4.16.14 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Rochester Red Wings (MIN) - His Name's Clarence

Pawtucket wins, 7-6. Winning pitcher was reliever Tommy Layne. Loss goes to lefty Scott Diamond, who we've definitely seen before.

Starter for Pawtucket was Brandon Workman, who resents have to pitch in Rochester, NY and loves to flash his ring around. He only pitched 3 1/3 innings, gave up three runs. Workman threw 62 pitches, 38 for strikes. I don't know what's going on and it's incredibly fucking annoying. JENNIFER SMASH!!

I just want to post this comment that was left on a sports "blog" that's on a radio station website: "Send Dubbi down where he belongs.. While he's down there put him on a diet, a strength and conditioning program, and a meeting with a sports psyche doc. I think Workmans being sent down,even though he will start every 5 days, gives Dubbi more starts that he does not deserve. Juan Nueves probably wanted to keep Workman up but Farrell over ruled to keepDubbi up."

So Brandon Workman is crazy? Who says so? I know plenty of ladies who would love to fuck the crazy out of Brandon Workman, just saying. I think what I'm trying to say is as much as I get sick and tired of "pitched 5 2/3 gave up three runs threw 78 pitches blah blah blah" I also hate weird, unresolved and unexplained starts. Should we call Brandon Workman? Let's call him right now! "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Starter for Rochester was lefty Scott Diamond. Diamond pitched four innings and the PawSox loved him to death, getting 11 hits, mostly doubles.

You wanna talk about the hitting? Let's talk about it, then. First slowly, then fastly. The scoring started in the third inning, when my son Heiker Meneses led off with a single. Brock Holt followed with a single... And then Alex hassan hit an RBI double. ALL THE YOUNG GIRLS LOVE ALEX! Brandon Snyder sac fly, Bryce Brentz RBI single, you put the pieces all together. 3-0 Red Sox.

Inning 4: Mike McCoy led off with a single, Meneses doubled. Brock Holt singled... Haven't we seen this  movie before? And Alex Hassan doubled and Dan Butler drove in two runs with his powerful, sexy arms that held the bat like a kitten in a whiskey bottle. In slow motion.

I'm in the weeds, can't finish. Also, I'm going away for a few days so I don't know how you'll manage. I left fifty bucks on the table, just order pizza for supper.

I love you.

I reach down between my legs and ease the seat back.

I'll be back later.

Holy crap, is it like 4 am? What am I doing up this early?

No, I promise, I'll come back and talk about Rochester. I'm going to Panama...

4.13.2014 Red Sox @ Bisons - Justin Henry's Grandmother Loves Him

7-5 Pawtucket in a 12-inning game that ended with a position player pitching. I know you love that.

Starter for Pawtucket was Allen Webster, who was kind of all over the place. He's working some stuff out. Maybe his parents are getting divorced, or at the very least his mother is sleeping with someone on the side. Or maybe... Well, let the record show that I made the drinky drinky motion.

Webster pitched five innings and gave up four runs because there's something weird in his arm. Elbow. A strain, maybe some soreness. Muscular fraying? He threw 96 pitches, which would certainly not help. How could you let him do that, Kevin Boles?

Starter for the Buffalo "Blue Jays" Bisons was long tall lefty Sean Nolin, who says crap like "Great thing about living in the northeast for the holidays. You can use outside as a fridge when there's no room inside." (Okay, fair enough.) Nolin also pitched five innings and gave up four runs, but he got seven strikeouts, which is much more exciting.

The scoring kicked off in the third inning. Mike McCoy walked with one out, then made it home when Brock Holt grounded out. In the fourth inning, Ryan Lavarnway and Dan Butler hit back-to-back singles with one out... And then a little bit later on Christian Vazquez walked...And then Mike McCoy hit this big fat double that drove in three runs! 4-3... Oh, wait...

I forgot to mention that Buffalo scored three runs in the bottom of the third. Dan Johnson hit a three-run homer. I'm trying to hurry up!

Back to the fourth inning, Buffalo tied the game up 4-4. All the little things happened, like an error, a force out, a stolen base, a single, blah blah.

So yeah, tie game 4-4 until the seventh inning. Mickey Storey was pitching, and oh dear, he says crap like "Fathers if you don't tell your daughters you love them some Fool will and they will fall 4 it because you didn't.They want 2be loved!" Thank god I don't have to work with this guy. I can't imagine sitting in a bullpen with him all season long. Anyway, Brock Holt doubled and Alex Hassan walked and then at some point Ryan Lavarnway hit an RBI single. That's what you get for being a sinner, Mickey Storey. Hashtag blessed. Hashtag praisehim. 5-4 PawSox.

Ninth inning, all Brayan Villarreal had to do was get three outs. He got Brett Carroll out, but then he walked the catcher Jack Murphy. I don't know from Murphy, but he's a catcher so I'm sure his friends don't call him Speedoo. Matt Tuiasosopo pinch ran and hopped over to second on a wild pitch. Uh-oh. And then Villarreal walked Munenori Kawasaki. GO TALK TO HIM VAZQUEZ.

Well, Villarreal walked Anthony Gose to load the bases. Damn, Brayan, get your house in order. Chris Resop had to take over. Tuiasosopo scored when Steve Tolleson grounded out and tie game, 5-5.

Innings! Innings innings. Resop pitched the tenth, then Tommy Layne came in for the eleventh. Twelfth inning, Chad Jenkins pitching. Jenkins walked Butler, then Garin Cecchini reached on an error. The lovely and talented Christian Vazquez, who has to say crap like "Hey, I'm up here!" when you stare at his arm and salivate, hit a sac fly to score Butler. And then! And then! Jenkins struck out Mike McCoy, which is fine because he is a relatable character in the Pawtucket summer-long mini-series. But little Heiker Meneses doubled, scoring Cecchini and giving Pawtucket a two-run lead.

And you'll never guess who saved the game: Justin Henry. He pitched a 1-2-3 inning, so what the hell.

1 for 1 save opportunities!
— Justin Henry (@JustinHenry1) April 13, 2014

two things:
1. Meneses went 3-6. Mike McCoy had 3 RBI. Also, Dalier Hinojosa and Drake Britton pitched.

2. "Brentz is having a weird season with his 16.3% walk rate so far. Given that he spent his time in the Dominican practicing hitting in deep counts, I’d like to think this is at least a little more than a fluke" - commenter kimmel09 on Over the Monster.

3. Brentz got zero hits and K'd thrice. Which is totally fine! It's fine!

4. Here's an interview with Sean Nolin that I will listen to later on. (from 1 Blue Jays Way)

Sorry, Sunday games get very little attention from sportswriters so I don't have much to work with.

TONIGHT. Pawtucket's in Rochester. Anthony Ranaudo will face Ralphie May. Or righty Trevor May, whatever.

I love you.

4.12.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Buffalo Bisons (TOR) - Butler Did It.

3-2 Buffalo. Win goes to Liam Hendriks.

Tough luck starter for the Pawtuckets was lefty Chris Hernandez. Hernandez pitched six innings, gave up three runs on five hits. He only threw 87 pitches, 52 counting as strikes. He must have looked pretty good, right?

Fabulous married man Liam Hendriks pitched 5 2/3 innings, didn't give up any runs and only allowed one hit. And that man was Garin Cecchini. VIVA CECCHINI! Do you think he'll be in Pawtucket all season? He is on the 40-man roster. Okay, let's not be coy, I see him in Boston at some point... And not just a September appearance, either.

Buffalo struck first on the scoreboard, when second baseman Steve Tolleson hit an RBI single in the third. In the fourth inning, Hernandez walked left fielder Matt Tuiasosopo. And then Kevin Pillar tripled to center... Jesus, Corey Brown, where the hell were you? Pillar made it home at the next at-bat, when third baseman Jared Goedert, who says crap like "Miley Cyrus touted as artful expression and Phil Robertson silenced." singled to left. 3-0 Bison(s).

The PawSox didn't score until the eighth inning, when ill-fated reliever Marcus Walden was pitching. Walden got Cecchini to strike out, but DH Christian Vazquez doubled to center, which was a nice situation for catcher Dan Butler. Butler homered, which is exciting to someone, somewhere. 3-2 Pawtucket.

Righty Chad Jenkins came in for the ninth inning to shut the door on Pawtucket. Bryce Brentz was the last guy to hit and he struck out. Nice work, Buffalo.

two things:
1. Sorry, I have company.

THIS AFTERNOON! Mas Buffalo. Lefty Sean Nolin will attempt to take down Allen Webster. Disfrute!

4.11.2014 Pawtucket @ Buffalo - Brock Holt, Lightening Bolt

Jeremy Kehrt sucked, Brock Holt did not. The Bisons beat the Red Sox 7-4.

That's all we have time for.

4.10.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox @ Buffalo Bisons (TOR) - 12 Hits

7-4 Pawtucket. Winning pitcher Chris Resop. A little bit of a power display for Pawtucket last night, which is refreshing. They haven't exactly been slugging thus far.

Starter for the PawSox was Rubby De La Rosa. De La Rosa pitched 5 2/3, gave up one run on two hits. Take that, the Dodgers.

JA Happ was rehab starting. JA Happ was rehabulous. He threw 90 pitches, which seems crazy to me. Happ made it to the fifth inning, got a couple of outs, left the game with the score tied 1-1.

The Bisons scored first. In the first inning, center fielder Anthony Gose walked and stole second. DH Dan Johnson batted Gose home with a single to left.

The Red Sox tied the game in the fourth inning when Brandon Snyder hit a solo home run, his second of the season. Not sure how many Boston fans are in the Buffalo area, but I like to think that some people applauded. Pawtucket got a couple more baserunners going in the fifth, but Buffalo reliever Marcus Walden came in for Happ and got the final out.

Walden went on to pitch the sixth, came out for the seventh. DH Dan Butler doubled to lead things off. Walden hit the subsequent batter, Mike MCoy, with a pitch to put a couple of runners on for Heiker Meneses, who grounded into a force. Butler out. Brock Holt also grounded into a force, Meneses out. Alex Hassan singled to score McCoy. Walden then walked Ryan Lavarnway, which was enough for manager Gary Allenson. NEW YORK TIMES MAGAZINE, GARY!

New reliever, righty John Stilson, who says crap like "The past is a ghost, the future a dream! All we ever have is now!" and is from Texas and enjoys duck hunting and treating women like objects in Jesus' name amen. Stilson gave up a run and back-to-back singles before getting Dan Butler out, so he walked off the mound with Pawtucket leading 6-1.

Eighth inning, Chris Resop pitching, Buffalo horning in on Pawtucket's racket. Resop got one out right away, but then the Bisons hit consecutive singles and a Steve Tolleson double to drive a run in. Another run scored on a wild pitch, and then another on a ground out. Uh-oh, 6-4!

Bryce Brentz hit a solo home run in the top of the ninth, final score 7-4. Drake Britton closed the game out. It must have been freezing at that point.

two things:
1. Andrew Kulyk: "Happ refused to comment when asked if he would be comfortable taking an assignment in the bullpen once he returns to Toronto, insisting that he has been focused on being in the starting rotation." - No way Happ wants to be a reliever.

2. "Walden went up but he didn’t pitch so I’m sure he was little rusty," Allenson said. "He doesn’t usually throw the sinker letter high and he was doing that tonight. Stilson’s been gone. His grandmother passed away. Sooner or later we’ve got to get guys ready to be out there on a regular basis there. We kinda took one tonight. Just one of them things." - Amy Moritz

3. Brock Holt went 3-5, Cecchini got one hit... Has he had a hit in every game? Maybe. If only there were some way to find out.

4. "Buffalo had the opportunity to increase its lead in he second inning but squandered the opportunity. With two men out, Mike Nickeas walked to get on base and then advanced to second on Munenori Kawasaki's single. Both men advanced on a balk by PawSox pitcher Rubby De La Rosa, who then struck out Anthony Gose to end the inning." - Terrific game story from Michael Mroziak! Thank god someone's working hard. (Besides me.)

5. "The goal of the minor leagues isn't to win minor league games. It's to prepare players to contribute and win at the major league level. Brentz doesn't project as a plus-defensive right fielder and certainly wouldn't play there ahead of a healthy Victorino, so it makes sense to give him experience in left." - Response to WTF BRENTZ IN LEFT.

Tonight at 6 in Buffalo, righty Kyle Drabek will face Jeremy Kehrt.

By the way, I've noticed a steep drop-off in minor league blogging, news, analysis, forums, etc. The stuff I do find is box-score dry and not at all helpful. What the hell? What am I supposed to link to? Where am I going to get content from?

Looks like I have work to do.

4.9.2014 Red Sox v Chiefs - Steven Souza is Not From East Providence

Syracuse takes the last game of the series 7-0 behind a remarkable performance by lefty Danny Rosenbaum.

Rosenbaum pitched six innings, got a couple of outs in the seventh, and threw 92 pitches overall. He only gave up two hits, a couple of singles. No big whoop.

Starter for Pawtucket was Anthony Ranaudo, who got the loss. Ranaudo pitched 5 2/3, gave up five runs on seven hits. Chiefs center fielder Steven Souza Jr really like Ranaudo and showed his appreciation with a three-run homer in the third inning. Souza had five RBI overall, so he gets all the beer. He probably was not on drugs but who knows.

Syracuse relievers Manny Delcarmen and Ryan Mattheus kept the balance of the game scoreless for their pal Danny.

Pawtucket relievers Rich Hill and Dalier Hinojosa gave up a run apiece. Hill appeared to have trouble finding the strike zone at times. Alex Wilson pitched the ninth inning.

two things:
1. "The story of Souza, who went to high school in Everett, is a cautionary baseball tale repeated again and again in many sports. Seeking an advantage, he used a performance-enhancing drug and was caught. He fell out of the game he loved and jeopardized his career." - Steven Souza was an overall jackass and failed a drug test and quit baseball, but the grace of God turned his career around.

2. Corey Brown struck out three times. Justin Henry got no hits and for an infielder he makes a great outfielder.

Pawtucket's in Buffalo now. More on that tomorrow.

4.8.2014 PawSox v Syracuse Chiefs - Allen Webster Had a Hard Time in School

Pawtucket takes the second game of the series, 7-1. I told you Webster was loaded for bear. And yes, he gets the win, but you cannot discount Justin Henry's work. Henry gets half the W. So a "V".

Webster pitched six shutout innings, gave up three hits (two were doubles) and walked two batters, throwing 83 pitches in the process. 54 were strikes. He got a lot of ground ball outs. That's all I can give you, I wasn't there.

Righty Omar Poveda started for the Syracuse Chiefs. I thought Poveda was a fatass but he looks to be in reasonable condition. Poveda had a tough start, pitching four innings and giving up seven runs. Poveda came in for the fifth inning and faced three batters but could not get an out. His relievers kept Pawtucket scoreless the remainder of the game, so I'd say Poveda gets the loss, don't you?

Pawtucket's assault commenced in the first inning. Poveda walked the first two batters and Justin Henry doubled, driving in a run and putting Pawtucket up 1-0. Poveda got Lavarnway out, but then Bryce Brentz hit a two-run double. Excellent. 3-0 Red Sox.

Pawtucket sprinkled some players onto the bases in the second, but could not generate a run. In the fourth inning, DH Dan Butler doubled and scored to bump Pawtucket up 4-0.

The fifth inning was perhaps the most exciting for the fans at McCoy Stadium. Alex Hassan led off with a double and then Henry and Lavarnway hit back-to-back home runs. I can't convey with words how electrifying that must have been, so let me use a picture:

Well, what the hell? Wasn't Syracuse supposed to have scored one run? Yes, it was off Drake Britton in the ninth. Britton walked in a run. It was kind of a sloppy inning, maybe you should go read about it somewhere. But not at PawSox Blog, because I think it died. Awww, Keith! What happened? And if I were you, I would avoid Paw. Red Sox News - It's just generating links for profit. No class.

two things:
1. Lefty Tommy Layne pitched a couple of scoreless innings so nice job Tommy Layne. He's a clean machine.

2. No Garin Cecchini, no Corey Brown, no Mike McCoy. Brown and McCoy might be recuperating.

3. “My fastball command was 10 times better than where it was the last game. I was throwing my off-speed for strikes and they were getting bad contact,” said Webster after Pawtucket registered its fourth win in its last five tries. “I was staying more in line and driving the ball to the spot rather than jerking it.” - story

4. The Chiefs' Will Rhymes was ejected in the ninth. he got called out looking in the eighth, so you figure it out.

5. "The only man who can keep Garin Cecchini off the bases is Kevin Boles." - Good one.

 

6. Terrible headline: "BOSTON'S WEBSTER GROUNDS UP SYRACUSE". 

 

Day game today! Anthony Ranaudo will face Syracuse's TBD. I must get ready!

4.7.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox (BOS) v Syracuse Chiefs (WAS) - You've Got to Make the Ballgame Last

Pawtucket wins a needlessly long game, 3-2 in ten innings. And it took three hours and 45 minutes! And the first six innings were on the books after two hours, which means it took an hour and 45 minutes for three innings. And that's why I left after eight, even though Jim Martin was doing the PA. Like old times.

Chris Resop pitched the ninth inning and got the win, but the starting pitcher was lefty Chris Hernandez. Except Craig Breslow pitched the first inning for rehab purposes. He threw 10 pitches, six for strikes, if you're concerned about Breslow's development.

Hernandez pitched 4 2/3 innings. The Chiefs got seven hits off him, but Hernandez' defense was tight so the hits only translated into one run. BRYCE.

Starter for Syracuse was Blake Treinen, big, sexy young talent. I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend/is married, before you ask. I know, what's hotter than someone's triple-A debut? Treinen was terrific. He pitched five innings and gave up two unearned runs.

Treinen's defense failed him in the fourth inning. Catcher Christian Vazquez led that inning off by reaching on an error by second baseman Emmanuel Burriss. Corey Brown followed with a double, then Brandon Snyder singled. Vazquez scored. Bryce Brentz followed by grounding into a double play, WHICH IS COMPLETELY FINE, HAPPENS TO THE BEST OF US, HA HA HA. However, Garin Cecchini delivered an RBI single to bring the score to 2-0.

Things were fairly quiet until the sixth inning, when the PawSox started bumbling around. With one out, DH Steven Souza reached on an error by RF Corey Brown. Hernandez got the second out, but then SS Zach Walters reached on an error by Heiker Meneses so Hernandez inherited all this slop on the bases. Catcher Jhonatan Solano hit an RBI single to score Souza. And then Brian Goodwin singled. Hernandez out, Alex Wilson in. Wilson looked fresh as a daisy and got the last out. He maybe lost weight? 2-1 PawSox.

Skipping to the top of the eighth. Rich Hill was pitching. First baseman Brock Peterson led off, hit a ball to shallow right. Mike McCoy went back to grab it, Corey Brown came in, and they tripped all over each other and they both went DOWN! Neither fielder was able to get up for a few minutes and it looked like Brown got the worst of it. How quiet was the ballpark! How solemn! All the personnel came out, but eventually the lads shook themselves off and rejoined their team.

After all of that and after two outs, Solano and Goodwin got on base and Hill was replaced with Brayan Villarreal. A couple of wild pitches later, the Chiefs tied the game. The pitching and everything else had started to fray in the sixth inning anyway.

Extra innings! Chris Resop got three outs in the tenth somehow. Righty Daniel Stange, who says crap like "hey man I hit a bullseye, don't need those they are for girls.." came out for his second inning of relief. All you need to know is that Justin Henry scored on a wild pitch. Sorry, when relievers pitch an inning and change and need upward of 30 pitches to do it, that's rubbish baseball. Even for the minors.

two things:
1. Garin Cecchini - one hit, one RBI. So hot right now. You might say he's been "swining" a hot bat. Also his teeth are ridiculous. Lavarnway did not play.

2. Manny Delcarmen pitched an inning for the Chiefs. I wonder if he had time to catch up with everyone? Like, wasn't he on the team with Breslow in '06?

3. "He started working out at his high school in Ossage City, hitting the weight room hard and tirelessly working on his technique. He chiseled his physique into stone, and built a stock of hard, lean muscle in his shoulders and trunk while also improving his flexibility and endurance. His velocity began to climb and his pitches started to jump out of his hand with the added arm strength and improved flexibility and balance." Wow! Hot stuff, coming through! Ryan Kelley also includes scouting video, interferes with my font.

4. I wrote a bunch of stuff about Scott Cousins, only for him to get released a few days ago. Every. Season. JC Linares also got the boot. Too bad, I liked him.

5. I don't even know what to say about this. I may have to do a separate post about it.

6. " Hernandez gets so many balls in play I wonder what his stats were with and without Iggy the past three years or so." - Interesting comment, JackieWilsonsaid.

DOESN'T ANYBODY WANT TO TALK ABOUT CHRIS HERNANDEZ?!

By the way, when I went to opening day there was a guy dressed like a red rooster dancing around the parking lot. He was at the game last night, still dancing. He sat behind me at one point and I was surprised to see that it was a grown man in pantyhose. He smelled incredible, too. Anyway, I think he's making people a little uncomfortable because McCoy Stadium is not really that kind of ballpark. Not me, though. I find him intriguing and I wish to subscribe to his newsletter.

TONIGHT! Back to the top of the rotation with Allen Webster, who's super pissed off and raring to go. Thick-ass righty Omar Poveda will oppose.

Conversation with Kat

Jen: Baseball road trip this summer?

Kat: Definitely.

Jen: Think about where you want to go and I will try to make it happen.

Kat: We should go like in the middle of the state?

Jen: What state?

Kat: I don't care.

Jen: So the middle of any state? Got it!

Kat: You're too funny.

Jen: No. You are. What a weird request! "The middle of the state"

Kat: I meant in the middle of the US

Jen: Ohhhh

Kat: Yeah.

4.6.2014 Sox v Pigs - Mike McCoy is Versatile

Jonathan "Sweet tea and fishin'" Pettibone WINS! for the IronPigs 5-4. And now they're going home, leaving a cold wind to blow through McCoy Stadium. Bye, guys. Bye.

Jeremy Kehrt started for Pawtucket, pitched five innings and gave up three runs. I understand you need (inexpensive) guys like Kehrt in Triple-A. You can't have a prospect manning every station. But when they started hanging around for more than a season or two, that drives me crazy. It just seems lazy to me.

Pettibone! There's a haircut you can set your watch to! Enjoy his essence, because he's probably Philly bound. Pettibone pitched five innings and gave up four runs. Then Lehigh Valley parsed out their bullpen to the tune of one reliever per inning.

The scoring commenced in the bottom of the second inning. With one out, Brandon Snyder hit a ground ball double to left. Garin Cecchini, who's like an infield Rocco Baldelli, followed with a line drive single to center, scoring Snyder. And the PawSox lead 1-0!

Cecchini made it to second base on a wild pitch while Christian Vazquez was doing the DH thing. Vazquez got happy and singled to put runners on the corners. Corey Brown hit a sac fly to score Cecchini, 2-0. Is he related to Jordan Brown?

Vazquez advanced to second on another Pettibone wild pitch while Heiker Meneses was at the plate. Meneses singled, which I believe is his first hit of the season. Vazquez chugged home, 3-0. But Pettibone got Mike McCoy to pop out to end the inning.

The IronPigs responded with three runs of their own in the top of the third to tie things up 3-3. All you really need to know is that Clete Thomas hit a two-run double.

No further scoring until the sixth inning. Tommy Layne was pitching beneath the blue suburban sky. Layne got Murphy to K, but then the lithe Reid Brignac tripled to right... I'M LOOKING AT YOU, BRYCE. The large and productive Cameron Rupp seized the opportunity with a 1-2 count. JONRON! 5-3 IronPigs.

Pawtucket eked out their fourth run in the eighth inning. All you need to know is that poor Kyle Simon was pitching and Pinocchio doubled.

Lehigh Valley righty Luis Garcia pitched the ninth, got the save. Mike McCoy struck out looking to end the game, split series, pack up and steel yourself for the Chiefs.

I REALLY WANT TO SEE THE UNCOMFORTABLE CLETE THOMAS INTERVIEW!
1. Ryan Lavarnway still has not gotten a hit. Neither has Corey Brown. Where is the Corey Brown concern and outrage? Don't worry, Corey, I care deeply about your output. I hear you, and I see you.

2. It's all good, Jeremy Kehrt. Congratulations on your championship.

3. Cecchini made his first error. It's okay, the RBI canceled it out.

4. Dalier Hinojosa pitched the last couple of innings. I guess Brentz made a catch of spectacularosity to get Hinojosa out of a baserunner predicament. I'm happy with Brentz so far this season and I hear he's a good guy so whatever, fresh start. Someone please tell him I said that.

5. Greg Joyce: "Asked if he would feel ready to pitch in a Phillies uniform on Saturday should the organization call his number, Pettibone responded 'absolutely.'" Joyce is still finding his voice, but so far so good. At least he spells the players' names correctly. MCGAIR.

I absolutely must find a way to get back to Bethlehem/Allentown this season. But in terms of money, I have no money. I'm going to drunk text Benjamin Hill. No correlation, I just want to drunk text Benjamin Hill.

TONIGHT. The Syracuse Chiefs are in town! Young giant righty Blake Treinen v my old pal Chris Hernandez. I'll be there in spite of it probably being in the 20's tonight. It's cool, I have Frank's battery-operated socks to keep my feet warm.

4.5.14 PawSox v IronPigs - Multi-Garin Serial

Pawtucket wins, 6-4, again probably because I wasn't there. Friendly righty Rubby De La Rosa gets the win for the PawSox, loss goes to LHV starter Sean O'Sullivan.

De La Rosa was the most successful starter so far, pitching five scoreless innings and keeping his pitch count to a crisp 70. He gave up two hits, no walks, and struck out five batters. And I realize now that he was the dude sitting with Varitek in the stands. I wonder what they talked about?

Sean O'Sullivan, Turkish righty, pitched four innings and gave up four Pawtucket runs. Left fielder Bryce Brentz led off the second inning with a single off O'Sullivan, which worked out great for Brandon Snyder because he followed that up with a home run to right field. Snyder's easy to root for, isn't he?

In the fourth inning, Dan Butler hit a line drive double to left with a runner on base... Score! And with Butler dangling on second like a sizzling pork chop of love, the enigmatic Mike McCoy singled him in. Score!

In the fifth inning, Garin Cecchini hit an RBI single. I know it's early, and only time will tell, but Cecchini hasn't seemed to have a problem adjusting to triple-A. Have had a problem. Seemed to... had haved. Hasn't. Errr... GARIN CECCHINI IS THE NEXT BILL MUELLER POST MY STAMP!

Bottom of the sixth, two outs, Brock Holt got to first on an error by first baseman Reid Brignac. Alex Hassan doubled in Holt for an unearned run. Mike Nesseth was too busy pitching to put anybody down.

I'll bet everybody got pretty nervous in the seventh inning! Just kidding, it was wicked cold and people had their little shivering puppies to consider. I'm sure it was just Crockett and the fleece vest guy left. Chris Resop was pitching, and although I love him dearly, he had a rough go. Resop started the inning by walking Jim Murphy and Brignac. Catcher Koyie Hill doubled and both gents on base scored. So long, Chris!

Enter turbo-asshole Drake Britton. (Don't mind if I do!)  Britton walked Steve Susdorf. Left fielder Tyler Henson was the next guy and I suppose he hit a ground ball to short that Heiker Meneses couldn't handle, so Henson reached on an E6. Drake Britton probably head-butted Meneses later on. BASTARD, HE'S JUST A BABY!

Anyway, Hill scored on the error. Andres Blanco then hit a ground ball and reached first on the force. Henson out, but Susdorf scored. I wasn't at the game, but I'm guessing Dan Butler ran out to the mound at some point. Whatever, Britton got the last two outs. Brayan Villareal pitched the ninth and got the save.

two things:
1. Garin Cecchini went 3-3. He must skip into work every day with two coffees. Hassan had a couple of hits. Still nothing going on for Lavarnway.

2. I don't know much about Mike McCoy and I really don't feel like sifting through stories about some football coach so I need someone to come forward with info. Wait... He flies a lot!

3. "Catcher Koyie Hill and second baseman Troy Hanzawa are making their first starts of the year, giving Rupp and Cedeno a day's rest." - Greg Joyce, the definition of competence.

4. Paul Kenyon pretty much phones it in.

5. "It came off the bat and I didn't think it was gonna go out," O'Sullivan said. "You see the outfielder running and turn and then you see his numbers and you go 'oh boy, oh boy.' It snuck around, but (Snyder) is a good hitter." - I love Joyce! She's my favorite author!

THIS AFTERNOON. Jeremy Kehrt v righty Jonathan Pettibone. Should be ELECTRIC!

Christian Annalee Vazquez

I'm a poet and don't know it (forgotten draft from 2007)

in buffalo, the people were friendly
but almost in a panicky way, as if they were under strict orders
to be kind to out-of-towners
to represent their city
and stay positive
even though
just look at it

4.3.2014 Pawtucket Red Sox v Lehigh Valley IronPigs - Nil

Lehigh Valley WINS! 4-0. Winning pitcher was David Buchanana. I thought, why not, na na na na?

Pawtucket used practically every single pitcher on the roster until they sent Jeff Levering out into the stands to rustle up a reliever.

Jason Varitek was sitting in the stands in the next section over from me. It was really weird. I took a picture.

The IronPigs' Jim Murphy tripled at some point. I will bet you 500 bucks that it's the only triple he hits all season. COME ON TAKE THIS BET I NEED THE MONEY SO BADLY!!!

(If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar...)

There was so much more that I wanted to say but I feel so John Cougar Melancholy.

Remember Billy Buckner? I hope he fucking died.

Ha ha kidding.

4.4.2014 Lehigh Valley IronPigs, Pawtucket, the Rain, the Park, and Other Things.

Pawtucket WINS! 9-4, probably because I wasn't there to ruin it. Craig Breslow gets the win in relief. It was pretty close, Cla Meredith was warming. I've never met Kyle Simon, but he took the loss for Lehigh Valley.

Starting pitcher for Pawtucket was Anthony Ranaudo. Ranaudo threw 73 pitches through four innings. The IronPigs scored four runs off him.

Barry Enright, who says crap like "Why are there SO many seashells in Florida sand!?", pitched four innings and gave up four runs. After he walked off the mound, he pointed at Ranaudo and said, "Twinsies!" Enright started the fifth inning, but Pawtucket whacked the moles out of him.

Things looked dire for the PawSox in the third inning. Clete Thomas singled and stole second base to lead the inning off. Yes, Clete Thomas is still punching that International League clock. I can't harsh on him too much, because look at my rubbish life: I have to wash my clothes at a laundromat.

Thomas on second base, Ronny Cedeno steps in. Cedeno is not 34, but 31. I looked it up! He seemed a lot older to me. Why don't these people ever die? Anyway, Cedeno hit a line drive single to center, scoring Thomas. Cedeno made it to second on an error by "first baseman" Ryan Lavarnway. Oh, Ryan. No one loves you any more. Not even your wife.

Ranaudo got a couple of outs, but then walked former Bull Reid Brignac. Reid Brignac! Are we certain this game wasn't played in 2006? Who was that blondie Durham Bulls catcher with the monster forehead?

Shawn Riggans!!!

Popular catcher Cameron Rupp then homered so there're your other three runs for the IronPigs.

Okay. The Red Sox scored eight runs in the fifth inning so settle in with a cup of yerba mate. Catcher Christian Vazquez led off with a double off Enright. Corey Brown walked, Mike McCoy doubled. Vazquez and Brown scampered home. Brock Holt singled, exit Enright. Enter thick-ass vessel Kyle Simon, some righty from Long Beach who majored in Drunkitude at University of Arizona. Simon faced Alex Hassan which so unrattled him that he threw a wild pitch that scored McCoy and then walked AH.

Simon went on to walk the next two batters, scoring Brock Holt. He struck out Butler, but Garin Cecchini got to him for a two-run double. Vazquez bubbled up again and singled in the eighth run. Kyle Simon was extracted from this salmagundi in favor of Cesar Jimenez, who got the last couple of outs as if proving a point.

Bryce Brentz hit an RBI single in the sixth inning for the ninth run. I'm applauding politely, but on the inside so I don't give myself away.

Rich Hill and Alex Wilson pitched the bottom three. Rich Hill makes me so sad that I worry about my ability to be impartial. What if he has a bad outing? I'm sure he theoretically would want me to call him a bum... I just don't think I can. I really don't know life at all.

clouds:
1. Rain cut this game short. That's too bad, because I'm certain that Jim Murphy was going to break it wide open.

2. "In the last two years, I haven't been very successful (in the majors)," Enright said on Monday's media day. "The Angels had me go through a few mechanical changes last year that I kind of struggled with. I feel much better going into this year." - Greg Joyce

3. Brock Holt is boiling hot, like the sea. 3-3 in this game plus all his activity opening day. Christian Vazquez went 3-4. Garin Cecchini seems to be enjoying the Rhode Island weather as well.

4. Here's a picture of Enright playing golf. I know, a baseball player golfing in his spare time, what a shock. Next thing you'll tell me is that he likes country music and has a wife that would normally be way out of his league.

I will conclude by insisting you get more information from my homies at the Noise Nation IronPigs blog. Those guys are true blue baseball fans who care immensely for their team... And the team loves them back. It's beautiful.

Jeremy Kehrt looks like Casey Affleck, observes blogger.

I am not paying a compliment to Kehrt, who hung out with the horrid Billy Buckner and probably has terrible taste in music.

I'm just making an observation.

See you tomorrow.