away from me and toward everyone else, which I hate

This is not good news. Or is it the best news?

I think Boston buying Pawtucket would kill me and maybe kill McCoy Stadium, which is part of me as much as concrete and steel can be part of blood, tissue, and hair. And cartilage. And stomach lining. And ear wax, whatever the hell that is.

And then what's going to happen to Tamburro and Schwechheimer?

I feel like step one of Corporate Takeover is EVERYTHING IS GOING TO COST MORE.

And... Hey, do you remember what my tipping point is? The one thing I said would make me turn my back on Pawtucket forever? DO YOU RECALL THAT SIMPLE SYMBOLIC THING?

The french fries. Change the french fries and I will burn it down to a cinder.

I'll be back later. I have a lot more to say but today I cannot.

je suis desolee

It's hard to find in a bleak, zig-zag city like Woonsocket, but there's a sand-colored church on a hill on a one-way street that has an unrealistic view of everything. You can see Providence and the bay and the slow, white sailboats like the ones on the quarter.

You have to be careful where you park because the priest keeps close watch. Next to the church is an old building with a bad steel bridge behind it. I would not recommend driving over it.

Nearby the mill houses are empty and blackened. The factory is no longer in use, but the bitter smell is still there. Like welded metal. It was a toxic avenue that they really would like everyone to stay away from. I did not think people died in those houses, but in the 60's there was some kind of chemical incident in the big brick factory, one of those old employers that kept families fed.

On sunny days on the weekend, families come over from Massachusetts (Blackstone, Millville, Uxbridge, Bellingham) to see the view, which dazzles, and the modern ruins. It hurts and it draws you in. You can't conceive of it. You can't even photograph the story. Well, I can't. Maybe you can.

In the days of ironworking and textile weaving and lunchpails and overalls, the men played 19th century baseball. Mill versus mill in Woonsocket, giving birth to people like Nap Lajoie. The Comets played at Island Park. It's the projects now, where telephone poles break and wires dangle by metal siding and the repairs are not a priority, because it's the projects.

Sleek, smart people don't like going to Woonsocket, a perfect example of entropy. I can see it fraying and fading and one day it will break apart from everyone, an ice floe, and drift north until it melts away entirely. Do you know who will be carried away?

No, you don't, because you've forgotten them already.

let's go

Today I'm going to CT, even though Connecticut is a terrible black hole.

you poked my heart

Please try to be a better bartender, asshole.

I forgot how to walk

I took a good, long look at Madison Bumgarner and didn't feel much.

I did enjoy the KC center fielder.

Why don't they let African-Americans play baseball any more?

A Few Lines from "Infinite Jest"

"'The girl's name's Tina something and she'll come up to about your knee.'

'Echt,' Avril said, looking at something on a printout.

Hal looked at her while she chewed. 'You don't like her already?'

'Tina Echt, Pawtucket. Father apparently some sort of unleavened baker, mother a public relations person for the Red Sox A.A.A. baseball there.'

Hal had to wipe his chin as he smiled. 'Triple-A. Not A.A.A.'"

(related: Squiggy Story)

Maybe I've forgotten...

Pawtucket reaches championship, is rained on and dies.

Metaphor.

Annual Septemberish melancholy. And nostalgia! Nostalgiacholy? I should have. I should have been there.

Doesn't the baseball season poke its finger into October? I remember Camden Yards in October! No October games this year? What am I going to do?

What I am going to do is go to Fenway next week in mittens for a PBE and hope it soothes me. I suspect it won't be too hard to find tix. I will trade this ugly framed picture of an owl for Red Sox tickets:

Yes, that is my ugly wallpaper from 1963. And technically that picture isn't mine. My landlord hung it in my stairwell. He is now deceased so I suppose I inherited it.

If I don't get tickets for it I will dissemble the picture on live television to reveal what is probably wads of cash hidden in the frame.

Ha, ha.

PAWSOX I WAS ONLY KIDDING!! I LOVE YOU PLEASE COME BACK!

Devern Hansack is my neighbor.

Devern Hansack pitched for the Pawtucket Red Sox in 2007 and 2008. He was my Favourite. And then he disappeared. I assumed he'd returned to his little seaside town in Nicaragua and fired up his lobstering vessel and lived out the rest of his days basking in the sun, growing old and weathered and perhaps working on his memoirs.

WRONG! WRONG WRONG WRONG! I set up an alert a long time ago, so if Hansack somehow popped up on the internet, I'd get an email. And then nothing more. Years passed.

SUDDENLY! The maid screamed. In my box, a message. And this! Hansack throws out the first pitch at a Sea Dogs game! He looks incredible! And guess what? He's been living in MAINE this whole time! ALL THIS TIME! And I've been to Maine here and there... I'm flabbergasted. Me and Devern could have been kickin it and smokin blunts all summer long. I'll bet he has a deck.

I surmised that Hansack had met a local lady while he was on the Sea Dogs and that he'd wifed up and decided to live the rest of his days in Vacationland. I was right, of course. Further investigation revealed that Hansack was hired by U Maine Farmington as their pitching coach about a year ago.

I'm inordinately amped by all of this. YEAH 39!!!

Let's take a look back at all the witty, incisive stuff I said about DBH:

1. Did Devern Hansack intentionally peg Mariano Rivera with a baseball at Fenway? Eric Gagne says so. And Eric Gagne never lies. Does anyone remember this story? How fucking old am I, anyway?
Eric Gagne, LOL.

Maybe some pictures instead?

might

I might go to the PawSox game on Labor Day.

I still love you.

6.3.2014 Pawtucket @ Durham - Catcher Interference

Durham Bulls win, 5-2, and they are the AAA affiliate of Tampa Bay. Bulls reliever Adam Liberatore gets the win, even though I think he's related to an umpire? Loss goes to lefty starter for the Red Sox Chris Hernandez.

Hernandez pitched 5 1/3 innings, gave up five runs on four hits. Only two runs were earned, though, because Garin Cecchini made an error that maybe cost Pawtucket the game.

Nate Karns started for Durham. Karns pitched five innings and gave up a run. That was when Pawtucket tied the game. The thing that happened was that Corey Brown hit a solo home run. I may have mentioned that before. And then Hernandez was 1-2-3 at the bottom of the fifth.

So, what the fuck happened? Shut up for a second and I'll tell you. First of all, minor league games tied at 1-1 in the fifth seldom remain that way. Dewon Brazelton and Jeff Suppan were not on the mound, okay? Sixth inning, Christian Vazquez and Travis Shaw hit back-to-back singles to get things heated up for Pawtucket. Vazquez scored on a groundout, and the Red Sox pulled ahead 2-1.

Bottom of the sixth, Hernandez led the inning off by hitting Robby Price with a pitch. Robby Price parks like an asshole, so he probably deserved it. SS Hak-Ju Lee followed with a line drive single. And then RAY FREAKING OLMEDO sac bunted. And he reached!

Bases loaded, no outs for a possibly sweat-drenched Hernandez. I'm just saying, it was 84 degrees at game time. RF Justin Christian reached on a force attempt, boner by Cecchini, Price scores. Center fielder Mikie Mahtook hit a fly ball to right, caught by Brown, Lee tags and scores.

PITCHING CHANGE! Chris Resop gets in the ring to face Jayson Nix. Christian steals second, Nix sac flies, Olmedo scores. Then jerkface Cole Figueroa hit an RBI double. The fans must have been eating this up.

Resop finally got the last out, but Pawtucket was unable to do anything with CJ Riefenhauser or Kirby Yates. DAT NINTH INNING THO. The bases were loaded with only one out, partially due to a catcher interference thing. Wish I could have seen it. But Yates got Betts and Cecchini out to end the game.

Oh yeah Mookie Betts is on the PawSox now so adjust your confetti output accordingly.

two things:
1. Ray Olmedo! Olmedo has spent more than TEN YEARS in the International League. That has to be some kind of record. I'll bet he knows all the Fort Mill hotspots. I wonder if he still talks to Yurendell de Caster?

2. "The hottest pitcher in the Rays organization right now just might be Nate Karns. He entered his outing against Pawtucket with a 1.39 ERA in his previous five starts, striking out 31 while walking just 12 in 32.1 innings pitched." - Robbie Knopf, Rays Colored Glasses. That's right, his hands are never cold.

3. Jeremy Kehrt pitched, so his mom is probably pretty excited about that.

4. Kirby Yates was the 2013 minor league pitcher of the year for TB. I'm not capitalizing that.

5. Here's Rick Medeiros. I like his blog. I realize that now you won't think I'm cool.

TONIGHT! Probably the Babyfaced Killer. Chad Gaudin goes for the Bulls.

(hahaha)

you'll never deserve my good good words

It's become very popular lately to talk about how out of date professional baseball is. Is everyone on board with this? Baseball is boring and has ludicrous social regulations and etiquette constraints? And things ARE BECOMING FAR WORSE IN THESE BIG-LEAGUE END TIMES?

I generally agree that yes, baseball mysteriously adheres to Civil War-era customs and habits. So? It's been like that for a while now. It's stupid and stuffy, but whatever.

The thing that I feel most weird about is lately I'm wondering who I'm rooting for. The players? Not really. They're a group of dudes I imagine I'd have absolutely nothing in common with. To put it another way: They seem to be largely a right-wing, buck-huntin', god-fearing and shit-kicking bunch of assholes. I'm talking about all the country music kidz from Texas and the Carolinas or wherever the fuck they're churning out these American jocks from.

Yes, but what about the gentlemen whose names end in Z's and O's? I don't know, who did they vote for?  They're not allowed to sit with Brant Cody, Wade Hawkwire, and Connor Jawcrack, durn it. Just look into any baseball dugout; it's like a junior-high English class in Boston.

Not the players, then. Am I rooting for the team? Twenty-five bros who are mostly Not Very Nice to ladies and drive big-dick statusmobiles magically become relatable in a group?  Or is it the miasma of sweat and self-importance a band of meatheads emits? Is "team" a physical object, or just an abstract concept, like "contentment"? I AM TEAM. TEAM IS ALL OF US.

Monday in Norfolk on the water, very free. (Tides/PawSox 6.2.2014)

Norfolk is wonderful and you can, too! Tides take it 3-1. The Tides are the Orioles, if anything just in case, modefoque. And Pawtucket LF Carlos Rivero probably lost the game single-handedly.

Wow, I wish I were back down there... Watching the ships roll in. Chilling with Rocky Cherry and Jose Vaquedano and Travis... Travis... I'm blanking. The skater second baseman. Starts with D. Ferrying over to Portsmouth. And NAUTICUS! I threw blueberry fig bars into the water for the fish. I slept on the airport floor in DC. Well, "slept". I may have partied in a limousine with Ludacris and some roller in a white fur coat.

Nice ballpark, also.

Starting pitcher for the Red Sox was Mean Ol' Matt Barnes. Barnes pitched six innings, gave up three runs (one was unearned) on eight hits. Barnes K'd six and didn't walk anybody.

DENKER!!!!!

Eddie Gamboa pitched five innings and struck out seven PawSox guys, probably because Gamboa's a knuckleball guy. They got one run off Gamboa, but then Kelvin De La Cruz, Tim Alderson, and Evan Meek shut that shit down. Evan Meek, how'd you get in here?

So who wants to talk about the Pawtucket Red Sox generating a run in lovely, seaside weather while I'm toiling up here with no vacation in sight? Oh, me, absolutely. First inning, Corey Brown singles with one out. Brown stole second and made it to third on a passed ball, so that was helpful. Corey Brown would be a lot cuter if he wore glasses and read hardcover books. As it stands, he'll have to be cute enough running home on a sac fly. 1-0 'tuckets.

The Norfolk Tides scored three runs, then Tommy Layne came into the picture. Layne pitched the final two innings and allowed zero runs, but it didn't matter because the PawSox were not Coffee Achievers. And Chris Carter wasn't walking through that door. Furthermore, Carlos Rivero thrice appeared at the plate with two outs/RISP and could not deliver. NOT GREAT, BOB.

Christian Vazquez doubled in the sixth inning. That was as exciting as it got.

two things:
1. Is Tides infielder Buck Britton Drake's brother or something? Did the Brittons name all their kids after animals you blast shotguns at? Do they have a daughter named Grisleigh?

2. Gamboa's a knuckleballer: "Norfolk Tides pitching coach Mike Griffin says Eddie is on the right track. “He’s commanding the knuckleball better than he did at any point and time last year and that’s a major step forward and when you can command the knuckle ball a little bit, your on the right track.” says Griffin." - Norfolk Tides pitching coach Mike Griffin says Eddie is on the right track. “He’s commanding the knuckleball better than he did at any point and time last year and that’s a major step forward and when you can command the knuckle ball a little bit, your on the right track.” says Griffin." - Chris Reckling

3. Holy fuck, if Johan Santana ever came to McCoy Stadium I would lose my mind: "Johnson [That's RJ to you, Flapjack.] said that could line Santana up to pitch for the Tides at home on Monday or Tuesday. On Monday, Santana was put on the club’s 40-man roster and disabled list."  - Excellent game story from David Hall.

TONIGHT. Chris Hernandez will be in Durham, being disrespectful to Nate Karns. Please turn to page Watching Durham Bulls Baseball for all your Durham Bulls needs.

5.26.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox v Gwinnett Braves - leaving me

Pawtucket beats the Braves, 3-2, and then they all took turns pissing on home plate or whatever jocks do for kicks.

Starting lefty for the Gwinnett Paltrow Braves (can't believe I never thought of that before) was Hector Daniel Rodriguez. I guess he's like one of many Hector Rodriguezeses? Love the name "Hector". HD-Rod pitched seven innings, gave up three runs on seven hits.

(hang on one sec)

Anthony Ranaudo, who seems reasonably decent, pitched for the Red Sox. Ranaudo got a couple of outs in the seventh inning, then made way for Rich Hill. At that point the score was 3-0. Hill pitched the remainder of the game, gave up a couple of runs in the ninth but the PawSox hung in there.

Nobody scored until the fifth inning. Mike McCoy hit an RBI double and then uhhhhh Ryan Roberts homered.

Hill got Todd Cunningham to strike out to end the game.

Some fresh meat: Travis Shaw and Shannon Wilkerson from Portland.

I might go to the game Wednesday, depending on how I feel.

Maybe it's just my hayfever medicine talking, but this is not very interesting, is it?

Readability

You know what inspires me? Myself. I just read something I wrote about Kevin Appier of all people and it was so damn good I wondered who could have written it.

Answer: Me.

Pawtucket beat Syracuse 4-1. Rich Hill got the win.

I should come back.

I need to get drunk with Steve Hyder and talk about old times.

5.19.14 The RailRiders are in Pawtucket. RailRiders.

SWB wins 5-3 in ten innings. W goes to reliever Jim Miller with Chris Hernandez taking a sock in the jaw for Pawtucket.

Starter for the PawSox was baby-faced killer Allen Webster. Webster gave up a run on three hits in five innings. He walked three, K'd four. He was apparently not very sharp, as his pitch count was up to 99.

Joel De La Cruz started for the Scranton Wilkes-Barre RailRiders, IL franchise for the MFY. What does it all mean? De La Cruz pitched 5 2/3 and gave up a run to either Ryan Roberts or Daniel Nava.

SWB was up 1-0 until the sixth inning, when Pawtucket chopped out a single with a little help from Daniel Nava. Things were shaky enough at that point that De La Cruz got the boot in favor of reliever Mike Montgomery. Mark Montgomery, sorry.

Bottom of the seventh, Garin Cecchini led off with a single and stole second. Nice work, Choppers. Sexy CF Corey Brown followed with a single of his own. Cecchini scored on a wild pitch, Dan Butler walked in slow motion to first base after four balls. Brown stole third, Ryan Roberts hit an RBI. 3-1!

Oh but this is horrible. In the eighth inning, Drake Britton gave up a two-run homer to tie the game up. Drake Britton looks like the guy I buy weed from, except Drake Britton probably owns an exotic snake.

Tenth inning, Chris Hernandez serving up lefty realness. Hernandez got the first out, then it was single-walk-single-sac fly for the pair that beat the house. Diego Moreno came in to get the last  three outs, gave up a single to Lavarnway but ultimately got Christian Vazquez to ground out to end the game. CONSARN IT!

two things:
1. Second baseman Ryan Roberts went 3-5, in case you care about Ryan Roberts. He was the only Pawtucketer to get an XBH. That's why I wear his jersey to bed and also to work and in the shower.

2. Carlos Rivero is on the PawSox now. This is significant in ways I cannot explain. You haven't lived until you've been snubbed by Carlos Rivero in a dark Syracuse parking lot while being bombarded by blackflies. At any rate, I need to go see Carlos Rivero and his darling arms ASAP.

3. This game was 3.5 hours long. Jesus.

Right now the RailRiders are playing the last game of the homestand. Anthony Ranaudo is pitching v Shane Green. I'm not too proud to say that I have not heard of most of these Yankee farmers.

Buen Provecho!

5.18.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox v Scranton Wilkes-Barre Yankees (NYY) - Who is your favorite PawSox?

My favorite PawSox is the one with the biggest you-know-what. OPS is what I mean.

Just kidding, I meant dick.

I'M JOKING. (Not you, Mike McCoy.)

No, I'm not serious, Mike McCoy is pretty ugly and also a prude.

I'M BUSTING, MCCOY. You're hot and probably the easiest lay on the team.

PSYCH! Lavarnway's hot because he hit a home run, but also he's not that great-looking. Word on the street is that his you-know-what is really small.

His OPS, I meant.

For real, though, my favorite PawSox player is Jeff Levering. I heard he needs help taking his clothes off.

No, sorry, that's not what I meant. I was referring to Dan F. Hoard, former radiocaster and now champion of Cincinnati.

WHUUUT DAN HOARD IS NOT EVEN A PLAYER?!? That's because my favorite player is Cecchini, because his teeth are astounding and he gets on base but is probably not as good a fielder as Angel Chavez was or maybe not even Gil Velazquez.

Forget it, Garin Cecchini is such a boring choice. The truth is I don't have a favorite player, but if I did it wouldn't be a jackass like Drake Britton or Alex Hassan.

Yankees win, 3-2. Let's talk about that instead of being scandalous.

Starter for the Pawtuckets was Rubby De La Rosa, of the Virginia De La's. Lovestruck was his mode. Took a look, dropped my textbook...

De La Jenny pitched five innings, gave up nine hits and struck out 8! So his pitch count was probably like 165? I'm assuming Rubby was done after five. Look at him go, look at him go! He gave up two runs, but looks like Rich Hill was the guy who ruined everything.

Starter for SWB was Zach Nuding, who I hate based on his eyebrows alone. Zach Nuding has asshole eyebrows. Nuding pitched 5 2/3 and also allowed two runs.

Get in the car and don't touch nothing. Sit in the car, let's discuss something. THE OFFENSE!

The revolting Yankees started first, and I swear I will never go to their horseshit ballpark. First baseman Kyle Roller led off the second inning with a triple, so bully for Roller. Although he's a fairly recent AA call-up, so I guess he's doing alright for himself.

Roller never made it home, though, because Caucasian shortstop Dean Anna grounded into a fielder's choice. DEAN ANNA PITCHED ONE TIME. Some other stuff happened, catcher Jose Gil hit a two-run single to center that perhaps could have been a double for a non-catcher. 2-0 Scranton.

Pawtucket picked up a run in the third inning by way of a groundout. It was terribly boring. Ryan Lavarnway tied it with a solo home run in the sixth. Say, does Lavarnway still have that dumdum mustache? Because it's so bad.

Top of the eighth, Rich Hill, A Domestic. Whoops, sorry, I intended to say "A Lefty". HBP, single, groundouts, E4, et cetera. 3-2 Scranton Wilkes-Barre.

Game ended when Cecchini grounded into a double play with two men on base. Loss goes to Hill, win goes to reliever Pat Venditte.

two things:
1. Dalier Hinjosa pitched a pair of scoreless innings, so that was nice. Did you know Hinojosa was from "C'uba"? Additionally, it looks like Drake Britton and Alex Wilson are sort of closers. Guh, they deserve each other.

2. Scrankees DH Scott Sizemore struck out 5 times. That's some good DHin'.

3. "The triple was a gapper thart could have been caught: No jump at all. Double was a soft liner past cicchini that should have been stopped. He plays way too far off the line and the single was a bouncer up the middle." - JackieWilsonsaid

In fact, here's the poetry and insight of Sox Prospects user JackieWilsonsaid in its entirety:

Let's hope my next aw sox game is Marrero Betts not Mccoy roberts

Just back from paw sox.

Not a lot to see here.

Cecchini and nava and pray formally ups.

All the taaa filler is exactly that.

Lacarnway looks very bulky yet his at bats are weak.
The hr was left field linens barely out.

Cechhini needs to hut exceptionally well as his d is non existent. At 3rd and hopefully you may be able to hide him in left.

No not at all
Thereof runs were scored on a single.

There were no running catches in the if.

One ball was a legit double.

When he bears down the fastball pops and the change is silly .

When he doesn't early on counts the ball is in play.

The hole team was a bit life less.
Real matinee feel.

Nava is lost down here and was the only of with any d.

His status is sad

 4. Headline says "Venditti" because there is no true justice in this world.

5. And then there's "Vidette".

RailRiders. Wow, I am such a fuckup. Not the Yankees, the RailRiders. I guess I'd better get my pay docked! Oh, wait, I don't get paid! I make zero point zero zero dollars doing this! 

I could make money with some clickbait? EIGHT PAWSOX PLAYERS YOU DIDN'T KNOW WERE GAY

THE PAWSOX PLAYERS' WEIRD WEIGHT-LOSS SECRETS

FIVE MOST FATTENING MENU ITEMS FROM MCCOY STADIUM

BRANDON WORKMAN'S SCANDALOUS SEX TAPE REVEALED!!!!!

TWELVE SHOCKING STORIES FROM THE PAWSOX BULLPEN

SECRET TOXIC INGREDIENT IN SUNFLOWER SEEDS IS KILLING OUR CHILDREN, SAYS DANIEL NAVA

Tonight the RailRiders are still in town so you just enjoy that and shut your fucking mouth. I'm going downtown to get drunk.

PAZ AFUERA.

5.7.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox v Toledo Mud Hens (DET) - The Last Good Game

Toledo wins, 4-0, on the back of beloved minor leaguer Mike Hessman. Mike Hessman forever, man. I should have stayed after the game so I could talk to him. And the Mud Hens aren't coming back so there goes my opportunity.

Starting pitcher for the Pawtucket Sox was Brandon Workman, who pitched very well indeed. I know, he gave up four home runs. But he was throwing strikes? Yeah? Plus he had to face Hessman who truly could not be tamed.

Workman pitched seven innings, gave up four runs on four hits, threw 87 pitches with 57 of 'em being el strike-o's. Looked pretty good.

You know who looked better? Kyle Lobstein. That little lefty got nine K's and didn't allow any runs through 6 1/3. He threw 100 pitches, DAMN SON!

Here's a picture of The Lobster:

Hessman hit two home runs, Ben Guez hit one and Tyler Collins hit one.

Chad Smith and Jose Ortega provided stellar relief for Toledo.

I was at this game! A baby came as well, he seemed pretty absorbed in the game even though he is only eight months old. I didn't see the rooster guy, though.

I'm talking about this game even though it's a few days old because it's probably going to be the Last Good Game. If you haven't noticed, I am dying of boredom here.

two things:
1. "Would rather have . . .

. . . Kyle Hardthrowingstein" - Genius comment on the Bless You Boys Lobstein breakdown. Read it!

2. Dan Butler was the catcher in this game. I want me and Dan Butler to get an apartment together. I think he could help me quite a bit with my finances. He could be my life coach. He could be my personal trainer. In return I would allow him to have sex with me most nights and the occasional morning. And he can watch whatever he wants on television. NO SMOKING/PETS.

3. Ryan Roberts hit a double and Garin Cecchini hit a double. So Cecchini has a brother named Gavin who is also a baseball player? Revolting. I hate you, Cecchini's parents.

4. Alex Wilson and Chris Hernandez were relievers who served scoreless realness.

Goodbye.

5.4.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox v Indianapolis Indians (PIT) - Indiana Here I Come

Red Sox take it, 3-2. Win goes to lefty Chris Hernandez in relief. Cody Eppley, A Reliever, takes the loss.

Starter for the PawSox was righty Allen Webster, who has a wicked bad temper but has never hit a lady. Webster gave up two runs on seven hits, pitched into the seventh inning OH MY GOD SOMEONE PLEASE CALL BEN CHERINGTON A PAWTUCKET STARTER WENT WAY TOO DEEP ALSO 98 PITCHES IS MENTAL.

Starter for the Indianapolis was Randy "Jay" Jackson. I suppose I would also go by "Jay" if my name were Randy Jackson. "HAY RANDY WHAT REALLY HAPPENED WITH MICHAEL HAW HAW HAWRRR"

And holy shit, a starting pitcher that's not white. In Rhode Island! I wonder how Jackie Robinson would regard the state of OB these days?

Jackson pitched six innings and only allowed two runs.

The game was tied at one until the seventh, when the Indians pulled ahead 2-1. The PawSox tied it up in the bottom half of the seventh, then pulled ahead for good...

No, that's all wrong. The game was tied at one until the sixth, when Garin Cecchini hit an RBI single. The Indians tied it in the seventh, but the PawSox pulled ahead for good in the bottom of that inning. Doesn't that sound like something you'd do to check for gentleman cancer? THIS MAY, PULL A HEAD FOR GOOD!

What's with all the caps? I'M VERY INTERESTED IN SHOUTING. I'M MORE INTERESTING THAN A WET PUSSYCAT!

Seventh inning, Daniel Nava hit an RBI single. He did it for Jesus.

two things:
1. Ryan Lavarnway went 3-4. Ryan Roberts doubled. I'm more interesting than both those guys combined.

2. Read this informative article about Jay Jackson.

I wish I had a better outlet for my creativity than this PawSox junk. I need a real hobby.

5.2.2014 Pawtucket v Indianapolis - The Eighth

Pawtucket wins, 6-1. Win goes to Alex Wilson. Daniel Nava hit a grand slam.

Starting pitcher for the Indians was Jake Brigham, who pitched seven great innings. Loss goes to Daniel Schlereth, former Mud Hen, who ruined everything by giving up three runs and not getting anyone out.

The game was tied 1-1 until the eighth inning, when the PawSox scored five runs.

Starting pitcher Brandon Workman pitched 5 2/3, gave up one run on four hits and K'd 8. Excellent.

See you... Later?

5.1.14 Pawtucket Red Sox (BOS) v Indianapolis Indians (PIT) - Why quickly?

Indians take it, 3-2. The game was only seven innings long, called on account of fog. The fog was extraordinary, heavy with the sea, smelled of mollusks and ruffled sandy seaweed.

Sorry I was gone so long. I didn't really want to come back but my domain name came up for renewal so what the heck. Besides, I could really do some damage this season.

Starting pitcher for the Pawtuckets was Matt Barnes and his exciting right arm. Barnes pitched five innings, gave up one run and K'd six. Have you seen his picture? WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF TOUGH GUY? Barnes was in place for the win, but it was such a tight game and then Dalier Hinjosa blew the save and so forth.

Lefty Jeff Locke started for Indianapolis. He's still hanging around? Locke pitched like two innings then I guess decided he had something better to do. No, I don't know what happened.

In the bottom of the second inning, Alex Hassan hit an RBI single. Brock Holt led off the third inning with a single. That's when Locke was replaced on the mound by Phil Irwin, a big-shot movie producer. No, Irwin's a righty who says crap like "Watching the closing ceremonies, I hate when the Olympics end. Congrats to all the USA athletes for doing such a good job!" and retweets Jesus. And lo, Ryan Lavarnway hit an RBI double. 2-0 Red Sox.

The Indians hopped up on the board in the fifth inning by way of a sac fly. And then, sixth inning, Gregory Polcanco tripled to center. Andrew Lambo followed with a home run to pull ahead 3-2.

Vin Mazzaro got the last out of the game. It was the bottom of the seventh and Mazzaro got one out and then everybody realized you couldn't see the ball any more. I'll bet Jeff Levering loved this game.

two things about Matt Barnes:
1. "His fastball touches 98, but he relies on it a little too much. He has a good curveball, an average change-up, and he is likely to develop a fourth pitch. (Cutter or Slider) He has the ability to maintain velocity deep into starts, and he has good command."

2.  "He's a big horse of a guy, and the arm is definitely something to work with. I saw him both in warm ups and the game. He carried himself like a pro and even though his line that day was simply decent, he looked like a man among little leaguers."

(from)

also:

1. Drake Britton was called up. 

TONIGHT. More Pirates minor league stuff. Indianapolis will start Jake Brigham, PawSox will present Brandon Workman. Should be a beautiful night, unless you're sitting near loud racists.

4.16.14 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Rochester Red Wings (MIN) - His Name's Clarence

Pawtucket wins, 7-6. Winning pitcher was reliever Tommy Layne. Loss goes to lefty Scott Diamond, who we've definitely seen before.

Starter for Pawtucket was Brandon Workman, who resents have to pitch in Rochester, NY and loves to flash his ring around. He only pitched 3 1/3 innings, gave up three runs. Workman threw 62 pitches, 38 for strikes. I don't know what's going on and it's incredibly fucking annoying. JENNIFER SMASH!!

I just want to post this comment that was left on a sports "blog" that's on a radio station website: "Send Dubbi down where he belongs.. While he's down there put him on a diet, a strength and conditioning program, and a meeting with a sports psyche doc. I think Workmans being sent down,even though he will start every 5 days, gives Dubbi more starts that he does not deserve. Juan Nueves probably wanted to keep Workman up but Farrell over ruled to keepDubbi up."

So Brandon Workman is crazy? Who says so? I know plenty of ladies who would love to fuck the crazy out of Brandon Workman, just saying. I think what I'm trying to say is as much as I get sick and tired of "pitched 5 2/3 gave up three runs threw 78 pitches blah blah blah" I also hate weird, unresolved and unexplained starts. Should we call Brandon Workman? Let's call him right now! "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Starter for Rochester was lefty Scott Diamond. Diamond pitched four innings and the PawSox loved him to death, getting 11 hits, mostly doubles.

You wanna talk about the hitting? Let's talk about it, then. First slowly, then fastly. The scoring started in the third inning, when my son Heiker Meneses led off with a single. Brock Holt followed with a single... And then Alex hassan hit an RBI double. ALL THE YOUNG GIRLS LOVE ALEX! Brandon Snyder sac fly, Bryce Brentz RBI single, you put the pieces all together. 3-0 Red Sox.

Inning 4: Mike McCoy led off with a single, Meneses doubled. Brock Holt singled... Haven't we seen this  movie before? And Alex Hassan doubled and Dan Butler drove in two runs with his powerful, sexy arms that held the bat like a kitten in a whiskey bottle. In slow motion.

I'm in the weeds, can't finish. Also, I'm going away for a few days so I don't know how you'll manage. I left fifty bucks on the table, just order pizza for supper.

I love you.

I reach down between my legs and ease the seat back.

I'll be back later.

Holy crap, is it like 4 am? What am I doing up this early?

No, I promise, I'll come back and talk about Rochester. I'm going to Panama...

4.13.2014 Red Sox @ Bisons - Justin Henry's Grandmother Loves Him

7-5 Pawtucket in a 12-inning game that ended with a position player pitching. I know you love that.

Starter for Pawtucket was Allen Webster, who was kind of all over the place. He's working some stuff out. Maybe his parents are getting divorced, or at the very least his mother is sleeping with someone on the side. Or maybe... Well, let the record show that I made the drinky drinky motion.

Webster pitched five innings and gave up four runs because there's something weird in his arm. Elbow. A strain, maybe some soreness. Muscular fraying? He threw 96 pitches, which would certainly not help. How could you let him do that, Kevin Boles?

Starter for the Buffalo "Blue Jays" Bisons was long tall lefty Sean Nolin, who says crap like "Great thing about living in the northeast for the holidays. You can use outside as a fridge when there's no room inside." (Okay, fair enough.) Nolin also pitched five innings and gave up four runs, but he got seven strikeouts, which is much more exciting.

The scoring kicked off in the third inning. Mike McCoy walked with one out, then made it home when Brock Holt grounded out. In the fourth inning, Ryan Lavarnway and Dan Butler hit back-to-back singles with one out... And then a little bit later on Christian Vazquez walked...And then Mike McCoy hit this big fat double that drove in three runs! 4-3... Oh, wait...

I forgot to mention that Buffalo scored three runs in the bottom of the third. Dan Johnson hit a three-run homer. I'm trying to hurry up!

Back to the fourth inning, Buffalo tied the game up 4-4. All the little things happened, like an error, a force out, a stolen base, a single, blah blah.

So yeah, tie game 4-4 until the seventh inning. Mickey Storey was pitching, and oh dear, he says crap like "Fathers if you don't tell your daughters you love them some Fool will and they will fall 4 it because you didn't.They want 2be loved!" Thank god I don't have to work with this guy. I can't imagine sitting in a bullpen with him all season long. Anyway, Brock Holt doubled and Alex Hassan walked and then at some point Ryan Lavarnway hit an RBI single. That's what you get for being a sinner, Mickey Storey. Hashtag blessed. Hashtag praisehim. 5-4 PawSox.

Ninth inning, all Brayan Villarreal had to do was get three outs. He got Brett Carroll out, but then he walked the catcher Jack Murphy. I don't know from Murphy, but he's a catcher so I'm sure his friends don't call him Speedoo. Matt Tuiasosopo pinch ran and hopped over to second on a wild pitch. Uh-oh. And then Villarreal walked Munenori Kawasaki. GO TALK TO HIM VAZQUEZ.

Well, Villarreal walked Anthony Gose to load the bases. Damn, Brayan, get your house in order. Chris Resop had to take over. Tuiasosopo scored when Steve Tolleson grounded out and tie game, 5-5.

Innings! Innings innings. Resop pitched the tenth, then Tommy Layne came in for the eleventh. Twelfth inning, Chad Jenkins pitching. Jenkins walked Butler, then Garin Cecchini reached on an error. The lovely and talented Christian Vazquez, who has to say crap like "Hey, I'm up here!" when you stare at his arm and salivate, hit a sac fly to score Butler. And then! And then! Jenkins struck out Mike McCoy, which is fine because he is a relatable character in the Pawtucket summer-long mini-series. But little Heiker Meneses doubled, scoring Cecchini and giving Pawtucket a two-run lead.

And you'll never guess who saved the game: Justin Henry. He pitched a 1-2-3 inning, so what the hell.

1 for 1 save opportunities!
— Justin Henry (@JustinHenry1) April 13, 2014

two things:
1. Meneses went 3-6. Mike McCoy had 3 RBI. Also, Dalier Hinojosa and Drake Britton pitched.

2. "Brentz is having a weird season with his 16.3% walk rate so far. Given that he spent his time in the Dominican practicing hitting in deep counts, I’d like to think this is at least a little more than a fluke" - commenter kimmel09 on Over the Monster.

3. Brentz got zero hits and K'd thrice. Which is totally fine! It's fine!

4. Here's an interview with Sean Nolin that I will listen to later on. (from 1 Blue Jays Way)

Sorry, Sunday games get very little attention from sportswriters so I don't have much to work with.

TONIGHT. Pawtucket's in Rochester. Anthony Ranaudo will face Ralphie May. Or righty Trevor May, whatever.

I love you.

4.12.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Buffalo Bisons (TOR) - Butler Did It.

3-2 Buffalo. Win goes to Liam Hendriks.

Tough luck starter for the Pawtuckets was lefty Chris Hernandez. Hernandez pitched six innings, gave up three runs on five hits. He only threw 87 pitches, 52 counting as strikes. He must have looked pretty good, right?

Fabulous married man Liam Hendriks pitched 5 2/3 innings, didn't give up any runs and only allowed one hit. And that man was Garin Cecchini. VIVA CECCHINI! Do you think he'll be in Pawtucket all season? He is on the 40-man roster. Okay, let's not be coy, I see him in Boston at some point... And not just a September appearance, either.

Buffalo struck first on the scoreboard, when second baseman Steve Tolleson hit an RBI single in the third. In the fourth inning, Hernandez walked left fielder Matt Tuiasosopo. And then Kevin Pillar tripled to center... Jesus, Corey Brown, where the hell were you? Pillar made it home at the next at-bat, when third baseman Jared Goedert, who says crap like "Miley Cyrus touted as artful expression and Phil Robertson silenced." singled to left. 3-0 Bison(s).

The PawSox didn't score until the eighth inning, when ill-fated reliever Marcus Walden was pitching. Walden got Cecchini to strike out, but DH Christian Vazquez doubled to center, which was a nice situation for catcher Dan Butler. Butler homered, which is exciting to someone, somewhere. 3-2 Pawtucket.

Righty Chad Jenkins came in for the ninth inning to shut the door on Pawtucket. Bryce Brentz was the last guy to hit and he struck out. Nice work, Buffalo.

two things:
1. Sorry, I have company.

THIS AFTERNOON! Mas Buffalo. Lefty Sean Nolin will attempt to take down Allen Webster. Disfrute!

4.11.2014 Pawtucket @ Buffalo - Brock Holt, Lightening Bolt

Jeremy Kehrt sucked, Brock Holt did not. The Bisons beat the Red Sox 7-4.

That's all we have time for.

4.10.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Buffalo Bisons (TOR) - 12 Hits

7-4 Pawtucket. Winning pitcher Chris Resop. A little bit of a power display for Pawtucket last night, which is refreshing. They haven't exactly been slugging thus far.

Starter for the PawSox was Rubby De La Rosa. De La Rosa pitched 5 2/3, gave up one run on two hits. Take that, the Dodgers.

JA Happ was rehab starting. JA Happ was rehabulous. He threw 90 pitches, which seems crazy to me. Happ made it to the fifth inning, got a couple of outs, left the game with the score tied 1-1.

The Bisons scored first. In the first inning, center fielder Anthony Gose walked and stole second. DH Dan Johnson batted Gose home with a single to left.

The Red Sox tied the game in the fourth inning when Brandon Snyder hit a solo home run, his second of the season. Not sure how many Boston fans are in the Buffalo area, but I like to think that some people applauded. Pawtucket got a couple more baserunners going in the fifth, but Buffalo reliever Marcus Walden came in for Happ and got the final out.

Walden went on to pitch the sixth, came out for the seventh. DH Dan Butler doubled to lead things off. Walden hit the subsequent batter, Mike MCoy, with a pitch to put a couple of runners on for Heiker Meneses, who grounded into a force. Butler out. Brock Holt also grounded into a force, Meneses out. Alex Hassan singled to score McCoy. Walden then walked Ryan Lavarnway, which was enough for manager Gary Allenson. NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE, GARY!

New reliever, righty John Stilson, who says crap like "The past is a ghost, the future a dream! All we ever have is now!" and is from Texas and enjoys duck hunting and treating women like objects in Jesus' name amen. Stilson gave up a run and back-to-back singles before getting Dan Butler out, so he walked off the mound with Pawtucket leading 6-1.

Eighth inning, Chris Resop pitching, Buffalo horning in on Pawtucket's racket. Resop got one out right away, but then the Bisons hit consecutive singles and a Steve Tolleson double to drive a run in. Another run scored on a wild pitch, and then another on a ground out. Uh-oh, 6-4!

Bryce Brentz hit a solo home run in the top of the ninth, final score 7-4. Drake Britton closed the game out. It must have been freezing at that point.

two things:
1. Andrew Kulyk: "Happ refused to comment when asked if he would be comfortable taking an assignment in the bullpen once he returns to Toronto, insisting that he has been focused on being in the starting rotation." - No way Happ wants to be a reliever.

2. "Walden went up but he didn’t pitch so I’m sure he was little rusty," Allenson said. "He doesn’t usually throw the sinker letter high and he was doing that tonight. Stilson’s been gone. His grandmother passed away. Sooner or later we’ve got to get guys ready to be out there on a regular basis there. We kinda took one tonight. Just one of them things." - Amy Moritz

3. Brock Holt went 3-5, Cecchini got one hit... Has he had a hit in every game? Maybe. If only there were some way to find out.

4. "Buffalo had the opportunity to increase its lead in he second inning but squandered the opportunity. With two men out, Mike Nickeas walked to get on base and then advanced to second on Munenori Kawasaki's single. Both men advanced on a balk by PawSox pitcher Rubby De La Rosa, who then struck out Anthony Gose to end the inning." - Terrific game story from Michael Mroziak! Thank god someone's working hard. (Besides me.)

5. "The goal of the minor leagues isn't to win minor league games. It's to prepare players to contribute and win at the major league level. Brentz doesn't project as a plus-defensive right fielder and certainly wouldn't play there ahead of a healthy Victorino, so it makes sense to give him experience in left." - Response to WTF BRENTZ IN LEFT.

Tonight at 6 in Buffalo, righty Kyle Drabek will face Jeremy Kehrt.

By the way, I've noticed a steep drop-off in minor league blogging, news, analysis, forums, etc. The stuff I do find is box-score dry and not at all helpful. What the hell? What am I supposed to link to? Where am I going to get content from?

Looks like I have work to do.

4.9.2014 Red Sox v Chiefs - Steven Souza is Not From East Providence

Syracuse takes the last game of the series 7-0 behind a remarkable performance by lefty Danny Rosenbaum.

Rosenbaum pitched six innings, got a couple of outs in the seventh, and threw 92 pitches overall. He only gave up two hits, a couple of singles. No big whoop.

Starter for Pawtucket was Anthony Ranaudo, who got the loss. Ranaudo pitched 5 2/3, gave up five runs on seven hits. Chiefs center fielder Steven Souza Jr really like Ranaudo and showed his appreciation with a three-run homer in the third inning. Souza had five RBI overall, so he gets all the beer. He probably was not on drugs but who knows.

Syracuse relievers Manny Delcarmen and Ryan Mattheus kept the balance of the game scoreless for their pal Danny.

Pawtucket relievers Rich Hill and Dalier Hinojosa gave up a run apiece. Hill appeared to have trouble finding the strike zone at times. Alex Wilson pitched the ninth inning.

two things:
1. "The story of Souza, who went to high school in Everett, is a cautionary baseball tale repeated again and again in many sports. Seeking an advantage, he used a performance-enhancing drug and was caught. He fell out of the game he loved and jeopardized his career." - Steven Souza was an overall jackass and failed a drug test and quit baseball, but the grace of God turned his career around.

2. Corey Brown struck out three times. Justin Henry got no hits and for an infielder he makes a great outfielder.

Pawtucket's in Buffalo now. More on that tomorrow.

4.8.2014 PawSox v Syracuse Chiefs - Allen Webster Had a Hard Time in School

Pawtucket takes the second game of the series, 7-1. I told you Webster was loaded for bear. And yes, he gets the win, but you cannot discount Justin Henry's work. Henry gets half the W. So a "V".

Webster pitched six shutout innings, gave up three hits (two were doubles) and walked two batters, throwing 83 pitches in the process. 54 were strikes. He got a lot of ground ball outs. That's all I can give you, I wasn't there.

Righty Omar Poveda started for the Syracuse Chiefs. I thought Poveda was a fatass but he looks to be in reasonable condition. Poveda had a tough start, pitching four innings and giving up seven runs. Poveda came in for the fifth inning and faced three batters but could not get an out. His relievers kept Pawtucket scoreless the remainder of the game, so I'd say Poveda gets the loss, don't you?

Pawtucket's assault commenced in the first inning. Poveda walked the first two batters and Justin Henry doubled, driving in a run and putting Pawtucket up 1-0. Poveda got Lavarnway out, but then Bryce Brentz hit a two-run double. Excellent. 3-0 Red Sox.

Pawtucket sprinkled some players onto the bases in the second, but could not generate a run. In the fourth inning, DH Dan Butler doubled and scored to bump Pawtucket up 4-0.

The fifth inning was perhaps the most exciting for the fans at McCoy Stadium. Alex Hassan led off with a double and then Henry and Lavarnway hit back-to-back home runs. I can't convey with words how electrifying that must have been, so let me use a picture:

Well, what the hell? Wasn't Syracuse supposed to have scored one run? Yes, it was off Drake Britton in the ninth. Britton walked in a run. It was kind of a sloppy inning, maybe you should go read about it somewhere. But not at PawSox Blog, because I think it died. Awww, Keith! What happened? And if I were you, I would avoid Paw. Red Sox News - It's just generating links for profit. No class.

two things:
1. Lefty Tommy Layne pitched a couple of scoreless innings so nice job Tommy Layne. He's a clean machine.

2. No Garin Cecchini, no Corey Brown, no Mike McCoy. Brown and McCoy might be recuperating.

3. “My fastball command was 10 times better than where it was the last game. I was throwing my off-speed for strikes and they were getting bad contact,” said Webster after Pawtucket registered its fourth win in its last five tries. “I was staying more in line and driving the ball to the spot rather than jerking it.” - story

4. The Chiefs' Will Rhymes was ejected in the ninth. he got called out looking in the eighth, so you figure it out.

5. "The only man who can keep Garin Cecchini off the bases is Kevin Boles." - Good one.

 

6. Terrible headline: "BOSTON'S WEBSTER GROUNDS UP SYRACUSE". 

 

Day game today! Anthony Ranaudo will face Syracuse's TBD. I must get ready!

4.7.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox (BOS) v Syracuse Chiefs (WAS) - You've Got to Make the Ballgame Last

Pawtucket wins a needlessly long game, 3-2 in ten innings. And it took three hours and 45 minutes! And the first six innings were on the books after two hours, which means it took an hour and 45 minutes for three innings. And that's why I left after eight, even though Jim Martin was doing the PA. Like old times.

Chris Resop pitched the ninth inning and got the win, but the starting pitcher was lefty Chris Hernandez. Except Craig Breslow pitched the first inning for rehab purposes. He threw 10 pitches, six for strikes, if you're concerned about Breslow's development.

Hernandez pitched 4 2/3 innings. The Chiefs got seven hits off him, but Hernandez' defense was tight so the hits only translated into one run. BRYCE.

Starter for Syracuse was Blake Treinen, big, sexy young talent. I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend/is married, before you ask. I know, what's hotter than someone's triple-A debut? Treinen was terrific. He pitched five innings and gave up two unearned runs.

Treinen's defense failed him in the fourth inning. Catcher Christian Vazquez led that inning off by reaching on an error by second baseman Emmanuel Burriss. Corey Brown followed with a double, then Brandon Snyder singled. Vazquez scored. Bryce Brentz followed by grounding into a double play, WHICH IS COMPLETELY FINE, HAPPENS TO THE BEST OF US, HA HA HA. However, Garin Cecchini delivered an RBI single to bring the score to 2-0.

Things were fairly quiet until the sixth inning, when the PawSox started bumbling around. With one out, DH Steven Souza reached on an error by RF Corey Brown. Hernandez got the second out, but then SS Zach Walters reached on an error by Heiker Meneses so Hernandez inherited all this slop on the bases. Catcher Jhonatan Solano hit an RBI single to score Souza. And then Brian Goodwin singled. Hernandez out, Alex Wilson in. Wilson looked fresh as a daisy and got the last out. He maybe lost weight? 2-1 PawSox.

Skipping to the top of the eighth. Rich Hill was pitching. First baseman Brock Peterson led off, hit a ball to shallow right. Mike McCoy went back to grab it, Corey Brown came in, and they tripped all over each other and they both went DOWN! Neither fielder was able to get up for a few minutes and it looked like Brown got the worst of it. How quiet was the ballpark! How solemn! All the personnel came out, but eventually the lads shook themselves off and rejoined their team.

After all of that and after two outs, Solano and Goodwin got on base and Hill was replaced with Brayan Villarreal. A couple of wild pitches later, the Chiefs tied the game. The pitching and everything else had started to fray in the sixth inning anyway.

Extra innings! Chris Resop got three outs in the tenth somehow. Righty Daniel Stange, who says crap like "hey man I hit a bullseye, don't need those they are for girls.." came out for his second inning of relief. All you need to know is that Justin Henry scored on a wild pitch. Sorry, when relievers pitch an inning and change and need upward of 30 pitches to do it, that's rubbish baseball. Even for the minors.

two things:
1. Garin Cecchini - one hit, one RBI. So hot right now. You might say he's been "swining" a hot bat. Also his teeth are ridiculous. Lavarnway did not play.

2. Manny Delcarmen pitched an inning for the Chiefs. I wonder if he had time to catch up with everyone? Like, wasn't he on the team with Breslow in '06?

3. "He started working out at his high school in Ossage City, hitting the weight room hard and tirelessly working on his technique. He chiseled his physique into stone, and built a stock of hard, lean muscle in his shoulders and trunk while also improving his flexibility and endurance. His velocity began to climb and his pitches started to jump out of his hand with the added arm strength and improved flexibility and balance." Wow! Hot stuff, coming through! Ryan Kelley also includes scouting video, interferes with my font.

4. I wrote a bunch of stuff about Scott Cousins, only for him to get released a few days ago. Every. Season. JC Linares also got the boot. Too bad, I liked him.

5. I don't even know what to say about this. I may have to do a separate post about it.

6. " Hernandez gets so many balls in play I wonder what his stats were with and without Iggy the past three years or so." - Interesting comment, JackieWilsonsaid.

DOESN'T ANYBODY WANT TO TALK ABOUT CHRIS HERNANDEZ?!

By the way, when I went to opening day there was a guy dressed like a red rooster dancing around the parking lot. He was at the game last night, still dancing. He sat behind me at one point and I was surprised to see that it was a grown man in pantyhose. He smelled incredible, too. Anyway, I think he's making people a little uncomfortable because McCoy Stadium is not really that kind of ballpark. Not me, though. I find him intriguing and I wish to subscribe to his newsletter.

TONIGHT! Back to the top of the rotation with Allen Webster, who's super pissed off and raring to go. Thick-ass righty Omar Poveda will oppose.

Conversation with Kat

Jen: Baseball road trip this summer?

Kat: Definitely.

Jen: Think about where you want to go and I will try to make it happen.

Kat: We should go like in the middle of the state?

Jen: What state?

Kat: I don't care.

Jen: So the middle of any state? Got it!

Kat: You're too funny.

Jen: No. You are. What a weird request! "The middle of the state"

Kat: I meant in the middle of the US

Jen: Ohhhh

Kat: Yeah.

4.6.2014 Sox v Pigs - Mike McCoy is Versatile

Jonathan "Sweet tea and fishin'" Pettibone WINS! for the IronPigs 5-4. And now they're going home, leaving a cold wind to blow through McCoy Stadium. Bye, guys. Bye.

Jeremy Kehrt started for Pawtucket, pitched five innings and gave up three runs. I understand you need (inexpensive) guys like Kehrt in Triple-A. You can't have a prospect manning every station. But when they started hanging around for more than a season or two, that drives me crazy. It just seems lazy to me.

Pettibone! There's a haircut you can set your watch to! Enjoy his essence, because he's probably Philly bound. Pettibone pitched five innings and gave up four runs. Then Lehigh Valley parsed out their bullpen to the tune of one reliever per inning.

The scoring commenced in the bottom of the second inning. With one out, Brandon Snyder hit a ground ball double to left. Garin Cecchini, who's like an infield Rocco Baldelli, followed with a line drive single to center, scoring Snyder. And the PawSox lead 1-0!

Cecchini made it to second base on a wild pitch while Christian Vazquez was doing the DH thing. Vazquez got happy and singled to put runners on the corners. Corey Brown hit a sac fly to score Cecchini, 2-0. Is he related to Jordan Brown?

Vazquez advanced to second on another Pettibone wild pitch while Heiker Meneses was at the plate. Meneses singled, which I believe is his first hit of the season. Vazquez chugged home, 3-0. But Pettibone got Mike McCoy to pop out to end the inning.

The IronPigs responded with three runs of their own in the top of the third to tie things up 3-3. All you really need to know is that Clete Thomas hit a two-run double.

No further scoring until the sixth inning. Tommy Layne was pitching beneath the blue suburban sky. Layne got Murphy to K, but then the lithe Reid Brignac tripled to right... I'M LOOKING AT YOU, BRYCE. The large and productive Cameron Rupp seized the opportunity with a 1-2 count. JONRON! 5-3 IronPigs.

Pawtucket eked out their fourth run in the eighth inning. All you need to know is that poor Kyle Simon was pitching and Pinocchio doubled.

Lehigh Valley righty Luis Garcia pitched the ninth, got the save. Mike McCoy struck out looking to end the game, split series, pack up and steel yourself for the Chiefs.

I REALLY WANT TO SEE THE UNCOMFORTABLE CLETE THOMAS INTERVIEW!
1. Ryan Lavarnway still has not gotten a hit. Neither has Corey Brown. Where is the Corey Brown concern and outrage? Don't worry, Corey, I care deeply about your output. I hear you, and I see you.

2. It's all good, Jeremy Kehrt. Congratulations on your championship.

3. Cecchini made his first error. It's okay, the RBI canceled it out.

4. Dalier Hinojosa pitched the last couple of innings. I guess Brentz made a catch of spectacularosity to get Hinojosa out of a baserunner predicament. I'm happy with Brentz so far this season and I hear he's a good guy so whatever, fresh start. Someone please tell him I said that.

5. Greg Joyce: "Asked if he would feel ready to pitch in a Phillies uniform on Saturday should the organization call his number, Pettibone responded 'absolutely.'" Joyce is still finding his voice, but so far so good. At least he spells the players' names correctly. MCGAIR.

I absolutely must find a way to get back to Bethlehem/Allentown this season. But in terms of money, I have no money. I'm going to drunk text Benjamin Hill. No correlation, I just want to drunk text Benjamin Hill.

TONIGHT. The Syracuse Chiefs are in town! Young giant righty Blake Treinen v my old pal Chris Hernandez. I'll be there in spite of it probably being in the 20's tonight. It's cool, I have Frank's battery-operated socks to keep my feet warm.

4.5.14 PawSox v IronPigs - Multi-Garin Serial

Pawtucket wins, 6-4, again probably because I wasn't there. Friendly righty Rubby De La Rosa gets the win for the PawSox, loss goes to LHV starter Sean O'Sullivan.

De La Rosa was the most successful starter so far, pitching five scoreless innings and keeping his pitch count to a crisp 70. He gave up two hits, no walks, and struck out five batters. And I realize now that he was the dude sitting with Varitek in the stands. I wonder what they talked about?

Sean O'Sullivan, Turkish righty, pitched four innings and gave up four Pawtucket runs. Left fielder Bryce Brentz led off the second inning with a single off O'Sullivan, which worked out great for Brandon Snyder because he followed that up with a home run to right field. Snyder's easy to root for, isn't he?

In the fourth inning, Dan Butler hit a line drive double to left with a runner on base... Score! And with Butler dangling on second like a sizzling pork chop of love, the enigmatic Mike McCoy singled him in. Score!

In the fifth inning, Garin Cecchini hit an RBI single. I know it's early, and only time will tell, but Cecchini hasn't seemed to have a problem adjusting to triple-A. Have had a problem. Seemed to... had haved. Hasn't. Errr... GARIN CECCHINI IS THE NEXT BILL MUELLER POST MY STAMP!

Bottom of the sixth, two outs, Brock Holt got to first on an error by first baseman Reid Brignac. Alex Hassan doubled in Holt for an unearned run. Mike Nesseth was too busy pitching to put anybody down.

I'll bet everybody got pretty nervous in the seventh inning! Just kidding, it was wicked cold and people had their little shivering puppies to consider. I'm sure it was just Crockett and the fleece vest guy left. Chris Resop was pitching, and although I love him dearly, he had a rough go. Resop started the inning by walking Jim Murphy and Brignac. Catcher Koyie Hill doubled and both gents on base scored. So long, Chris!

Enter turbo-asshole Drake Britton. (Don't mind if I do!)  Britton walked Steve Susdorf. Left fielder Tyler Henson was the next guy and I suppose he hit a ground ball to short that Heiker Meneses couldn't handle, so Henson reached on an E6. Drake Britton probably head-butted Meneses later on. BASTARD, HE'S JUST A BABY!

Anyway, Hill scored on the error. Andres Blanco then hit a ground ball and reached first on the force. Henson out, but Susdorf scored. I wasn't at the game, but I'm guessing Dan Butler ran out to the mound at some point. Whatever, Britton got the last two outs. Brayan Villareal pitched the ninth and got the save.

two things:
1. Garin Cecchini went 3-3. He must skip into work every day with two coffees. Hassan had a couple of hits. Still nothing going on for Lavarnway.

2. I don't know much about Mike McCoy and I really don't feel like sifting through stories about some football coach so I need someone to come forward with info. Wait... He flies a lot!

3. "Catcher Koyie Hill and second baseman Troy Hanzawa are making their first starts of the year, giving Rupp and Cedeno a day's rest." - Greg Joyce, the definition of competence.

4. Paul Kenyon pretty much phones it in.

5. "It came off the bat and I didn't think it was gonna go out," O'Sullivan said. "You see the outfielder running and turn and then you see his numbers and you go 'oh boy, oh boy.' It snuck around, but (Snyder) is a good hitter." - I love Joyce! She's my favorite author!

THIS AFTERNOON. Jeremy Kehrt v righty Jonathan Pettibone. Should be ELECTRIC!

Christian Annalee Vazquez

I'm a poet and don't know it (forgotten draft from 2007)

in buffalo, the people were friendly
but almost in a panicky way, as if they were under strict orders
to be kind to out-of-towners
to represent their city
and stay positive
even though
just look at it

4.3.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox v Lehigh Valley IronPigs - Nil

Lehigh Valley WINS! 4-0. Winning pitcher was David Buchanana. I thought, why not, na na na na?

Pawtucket used practically every single pitcher on the roster until they sent Jeff Levering out into the stands to rustle up a reliever.

Jason Varitek was sitting in the stands in the next section over from me. It was really weird. I took a picture.

The IronPigs' Jim Murphy tripled at some point. I will bet you 500 bucks that it's the only triple he hits all season. COME ON TAKE THIS BET I NEED THE MONEY SO BADLY!!!

(If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar...)

There was so much more that I wanted to say but I feel so John Cougar Melancholy.

Remember Billy Buckner? I hope he fucking died.

Ha ha kidding.

4.4.2014 Lehigh Valley IronPigs, Pawtucket, the Rain, the Park, and Other Things.

Pawtucket WINS! 9-4, probably because I wasn't there to ruin it. Craig Breslow gets the win in relief. It was pretty close, Cla Meredith was warming. I've never met Kyle Simon, but he took the loss for Lehigh Valley.

Starting pitcher for Pawtucket was Anthony Ranaudo. Ranaudo threw 73 pitches through four innings. The IronPigs scored four runs off him.

Barry Enright, who says crap like "Why are there SO many seashells in Florida sand!?", pitched four innings and gave up four runs. After he walked off the mound, he pointed at Ranaudo and said, "Twinsies!" Enright started the fifth inning, but Pawtucket whacked the moles out of him.

Things looked dire for the PawSox in the third inning. Clete Thomas singled and stole second base to lead the inning off. Yes, Clete Thomas is still punching that International League clock. I can't harsh on him too much, because look at my rubbish life: I have to wash my clothes at a laundromat.

Thomas on second base, Ronny Cedeno steps in. Cedeno is not 34, but 31. I looked it up! He seemed a lot older to me. Why don't these people ever die? Anyway, Cedeno hit a line drive single to center, scoring Thomas. Cedeno made it to second on an error by "first baseman" Ryan Lavarnway. Oh, Ryan. No one loves you any more. Not even your wife.

Ranaudo got a couple of outs, but then walked former Bull Reid Brignac. Reid Brignac! Are we certain this game wasn't played in 2006? Who was that blondie Durham Bulls catcher with the monster forehead?

Shawn Riggans!!!

Popular catcher Cameron Rupp then homered so there're your other three runs for the IronPigs.

Okay. The Red Sox scored eight runs in the fifth inning so settle in with a cup of yerba mate. Catcher Christian Vazquez led off with a double off Enright. Corey Brown walked, Mike McCoy doubled. Vazquez and Brown scampered home. Brock Holt singled, exit Enright. Enter thick-ass vessel Kyle Simon, some righty from Long Beach who majored in Drunkitude at University of Arizona. Simon faced Alex Hassan which so unrattled him that he threw a wild pitch that scored McCoy and then walked AH.

Simon went on to walk the next two batters, scoring Brock Holt. He struck out Butler, but Garin Cecchini got to him for a two-run double. Vazquez bubbled up again and singled in the eighth run. Kyle Simon was extracted from this salmagundi in favor of Cesar Jimenez, who got the last couple of outs as if proving a point.

Bryce Brentz hit an RBI single in the sixth inning for the ninth run. I'm applauding politely, but on the inside so I don't give myself away.

Rich Hill and Alex Wilson pitched the bottom three. Rich Hill makes me so sad that I worry about my ability to be impartial. What if he has a bad outing? I'm sure he theoretically would want me to call him a bum... I just don't think I can. I really don't know life at all.

clouds:
1. Rain cut this game short. That's too bad, because I'm certain that Jim Murphy was going to break it wide open.

2. "In the last two years, I haven't been very successful (in the majors)," Enright said on Monday's media day. "The Angels had me go through a few mechanical changes last year that I kind of struggled with. I feel much better going into this year." - Greg Joyce

3. Brock Holt is boiling hot, like the sea. 3-3 in this game plus all his activity opening day. Christian Vazquez went 3-4. Garin Cecchini seems to be enjoying the Rhode Island weather as well.

4. Here's a picture of Enright playing golf. I know, a baseball player golfing in his spare time, what a shock. Next thing you'll tell me is that he likes country music and has a wife that would normally be way out of his league.

I will conclude by insisting you get more information from my homies at the Noise Nation IronPigs blog. Those guys are true blue baseball fans who care immensely for their team... And the team loves them back. It's beautiful.