5.30.12 Red Sox v Tides - Sí! No tenemos Iglesias.

Pawtucket wins 3-2. Justin Germano pitched seven two-run innings and the win is his. Tossed 90 pitches. Struck out four. And, yeah, the two runs were solo homers. I have a weird feeling that Germano is leaving Pawtucket soon. Called up or traded. Or livin' his dream as a boxcar hobo.

Starter for Norfolk is Brad Bergesen. Pawtucket got seven hits off Bergesen, most notably in the form of two doubles by Mauro Gomez. They were back-to-back doubles, too, so how impressive is that? What? Impossible you say? Okay, what really happened is Gomez doubled at the bottom of the fourth inning then scored on a sac fly. And then Gomez' sixth innning double was of the RBI variety. Hassan hit another sac fly in the sixth to score the final run.

The solo home runs for the Tides were Lew Ford in the first, Jai Miller in the fourth. Lew Ford, still rocking and rolling. Tony Pena Jr and Clayton Mortensen combined to hold the lead for the PawSox. Che-Hsuan Lin and Josh Kroeger also went 2-4. Game over in 2:41. Thanks for this.

no tenemos iglesias hoy:
1. Still no Jose I. Has anyone checked the diathermy machine?

2. Kevin Pereira's game story. The accompanying picture of Alex Hassan is pretty funny. His face is all scrunched up. Also, he looks like your Aunt Barbara.

3. If you like Lew Ford as much as I do, you should check out this terrific Chaz Scoggins story on Hardball Heaven.

4. "The most important day in terms of setting up a schedule is July 4. Every International League team is guaranteed a home game on either July 3 or July 4, to allow for patriotic, crowd-drawing fireworks displays. Some teams, including Norfolk, insist on a July 3 game and refuse a July 4 game because there are so many competing fireworks shows in the area. Others are less concerned. But that does mean that July 3 must be a travel day." - In case you were wondering why schedules get weird that times of year. (Datacasting in Norfolk)

Oh, okay, I guess that's it. TONIGHT! TONIGHT! How did I wind up here tonight? Daisuke Matsuzaka goes for Pawtucket, because he's on the PawSox now. Tides will counter with Chris Tillman. And then... ??? I'll probably be back tomorrow, but just a reminder, I'm going to Allentown for a few days so try not to miss me too much. While I am away, please read Voice of the Noise Nation The Horn and Bell Blog! And while I'm away, I'll write home every day.

And I'll send all my loving to you.

5.29.12 PawSox v Tides - De-Evolution

Pawtucket got the most runs, and the final score was 11-8, but did anyone truly win last night? Terrible game, horseshit pitching. Good thing it wasn't a heavily attended game, or the team would have scared fans away.

First of all, I though Pat Neshek was pitching for Norfolk? Instead, we got Eddie Gamboa. EDDIE! Eddie pitched 3 2/3 innings and gave up nine runs on ten hits. Everybody shoved him. I very nearly loved him.

Ross Ohlendorf started for Pawtucket, pitched four dumb innings. Ohlendorf also gave up ten hits, but the Tides only pushed across five runs. Junichi Tazawa stepped in after that and pitched a couple of innings. Tazawa gave up one run and got the win.

I don't even know where to begin except maybe the first inning, where it was evident that Gamboa was not in any shape to start a ballgame. Pedro Ciriaco singled to lead things off, then Gamboa walked four batters in a row. What a guy. 4-1 PawSox, because Miguel Tejada hit an RBI single at the top.

Eddie gave up four singles in a row at the top of the second inning, netting the Pawtuckets a couple more runs. Good work, Lars Anderson, who drove in both runs.

And then Ohlendorf had problems of his own at the top of the fourth. Right fielder Jai Miller hit a solo home run to get things rolling. A single and a walk later, Bill Hall hit a three run homer. Yes, that Bill Hall. Ohlendorf picked the rest of the outs, but Norfolk was hot after the Red Sox asses, down just a run with a 6-5 score.

HOWEVER. Bottom of the fourth, Anderson hit a two-run homer (total ICBM into right center, BANG! scoreboard brokedick) and Josh Kroeger hit a solo home run. Kroeger has more home runs than Anderson and more than Lavarnway, if you care about home runs. And finally, that was the end of Eddie Gamboa's night. Eddie tried in vain, but he never brought the Tides nothing but shame. Oscar Villareal took over and got the final out.

Remarkably, no one scored in the fifth inning. The Tides snared a sixth run in the top of the sixth, when catcher Luis Exposito hit an RBI double. Bottom of the seventh, Lavarnway hit a line drive single to right and he is really not that fast of a runner. But Tony Thomas is, and he scored from second. 10-6 Red Sox.

The only clean inning was the bottom of the seventh. Mark Melancon set 'em down 1-2-3. His good work did not carry over into the eighth, though, and the Tides scored a run. But Mauro Gomez hit a solo home run in the bottom half of the inning to really drive the point home: PAWTUCKET IS GOING TO WIN. But the Tides were all, WE ARE NOT DEAD YET, and put a couple of runners on with Chorye Spoone pitching. Spoone was visibly pissed about all of this. In fact, I saw many angry players last night. Will Inman, bless his heart, jumped into the ring. He immediately gave up a single to Lew Ford. Did you know that Lew Ford hit five singles last night? But the inning ended when Bill Hall grounded into a double play. Inman gets the save.

I like watching Mark Melancon pitch. The extension is impressive! So that was one good thing.

nate spears is fresher than a motherfuckin' peppermint:
1. Lars Anderson, five RBI. Which is why Hyder buttonholed him after the game, right? Anderson said he's got some kinda competition with Ciriaco for most televisable feilding. Lavarnway went 3-4, so he's not sweating it either.

2. Ross Ohlendorf hit first baseman Joe Mahoney twice. I thought Mahoney was going to strangle him.

3. "Lars Anderson followed by crushing – which is the applicable verb – a belt-high fastball that crashed off McCoy Stadium’s video board and smashed a pane. Besides extending Pawtucket’s lead to 8-5 the homer entered Anderson’s name in Pawtucket’s record book: it was the first ball ever hit off the seven-year-old video board." - Mike Scandura, who is the greatest. Why can't someone interview him? I wish I could.

4. "Gamboa, who entered the game with a streak of 22 scoreless innings, 15 with Double-A Bowie and seven with Norfolk, could not find the plate, as the PawSox won, 11-8, in a game that took 3:38 to play." - Paul "Grand" Kenyon

5. Regarding Miguel Tejada: Many people dislike Tejada. I happen to like him very much. I am pleased to report that Tejada is playing like a gritty mofo, Taking It Very Seriously, and not at all dogging it. I like what I see!

6. Damn, Lars Anderson is totally famous now!

7. "Gamboa is a fastball-changeup guy who has success when he can keep the ball down and on the corners. His breaking ball is well below average and his fastball is in the 90-91 range while touching 92. He's a good organizational guy who I'm surprised hasn't been given a chance at Norfolk. " - posted at Orioles Hangout. But how does he feel about rock n' roll, porn, and a motorbike?

8. "Misjudgments on lazy fly balls yielding to base hits, two strikeouts on wild pitches, four straight walks in an inning, and the destruction of the video board in right-center field define a wacky, 11-8 victory for the Pawtucket Red Sox over the Norfolk Tides at McCoy Stadium." - Baller intro, Pereira.

9. Hm, nothing from McGair. He could have put something awesome together. I'm v. disappointed.

TONIGHT! Justin Germano v Brad Bergeson. Can someone tell me the deal with Germano's hair? Have fun if you go. I must start preparing for my Lehigh Valley adventure.

Baseball Sexual Frustration

How did I not know this existed? This is killer. I laughed and laughed and laughed some more. I absolutely recommend reading it!

Here are some good ones:

Tim Lincecum: "god he’s hot. he’s soooo hot. he’s so hot it hurts. lord help me he’s hot. the things i wouldn’t do to him. just imagine doing him with his hair wet…hehe(:"

"I can’t stand looking at Antonio Bastardo and not being able to touch him. The things I would do to that man would make porn stars blush. And ugh DAT ASS. I just want to bite it and smack it and jiggle it. Ahhhh so frustrating. ANTONIO COME TO MAMA."

"I want to snuggle Brennan Boesch. And then let him fuck my brains out. And vice versa. Several times."

"Like any fan I hate bad calls, but the way Angel Pagan expressed his anger last night made me want him to take it all out on me."

Let's see if we have any PawSox-y comments:

"I would like to be the meat in a Middlebrooks Sweeney sandwich sweet lord those boys are HOT"

"I know he doesn’t play anymore, but I would fuck the shit out of Scott Hatteberg." HAAAAAAA! This is one of my favorites!

"josh reddick infuriates me.
he just walks around acting like he doesn’t know how hot he is. god, i would fuck him so hard he would forget his own goddamned last name."

"I hated Jonathan Papelbon when he was in Boston, but now that he’s in Philly all I want to do is fuck him. He looks like he’d be crazy in bed."

Et cetera. Very heavy on Tim Lincecum stuff. I don't see it, but different strokes.

5.28.2012 Pawtucket Red Sox v Norfolk Tides

6-4 Norfolk. Sorry, PawSox. You never had a chance.

Starting pitcher for Pawtucket was Doug Mathis, whose last start was good. I knew it couldn't last. Mathis gave up six runs on ten hits through 5 1/3 innings. And three home runs, he gave up. Three. What is he, Thad Weber? (Sorry, Thad, I love you dearly.) And still no one cares about how much he sucks. Except me.

Starter for Norfolk was Zach Clark, who... I don't know, I have never heard of him. All I can tell you is that he just came up from double-A and perhaps wrote a few paperback thrillers. But he gets the win!

Here's a little offense story! (Oh, by the way, Bill Hall was at McCoy Stadium last night on the team they call 'The Tides'.) Mathis didn't allow Norfolk to score until the third inning. RF Jai Miller hit a solo home run to right center. BOOM! 1-0 Tides.

Pawtucket snapped back in the bottom half of the third, when Nate Spears hit a two-run homer. 2-1 Red Sox! Top of the fourth , though, Bill Hall led off with a single. And Miguel Tejada doubled, scoring Hall! It's 2006 all over again! Where's Joe Borchard?

Joe Mahoney and Luis Exposito then hit back-to-back singles, scoring Tejada. 3-2 Tides!

Left fielder Jamie Hoffman hit a solo home run in the fifth to bump the Tides up 4-2. HOFFMANIA! Mathis even came out for the sixth inning, but after getting the first batter out, Norfolk doubled and homered. Doug Mathis, you fucking suck. How does this guy have three wins? What is this guy's deal? Is he sore? Injured? Is he an alcoholic? Is he on dope? Is that what it is? He parties too hard? Is he a whoremonger? Maybe he shoots smack. Oh, no, wait, maybe it's oxy's. Who knows?

Garrett Mock, welcome to the hill. Mock, who's actually pretty reasonably good-looking and has surprised me with his effectiveness this season, got the last couple of outs and then went on to pitch a scoreless seventh. Josh Kroeger doubled in the seventh and scored on a sac fly by Bermudez... And then, holy smokes, is JC Romero also on the Tides? WHAT IN THE HELL? Romero pitched the ninth for Norfolk. Kroeger homered off him, so ha ha. And then! After Bermudez doubled, Arnie Beyeler PINCH HIT FOR JONATHAN HEE!!! A pinch hit, in Pawtucket! A lunge toward a win!But the pinch hitter, one Mauro Gomez, grounded out to first.

Doug Mathis is a cold, hard reminder of the fakery in triple-A.

they'll say they never saw that bastard again:
1. Josh Kroeger is from Davenport, Iowa. Kroeger had a good day at the plate and didn't care that the team lost because his numbers improved. He hates Pawtucket.

2. "Spears extended his hitting streak to seven games, his run-scoring streak to six and his RBI streak to three. He has now driven in a total of five runs in as many games this homestand." - Providence Sorts Scribe

3. Darnell McDonald was hit by a pitch. He still hasn't hit anything with Pawtucket. This could be a bad sign or it could mean nothing.

4. "Jose Iglesias was absent from the PawSox' lineup for the third straight day, and will sit tomorrow as well. Arnie Beyeler stuck with last night's explanation, "He's banged up." When asked for a specific area, Beyeler declined to elaborate." - Kevin Pereira, superstar PawSox writer.

5. Brendan McGair did the right thing and talked to Ron Johnson.

TONIGHT! Miguel Gonzalez up for Norfolk, Ohlendorf for Pawtucket. Or will we see the return of the highly effective Oh;endorf? And I will be in attendance!

Thank you! (shadows grow so long before my eyes...)

Toledo missed the boat that day they left the shack.

Pawtucket wins 7-4, and I wonder how many sportswriters compared the team's five home runs to the post-game fireworks? Vis: "McCoy Stadium's post-game fireworks display was nothing like the fireworks that went on during the game!" Or something equally lame.

Brandon Duckworth gave up seven hits through five innings, but only two runs. He walked four batters and really, it took like 95 pitches so obviously he wasn't razor sharp. Total Duckworth start. Well, a slightly lesser version, but Duckworth just does his thing and makes it work. He's like, a stapler. But the kind of stapler you get when you order office supplies: The plain black one that can't handle too much paper.

Starter for the Mud Hens was Thad Weber, who we have seen before. Weber had a rough go of it, so much so that you really want to wrap him up and and put him in a pram and walk him through a park while the birds sing and those little propeller things fall off trees. Ah le printemps!

Weber pitched six innings and struck out six, so that was a good thing. He only walked one batter, so that was pretty good. Thad Weber has never, say, backed his huge pick-up truck over my mother in a convenience store parking lot, so that's good. He did give up five runs on seven hits, which is mildly crappy. But when you give up four home runs... That's like, Nate Cornejo bad.

So what the fuck happened? Well, Toledo scored first when Brad Eldred hit a sac fly to score Justin Henry, who'd walked like right when the game started. There was actually a flurry of baseballery in the first, with Ben Guez bunting, Matt Young singling and stealing, etc. But just that one run.

Bottom of the first, though, that's when the PawSox put their guns up. I'll bet the kids went nuts in the stands, with their hot dogs and popsicles. Awww, kids are cute. Pedro Ciriaco led off with a home run. And then Nate Spears hit a home run, because I guess he's batting second now. Nothing wrong with Iglesias, he just needed a rest. Darnell McDonald came to bat and he lined out... But Lars Anderson came up next and he, too, hit a ball out of the park. WHAT.

Weber struck out offensive threats Mauro Gomez and Josh Kroeger to end the inning, so it was just one of those weird things where the skinny boys hit homers, and the big kids strike out. Josh Kroeger's not really an offensive threat, sorry.

Duckworth gave up a couple of singles in the top of the third to put runners at the corners with no outs, but a double play was his best friend... especially since it was a 1-3-6-1-2-5 double play. Good work, infield.

Bottom of the third, Weber walks Nate Spears. Spears advances on a wild pitch. Spears to third when McDonald flies out. Anderson singles, Spears scores. 4-1 Pawtucket.

Top of the fourth, Brad Eldred singles and steals a base. The steal took me by surprise, but it's Eldred's fourth of the year. Not bad for a big guy. The bases wound up loaded, then Jeff Frazier hit a line drive single to center, scoring Eldred. 4-2 Red Sox.

Top of the sixth, Clayton Mortensen in. Catcher Bryan Holaday singles with one out. Frazier doubles, line drive to left! ACTION! LET'S GO HENS! Argenis Diaz grounded out, which got Holaday across the plate. Multi-tool Justin Henry then tied the game with a line drive single to center, scoring Frazier. TIE GAME 4-4 LET'S GO HENS!

Mortensen somehow wormed his way out of the inning after that and the PawSox were nice enough to lead off the bottom of the sixth with a tie-breaking home run by Lars Anderson. Little children love Lars Anderson, mostly because he is nice but also because he looks like a cartoon character. He could be on that choo-choo train show as like, the farmer who grows railroad ties among the sunflowers. That was meant to be a compliment. I'm sure he gets mad ladies.

Two more runs left to account for, and they came in the eighth. Matt Hoffman pitching for Toledo, and once again he pissed himself. He started by walking Anderson. Anderson to second on a wild pitch. And then, after Hoffman got Gomez and Kroeger out, Alex Hassan hit a home run. What did I tell you? Crazy opposite day.

Tony Pena and Will Inman pitched the last couple of innings. Inman's gotten a lot of work lately, which is fine with me because he's been terrific. Will Inman for bullpen president!

two things:
1. Is it me or does Phil Nevin make this team switch up their positions a lot? I swear Justin Henry has played everything but catcher in this series.

2. Good game for Anderson. 3-3 with 3 RBI and a walk. Josh Kroeger struck out four times. He also loves the song 'Riders on the Storm'.

3. "I know he works hard with 'G' (hitting coach Gerald Perry) in the cage all the time and they've been working on some things. It's good to see him go out there and drive the baseball like he's capable of doing," said manager Arnie Beyeler on Anderson's performance." - KP

4. What did I tell you? "Lars Anderson and the PawSox provided plenty of fireworks of their own in a 7-4 win in front of more than 9,000 fans, their fifth win in their last six games. " - Brian MacPherson, you're better than that.

5. Darnell McDonald is still Pawtucket hitless.

6. "Mortensen followed Junichi Tazawa as Pawtucket’s second pitcher in as many nights to record both a blown save and a win. Pena earned his first hold of the 2012 campaign while Inman earned his third save." - Al Daniel. I do so enjoy his game stories, even if they read like they were translated from Russian.

7. Wow, read this! The Mud Hens official scorer gets interviewed and it's dead brilliant. READ IT!!!

Gah, I have to have to have to go. THIS EVENING! RJ's return to McCoy with the Norfolk Tides, which you may not be able to see since it's a sold-out kinda holiday. Doug Mathis v Zach Clark. I urge you to consider popping by.

LARS ANDERSON!!!

5.26.12 Pawtucket v Toledo - Old Socks and Bikinis

Pawtucket wins, 8-5 with some crazy shizz in the eighth inning. Win goes to reliever extraordinaire Junichi Tazawa!

Daisuke Matsuzaka started this game for Pawtucket and maybe he's just going to be on the PawSox. I can live with that. I lived with Lenny DiNardo, Kris Johnson, Edgar Martinez, and Barry Hertzler so I can endure even the hardest storms. Matsuzaka pitched five decent innings got up to 56 pitches, then went grocery shopping. He allowed no runs, which certainly helped the team.

Starter for Toledo in his little pinstriped pants was Casey Crosby. Crosby pitched seven innings and was like, striking out all the Pawtucket kidz, very free and easy. Crosby started the eighth, but when Tony Thomas and Ronald Bermudez hit back-to-back singles, well, then it's time to get your coat and head home. Damn fine work, son.

The Red Sox scored first in this game, when the Venezuelan Nightmare hit a solo home run in the second inning. Pawtucket led 1-0 up until the seventh inning. Chorye Spoone got himself a piece of Hot! Scoreless! Action! when he allowed no runs in the sixth. But Tazawa got racked in the seventh and eighth. Eric Patterson hit an RBI single in the seventh, and then another run scored on a Tazawa balk. This action gave the Mud Hens the 2-1 lead.

Eighth inning. Tazawa still in, trying to work through some stuff. Center fielder Justin Henry bunt singled with one out. Ben Guez struck out looking, but Matt Young singled to put a couple on for big Brad Eldred. Eldred's an IL vet and he knows the game. So he homered, just like that. Fly ball to right center, POW! I'll bet it was majestical! 5-1 baby Tigers!

And now we return to the bottom of the eight, with Thomas and Bermudez on base. Here comes Luke Putkonen, which really just rolls right off the tongue. I am not familiar with Putkonen, but I wonder how Crosby felt about being lifted for this guy. Nate Spears pinch hit for third baseman Jonathan Hee. Line drive to center! Thomas scores! Next to hit was wonder boy Pedro Ciriaco, who also doubled... Bermudez and Spears score! 5-4! And keep in mind there are still no outs.

Alex Hassan stepped in and singled to get a bit of what he fancied. That's adorable, Alex, but move over and let the big dog eat. RYAN LAVARNWAY. Lavarnway homered, BLAMMO, fly ball to left. 7-5 PawSox!

See ya, Putkonen. Sorry about all of that. Darin Downs trotted out for left fielder Lars Anderson, who he walked. Downs struck out Gomez and got Josh Kroeger to ground out, but he was no match for the broad shoulders of Tony Thomas who doubled and scored Anderson. Bermudez made the last out. 8-5.

Mark Melancon pitched the ninth and maintained his sleek 0.53 ERA. Did you hear that he was kind of a weird guy?

we're so sorry uncle mud hens:
1. Josh Kroeger has more home runs than Ryan Lavarnway.

2. Tony Thomas went 3-4 and stole a base. Mauro Gomez got zero hits and thrice struck out. You're still awesome, Gomez.

3. Putkonen had just come down from Detroit: "Putkonen with the Tigers this season was 0-2 with a 8.59 ERA and 2.59 WHIP in 7 and 1/3 innings pitched. To say that was bad would be an understatement." - from Fear the Shadow

4."Matsuzaka threw rapid fire over the first several innings, including a two-minute second inning on just five tosses. In that second frame, third baseman Jon Hee laid out for a great line catch on Hens DH Brad Eldred that saved a sure base hit or more." - Joshua Kummins

5. "Perhaps a change of scenery was all Kroeger needed to get the hang of the Pawtucket-Toledo matchup. After going 0-for-13 earlier this month during the team’s four-night stay in northwest Ohio, he is now a comparatively better (2-for-7) in this series with a pair of extra-base hits." - Al Daniel, Providence Sports Scribe

TONIGHT! Well, it wouldn't be a series unless Brandon Duckworth pitched. He'll face Toledo's Thad Weber. What? Something wrong with my font? IT'S FRENCH POLYNESIAN!

5.25.12 Pawtucket Red Sox v Toledo Mud Hens

Nice try, Alex Wilson. Toledo wins, 5-4. Wilson blows the game, takes home the loss. Too bad, Justin Germano did a good job for seven innings. I'm sure he doesn't mind.

Germano started for the Red Sox and pitched seven two-run innings. He struck out four, walked nobody, and gave up a home run to third baseman Audy Ciriaco.

Young Jacob Turner started for Toledo and he is very young and just turned 21 like a week ago and he is #1 Detroit prospect guy. Turner got a couple of outs in the seventh inning, but after he issued a second walk, they took him out. Lefty Matt Hoffman rode his BMX out to the mound... And did not get Nate Spears out, instead walking him to load the bases. So Hoffman was replaced by Jose Ortega, who faced the delightful Pedro Ciriaco. Ciriaco hit a two run single, is what he did, so great game for Pedro.

Alex Wilson took over for Germano in the eighth, kept Toledo scoreless. Until. Ninth inning, Pawtucket up 4-2, Wilson shooting for a save. DH Brad Eldred reached on an error by Iglesias. Wilson got first baseman Ryan Strieby to strike out, but gave up back to back singles by RF Eric Patterson and catcher Omir Santos. Bases loaded! Wilson is extracted, replaced by Garrett Mock. Theoretically, that sounds nice. Mock got Ciriaco to ground into a force, which scored Eldred but got the second out. So, one out, how hard is that? The answer is Argenis Diaz, who hit a two-run single... 5-4 Mud Hens.

Josh Kroeger doubled in the bottom of the ninth but Hassan, Spears, and Ciriaco just left him there. Una verdadilla pesadilla para Kroeger, si?

ciriaco went 3-5:
1. Pedro Ciriaco went 3-5 with two RBI and a stolen base. I love this guy. I want to meet him. I just want to tell him that I think he is great. And also, keep him in a jar in my basement.

2. "Turner, pitching for just the third time in Triple-A this year, restrain the PawSox' offense to just four hits, but with three walks, and intelligent base running, Pawtucket managed to tag the ninth pick of the 2009 draft for four runs." - Kevin Pereira

3. STOP TRYING TO TRADE JACOB TURNER! - Bless You Boys

4. Darnell McDonald played left, had an RBI to help the PawSox. They never care about helping out the team in the Boston papers. McDonald did warmup tosses with the bullpen catcher and sailed a couple over the catcher's head. Intentional?

5. Did you know that Josh Kroeger played in Venezuela in 2011 and was named team MVP for the Navigantes Magallanes? Everybody loved him. We'll discuss it later.

Tonight it's Matsuzaka v Casey Crosby. Maybe fireworks, I don't know, I'm not going.

5.25.2012 Pawsox play Toledo Mud Hens

Imposter Ross Ohlendorf WINS! 4-1.

I got to the park just as the game was starting and spent a little time in the outfield. I played right, just to show Alex Hassan how it's done. But, seriously, I thought Ohlendorf looked different. Thicker. And then I moved infield and I noticed GAAAAH NOOO MUSTACHE!!! Good grief, Ohlendorf. Or should I say, 'Oh;endorf'.

Oh;endorf was good last night, pitching six innings and striking out six. He allowed three hits and a walk, but no one scored. Not even sexy Josh Kroeger, who's a real smoothie... Wait, where was Kroeger last night? Probably at your Mom's house. Ooooohhhhh... But my point is that I have never seen Oh;endorf pitch so well, so efficiently. His due date's coming up and he can either stick around or run for the hills. If Rhode Island had hills. Which it doesn't. Just a bridge, sir.

Starting pitcher for Toledo was surprise dinner guest Adam Wilk. Wilk also pitched six innings, but his results differed. Pawtucket scored first, in the second inning. Nate Spears hit a solo home run. Isn't he getting a little old for this? Doesn't Nate Spears look like Blake Schwarzenbach?

The Red Sox scored their second run in the fourth inning. Catcher Ryan Lavarnway doubled and Mauro Gomez batted him in. Gomez! Shine on, you crazy diamond!

Seventh inning, Clayton Mortensen pitching in relief. This is the part where I decided to leave and go get a milkshake, mostly because I am a fatass but also because I didn't want to see Oh;endorf's work undone by some hack-ass reliever whose head looks like an olive balanced on a firehose. And the overzealous usher double-checked my ticket! Okay, as if I would sit in these crappy seats unless that's where I was supposed to sit? And I also had a Blackstone Valley Media Club meeting, so I had a lot going on. Mortensen walked Ryan Strieby, shortstop Audy Ciriaco singled and scored Strieby. Nate Spears made an error, Mortensen walked Justin Henry, the fans' butts clenched up in anticipation of a blown lead. But left fielder Ben Guez popped out. Everybody exhale.

Bottom of the seventh, Pawtucket up 2-1, Wilk out and Rob Waite in. Tony Thomas singled with one out. Where's he been, anyway? Thomas stole second, moved to third on a Bermudez ground out, and scored when Pedro Ciriaco singled. Just a reminder: Pedro Ciriaco rules. I think he is wonderful.

The PawSox scored their fourth and final run in the eighth inning, thanks to Hassan's RBI single. Lavarnway was the dude on base that scored, in case you can't get enough Lavarnway talk. RYAN LAVARNWAY LIKES LMFAO!! ALSO HE BUYS ALL HIS CLOTHES AT THE MALL BECAUSE HE LOVES SHOPPING!!! LAVARNWAY LOVES TILA TEQUILA!!

Will Inman and Mark Melancon pitched the remainder of the game and allowed no further runs. I feel like I told that joke already. Okay, I'm pretty sure Melancon's ready to go back to Boston, now! Put your oven mitts on, because Melancon's timer went off! 15-20 MINUTES AT 375°!

brad eldred could be the next mike hessman:
1. Ronald Bermudez is back. I just saw him in New Hampshire, too. How did he make it to Pawtucket so fast? Who drove? Did Bermudez chip in for tolls?

2. Over the Monster on Melancon: "He's rediscovered the strike zone, and is reportedly throwing inside to hitters once again. All he was finding in the majors was the fat part of his opponent's bats, so a return to form for the reliever who missed plenty of bats in 2011 while simultaneously inducing grounders is a welcome one." Marc Normandin also discusses Iglesias and Oh;endorf, so you should probably go read it.

3. Everybody says it, everybody knows it, but not everyone gets to see it. So can I just tell you that Jose Iglesias is like an infield wizard? It is remarkable to see him in action. Also, Iglesias hit a ball deep to right and Matt Young laid his testes on the line to catch it. Good work, Matt Young.

4. "Crockett said today that "OF J.C. Linares will not be joining the PawSox anytime soon." (per Brendan McGair on Twitter)" WHAAAAATT?!?!?!

TONIGHT! Young Jacob Turner will tremble before Justin Germano, who sings sweet lullabies to his children then wakes up and mows down batters. And Darnell McDonald will be there. Dare me to talk to him? Dare me? I have a few questions...

Paz afuera.

5.23.12 New Hampshire Fisher Cats v Portland Sea Dogs

Wow, that was what the doctor ordered! 7-6 Sea Dogs. Double-A is wonderful. I nearly forgot. Everyone's so hungry! Vivacious! And also, I'm pregnant.

I have no horses in this race, so let's pretend I'm rooting for the home team. Starting pitcher for New Hamp was Deck McGuire. Classic baseball name, McGuire. DM gave up four runs on six hits, including a home run by Juan Carlos Linares, who has evidently ditched the 'JC' and gone back to his full name. Can't he just be Juan Linares? I don't get it. But I love him just the same.

Starter for Portland was lefty Chris Hernandez, who is certainly not what you'd call finessey. Hernandez was hard and wild for 5 2/3, giving up four runs on eight hits. Hernandez walked three, struck out four, gave up a home run to first baseman Mike McDade.

Portland put the first run on the manual scoreboard when Ronny B hit an RBI double in the first inning. But in the bottom half, right fielder Brian Van Kirk singled with two outs and McDade hit that home run. Mike McDade appears to be a bona fide slugger for NH. I love him already. 2-1 Fisher Cats after one inning.

But the Sea Dogs would. Not. Have it, Bert. Third inning, Linares homers off McGuire with two outs. McGuire then walked first baseman Reynaldo Rodriguez, who'd been hit by a pitch in the first. In the left elbow area. It looked painful and Rodriguez grimaced through most of the game. OWWEEE. But anyway, Bryce Brentz singled and Dan Butler walked to load the bases. And then SS Derrik Gibson came through with a line drive single to center, scoring Rodriguez and Brentz. 4-2 Portland!

The Fisher Cats punched the gas a little in the bottom of the fifth. Hernandez walked center fielder Justin Jackson to lead things off, then Ryan Goins hit a line drive single to left. And hey, look, left fielder John Tolisano sac bunted! Good work, Tolisano!

So with the runners now put into place by a bunt, right fielder Brian Van Kirk hit a ground ball down the left field line, right into the visitors' bullpen. Which isn't a bullpen bullpen, it's one of those foul territory bullpens you frequently see in the minors. But the ball was lost among the sweaty relief crotches and crevices, so it was ruled a double. Two runs scored, tie game.

Oh! I forgot to tell you something kind of important. This was a double header, so the game was only supposed to be seven innings. But the game stayed tied, so it went into the eighth. Ronald Uviedo was pitching for the F-cats. Gibson hit a line drive double to left to kick start the delicious, delicious offense. Second base dude Zach Gentile hit a bunt single to keep it going. At that point, I had gotten up to hit the lav, so upon my return I noticed that Gibson had somehow scored. The mall rat who was at the game with me wasn't much help, saying that he'd seemingly come home for no reason. And since I am Smart Suzy Sunset, I deduced that a balk had occurred. I was right, of course, so that sucked for New Hampshire. Not the team, but the entire state.

And then third baseman Heiker Meneses bunted! Gentile to third! Uviedo walked Hazelbaker, got Bermudez out, but Linares was the next batter and Uviedo probably should have done things a little differently because Linares doubled. Sweet, sweet Linares, come back to Pawtucket. Everybody eats when they come to my house. Two more runs score!

Uviedo... Oh, my darling. Uviedo walked the next two batters. Coñazo! But catcher Dan Butler popped out. Butler is NOT invited back to Pawtucket, thanks very much.

Caleb Clay came in to close the game out. He gave up a two run homer to Brad Glenn, but it was not enough for the Fisher Cats and Portland took home the win. On the bus, with some cold beers in a gum bucket. Do they let you drink beer on a bus in double-A? I should ask Tom Signore, because he's freak nasty.

i love you, me neither:
1. Bus Leagues Baseball has a cool Q&A with Deck McGuire!

2. Derrik Gibson went 3-4, but that doesn't change the fact that I hate how he spells his name.

3. Brock Huntzinger also pitched for Portland and wound up getting the win.

4. Ron Oviedo can take heart, because the day before this game he took part in a combined no-hitter. Which I missed by one freaking day.

I did stay for most of the second game, where Billy Buckner pitched. There weren't many people left at the ballpark, so even though I had killer seats to begin with, I moved over to the third base side. I was sitting there cramming fries into my wordhole when I noticed Heiker Meneses making the 'throw ball' motion toward me. So I put the fries down and stood up so he could toss me the ball. Which I caught, thank godtopus. Although it was such a gentle underhand that perhaps even your mom could have caught it. Anyway, thank you Heiker!

TONIGHT! The return of the Pawtuckets, featuring Alex Hassan as 'Britta'. Oh, stop it, Hassan is perfectly adequate. They will face Toledo and I, for one, don't care who's pitching. So I'm going to the game.

MIKE MCDADE!!!!

5.22.12 Norfolk Tides?

5-3 Red Sox. Win goes to Junichi Tazawa, who pitched in relief. Obviously.

Pawtucket's starter was Tony Pena who threw the ball for a little bit and did not get shelled. Sleep easy, Tony P.

Norfolk starter Jason Berken pitched 5 2/3 innings. Runs, hits, balls, K's. Six strikeouts, really. And Little Alex Hassan hit a home run off Berken. Pat Neshek popped by afterward for tea and sympathy, but only made things worse when he gave up two more runs.

I don't know, what the fuck do you want me to say? Some dumb sweaty jocks played a game on a field, put some costumes on and took everything very seriously. You think I give two craps about Alex Hassan? Alex Hassan is the worst! And Chorye Spoone, geeez. This team is so boring.

i cried a tear. lew wiped it dry:
1. Lew Ford struck out twice.

2. Okay, I do like one person on the Pawsox. Pedro Ciriaco. I like that guy. I wish I could have bowled with Ciriaco, but I don't even think he was there.

3. From radio human Aaron Goldsmith's family-friendly and inoffensive blog: "The season did not begin well for Melancon in Boston. He gave up 11 runs in two innings pitched before being sent to Pawtucket. However, since joining the PawSox, Melancon has refined his pitching and is flat out dominating batters throughout the International League." Wow, really? Let me punch that up for you!

"Melancon sucked when he was in Boston. He only pitched for like two innings but somehow managed to give up eleven runs. Eleven! You kind of even wish he was injured, just to excuse that kind of slop. So they kicked him downstairs, where he found it easier to get outs when facing guys like Seth Bynum and Adam Loewen."

Okay, I'm going to a Sea Dogs/Fisher Cats game now. Deuces.

5.21.12 Red Sox @ Tides - Everyone was terrified of Doug.

Doug Mathis WINS! 4-0. No, seriously, Doug Mathis pitched seven one-hit innings last night. Probably because he felt bad about disappointing some crazy Rhode Island cat lady.

Starting pitcher for Pawtucket was Doug Mathis, who pitched seven innings and shut out the Norfolk Tides. He only threw 76 pitches. 48 were for strikes. Mathis got 13 ground ball outs. The one hit Mathis gave up was a triple to catcher Ronny Paulino, bottom of the fifth with two outs. Ride like the wind. Fight proud, my son.

Will Inman pitched the eighth and Garrett Mock pitched the ninth. So it is written, it shall be.

Christopher Tillman pitched 5 1/3 innings for Norfolk, but everything happened in the second inning. Mauro Gomez singled with one out. Yes, Gomez has returned, so the PawSox will start winning again. I am completely fucking serious when I say that. Tillman walked Scott Podsednik. Oh no, the fight's out! Alex Hassan and Pedro Ciriaco then hit back-to-back line drive singles to left. That scored a couple of runs. Jose Iglesias flew out to center, which scored Hassan. And finally, Kevin Youkilis finally contributed to his old school and hit an RBI double. Gee, thanks.

And then nothing else happened for the rest of the game. Wait, let me check... Ciriaco stole a base, Gomez hit another single, Norfolk's Chris Robinson tripled off Will Inman. Robinson saw Paulino's triple and was jealous. Again.

Oscar Villarreal and Miguel Socolovich provided scoreless relief for the Tides.

scott podsednik wants to go to boston wicked bad:
1. Miguel Socolovich was the subject of an Obscure Orioles Transaction. Is that him in the picture? HAW HAW HAW HAW!!!

2. Ryan Lavarnway came up twice with runners in scoring position and made the last out. I liked him better when he was fatter. FATTEN UP, SON!

3. Ron Johnson's name is not 'Ben'.

4. I don't have much else to link to. Evidently, no one cared about this game. Probably because of all the shit going down in Boston. Can we please focus on the important stuff, like Doug Mathis' improbable start?

Remember how I went to Norfolk? Angel Chavez was on the team at the time. And Carlos Maldonado. And the ridiculously hot Fernando Cabrera. And Javier Lopez! Jeff Bailey! ROCKY CHERRY! Golly. Was that 2009? Crazy. Travis Denker! Oh oh oh the dude, the sidearm guy from Honduras or whatever. He was tall, slim... Whatever happened to him? Juan something? Jose. Jose something!!! GOD DAMN IT WHAT WAS HIS NAME?!

Maybe it wasn't Jose. Anyway, I had a really good time with the Tides.

THIS AFTERNOON! Last game in Virginny. Tony Pena Jr will take on Jason Berken. Tony Pena, this is your last clear chance. Remember what happened to Kris Johnson. TAKE HEED.

VAQUEDANO! JOSE VAQUEDANO!! I 'MEMBERED!!!

5.20.12 Pawtucket @ Norfolk - Kitty Wants Some Candy

Norfolk Tides win 6-3. Starter Brad Bergeson got the win. Minor league website is minor league: I can't get the box score up. And I am nothing without a box score. The box score is all I am and all I am is box score. There are no shadows on the cave wall. There is no lady, no tiger, no bees, November.

But this is good. This is like driving in the Boston area: It's dangerous and uncertain but in the end, aren't you a better driver for it?

Brandon Duckworth pitched for Pawtucket, reliable as a wristwatch. Duckworth gave up nine hits, though, which led to four runs.

Okay, this is hard. The Tides were the first team to score. Third inning, shortstop Blake Davis hit an RBI single. Oh, please. Pawtucket pulled ahead in the fifth inning, though, when Scott Podsednik hit a home run. A two-run homer, because Josh Kroeger had doubled earlier. That's 2-1, right?

Norfolk had other plans, though. Let's talk about Lew Ford and stuff. Left fielder Antoan Richardson singled with one out in the bottom of the fifth. Lew Ford, center fielder, hit a sharp fly to left for a double. Shortstop Blake Davis hit a sac fly, scoring Richardson. And then Jamie Hoffman... Who is he again? Right fielder, got it. Hoffman hit a fly ball to center, scoring Ford.

There's one more run in the fifth, though, and it's Miguel Tejada's RBI single.

Lew Ford hit another RBI single in the sixth, off reliever Alex Wilson, because I guess Alex Wilson is a reliever for real now.

Oooh, some stuff went down in the seventh inning. The Tides made a defensive substitution at second base, removed the starter when he didn't get the first batter out, and when reliever Andy Loomis started mucking things up... He got the hook! Stu Pomeranz stepped in! And in case you forgot, the Norfolk manager is Ron Johnson. I wonder if he has more liberty with his new team? I'll bet he does. I'll bet he does! RJ can finally make some in-game moves that help the team win! It must be fun, being a for real baseball manager instead of... Well, whatever the managers do in Pawtucket. Babysit. Coach third base. Pick up dirty socks.

Lew Ford hit an RBI double in the eighth inning off Mark Melancon. Ford went 3-5, probably because he's got something to prove.

two things:
1. Josh Kroeger went 3-4 and got the only extra base hit for the Red Sox.

2. Che-Hsuan Lin to Boston, but the good news is Mauro Gomez has returned. I'm sure he's thrilled about that. Also, Salem catcher Carson Blair was called up to Pawtucket. I think Blair used to be an infielder.

Ugh. No mas.

Tonight! Doug Mathis v Chris Tillman. In the park, by the harbor, with the battleships and industry. Maybe something interesting will happen.

5.19.12 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Norfolk Tides - Shore Leave

8-4 Tides, no!

Justin Germano was the starting pitcher for Pawtucket and he had a bad day. Germano only lasted three innings, possibly because of the six runs he gave up. And it wasn't like, hey, my pitch count is way up and it's late in the game and I'm losing it. No, the horror started early. Blood and entrails all over the first inning.

With one out in the first, Germano walked shortstop Blake Davis. Walking Davis is the equivalent to that wonderful feeling you get right before you vomit into a dirty toilet bowl at three a.m. Then it was single! Double! Single! Double! After all that chunder, Germano managed to get two more outs and collapsed onto the bathroom floor, covered in sweat... 4-0 Norfolk.

Designated hitter Chris Robinson led off the third inning with a triple, thanks to the lock of hair he keeps in his pocket. Or the cross around his neck. Shortly thereafter, third baseman Brandon Waring hit his first home run of the year. 6-0 Tides. Oh, Justin Germano. I guess you can't be fly 24-7.

Pawtucket did manage to put a few runs up, starting in the fifth inning. Norfolk starter Steve Johnson was long gone and Willie Eyre was pitching. Holy fuck, Willy Eyre? How many former Twins are on this damn team? (Ans: Three.) (Or four.) There were a mess o' singles, Podsednik stole a base, Ciriaco drove a run in, et cetera. Eyre was replaced by Pat Neshek (SEE?) and when all was said and done, Pawtucket had themselves two runs.

Know who else had an RBI in that fifth inning? Scott Podsednik, center fielder. Podsednik had himself a day, because he drove in another run in the seventh. Oh, honey, you ain't gotta prove yourself to nobody.

The Red Sox put another run on the board in the eighth, thanks to a dazzling ground out by Lars Anderson! Good work, Anderson! Good plan to get Iglesias home! But if you were there and you thought, okay, maybe we have a game here, you probably had your dreams crushed when Tony Pena came in to replace Clayton Mortensen. Pena gave up a couple of runs, is what I'm trying to say. Yuck! I'm glad I didn't have to bowl with him.

Jon Link pitched the ninth for the Tides and Pawtucket was unable to kidney punch him. 8-4 Tides.

Lew Ford, you guys:
1. Che-Hsuan Lin played right field while Podsednik played center. I do not care for this development. Maybe it means nothing, maybe everything. Lin did chip in to turn a double play in the sixth inning, when Joe Mahoney lined out to right... Jamie Hoffman, the runner on first, evidently thought he was in good shape, but Lin hucked the ball in to Anderson to double him off. Wish I could have seen it.

2. Jose Iglesias, still hitting. It's weird to me that he has a son. He looks like a baby himself... But a baby with a lot of money that everybody loves and is ethereal cereal in the infield. How long will it last? Is this going to be forever?

3. Chorye Spoone and Mortensen each pitched a couple of scoreless innings for the PawSox. The Tides brought us a delightful medley of Johnson, Eyre, Neshek, Zach Phillips, and Link. And Chris Resop, Joe Savery, Garrett Mock, and Mike Koplove.

4. Home run boy Brandon Waring climbs those golden stairs, is powerful.

So, seriously: Why is Germano still chained down in Pawtucket? Bring him up and let's have a look... At his naked body!

Gross, sorry. TONIGHT! Brandon Duckworth up against Brad Bergeson's naked body. Miguel Tejada may be there, too, don't worry. He's got the part of the pizza guy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILLY!!! KBJ TRAIN!!!

5.8.12 Pawtucket took the last train out of my heart.

Durham Bulls take it, 6-5, even though I said Pawtucket was leaving yesterday. Big mistake! Maybe I'll get fired! And even though it hurts way down deep to tell you this, you have to know that Junichi Tazawa ruined everything.

Noted fashion photographer Ross Ohlendorf started for Pawtucket and pitched six innings. Has anyone pitched more than that aside from Daisuke? Has anyone pitched eight? THERE WILL NEVER BE ANOTHER NO-HITTER IN PAWTUCKET!! Ohlendorf gave up two runs on six hits. Sounds perfectly, dreadfully boring.

Durham Bulls starter Chris Archer left the game after getting a couple of outs in the fifth inning and probably thought he was going to lose. Archer kept the Red Sox scoreless until the fourth inning, which Josh Kroeger and Alex Hassan led off with BTB singles. Archer then walked Scott Podsednik to load the bases. Che-Hsuan Lin, who's a quiet hitter that I never talk about, grounded into a force, scoring Kroeger. Podsednik out at second. And then! Catcher Mike Rivera got his first hit of the season (maybe), lining a single into center field. Jesus Feliciano was all, WTF, this guy? Hassan scored, tying the game at two.

Know what else happened in that inning? Jose Iglesias singled, because I guess he decided he's going to hit balls now. Lin scored on a wild pitch by Archer, putting Pawtucket ahead 3-2. But Kevin Youkilis struck out looking to end the inning.

HOLY SHIT. I just realized that Pedro Ciriaco struck out four times... In six at-bats! What the hell happened in this game? Pawtucket left 16 runners on base. And check this out! Look who made the last out with runners in scoring position: Kroeger, Lars Anderson, Youkilis twice (Thanks, asshole), Rivera twice, Hassan twice, Jonathan Hee, and Lin. So, yeah, this game was well over three hours long.

Okay, we can talk about Tazawa now. JT gave up a couple of singles in the seventh, but no one scored. Eighth inning, first baseman Henry Wrigley got to first on a throwing error by Iglesias. Right fielder Jeff Salazar followed that up with a double. And then Iglesias made another error w/r/t Cole Figueroa's at-bat, landing Figueroa at first and getting Wrigley across the plate. Tazawa struck out Shawn O'Malley for the second out, but he walked pinch hitter Juan Miranda.

But it gets worse! Feliciano, wacky IL center fielder, tripled! Line drive to right and three runs score. So that's four unearned runs in the eighth inning that caused Pawtucket to lose, Tazawa to get the loss, and perhaps a parking lot waltz right outside the PawSox bus. Bummer.

attention, shoppers. outside we have... pawsox fight:
1. Iglesias got four hits, which is like the least he could do, but I still hope he feels bad for ruining everyone's night and eating all their steak.

2. "Playing in the field for the first time with the Bulls, Matsui threw out Pawtucket’s Alex Hassan when the Red Sox outfielder was trying to score on a line drive to shallow left field in the second inning." - Harold Gutmann

3. "Bulls manager Charlie Montoyo: “Great job by the team! That was as close to a walk-off as you can have. They made a couple of errors, Feliciano had the big blow and Miranda scored from first. That was as exciting as when Michel Hernandez scored three years ago. We didn’t pitch that good today, but somehow we stayed in the game. When it was 4-2 it felt like 10-2. But the guy we hit off has got good stuff.” - Mike Potter, INDY week

4. This Matsuzaka/Paduch/Matsui banquet is the puzzle piece that completes my post from yesterday. Sorry so late, longer letter later.

5. Iglesias was jinxed by Watching Durham Bulls Baseball! Gol' ding it! Also: "..Chris Archer was a mess. In addition to the 7 hits and 4 walks, he was charged with three wild pitches (one of them letting a run score) and he hit a batter. Yes, he got 9 Ks, but he was simply lucky that the seven guys left on base weren’t able to get in. And it took him 106 pitches to get through just 4⅔ innings.."

6. By the way, Romulo Sanchez got the win.

7. Please enjoy this breakdown and analysis of Matsui's plate appearances. Actually, I take it back and won't be providing a link, thanks to a terrible intrusive pop-up. Rest assured, though, it was cool.

8. SoxProspects.com feature comment: "Good to see Chris Archer isn't setting the world on fire. The last thing the rays need is more pitching and he was part of that Garza deal that robbed the cubs " - posted by 'remember04'

TONIGHT! Norfolk Tides! Justin Germano, Steve Johnson. Steve Johnson? That name is going to a bitch to look up.

Bye!

Red Sox @ Bulls Yesterday

5-0 Durham Bulls, thanks to Daisuke Matsuzaka. DM worked into the seventh inning, gave up a triple to second baseman Cole Figueroa but got the next two outs before ceding to Tony Pena Jr. The loss belongs to Matsuzaka, who appears to have had a decent start.

Starting pitcher for the Bulls was Hideki Matsui. No, it was Jim Paduch, the dude from the Lincoln Saltdogs. Paduch got the win for Durham, since he gave up zero hits. He pitched six innings, giving up four hits and two walks. Paduch also had three strikeouts. Live those dreams, scheme those schemes, hit me with those laser beams.

Durham scored their first run (I always want to say 'its' first home run, as if Durham were some screaming multi-faced blob on the ball field) in the first inning, when Jesus Feliciano led things off with a solo home run off Matsuzaka. Matsuzaka kept his pants on, though, and allowed no further runs until the sixth inning, when first baseman Henry Wrigley hit a three-run homer.

And, yeah, Pena pitched the remainder of the game. But no one cares about that, right? Must have been a great night to be a Bulls fan.

opening a sliding door in Japan seriously takes five minutes:
1. I may have mentioned before how much I love IL President Randy Mobley: "The stars that have aligned here tonight to make this happen are pretty incredible,” IL President Randy Mobley said. “The league's 128 years old and you don't see many things that happen for the first time, but to have the game televised live in Japan is something that's never happened before. You have to say it may never happen again.” - Damn right! (link)

2. Ryan Lavarnway did hit a double, but everyone else? Off with their heads. Also, take away their smart phones. I swear they would die without them.

3. Lavarnway was called for catcher interference again. WTF.

4. Good work, men: Durham relievers Dane De La Rosa and Brandon Gomes no-hit Pawtucket the rest of the way.

5. "Matsuzaka who plays baseball at ease while that West Coast was spacious wants to see it" - Not sure what this is, but it's about Matsuzaka and I had fun reading it.

6. Poor Jim Paduch. His start was good but he's just an afterthought. Luckily, Mike Potter took care of him: "It felt like Opening Day I guess,” Paduch said. “There were a lot of things going on, but you can’t let it distract you. You’ve got to break it down to its basic roots, just throwing to a catcher. I tried to mix up my pitches – this team’s a good-hitting team – and let them put the ball in play.”

7. "Pawtucket has had more success against the Bulls than any other team during Durham’s 15 International League seasons, leading the all-time series between the clubs 69-49 including 36-24 in Durham." - ibid. By the way, Mike Potter spelled everyone's name correctly and his article includes a slideshow, so you really should check it out.

8. PawSox Blog has some links for you. Also, check back here tomorrow for first-hand game information.

TONIGHT! Ross Ohlendorf v Chris Archer. Then goodbye, NC. Damn, I almost went back to bed and didn't bang this out, but I powered through! And I guess I'm up before everyone else, otherwise I'd have more links.

Later!

5.16.12 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Durham Bulls - universal sadness

Red Sox win 5-4 in a seriously crazy game that probably no one enjoyed. Doug Mathis started and Durham got ten hits off him. LOL.

Hold on, I have to compose myself.

Okay, Mathis pitched 5 1/3 innings and gave up four runs on ten hits. When did the Durham Bulls get so damn wacky? Again, in '06 your first four batters were Darnell McDonald, Delmon Young, BJ Upton, and Elijah Dukes. BAM. And now I find myself wondering... Cole? Figueroa? WHO IS COLE FIGUEROA? And Doug Mathis is so stupid. He's lucky he wasn't pitching against Columbus or something. Ten hits, unbelievable. Classic Mathis.

Let's take a look at the Bulls' time with Doug M. In the first inning, two singles and a double by Hideki Matsui put them on the board 2-0. Reasonable enough. Oh, wait, that makes it sound like Hideki Matsui himself got all those hits. That is not the case. Unless that excites you, then we can go with it. Otherwise, Matt Mangini and Leslie Anderson were embroiled in the offensive skirmish.

Second inning, second baseman Cole Figueroa singled and stole second, but Mathis weaseled his way out of the inning somehow. But Mathis could not be normal for long, and he led off the third inning by hitting Mangini with a pitch. And then Mangini fainted while Adrian Gonzalez just stood there like a dope and watched. No, what really happened is that Leslie Anderson singled.

Something weird happened after that, with Hideki Matsui batting. The ump called catcher interference on Lavarnway and gave first base to Matsui. Okay, maybe not so weird, but I don't know exactly what happened and I have no further information and that pisses me off. Juan Miranda had that act to follow, and he had the bases loaded with no outs, but he struck out swinging. That means he is probably going to die soon.

Shortstop Reid Brignac at least had the sense to hit a sac fly, scoring Mangini, but the Bulls let opportunity slip through their hands like desiccant silica gel. I really would have liked to have seen Durham beat the crap out of Mathis, teach him a lesson for being weak. Instead, Mathis was the master and Durham the pupil. He is truly the worst.

Meanwhile, Lance Pendleton was pitching okay. But in the fifth inning, after Jose Iglesias singled with one out, Pendleton was replaced by Romulo Sanchez. Oh, this should be good. Sanchez faced Kevin Youkilis, who doubled to left. Iglesias to third. Then Lars Anderson was helpful around the house, hit a home run like doing after school chores. Like line drive to right home run. Then he folded towels in the clubhouse.

Sorry, I am all over the place. I'm not even sure any of this really happened. I'll just skip to the end and tell you that Mark Melancon closed the game out and got the save for Pawtucket.

Fortunately, the Durham Bulls are getting plenty of coverage. Let's talk to it!

come on girls:
1. Watching Durham Bulls Baseball found last night's game agonizing: "For those who might be counting (not really a mentally healthy activity under the circumstances) Bulls pitchers walked 7 batters after they had two outs last night. (11 overall, but who’s counting?)"

2. Jose Iglesias is getting hits. It's all very mysterious. Doesn't anyone want to dissect this phenomena? HELP ME.

3. Lars Anderson also walked three times (on the ceiling). That's what I call a good game.

4. Alex Wilson and Clayton Mortensen also pitched. Wilson got the win.

5. "Durham pitchers gave up 11 walks, and the Bulls left 10 runners on base after banging out 11 hits in a 5-4 loss to the team with the best record in the International League. Pawtucket scored the game winner in the seventh when Che-Hsuan Lin singled off John Gaub (0-1) to score Josh Kroeger, who had walked." - Lee Montgomery, Durham paper

6. "Already, the Durham Bulls have sold out for Thursday’s game against the Pawtucket Red Sox, the triple-A affiliate for Boston. The 10,000 tickets sold are some 42 percent more than the 7,000 tickets sold for an average Thursday game in May, according to the Bulls’ front office." - Jason deBruyn, from some business newspaper.

7. "[Youkilis] and Matsui seemed to know what they were looking for, what they were trying to accomplish, which set them apart from their minor-league teammates, many of whom appeared to be playing passively, tentatively, taking good pitches and swinging at bad ones." - Adam Sobsey's meditation on a sad, bad game.

You know what's weird? That Doug Mathis can be this terrible of a pitcher and no one cares. No one's calling sports radio to say, "Where'd they find this Mathis bum?" No one's posting anything about him on forums. No one's live tweeting his pitching line with snide comments. Absolutely no one (except me, I suppose) cares, because it's irrelevant. In triple-A, no one can hear you suck. But it is baseball-bizarre that Mathis can be, basically, a body that they can throw on a mound for 4-5 innings while the world yawns.

TONIGHT! You're mine, completely. And Jim Paduch starts for Durham! Paduch's rise from the indie leagues is an unforgettable story. Enjoy.

One last thing: Donna Summer. Beautiful, talented, transcendent. I'm really feeling her loss today.

5.15.12 PawSoxDurhamBullsfalettinmebemicelfagain

FAST FAST FAST! Red Sox win, 8-2. Brandon Duckworth started for Pawtucket, pitched for however many innings and got the win. Both runs are Duckworth's. And they were solo home runs, one by Leslie Anderson and one by Matt Mangini who plays third.

Durham starter Matt Torra went 4 2/3. And he is wicked fat. (He's not fat.) Torra hates it when you say his name three times, but likes his car's sound system. It's one thing that he can depend on. Torra gave up six runs on eight hits, so you can see he's had better days.

Pawtucket scored three runs right away, first inning. Torra walked Lars Anderson with two outs. Ryan Lavarnway was hit by a pitch. Next batter was Josh Kroeger and he hits a home run, fly ball to right, gone. Fourth home run of the year for Kroeger. Like he needs another excuse to be conceited.

Two more Pawtucket runs at the top of the second brought the score to 5-0. Jose Iglesias hit his first home run of the year, second overall of his entire life. It might be his only home run of the year. Pass me my nerve tonic. But Tony Thomas had walked so it was good for two runs. Iglesias will always remember last night. Especially when he hears 'Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band' on the jukebox.

AAAAH! TIME!! Okay, Duckworth gave up the two home runs in the fourth inning. Kroeger doubled in the fifth and was batted in by Che-Hsuan Lin. Wow, Lin, RBI machine. Not.

Alexander Torres took over for Torra and did okay until the ninth inning. Pawtucket was all, hit hit hit RBI double. Lavarnway. Probably pissed about the HBP. Varny is a vengeful receiver.

Garrett Mock worked the swing shift for two innings, Mark Melancon worked graveyard. All that time on the clock was scoreless, so they punched out and smoked cigars with Duckworth in the parking lot. Good work, men. See you tomorrow.

i'd really love to see you tonight:
1. Hideki Matsui is on the Durham Bulls. This is a very big deal: "Matsui also struck out on a 79 mph breaking ball from Brandon Duckworth and had two groundouts to the right side against Pawtucket’s defensive shift. His appearance didn’t help the struggling Bulls (15-25) against the Red Sox (26-14), who lead the International League standings." - HA! Defensive shift all over your face, Matsui!

2. And then there's this Mayo character: "Catcher Mayo Acosto was promoted from High-A Charlotte after Stephen Vogt was recalled to Tampa Bay. Acosto, a resident of the Dominican Republic, singled in his first at-bat and finished 1-for-2 with a walk."

3. From Beyond Fenway: "Reliever Garrett Mock pitched two scoreless innings and over his last 6 appearances he has thrown 8 2/3 scoreless, compiling a 1-0 mark with 2 saves, 4 hits, 4 walks, 6 strikeout." Evidently he's feeling much better.

4. Bob Sutton will tell you all about Matsui: "Matsui, an outfielder, joined the Bulls on an assignment from the parent Tampa Bay Rays, who signed him to a minor-league contract. Tuesday night’s game was the start of an eight-game homestand. Matsui’s debut underwent a delay — because it took 16 minutes for the Bulls to record the first three outs as Pawtucket’s Josh Kroeger smashed a three-run homer."

5. From DRays Bay: "The pitching story of the night definitely belonged to Alex Torres. Although he allowed two runs in 4.1 innings of relief, he struck out six and walked none. Torres was in desperate need of something positive to build on, and perhaps this outing is it." Alex Torres needs a warm bath and a good cry.

6. Mike Potter, Durham Bulls Examiner: "When (Matsui) took infield with us today I thought that was awesome, with what he has done in Japan and in the big leagues,” Bulls manager Charlie Montoyo said. “That showed me everything about what kind of guy he is. It’s wonderful to have a guy like that. “I think what he’s trying to do is awesome. He’s trying to get back to the big leagues and help the Tampa Bay Rays, and we’re going to try to do everything we can to help him out.” I recommend reading the entire thing.

7. SoxProspects.com forum comment of the day: "Iglesias with his second career home run. Anyone know if it was inside the park?" HA!!

8. Watching Durham Bulls Baseball informs guests about exciting visitors and the odds of a rain delay. I insist you check it out.

9. Last but not least, Adam Sobsey gets into Matsui v Matsuzaka and Oh My God now I want to drive down to Durham and join the party so so badly. Even though many of the citizens belong in the Mobile Museum of North Carolina Jerks.

GOL' DING IT! I tried to be fast and concise, I have to be somewhere like an hour ago but I can't help myself sometimes. Just know that tonight's probably, say, Doug Mathis v someone.

It's Lance Pendleton. Thank you, PawSox Blog, for your unwavering reliability. LET'S ALL GO DOWN TO NORTH CAROLINA! PAWSOX HEAVY, PAWSOX BLOG, KEVIN FROM PAWSOX EXAMINER, GET IN THE FUCKING VAN! I'M DRIVING!

SEEYAAAAAA!

5.14.12 Pawtucket Red Sox v Columbus Clippers - The Sixth Inning

Columbus Clippers win, 5-3. Rusty trusty Pawtucket starter Justin Germano takes the loss, giving up five runs on five hits through six innings.

Starter for Columbus was lefty Eric Berger. Berger pitched for six innings, just like Justin Germano. Berger gave up five hits, just like Germano. Berger gave up a home run, just like Germano. But Berger's runs column shows a two, not a five. Que pasó?

Well, no one scored until the third inning, and the story of the team that scored just won't stop unfolding. With one out, shortstop Pedro Ciriaco was hit by a pitch. Hey, be nice! New kid, old kid Scott Podsednik hit a line drive single to center, Ezequiel Carrera made an error of some sort that allowed Ciriaco to score and placed Podsednik firmly on second. 1-0 PawSox.

Up until the sixth inning, Germano had only given up two hits and was getting a bunch of ground ball outs. Just another day at the office. But shortstop Gregorio Petit led the sixth off with a single, and looks like someone left the cake out in the rain. Second baseman Justin Toole followed that with a single to left, putting runners at the corners. Germano got Carrera to ground out, but then third baseman Andy LaRoche reached on a fielder's choice, which means Toole was out at second or Petit was out at home. Right? NO. Pedro Ciriaco made an error, Petit scored, Toole safe at third, LaRoche reaches second base. BUMMER!

Oh, it gets worse. You think Ciriaco was the only one burning with shame at the end of the inning? Then you don't know about Nate Spears. Chad Huffman, right fielder and proud American patriot reached on a fielding error by Spears. Toole scores! Sad clowns in the infield.

But it gets worse! Overall disappointment Matt LaPorta, never an easy out, fly ball to left. Back back back. Gone. Three run homer. God, you hate to lose that way. NATE.

Pawtucket scored a second run in the bottom of the sixth when first baseman Lars Anderson hit his first home run of the year. In the bottom of the eighth, Scott Podsednik tripled to right field and then later scored on an Anderson grounder. 5-3 and Columbus reliever Chris Ray pitched a tight little ninth, trampling out the Red Sox and getting a save.

Junichi Tazawa pitched two scoreless innings after Germano's departure. I just wanted to point out what would ordinarily be a fuckin' A moment. It is, however, almost a non sequitor. No way you're as sad as I am.

it was only a matter of time:
1. It was only a matter of time before Scott Podsednik was on the PawSox, amirite?

2. Hitting coach Gerald Perry was ejected in the second inning, right after DH Alex Hassan struck out. What probably happened was that Perry ran out to the field and punched Hassan in the face.

3. Cool thing on Junichi Tazawa. Classic Scandura.

TONIGHT! Pawtucket goes to North Carolina so they can get married and dress in ballgowns and have sex with each other. Wait, what? Durham Bulls! And no one parties like those guys! Brandon Duckworth, who never parties, will face Matt Torra, Keg Stand King. And his best friend is the King of Karaoke...

Jordan Brown is mysterious.

Boston signed Jordan Brown of the Cleveland Indians to a minor league contract on May 2nd.

So where the hell is he?

On May second, the Brewers also signed Brown to a minor league deal. Brown appears to be playing for the AAA Nashville Sounds, which is Milwaukee's franchise.

Someone please explain to me what happened and why Jordan Brown is not in a PawSox uniform.

5.11.12 Pawtucket Red Sox (BOS) v Columbus Clippers (CLE) - Ask Ciriaco

Red Sox win, 5-1. Starter Doug Mathis sucked less this time, getting his first win. Mathis shut out the Clippers through six innings, giving up five hits and zero walks. Don't backslide, now. DOUG.

Starter for Columbus was Chris Seddon, who left the IL for a while. Seddon came to McCoy Stadium in 2006 with the Durham Bulls. I was there. Darnell McDonald batted leadoff for Durham, followed by BJ Upton, Delmon Young, and Elijah Dukes. Pitching for Pawtucket that day was Jimmy Serrano. This blog is an incredible resource. Seddon, in the year of our lord 2012, made it through six innings, giving up five runs on seven hits.

Pawtucket's action started in the first inning. Leadoff hitter and second baseman and fan favorite Pedro Ciriaco made it to second on an error, then was later brought home when Lars Anderson grounded out. Third inning, Iglesias singles with one out. All these Iglesias hits are weird, right? Iglesias stole second and then made it to third on an error. Catcher Ryan Lavarnway singled, scoring Iglesias. 2-0 Pawtucket.

In the fifth inning, third baseman Nate Spears hit a line drive double to right to get things started. Pedro Ciriaco then bunted toward third, made it to first and then continued on to second when Clippers third baseman Jose Lopez made a throwing error. Nate Spears scores, 3-0. Seddon got Iglesias and Anderson out, but he walked Lavarnway. Mauro Gomez came to the plate with this golden opportunity and made good, hitting a two-run double.

Columbus did not score their lone run until the ninth inning, with the useless Tony Pena pitching. Cord Phelps hit a solo home run. So bully for Cord Phelps. Someday Cord and I will get together for tea and sympathy and laugh about all of this, this one day in Rhode island when he hit a home run off Tony Pena in the ninth inning.

ciriaco, is it raining out?
1. Pedro Ciriaco currently has the highest batting average on the PawSox. It's crazy. Yes, I realize no one cares about batting average any more.

2. "Mathias Pitches PawSox to 5-1 Win) - MATHIS, you dumb fuck.

3. Junichi Tazawa pitched a scoreless seventh inning.

That's it. I'm super annoyed with all the bugs I've been wrangling with here. Stupid free service! This afternoon or tonight or whatever it's Junichi Tazawa v Zach McAllister. Bye.

5.10.12 Pawtucket v Rochester - Hey, Genesee.

Rochester... No, Pawtucket wins, 7-6. Although Rochester probably wins at being a bigger city with a fancier ballpark. But I like McCoy Stadium and its homey simplicity. And the concrete and the little bats fluttering around at night and the way box seats are red or green and they cost the same even though the green seats are better.

The Mighty Brandon Duckworth started for Pawtucket. Duckworth is magnificent. No wonder all those IronPigs fans love him so much. He's not like this thrilling fireballer, but just a guy pitching in the minors. Just a guy. Duckworth did not have that great of a start - Five runs on seven hits, including a homer - but he got the win. He owes the offense some beers, really. (Note: Duckworth did not get the win, Will Inman did.)

Luke French started for the Red Wings. He used to be Lucas French, according to myself. French pitched six innings and left with the score tied 5-5. The Red Wings grabbed the lead in the top of the seventh, when shortstop Pedro Florimon hit an RBI single. Florimon! How is it that he had so much success against Pawtucket? Isn't he a freshie from double-A?

Pawtucket took back the night in the eighth inning, in spite of it being a day game with thousands of disgusting, screaming children. Esmerling Vasquez was pitching. Vasquez got a couple of outs, then Jose Iglesias singled. Oh, holy fuck, game over. Exit Vasquez, enter Tyler Robertson and his attitude problem. Lars Anderson reached on an error by second baseman Joe Thurston. Anderson to second, Iglesias on third. Okay, thanks Tyler Robertson. Anthony Slama takes over, facing the truly terrifying Mauro Gomez. Slama evidently has no intention of ever leaving Rochester. So, you know, Gomez hit a two-run double. Gomez effectively won this game for Pawtucket.

can we talk about something else now?
1. STEVE HYDER KNOWS WHAT'S UP! "Anyway, if you’re a baseball fan, you know the worth of Brandon Duckworth, the right handed pitcher in his second year with the PawSox. “Duck” is 4-0 a a starter and a bullpen guy for the first place Pawtucket club. Currently in the starting rotation, he has proven his worth time and time again in the last season and a quarter. Brandons’ last win was the 100th of his minor league career." (sic all)

2. PawSox pitching coach and tanned asshole Rich Sauveur loves Duckworth. (Mike Scandura)

3. "Always liked Ducky. An easygoing guy. He had good stuff. Very good curve, Pretty good FB with movement. At times overmatched a few hitters. But never really successful. An enigma wrapped ina conundrum." - commenter 'DiamondDerby' from PhuturePhillies.

4. Commenter PREDATOR has a conspiracy theory: "The DUCK was messed with by BOWA , it was his daughter that started the DUCK POND and from there it went down hill , to bad that personal items get in the way of some things , he was a miserable type of manager nothing was ever as good as his world series team and he let them know it"

5. "Duckworth appeared to be a cornerstone of the Phillies future during the 2001 season. However, the mild-mannered right-hander got around the league a couple times after the ’01 pennant chase, big-league hitters caught up with his repertoire. However, in Game 159 with the Phillies clinging to hope that they could catch the Braves, Bowa yanked veteran 13-game winner Omar Daal from a start in Atlanta in favor of Duckworth." - Finger Food. Wow, what is the deal with Duckworth and Larry Bowa?

6. "Brandon Duckworth at this time was a pitcher with the potential to be a significant contributing starting pitcher. He had a promising 2002, wild around the edges, as evidenced by the 1.44 WHIP, but he did have 167 K in 163 innings. Plus, and most importantly, fans could wear swim trunks and wear duckbill hats sitting in the stands when he pitched." - Dan from The Other World

7. "Rumor has it that the Red Sox have signed Brandon Duckworth (Ode to Joy plays). What? Welcome to the Brandon Duckworth era..." - Red Sox Reality Check, Dec 2010.

8. " I could have called this Ducky Log but that would be tacky so I'll go the serviceable route. There was some minor displeasure when KC promoted Duckworth to take Hochevar's spot in the rotation but I stayed silent knowing that while he is not a world beater he is certainly steady. You know what you are going to get - 5,6 innings with 3,4 runs. Not great but it keeps his team in the game. Last season in three starts he had a 4.02 ERA and in 2006 had a 4.85 ERA in eight starts. So he is at least consistent and is definitely protecting some young arms from being rushed. It could always be worse. " - Jeff Parker, Royally Speaking, AUG 2008.

9. "Personally, I'm happy to see Duck back in the bigs. He's a good guy and someone you root for. Always a great interview and a real intellegent guy. He has the stuff, hopefully he can do more good than bad this time up." - Everything Royals, AUG 2008

10. Brandon Duckworth does not know if Mike Piazza is gay.

TONIGHT! Okay, in like 15 minutes. That bum Doug Mathis v Columbus Clippers' Chris Seddon. When I see guys like Chris Seddon cycle through IL teams, it makes me feel super old. I'm probably going to this game, but like halfway into it because I'm lazy and I just want to have a PBE.

(bye)