Duckworth gave up two runs, which were both solo home runs by Jason Kipnis and Cord Phelps. You don't meet too many 'Cords' in Rhode Island. Not a lot of 'Wades' running around, either.

Mitch Talbot started for the Clippers. Talbot's been kicking around in the IL since 2007, so he is a person in my neighborhood. Talbot pitched four innings and gave up only one run. It was a solo blast by Josh Reddick. This should make me feel kind of bad, because I didn't have much nice to say about this kid. Instead I will only say that he had some pop. It must be noted, too, that all these solo home runs came in the first inning. Run along and look up the record for most solo home runs in the first inning.

In the top of the fifth inning, with the score at 2-1 Columbus, Jensen Lewis dashed out to the mound. Lewis got Exposito out, but gave up a triple to Matt Sheely. But then something weird happened: Jose Iglesias came in to pinch hit for Daniel Nava. Was Nava injured?

Okay, I looked it up and here is the skinny from soxprospects.com: "From the "Something You Don't See Everyday" department, the game's suspension and continuation combined with the organization's recent roster moves created some unorthodox lineup shuffling from PawSox manager Arnie Beyeler. Daniel Nava had started the game as the designated hitter, but because he was designated for assignment on Friday, needed to be replaced in the lineup. The player who took his place was Jose Iglesias, who was in Boston when the game began, but was optioned back to Pawtucket before it resumed." Those guys at Sox Prospects are so damn smart! And somewhat humorless, but baseball is a very serious sport and all discussions regarding its angles and outcomes should be sober and rational.

Jose Iglesias, who's on Twitter and absolutely, truly, personally composes his tweets (Hell, no, he doesn't) grounded to second, scoring Sheely. Tie game!

Clevelan Santeliz was pitching in the bottom of the fifth and did not allow a Clippers run. Jensen Lewis returned to pitch the top of the sixth. Anderson led off with a single and the wonderful Ronald Bermudez doubled him in. 3-2 Red Sox! Bermudez scored later in the inning when Luis Exposito singled to center. 4-2.

Wasn't the final score 5-2? Yeah. Nick Hagadone pitched the ninth and Dlugach and Exposito both singled. Dlugach scored on a groundout. Jason Rice closed out the game, getting everyone out and being cool.

Mita Shah crafts ice cream based on favorite recipes from India:
1. Cool story on Bermudez here, but it's in Spanish. His nickname is "El Vasallo" which I had to look up and I am still unclear.
2. Looks like Clevelan Santeliz is in Venezuela with Robert Coello.
3. Good job, Columbus Clippers, winning the Governor's Cup. I guess now the Indians are gong to start kicking ass!

TONIGHT! Hellickson v Colon! I have seen both at McCoy Stadium, which is weird. Colon had a posse waiting for him in the parking lot, sitting on a tricked-out whip and bumping bass lines. Never seen anything like it. Not even Keith Foulke's two girlfriends could top that.

YEAH BASEBALL POST-SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

soon

Sports, hooray!

Yesterday I went to New Hampshire for auto racing. It is a 6am to 9pm all-day thing.

It's really not much like baseball. I had a good time, though. Believe me when I tell you I do not go ironically, or to laugh at everyone and feel superior, or deride the fans. I am just as gross as anyone else there, and so are you, you smug asshole.

But, see, that's not 100 percent true. My friend made a "NASCAR bingo" which included squares like "slutty preggo" and "Confederate flag". But I think anyone could do the same at Fenway Park. Except the squares might be "clueless preppy asshole" and "SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND SHUT UP FOR FIVE FUCKING MINUTES".

Just like you I am always re-evaluating my place in the world. Except maybe you don't do it on a blog that is supposed to be all sports, all day.

I just have to try harder, is all.

MAKE SURE YOU CHECK TRANSACTIONS

I am about to get introspective, which is one of my worst habits. I even wrote on my computer monitor "NO EMO!" to try and discourage myself from getting all, um, emo. I also wrote my checking account routing number, which comes in handy when paying bills.

You know the song 'Unchained' by Van Halen. Of course, it's a great song. I happen to love it and it is the perfect song that won't ever be played loudly enough on your car stereo unless you get a custom install and who can afford that? It's interesting, lyrically, the way the chorus flips "change" and "unchained" so they're kind of similar-sounding in an almost confusing way. The song could just as easily been called 'Change'. Right? Ain't nothing stays the same.

My point is this: I'm wondering if I should just chuck everything and do it all differently. You know, try and turn myself into some kind of media mogul. Self-promote. Slick it up a little.

Wait... No, I really don't want to do that. I like everything the way it is. Mostly. I'm not going to sell myself out for anything!

But that's kind of stupid because I've been doing this for six years with nothing to show for it but Blogger's Ass and a keyboard full of bagel crumbs.

NOT TRUE! I have six archived years of excellence. True, sometimes I read old posts and I don't always remember what the hell I was talking about. I have had to put some really odd non sequiturs into search engines (it's usually some forgotten song lyric.) And, yes, I am still really stupid about baseball.

But what if I just made some cool stickers and put them on telephone poles and toll booths and phone booths and transformers and school books and log cabins? Because the 90's are long over, is why. What am I, Shed?

I think mostly I am just surprised that I am not world famous. I have way too much swagger for someone of my low social standing. And I love all of this. Ask anyone, it's all I talk about.

Wait, you know what? I don't wanna be famous! Then you have to talk to people all the time... Answer questions... God, who wants to do that? I deal with enough of that shit at work. People piss me off. Except when I love them, which is really almost always.

Yeah, I think I'm not going to change anything.

Rank these Van Halen songs:

1. And the Cradle Will Rock
2. Everybody Wants Some
3. Panama
4. Unchained

May 18th, 2011 : Pawtucket and Columbus Double-Header in Ohio

Game One: Pawtucket WINS! 7-2. Okay, this may have been Game 2 for all I know. I don't care and neither do you and probably neither does Kyle Weiland, who has bigger fish to fry these days.

Weiland was the starting pitcher and went 5 out of seven innings. Guess who pitched the last two? Dan Wheeler! Dan Wheeler was unpacked from a heavily-stickered steamer trunk, wearing a seersucker suit and a bowler.

But Weiland... Kyle only gave up one run on three hits. And it was in the first inning. Weiland walked a guy in the fifth, but was otherwise cool with a groundout and a couple of strikeouts. His pitch count was way up to, like, 74, so it makes perfect sense that his night was over.

Starting pisser for the Clippers was Jeanmar Gomez, Venezuelan righty. Gomez was just blazing through dudes like Reddick and Exposito, but everything got bollixed up for him in the fifth. Matt Sheely, one of the greats, landed on first after he bunted with panache. Sheely advanced to third on an error. God, I miss that kid.

And so then with two outs in the bottom of the fifth, Gomez walked Tony Thomas. Oh, yeah, I also really liked Tony Thomas. Josh Reddick, gone and sort of forgotten (he is not 100 percent smooth in the Fenway outfield, I can see that now), hit a line drive single to right, scoring Matt Sheely. Tie game!

First baseman Lars Anderson batted after Reddick. They secretly hate each other, have you heard? Did you read that thing about the ghetto children? Anderson hit a home run, which was his... Oh my god, first home run of the season for the first baseman who really cannot play any other position!!!!! 4-1 Pawtucket!

Sixth inning, new pitchers, Carlton Smith for the Columbus Clippers. Brent Dlugach and Luis Exposito hit back-to-back singles to lead it off. Matt Sheely, tiny package of wonder, bunted yet again. I wish Matt Sheely was my son. And then Smith IBB'd Nava, which he really must have hated. Smith must have, that is.

And also maybe Nava, who likes to take hacks.

Tony Thomas hit a sac fly to score Dlugach, but Carlton Smith got Josh Reddick to fly out and end the inning.

Top of the seventh, game almost over, new pitcher Eric Berger for the Clippers. Anderson led off with a single to center... and Drew Sutton hit a home run! Get out! That Sutton, doing good things like a champ. 7-1 Red Sox.

One last thing: Dan Wheeler gave up a solo home run to right fielder Jerad Head. Final score 7-2.

TRY NOT TO THINK TOO MUCH:
1. Cord Phelps also hit a home run. It may have been majestic, but the world will never know.
2. Lonnie Chisenhall made two errors, but who's laughing now? Well, aside from audiences at screenings of 'I Don't Know How She Does It', probably Chisenhall himself. Because he's a Name Player now. Like Dooley Womack!

Not a whole lot of Matt Sheely stuff popping up in search engines. Sweeping disinterest, really. Maybe I'll buy a jersey.

I'll be back another time.

5.7.2011 Red Sox, Yankees, positive outcome.

Pawtucket WINS! 7-6. This game was played this past May 7th but I never really covered it. Can't remember why, but now that the season's died I can go back and take care of business. Yes, I know that no one cares about a game that happened months ago, but I don't see you paying my bills so GET IN THAT KITCHEN AND RATTLE THEM POTS N PANS!

Starting pitcher for Pawtucket was Andrew Miller and his marvelous coiffure. Miller... Ugh, I just skimmed over the pitching for this game and just wait until later on. I have to relive this?

Miller pitched three innings, came out for the fourth and got one out. He faced Yankees catcher Gustavo Molina and walked him. Gustavo Molina was on the PawSox in 2010 and existed. I think Baby Mangino had a higher slugging percentage than Molina. At any rate, this crushing blow (and possibly crossing the magical minor league pitch threshold of 85) ended the evening for Miller. I'm sure he vowed revenge upon Gustavo Molina, who's really just trying to feed his family.

Enter Blake Maxwell. Yes. Maxwell gave up a single and a walk, but struck out Jorge Vazquez to end the inning. Good enough, Vazquez is a beast.

Okay, wait, what about Scranton? Their starter was righty Adam Warren. Warren worked hard for four innings, but Pawtucket hit the snot out of him and racked up four runs before he split the band.

So what happened? Scranton Wilkes-Barre struck first, bottom of the second, LF Jordan Parraz leads with a walk. Then second baseman Luis Nuñez sac bunted, but reached on a throwing error by A. Miller. And Gustavo Molina hit an RBI single. And Chris Dickerson reached on an error, which scored Nuñez. 2-0 SWB.

Fourth inning. With one out, catcher Mike McKenry singled and later scored when Nate Spears hit a home run. Tie game!

But not for long, sugar. In the fifth inning, Josh Reddick led off with a walk. Ah, Reddick! How terribly strange to be seventy! And then Luna... reaching on a force attempt... Still no outs. Adam Warren, all atremble, facing Anderson and walking him to load the bases for RELIEVER AMAURI SANIT!! Wait, I thought it was 'Amaury'? What am I, a paid sportswriter? Not one Pawtucket batter hit Sanit (THIS inning), but a groundout and a wild pitch put a pair of runs up for the Red Sox. Hell of a game. That green grass, sweet crack of the bat...

Sixth inning! Back-to-back singles by Iglesias and Nava put runners on with no outs for Sanit. Drew Sutton bunted, but the Yankees got lead runner Jose Iglesias out. But whatever, Josh Reddick hit a three-run homer. By the way, Josh Reddick is neither sexy nor hot... Unless you're into young rednecks? Oh, maybe you are, you dirty girl!

Bottom of the seventh, Pawtucket up 7-2. The loathsome, mucopurulent lefty Kris Johnson, who seriously sucks and I hate him. I hope I never read a story about him rescuing a kid from a raging river, because I love stoking the eternal flame of hatred. Johnson gave up two singles, a double, and a home run. And when was he released? Like one week after this. HA!

And this is just so, so typically Triple-A: Johnson came out for the eighth inning! Oh, hell yeah! Do you remember all those times Eric Gagne gave up three runs in a relief outing v the Yankees and Boston brought him back out for the next inning? NO! BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE INSANE!

Johnson only faced one guy, though, and Tony Pena came in. Tony Pena smells delicious, by the way. Johnson's runner, who in all fairness reached on an error, came around to score. Unearned, so Johnson must have been relieved to preserve his ERA at 9.33.

That's it? This game was three and a half hours long. 24 combined hits and five combined errors and nine combined walks tend to prolong things. Too bad JC Linares had already sustained an agonizing injury that ended his season by this point. I'm sure he could have been my Favourite.

two things:
1. No Che-Hsuan Lin!
2. Mike McKenry went 3-5 and Iglesias went 3-4. I never really knew McKenry and I probably never will.
3. "Maxwell can’t throw a strike. This game has been a hot mess. Neither team has gotten much out of the pitching staff so far today." - Donnie Collins brings the noise.
4. And Donnie Collins has some damn fine memories of that Lackawanna ballpark.

Oh, crap, I gotta go. Reminder: Going downtown to be a celebrity guest judge for a beard and mustache competition. See you there!

IronPigs defeat Clippers

5-2. Brandon Moss hit a home run. I should buy an IronPigs hat or something.

The real reason I am here is that over on 'The Horn and Bell: Voice of the Noise Nation' blog, there is a wicked funny post about a road trip to Pawtucket to see Lehigh Valley play and eventually win. I strongly recommend reading it. I stumbled across it! It's a hidden gem! Exquisite! The manager is wonderful! /fake Yelp review

9.10.11 IronPigs: You Will Be Happy.

3-1 Lehigh Valley IronPigs. And that is how you win a fucking ballgame. Just a ballsy, fabulous pitching performance by Brian T. Bass, who pitched a complete game and gave up one run. Bass threw 120 pitches to do it, but he did it. I genuinely have to give it up for the IronPigs, who kicked their life off with bad, bad losing but now here they are. Playoffs.

I admit to feeling somewhat hosed as a fan. I'm well aware of how gingerly the Boston org treats its players in the minors. Especially the pitchers. Pitch more than five or six innings? NOOOOO! Throw more than 90 pitches? NOOOO PROGRAM DERAILMENT!!! DEVELOPMENT!!! And I certainly don't expect Mets-Bisons style stuff, like regularly running their starters deep. But obviously the Phillies made an exception for this playoff game. THEY MADE AN EXCEPTION.

And why? Holy cow, look at their attendance. They lead all the minors! All classes! Number one! Can you imagine 2012 if they go all the way? That park is gonna be berserk. So Brian Bass, I hope you get some kind of bonus for your outing. I'll bet he gets some sort of gift from the front office. If not from them, then from me. I'm so impressed.

So what happened? Rich Thompson, very light-hitting outfielder, is a killer leadoff guy because he's smart. Thompson gets on base, steals, all of that. So when he singled in the first... and then stole second (Thompson leads the International League in stolen bases by a long shot with 48. Second place? 35. Yeah.) A couple of groundouts later and bing bang boom, run scores.

Second inning, former Indian/Padre/dude Josh Barfield hit a solo home run. 2-0. Rich Thompson struck again in the sixth, leading the inning off with a double and then scoring on some small-ball shit.

Pawtucket kinda sorta had their best chance in the ninth. Hector Luna led off with a single. Luna advanced to second on Kevin Frandsen's throwing error, then stole third. Will Middlebrooks flied out to center and Luna scored.

And then came Luis Exposito and Jose Iglesias. Exposito, stepping up after Middlebrooks. Bass has thrown how many pitches at this point? And what does Exposito do? He swings at the first pitch. What a jerk. Exposito swung his bat at the subsequent pitch and grounded out. Two down.

Iglesias was the last hope, but he flew out to center. Our hero, Rich Thompson, recording the last out. And then we all cried.

two things:
1. Nava and Anderson batted third and fourth, respectively. Neither got a hit.
2. Oh yeah, Alex Wilson pitched seven innings. 80 pitches. Trever Miller pitched the last two and he did a good job, not that it mattered.
3. "Lars Anderson came to bat in the home half of the first with a runner stationed at third. The first baseman ended up lofting a fly ball to left, a shot that in many instances would have been deep enough to score the run. Given there was two down, Anderson’s out was merely tacked on to the ugly RISP stat Pawtucket mustered in its short and not-so-sweet stay in the International League playoffs." - Cool story, Brendan McGair. McGair covers the Friars, right? So he'll still be around.
3. "I think they have one of the better staffs [in the IL], and the times we've been through here they've had some pretty good arms going out out there with [Kevin] Millwood, [Brandon] Duckworth pitched pretty well against us a couple of times, we had [Felix] Doubronot, and [Kevin] Whalen," said outfielder Rich Thompson. Kevin Whalen? Probably Kyle Weiland. (source)
4. "I told Rod [Nichols, the IronPigs' pitching coach] I won't come out," Bass said with a smile. "He said he'd give me three hitters -- I guess I needed four -- but that's all right. I got through it." - Jeff Schuler, Allentown.
5. "The IronPigs are dead-set on making PigsFly this postseason, something fans of the team since the franchise came to Allentown thought would never happen. Go Pigs!" - Amanda Getz, View From Section 116.
6. Freelance writer John Barone's take.
7. "The days of Mike Rouse, TJ Bohn, Ron Chiavacci and Dave Huppert are now gone and forgotten as Lehigh Valley have completed their sweep of Pawtucket to move onto the International League Championship Series against Columbus (Indians affiliate). The names replacing those above are Galvis, Bass, Moss and Ryne Sandberg, along with 21 others who have brought a brand new brand of baseball to the Lehigh Valley that includes aggressiveness ,attention to detail ,and fundamentals." - Phuture Phillies

And that's it. I will be out and about tonight if you'd like to commiserate.

9.9.2011 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Lehigh Valley IronPigs - Betray!

IronPigs win, Pawtucket's fallen so far, the Phillies are champions, the Yankees suck, I like bread and butter. Yesterday I said that if the Red Sox lost, it'd all be over. I was wrong. Okay? I'll never correct anyone's spelling again.

Starting pitcher for Pawtucket was Tony Pena. Pena really went the distance in this playoff game, working hard for the team. ALMOST FIVE INNINGS. Once Pena hit that magic Boston minor league pitch count of 85, it was time to go beddy-bye. Oh, those back-to-back singles with two outs? You got this, right Okajima? Yes, Hideki Okajima came in for that last out in the fifth. What the fuck. Okajima went on to pitch another inning, setting the Pigs down in order.

Pena also allowed a couple of runs, and like such as. Brandon Moss, solo home run in the second. Brandon Moss, RBI double in the third. He's a real US American.

Ryan Edell, once a reliever, started for Lehigh Valley. Edell surpassed Pena's IP by one. Pawtucket only scored one run off Edell, that being an RBI double by Anderson in the first. The Red Sox were down 2-1 for the majority of the game, but in the eighth inning they tied it when Daniel Nava went deep, almost too deep, for a ground rule double. Che-Hsuan Lin scored from third to tie the game.

And so we go to extra innings. Justin De Fratus again, slayer of Pawtucket bats, taking care of those late inning. De Fratus struck out Lin, Sutton, and Iglesias in order in the top of the tenth. Really badass, you have to admit. Randy Williams, who'd entered the game in the ninth, was far less successful. Shortstop Freddy Galvis led off with a single, CF Rich Thompson sac bunted. Minus the 'sac' part, because Williams committed an error that allowed Thompson to stand on first and feel good about himself.

Scott Podsednik, former relevant big leaguer, attempted a sac bunt himself. It worked! Galvis and Thompson moved up a base, Podsednik walked back to the dugout to receive high-fives. Williams, facing exxxtreme power threat Kevin "Meat Mallet" Frandsen, was given orders to execute an intentional walk. To face Brandon Moss? Well, you guys would know. And of course Moss got a hit, scoring Galvis. The crowd, I presume, went nuts. I heard the fans on the radio, they were very excited. Good for them, I say, with no trace of wryness or superiority.

To sum up: Tony Pena was sleepy, Pawtucket left too many runners on, Randy Williams feels like he let the team down, Brandon Moss stabbed me in the back, Hector Luna was hitless again, Lavarnway should come back. In fact, Hector Luna came up twice with runners in scoring position and made the last out. Aw, Luna.

two things:
1. Perfect Allentown paper game story. Just one small typo, not even worth mentioning.
2. I looked it up. Allentown is five hours away by car. But you have to cross the GW Bridge which is usually FUBAR and you have to figure in rest area stops. But I'll bet it's cheap to stay there, right?
3. 'Phuture Phillies' spelled Phillippe Aumont incorrectly. Aumont pitched one inning, gave up a run.
4. "POG: Sox left 9 on base. BUT, I can tell you as someone who sihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifts behind home plate, there were two runners who reached when they should have been rung up. Two others on bad plays, which Bush and Overbeck will tell you they should have made. Throw in Aumont giving two gift walks, Sox were lucky to just get those runners on." - commenter KGF on The Horn and Bell blog, regarding game one. 'Brandon Moss Hogg', ha.
5. I am not sure what this sports website's about. It's by high school kids? Eddie Pannone did a thing.
6. Danial Nava, Scott Podsednick, Freddy Galvais. I expect better.

I point out other peoples' mistakes to compensate for my own feelings of inadequacy.

Tonight at McCoy! Alex Wilson and his luscious rump will face... I know this... Brian Bass, yes. If the Red Sox lose I am going to drink my face off and write a strongly worded letter to Arnie Beyeler. Or they could win and then lose. HECTOR LUNA, COME BACK TO ME!

Search Term Sunday

Because I have not done this in forever, and because I'm red hot!

1. "how do you spell routine" - Like that. You just did it You just spelled it, just now.

2. "cole hauser" - Mark Shapiro looks just like him.

3. "Pawtucket Red Sox>Lars Anderson" - Mathematically sound.

4. "Anyone have pics of Kelly Shoppach nude" - Of course I do. They're on my other blog, 'Nude PawSox Heavy'.

5. "George Kottaras naked" - There is someone out there, somewhere, who wants to see this. Why? WHY?

6. "Edgar the Peacef" - They didn't finish because it was a dark and stormy night and a shadowy figure crept up behind them with a Dillinger...

7. "bruce springsteen children" - I get this one a lot. Makes no sense.

And finally, a million "player X girlfriend" inquiries. I always wondered to myself what these people were looking for. Some massive database with that information? And then I wondered, what if there were some massive database? WHAT IF I CREATED THIS INTERNET DATABASE!?!?

So I came up with a brilliant domain name, bought it, and now I have to execute my vision.

Speaking of which, I also own 'PawSox Heavy' ... Just in case.

Steve Hyder was Sunday slummin'.

I saw Steve Hyder walk into an establishment I was patronizing on Sunday. I was dying, I wanted to say 'hey' but he doesn't know who the hell I am. Probably not.

I thought Dan Hoard might be around, but no. Hoard I would have absolutely greeted warmly. He's leaving, after all.

IDAWAHIO!!!!

By all means, play the David Bowie song. No, not 'Quicksand'.

Did you know that Matt Sheely was released several days ago? No, you did not, and that is because you are unthinking and unfeeling. He seemed like a nice kid, very well-dressed also.

Looks like Ryan Khoury's back with Pawtucket. And here I thought the gaping hole at McCoy was the result of Paul Hoover's departure. Speaking of catchers, Dan Butler is back. But not John Otness.

Oh, yeah, Joey Gathright. The funny thing is that once again I will probably never get to see him play. Oh well, I'll always have Kevin Millwood. He's in a big jar in my basement.

Charlie Zink is back! Except it's Charlie Haeger and I cannot believe it. David Laurila, John Gray, charliezink16, a shocked Steve Dilbeck, Old Time Family Baseball, Jon Hanford, redsox04, and Marc Normandin have a few things to say about that.

Still no word from Devern Hansack. I've been hanging around his old address.

9.8.2011 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs - Scott Podsednik?

Lehigh Valley WINS! 4-2. Uh-oh, playoff contention can be a real bitch. And it's the IronPigs' first franchise playoff game.

Matt Fox started for Pawtucket, which was a really good idea and is exactly what I would have done. No, for real. Fox was the LOSING pitcher, going six heavenly innings and giving up The Only Three Runs That Mattered. Two of them were solo home runs by catcher Erik Kratz and choir boy Brandon Moss.

Starting P for the IronPigs was Dave Bush, and I wonder if he's the same Bush who was on the Brewers? YES. It also appears to be Bush's third org. this season. Poor kid. Bush worked his way into the seventh inning, getting a couple of outs before being replaced by good ol' Joe Savery. Bush struck out six, gave up a solo home run to Anderson but no other runs.

The IronPigs picked up their first run in the first inning, thanks to CF Rich Thompson. Thompson led off with a single, stole second, advanced on a Podsednik sac bunt, and scored on a ground ball by Kevin Frandsen.

Those pesky solo homers by Kratz and Moss kicked the score up to 3-0 until the Pawtucket home run in the sixth. Brandon Duckworth, ordinarily trusty and ship-solid, was working hard in the seventh but he gave up a solo home run to squirty little shortstop Freddy Galvis. 4-1, guh. And your ERA gets reset for the playoffs, so Duckworth's is 13.50.

The Red Sox got some runners on in the eighth, resulting in a second run. It wasn't that interesting. Reliever Justin De Fratus came in to close the game out, K'd Iglesias and got Lin and Gathright to ground out to end the ballgame. Game length was two hours, 42 minutes.

two things:
1. You missed me hard, didn't you? I had a lot going on. It hurt me more than it hurt you.
2. Justin De Fratus: "I wondered how loud it was going to get when I got the final out and it surpassed my expectations. They were louder than I thought. I didn’t know 5,000 people could get that loud. It was louder tonight than it had ever been all season with a sold-out crowd." (source)
3. Wow, those Allentown kidz are souped about the playoffs. I could go there next yr, right?
4. Gregg from 'Phuture Phillies' talks about it.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
5. Hector Luna got zero point zero zero hits. LUNA, TAKE US TO THE PLAYOFFS!
6. Reliever Tommy Hottovy got the last four outs and managed to not give up a home run, like everyone else did.
7. PawSox Keith can hardly contain his excitement and frustration: "The PawSox offense struggled early against Lehigh Valley starter Dave Bush (1-0), Bush held Pawtucket scoreless until the sixth when he gave up a lead-off home run to Lars Anderson. Bush worked 6 2/3 innings, giving up one run on five hits in getting the victory." Whoa, temper temper! Good thing I didn't mention the apostrophe in the possessive 'its'.
8. Justin De Fratus tells fans to watch their language.
9. Jay Floyd bends your ear a little with this nice, nice game recap.
10. It was Freddy Galvis' first Triple-A home run. He may win the Paul Owens Award.
11. "Thompson's speed and two groundouts to give him the lead in the bottom of the inning off Matt Fox, who had won his last four starts and was 5-0 with a 1.48 ERA over his last seven outings." I think this sentence is missing a word or two. Aside from that, the story's terrific.
12. PhoulBallz dot com has De Fratus interview excerpts.
13. "Independent of what happens with Rollins, Galvis is not going to be the SS in Philly in 2012. They’ve been patient with him this long and there is no reason to rush a guy who has had one good offensive year and make him an everyday player at 22 on a championship caliber club. They will sign a stop gap type player for a year or two if Rollins isn’t retained. I don’t think there is any debating this." - Anonymous commenter on PhuturePhillies

Tonight! Still in PA. It'll be Tony Pena v Ryan Edell, who is from Mass and is like totally hottt. I wish I could go. I could go. I could leave right now, just get in my car and drive to PA. But then I have to drive back, so...

If the IronPigs win tonight, it's curtains for the Red Sox.

I need a new job.

"Me? A movie?"

Generally, I never shut up about how I avoid mentioning brand names/promoting anything.

I am going to make an exception right now. I will be appearing as a celebrity guest judge at the 'Gansett Beer'd Off: A Rhody Style Beard & Moustache Competition' in Downtown Providence on Saturday, September 17th. It was created by and will be hosted by Blackstone Valley Media Club member Rev. Bastien and his Rhode Island Beard and Moustache Club.

It's a block party! Competition will be between 4-5 pm in Luongo Square. Sign up between noon-3:30, there will be prizes.

Maybe I'll hand out balloons or something.

8.30.2011 Pawtucket @ Rochester - Lin Goes First

Rochester takes it, 8-6.

Starting pitcher for Rochester was Cole DeVries. DeVries gave up a lot of hits and got kidney-punched off the hill in the fifth inning when he walked Kevin Youkilis with one out. Overall, DeVries gave up two runs on eight hits. Could have been worse. The Red Sox left people on base all night long, so thanks a lot, rehabbing sluggers.

The other guy from over there, Greg Smith, who can build a castle from a single grain of sand, fared much worse. Smith was battered for six runs through five innings... Oh, darn my socks. I reversed my SP assessment. Am I that rusty?

The Red Wings took a rather early lead indeed, scoring not once, not twice, not thrice, not... foureyes, but fried rice. Smith walked shortstop Matt Tolbert and Tolbert stole second. DH Ray Chang then doubled to right, scoring Tollbooth. Jeff Bailey, who leads his team in walks, walked. It's one of the things he does best, the other being able to make eggs over easy without fracturing the precious, precious yolk.

DeVries got third baseman Chase Lambin to fly out, but then Aaron Bates came around real mean with an RBI single. 2-0 Rochester. And then the worst possible thing happened: Brian Dinkelman hit a three-run homer. Dinkelman!

Greg Smith managed to get his shit together and strike out Toby Gardenhire to end the inning.

Ray Chang came around again in the second inning with another RBI single. EVERYBODY RAY CHANG TONIGHT!

Things were super quiet at the park until, say, the fifth inning. JD Drew singled to center with one out. And then, as I mentioned earlier, DeVries walked Youkilis. Lefty reliever Jake Stevens was given the opportunity to regulate, but instead he pissed all over the seat and gave up back-to-back doubles to Ryan Lavarnway and Daniel Nava, but not Yamaico Navarro. 6-3!

First baseman Hans Gunderson followed the doubles up with an RBI single to right, scoring Nava. 6-4! Stevens got Will Middlebrooks to line out, but for some reason MGR Tom Nieto opted for another lefty, former Atlanta guy Chuck James. Oooh, Chuck, what a sexy name. Are you ready for me... Chuck? CJ faced Hector Luna and I'll bet his knees were knocking. But Luna flied out to end the Red Menace.

Former Pawtucket reliever Jason Rice came in for the sixth and showed the talent and poise that made him so attractive to Oakland. Rice gave up a pair of runs in the sixth when catcher Jair Fernandez homered with Dinkelman on first. 8-4 Rochester!

Hey, Trever Miller's on the PawSox! Where'd they dig him up? Miller made himself useful and pitched the rest of the game for Pawtucket. No one scored, no one came near. And the Red Sox put a bunch of runners on in the ninth, but Gunderson K'd to end everything. Ah, Ziggy. Will you ever win?

Two things:
1. Drew and Youkilis were big draws, but I believe seeing Keith Foulke in Rochester trumped all of that. Even though he made Pawtucket lose.
2. Trot Nixon was there signing autographs before the game. I should have been there. I was gonna go, but... No, I should have been there. Maybe I could have struck out Ray Chang.
3. Daniel Nava hit a triple, so that was kind of cute. He wound up going 3-5.


Sorry I wasn't around for the past few days, but I was in Montevideo attending a sports blogger summit. Oh, sure, this isn't your conventional, well-thought out sports blog, but my worldwide influence intrigued the hosts. There were flaming desserts and eco-hiking and all sorts of exotic boozes. Wish you could have come.

TONIGHT! Pawtucket's back at home, facing the Yankees. Matt Fox v Adam Warren, if you're curious. I can't go because I hate my job which consumes far too much of my free time and the commute's a pain and I hate my job. And I'm broke. Can someone hook me up with more favorable employment? I can't sing and I can't type, but I can...

8.31.2011 Rochester has secret win power, like their secret insane pyro jungle wife in the attic.

Red Wings defeat sweaty meathead Pawtucket bats, 4-2.

Can't get too deep into this game, since I don't really have my writing pants on this aft. Kyle Weiland ruined Christmas out there in New York while living in The Bankrupt City That No One Cared About ruined Christmas for me. Oh, boo-hoo. I read some books that made me cry and cry and I realized that internet access has transformed me from a comelibros to a dumdum.

Starting pitcher for Rochester was Liam Hendriks, who is Australian. What is it with the Twins and their Australians? I know the obvious answer is that their scouts roll deep in Australia, but obvious answers are seldom exciting.

Junichi Tazawa and Scott Atchison pitched an inning apiece and kept Rochester from scoring the rest of the game. KYLE. Kevin Youkilis hit a home run. I hope he was a gracuious guest of the Pawtucket Sox. I mean, I'm not really a Lowrie fan, but at least when he came to Pawtucket and really pitched in, he commented publicly that it was nice to help the team get a win. I doubt Youkilis gives a shit. Probably kept referring to Nate Spears and Anderson as 'Matt' and 'Johan'.

FINE. I'm sure Youkilis was reasonably nice. Him and Jeff Bailey go way back, right? Bailey hit two doubles for the R. Wings, too.

This game was only two hours and twenty minutes long.

By the way, what's up with Jason Rice going to Oakland?

No game tonight, but maybe tomorrow I'll properly assess this one or something like it.