6.25.13 Pawtucket Red Sox v Toledo Mud Hens - Alex Hassan, Mud Hens Assassin

Pawtucket wins, 16-3. Brandon Workman swipes a W.

Workman pitched six innings, gave up two runs on seven hits. Five K's. 92 pitches. And a tall glass of lemonade because it's hot.

Toledo starter was Shawn Hill, who gave up seven runs. Reliever Justin Souza pitched one inning and also gave up seven runs. Hard day's night for the Mud Hens.

Alex Hassan went 4-5. Jackie Bradley Jr, Xander Bogaerts, and Jonathan Diaz each hit home runs. Every batter on the Red Sox got a hit. Nobody tripled, so sucks to your auntie.

This game was fairly well attended, about 7,800 people. That time of year.

Max Guyll was the home plate umpire.

Jose De La Torre and Ryan Rowland-Smith also pitched.

See you around, maybe tomorrow? I'm going to the game if it doesn't piss rain all over everything.

6.11.2013 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Syracuse Chiefs - Something Nice About Syracuse

Chiefs win, 4-3. Win goes to Yunesky Maya and although the Chiefs are the Blue Jays starting again this year, I feel like Maya was on the Chiefs last season when they were the Nationals. Am I crazy?

Yes, I am obviously fucking nuts, because the Bisons are the Blue Jays and the Chiefs are still the Nationals. Please bear with.

Starting pitcher for the Pawtucket Yankees was Steven Wright, the Knucklehead Kid. Ball, head, whatev. Wright pitched six innings and the Chiefs were all, OH HI THERE HANGER and got seven hits that included a pair of homers. The hits led to all four Syracuse runs, meaning the Red Sox relief corps did a smashing job. So thanks for this.

Yunesky Maya started for Syracuse. I think I might have mentioned that before.  Maya pitched five innings, then a mob of relievers came trampling in. Christian Garcia, Tanner Roark, Tyler Robertson, Michael Broadway. You mean like Lance Broadway? And wasn't there another Broadway?

First inning, Chiefs scored a run on a sac fly. Third inning, same thing. Fourth inning, Mike Costanzo (who has always had a for-real dickface) and Zach Walters hit back-to-back home runs to RF. 4-0 Chiefs!

In the fifth inning, Pawtucket second baseman and bastion of crushworthiness Justin Henry hit a solo home run. Do you remember how Bill Mueller was kind of... I mean, I don't mean to belittle or demean Bill Mueller, who was legit, but there was something... He was a basket of kittens at third base, is what I mean. And so goes Justin Henry.

Eighth inning, Jackie Bradley hit an RBI double. Jackie Bradley could also be considered a cutie-pie... CAN SOMEONE PLEASE STOP ME?!

Bryce Brentz hit a solo home run in the ninth. Brentz is a little too square-jawed to be considered adorable. I'm sure he'd be wounded if he found out I said that.

This game was two hours and 22 minutes long and played in front of 8,218 fans. Right. There was a two hour, twenty minute rain delay and more than eight thousand people were there. In Syracuse. Also, I attend church most Sundays! I'll tell you I'm an orphan after you meet my family!

two things:
1. "Roark has a sting of 24.2 straight innings of pitching without yielding an earned run." - Yes, Ben Meyers, those innings certainly do sting.

2. Jackie Bradley Jr played center and batted leadoff. Lavarnway - catcher, batted third. Who else do you assholes like? Alex Wilson? Wilson pitched a scoreless inning.

3. "Wright, the Pawtucket knuckleballer with one career appearance in the major leagues, struggled with control from the opening inning. His first pitch of the night plunked Chiefs' leadoff hitter Eury Perez on the left elbow, and catcher Ryan Lavarnway made his first trip to the mound one batter latter." - I guess Michael Cohen can't spell either. This game story is great, though, and it was Education Day so the fan count was probably accurate. Sorry I was such a jerk about it. I'll settle in with some tea and scripture.

4. Also, cool picture of the grounds crew who likely worked their fannies off during this wet, wet series.

By the way, I'm sure Mike Costanzo is a lovely guy. Like Santa Claus.

No baseball today, which is totally cool because everyone wants to watch hockey anyway. Thursday night is Legends Night at McCoy, featuring Father Bernie Carbo and Bill Lee. I think Rubby De La Rosa is going to pitch v the Bisons and the kissable Ricky Romero.

And... I need to be a little candid for a second and reveal that although I am recovering from surgery and was sick and all of that, the reason I haven't been around is because I have almost completely lost interest in this PawSox stuff. Which is really too bad, because damn I'm good. But really, I didn't attend the welcome back lunch or PawSox bowling or blah blah blah... And this season's team is one I can really root for!

My IronPigs trip's coming soon and I hope my pleasure and interest will be restored. Not ready to hang it up yet, you guys.

All my love...

6.1.13 Pawtucket Red Sox v Syracuse Chiefs - Brandon and Brock

Pawtucket wins, 5-3. And 12,691 fans saw it go down. Fireworks. Allen Webster gets it, has a 5-0 record so far. I only mentioned that in case Brandon Crawford is reading.

Webster pitched 6 1/3 innings, gave up two runs on four hits. Webster gave up three bases on balls, which seems high for him. Although he's not De La Rosa, whose overall walks are the lowest of all the Pawtucket starters. Or Chris Hernandez, who has less walks through nine innings than anybody. Who cares though, the team won.

Webster struck out six Chiefs, so that was good if you like the K.

Starter for Syracuse was Ryan Tatusko. Tatusko pitched seven innings and was up to 110 pitches. He gave up four runs, three earned. Not a bad start but Pawtucket was just a little bit better.

The Chiefs scored first, when Will Rhymes hit an RBI double in the first. Rhymes really gets around, eh? Then top of the fourth, left fielder Corey Brown hit a solo home run to give Syracuse the 2-0 lead. Come on, Pawtucket.

The Red Sox tied the game up in the fifth, with a little help from Brock Holt's RBI double and something Dan Butler did, productive out blah blah blah. And then Pawtucket scored a run in the sixth, one in the seventh, and one in the eighth. Brandon Snyder got some hits, Holt did stuff, it was teamwork. Good team this year. I think everyone's really getting along.

Pedro Beato came in and got the save. Alex Wilson also pitched. Alex Wilson is the answer to Michael Bowden: People talk about talent and potential but there really isn't anything there. By the way, Bowden's in the Cubs org and just got sent to Iowa to do whatever. But he was in the Cubs bullpen doing his thing.

two things:
1. Brandon Snyder went 3-4 with a double. Holt got a couple of hits.

2. Ronald Bermudez started in center but left the game in the first inning. What happened? Bermudez and Hazelbaker collided, which I deduced from the game recap. What I want to know is who was at fault.

3. Second baseman Anthony Rendon is a BFD. Last night was his first game in triple-A and the Washington Nationals just love him! "I think he will be a quick-to-the-big-leagues guy as far as the normal course of a drafted player, but again, we're not going to put any stipulations on him, any timetables or anything like that, but suffice it to say we feel really good about this player, and it's a guy that we've thought about a lot, it's a guy that we've had at or near the top of our board for a long, long time, and we feel good about selecting him." - GM Mike Rizzo. Lifted from Federal Baseball.So... Is that really a sentence? COMMA MUCH?!

4. Rendon just had his wisdom teeth out. Awww.

5. Jason from Half Street Heart Attack talks about Rendon's time at Rice U. He wasn't there to learn, he just wanted to get drunk and major in business.

6. "[Holt] and Rubby have been the two guys for me who have really developed in front of our eyes,” PawSox manager Gary DiSarcina said, "So we went shopping for training bras at Ann & Hope."

TONIGHT. Or this afternoon. Rubby De La Rosa v Matt Torra... Don't do it, Jen... Just stop... You're not clever or original... TORRA! TORRA! TORRA! AAAAAHHHHGGHHHHHH Sorry. I couldn't help myself. And I try so hard not to be hacky like those fucking NESN suckas.

I love you guys.